who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Sunday, January 27, 2008

black royalty!...

i got this is my mail some years back, i just love to go back and read it and smile prouldly as i nod my head to the brothers response to this letter...its a white women's opinion of black women in an article written to sister 2 sister magazine and a request for response from black men,I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more)!!!
i'm not a racist, i dont discriminate...but you just gotta root for your own sometimes yeah?...hope you enjoy it as much as i did.
(and em'...extremely long i know, but well worth the read)
Dear Jamie:

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers.
I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship.
My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.
Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes.
I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them.
Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...
I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA


Dear Jamie:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.
Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgiawith a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men.
I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy.
The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.
Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control.
I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women.
Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds , Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few.
I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history!
It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery.
It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!
It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them.
Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women.
I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous?
I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children.
Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggle. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed, Black Royalty

hope y'all african queens are doing the chicken dance after reading this...

Sunday, January 20, 2008

finding my religion...finding my man...finding myself!

i love asking myself questions,especially when i know they're rethorical or senseless. today i got myself asking 'am i really loosing my religion?' Yes, i am...somewhere, somehow i lost it all. loosing my religion is a two faced sentence, it could be the issue of my christianity, trying to figure out the supreme and being a little wobbly in my faith and belief... now i love to say i left the church in my quest to find God, but i've realised its just a cunnin excuse for my very visible absence from church...
went to redeemed church, the city of david parish today, pastor adeboye was in attendance and i felt so refreshed and fufilled listening to him speak about new beginings and God making ways where there seems to be no way. an added bonus, the pastor asked us to mingle after church, all the cute guys and girls, meet, pick yourself a husband, twas like a free garage sale, but thats if you dare pick anything...lol'. walked to the car and headed home,i sure wasnt in the mingling mood, altho there were certainly a couple i met gazes with, thank God non of the familair eyes from friday night was there. i'm definately coming back to church, primary and secondary reasons, to find my religion plus the spicy bonus of finding...em...no i think i'll put it the other way, my man finding me...

on the other hand it means loosing myself, my sense of right and wrong, my vision of good and evil, loosing the meaning of what my life stands for and my beliefs. When did this happen to me? when did my twenty something year old heart stop beating right? when did i loose my religion?. Was i trying to find myself when it happened? or was i running away from myself? I've tried to figure it all out where it all started going wrong from... i bet if i spend money on a hundred dollar an hour shrink he'd tell me i hate who i've become because i was running away from who i might have been and thus lost my true sense of who i really am.... see, i could pay myself nothing to tell me everybit of junk a shrink will fill my head with. or maybe i lost myself in the fight or flight response situation. maybe most times i felt i was strong enough to handle everything, to fight but i just couldnt win and other times i chose to flee, afraid to stay and fight thus making the wrong choices by fleeing in the wrong direction. whatever it be, i'm just so desperate to find my religon, to find myself, to hike through life in the right path, to understand what everything about me is about rather than being constantly on auto drive, to fight and conquer depression and uncertainty, to be able to be me truly and wholly....

Thursday, January 17, 2008

a day with the breeze...

i've been grumpy these couple of days, its that time of the month when my emotions go stark raving mad, and i behave like an emotional basket case.
i cry most of the day either from the physical pain of cramps or the emotional pain of wanting someone to love or give me a baby(yes i'm that crazy), or the spiritual pain of nothing...
the best thing about this times in my life is that i feel most comfty with my body....i take a hot bath, and in the steamed up bath i stand in front of the mirror, and just love me, take deep breaths and smile ... plug my ipod to the speakers and start doing what i do best...flexing my flexes and damning the pain signals my leg sends me, i dance my heart out, wind and grind and bounce and snap and pop...

so i stepped out of the office this afternoon feeling preeeeeeeety and girllllly and free like the breeze in my black dolly dress, which i so love, its got the corporate look, sort of like a lil' girl playing dress up,watever... i had lunch delivered to me so decided to take a stroll down my office street to work it out,and same time indulge in the pleasure of being a bonafide worker, in the midst of bankers and the other busy people walking fast and driving fast to meet up with appointments, i was in my own wall street...and then...the breeze decided to be as hearty as i was, like a buddy,take a stroll with me since i claimed to be feeling like it,there it goes blowing my dress right up, like it was saying to me 'lets play buddy honey'...thank God for quick reflexes, i'm pretty sure a bit of black lace was revealed to a bunch of em' fellas....i knew enough to quietly walk back to the office, hands firmly holding my dress down as the breeze continued to laugh and play and try to be hearty with me....like i actually cared about it...crap!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

say what?

