who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Tagged

I got tagged by the sensual queen herself QMC. I think this is sort of like the 5 weird things tag that went on some time back. Not sure, but i’ll do my best, i guess we always have something strange about us popping up. Sorry queen for taking so long to do this.

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you…
2. Mention the rules in your blog…
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

a)I love to walk alone. But i’m alone for a reason. I'm not crazy about the girlfriends thingy, tried it at the university, not sure i love it so much. i do this in such a way that i'm not so alone that i’m a hopeless island. i have my girls i could call up anytime and be so cool with. Sometimes its best to be your own woman, loose the friends, but not so loose that they’re cut off. I know when to go back to get my energy supply when i need it. Just me myself and i.

b)I never read harry potter books or watch the movies anymore. I was a huge fan for the first two parts, then i started having nightmares, not the fun flying on brooms nightmares, the scary scary ones. So its a no no in the house, and my nieces have to suffer for it. No harry potter for them either.

c)I’ve been called a mars bar and oreos cookies before, not because i’m an oreos fan or a chocoholic, but because i'm said to be all hard on the outside and behave aloof to stuff while i’m very soft and full of melting caramel on the inside or all creamy, white.
point is, i dont let myself break down, i put up a tough front because i get scared of being viewed as a weak softy whos hopelessly romantic and hung on love, which i really am? i dont show my feelings, but i'm pretty deep inside.

d)I love to walk barefoot around the house. theres something confining about slippers:) i love to eat with my hands too (i dont do this in public so dont be afraid to take me on a date..lol)

e)I'm a kaleidoscope of characters and emotions.to me its a spectacular thing, a strong point, but not to others, it annoys the hell out of them when they cant figure me out.

d)I'm a calm lady. it gets scary, i hardly get seriously angry, like i can laugh my anger off in no time. but sometimes, the tiniest thing just snaps me up and i get really angry silently. you dont want to know my plans when this props up...i dont want to know them too.
i wish i could have the rage of lots of others, its not as harmful as the inner rage.

thats all folks. i hereby tag DL(my wannabe lover..lol), ejura, unnaked, princesa,my man JT, i know six people, so anyone could be the sixth.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

no title..

Its so amazing, male, female, somehow the abstract things we do in everyday life, somehow represent those things we do on the outside. I’ve been thinking a lot this past few days..not the suicidal thinking that makes me want to commit suicide, nah, more like the one that makes me want to slap my head and wonder why i bother been human..lol. I’m sure many of us can relate to this, especially the ladies in da house. just another bunch of randomness here.

-forcing ourselves into outfits that clearly don’t fit and buying them, a size6 when we really are a 10. Twice I’ve forced myself into a pair of jeans, twas true religion and a Victoria beckam rock and republic respectively. Did i need new pairs? No, i’ve got dozens. But cos i was getting them for half price i just had to have them, size is nothing but a number yeah?...except when your crack starts to show and you can hardly walk in them, then you think twice about size..lol
Or sometimes i walk into a shop or look in the car trunk of a sales persons, there lies beautiful pairs of shoes which are too tiny for me, do i walk away? No, i buy them and keep cos no one else should have them if i aint got them.
It got me thinking of all those times we’ve found ourselves dating a guy cos he’s a cutie and oh so hot and popular even though he’s such an arse and derives pleasure in cramping us up with his dull sense of humour. We stay just because we don’t want anyone else to have him. we look for the perfect guy on the outside and bask in the attention cos of the labels of ‘such a cute couple’ while inside we’re dying to breath, we cant walk well and this huge blister is building up, plus our arse is on fire from being held in too tight.

How about those carrier bags we carefully put aside after a day of shopping in a choice store, like say Harrods or tiffanys or Barneys...... Or tiffany amber or...you get my drift, we spent mad money in the shop and the next time we have to carry stuff out we grab a hold of those bags amongst the pile of top shop, dunes, marshals et co...Like oh its nothing. we shop there like everyday and we don’t care, don’t know what to relate this to...maybe name dropping? We happen to coincidental bump into some celebrity and next thing we’re talking like we rolling cool with with em and are all that together, post the pictures he agreed to take with us all over face book with tags like ‘rolling with my man diddy’ or maybe one night stands and we talking like there’s a relationship with the poor dude, we just wouldnt let live it alone

Or the guys who are clueless when it comes to cooking, when they step into the kitchen and try to slice some tomatoes/meat like a pro, only its a blunt knife he’s using, so you don’t get clean smooth cuts, instead it gets all squashed up as he keeps attempting to slice with the knife. and i tell ya that kind of slicing hurts the most, imagine it on your skin.
Guys...*sigh*...they break hearts, its normal, but some of them are so clueless or well maybe just mean souls, they don’t just break it into two, na, they try to slice it with a blunt knife, in the process squashing it and letting it splash in different directions, making it so difficult to mend. I mean if its broken into two, you can get a glue and put it back together in no time, but in pieces, it takes ages like a jigsaw puzzle, maybe you might miss a piece when rearranging the jigsaw, thus you’re left with a very bitter woman to deal with.