resumed work today after a long holiday. was to resume yesterday but i went all 'hell with em'. was going to call dr mchandy to unlease his skills on me before i went back to all the hustles of work, but just before i called him, i received this text message from him
'i'm looking forward 2 seeing u.now i'm back.let me know when i can come, sorry about not being there 4 u when u needed me most'
i screamed a big god forbid, and hurriedly called Montaigne for an appointment, i'd rather do with what they have to offer, cos text msges like that from a professionals only means trouble, and i no dey for that one, before one beautiful massage session turns into a groping session. spent my day at the spa yesterday and had the de-stress treatment, it was heavenly, and it dont matter that my account is on red today.

my day at work was supposed to be great, instead i had to deal with a mountain pile of work, annoying clients who just wouldn't let me breath.
i left my job and dwelled in the beauty of facebook, then felt guilty and buried myself back in work. took a cab home from work and left my phone in it....tripple crap!

I got myself thinking if i'm really cut out for a nine to five job, the more i thought about it, the more quitting sounded enticing, don't get me wrong, i loooove love my job, its just the stress i hate dealing with. kept wondering if maybe i really was cut out to be a trophy wife and not the player for the trophy, lol', i could just seat home all day, or shop, get myself all did, or attend one charity event or the other if i'm tired of the leisurely thingys, but then i'd have to deal with my husband falling for his Secretary or a partner or something just cos she works....nah, thats boringggg, i love to do things, it'd drive me to maddness to be all idle.

the weekend was aight, my nieces went back to London on sunday, it'd be heavenly if i could pack up and go see them next week. but i cant (dont worry afro, you'll still get your suya spice). i miss em' so much and keep looking at the pictures they drew me which is safely tucked in my money lacking purse.
attended the bloggers get together at the new place on saka tinubu, its owned by jayjay and called number 10 and i had fun, so glad i didnt back out like i wanted to. i met lovely people who are doing well in what they do and i'm really proud to be associated with them.

going to bed now, gosh, its sickening to think that its back to alarms waking me up so early in the morning....rich fellas out there where you at? come take me as i am, i could go blonde, get a tripple ecup, and act dumb....amy winehouse describes this feeling her song 'F me pump'
'......Cuz your dream in life, Is to be a footballers wife. You don't like players, That's what you say-a, But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire.
You don't like ballers, They don't do nothing for ya, But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller'....
(DISCLAIMER: this feeling in no way describes what i'm about, just part of the fantasising process, lol')
perfect trophy wife for y'all, buzz me before the phase slides away.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008


HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL!!!! i made it, we all made it YIPEEE....
I made it a habit of giving eachnewyear themes, it was a childish thing at first but now i take it serious, last year was my year of fairies and angels...and boy, it sure revealed itselve to be truly that.I’m glad I made it through and I did so with my loved ones, that’s one of the greatest gifts. What I want most is a new beginning, and I feel what I do on the first day of the new year would help determine how good the year would be for me. i desperately want my year to be filled with possibilities, with second chances… a second chance to be a better person, to make things right and do what i'm supposed to. I wish it were all as easy as it sounds…but nothing in this world is ever so simple, even the tiniest of them.
i chose fairies and angels as my theme for this year because i love the idea of fairies and angels... angels always are in my opinion sweet, kind, strong, and charming beings God created to guide us through life, protect us through dangers, fight off our fears, hold us and dry our tears when we cry, the idea that they are so sweet and gentle yet so strong and fierce is absoluely charming...fairies on the other hand comes in from my world of fantasy, where there are fairy godmothers to transform us from rags to dresses of silk and chiffon on our very blue and down days... in the world of faiiries you know you'll always see the sun and after ever hard turn, there is always a happily ever after...i want my life to be about that and even more this year, filled with angels and fairies...wish you same too if you dont think me insane...

its kind of funny how we take things for granted, there we were after such a fun time at the bbq(now i've been told i throw wonderful parties), i'm a good host, thanks to mom...anyway i was saying, we went in to pray into the new year and as we prayed it hit me hard that we are really blessed, january till now and we're still kicking, all the journeys, all the rougues harrasing people, all the illness and we are still alive, thats enough to be thankful about. as my cousin would say 'not because i'm prettier than them, but because i'm blessed'....

i dont do resolutions, i used to, but i realised the more i made plans of do's and don't at the begining of the year, the more i'm prone to break em', sort of like thats when my spirit deciedes to tease me and bring temptation my way, so no resolutions, just the resolve to go with the flow as long as it goes the right direction and yes theres a little resolution or two i couldnt help storing in my head 'get closer to God, and get myself a boyfriend'...the second might sound pathetic, like a desperate lil' girl, but its anything but that, i'm tired of my pretty girl bulshit, the independent woman who cantake care of herself, who doesnt need a man...well i may be that, but truth is, i'm tired, all the shakara must come to an end someday shei?

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