....Or when youre eating some nice,extremely delicious extra hot chicken/goat pepper soup and you get the sauce splashed in your eyes when you try to cut the somewhat tough meat...you scream in shock/pain, rush to wash the fire outa your eyes, but would you push the plate aside when you’re out from the bathroom, the affected eyes still red and barely opened? no you pick up from where you left. I see that as being in a relationship that’s abusive but so steamy you don’t want to let go, you heal from your hurt and grab the plate back ready to wash the eyes again if another accident happens, why cant you just leave the food and move on, you can always eat pepper soup another day..lol

...Or eating garlic cos you know its got this healing/healthy thingy, but the end result? Well you’ll stink all day and people would turn their nose up when you speak. Think sleeping with a man for fendi bags, a car, shiny things et co. The effect may be beautiful, you’ll glitter in diamonds but you’ll stink so bad to yourself, and others, material things cant buy you class can it?

Spending hours putting on makeup that looks like you don’t have no makeup on..nude make up. This is so funny i mean the time we spend making up so we can look like we’ve got no make up on is WOW, well i’ll liken this one to gushing on and on about a guy and all and all and that and this for hours to our friends, holding the phone and willing him to call, and when he finally does, we take our time to answer or we talk like we’re not interested or thrill our selves out by not answering at all...yes its fun, but sometimes its annoying, just say yes to him and save both yourselves time. The sooner you start dating and realise his an arse and its either he's one for keeps or for dump, the better. I mean if you want to look like you’ve got no makeup on, then don’t wear any right?..

...Or those mothers who sterilize every single thing for their first babies, i swear if they could sterilize their nipples before breast feeding they would. Its so annoying, i know how many times my head was almost bite off for using an unsterilized spoon for my niece. But the second child, i get shouted on for taking too long ‘dont bother with the sterilizer, just bring it’ or we don’t even see the sterilizer anymore, its lost somewhere in storage...
The first days of relationships, the chasing phase where you’re treated like an egg who must not be bruisesd or cracked, when the chase is done, no one cares, you could break, we’ll just stitch you back up. Annoying. I love those days of extra tlc. The gifts, the romantic words, the....

Or drinking cold water, glass upon glass upon glass, feeling full but so caught up in the whole freshness of the water we cant stop, before you know it you’re so full you can harldly breath, you have to unbutton your jeans to be able to breath.
See we have to take a pause when having too much of a good thing, relax a little before devouring more of it, cos if you don’t, you'll have your fill soon enough and all you want to do is walk away from the source, take time to breath. We dont want to be too full do we? too much of affection poured on at once makes for clumsiness and soon enough the one party gets tired/irritated..

Thursday, April 17, 2008

things 'r' us

its all overrated...
everything we dream of that seems so wonderful
  • hate
  • money/wealth/fame(well sometimes)
  • sex(i'm thinking this ones supposed to top the list, so you see, don't do sex outside marriage)
  • death
  • the dude from across the room who looks so fine(i.e the guy i saw from across the room at number ten and had a 10hr crush over. that was 10hrs of my life wasted on some shit. he was so rust when we got to talk.Dang!)
  • beauty.(gosh, whats with this one? it should fall 2nd inline after sex,beauty is superficial, shallow)
  • that Gucci purse(*sigh* i'm still trying to convince myself it is,life has never been the same after that purse flashed at me last night) jimmy choos , miumius...new york designer sample sales,not as fab as they seem
  • beyonce(yes, jeez, somebody wake up. i still love you B...lol)
  • shopping(well not really, i guess it isnt)
  • friends
  • weddings(after the wow dresses and hundreds of thousands naira cake, the first class honeymoon in every exotic place possible do you really want to move in with that person?)
  • facebook(need i say more?)
  • fear
  • arsenal FC
they're all so overrated. if we could only wake up and realize this, take a moment to look at whats really important...like those things that are underrated
  • family
  • holding your baby(the joy of it all)
  • a hug
  • a listening ear
  • love,a kissing not sex, cuddling and just holding close to you that person that makes you swoon, just one hug can do wonders for the soul
  • marriage
  • giving(somehow theres such a feeling of satisfaction that goes with giving)
  • blogging...(i know what i get from this, maybe not something so strong to make me a wholesome person, but yet something so meaningful that i'm glad i started this and i met loads of wonderful people)
  • forgiveness
  • our inner strength
  • a simple conversation that's done virtually...we never know the effect, the smile it brings thus a kind word to the 3rd party, just because we're happy and fulfilled after having a simple 'hope you're good' conversation or mail.
  • manchester united FC...lol' LMAO. this team rocks like it or not!
the IPO is coming on good, we're getting good response. meeting with some potential investors this weekend and hope we reach compromising conclusions. we dont want one who chairs boards of several companies...lol.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

friday night...stooping to conquer!

this is what my friday night was about, candles and music, a couple of reading, random picture taking(of the tables and chairs and my toenails...lol)phone calls...

i love candles, haven't done the whole meditation thing in ages, i started doing it when i was advised to start yoga to help with the hyper-mobility thingy, i couldn't care less with the yoga but i loved the calmness i felt.

so when i knew my night was going to be indoors, i looked in my drawer for candles but couldn't find any...i had used them all up and kept telling myself i'd get more. luckily i found some in a freebie pack i got from a 'true love magazine' workshop, two vanilla scented candles, i looked in an old hamper and there was one giant candle in it. just three but they did it for me. i love to light as many as i can, close my eyes and listen to some soothing music, norah jones, frank sinatra, micheal jackson, al greene, enya...a lil jazz(in no particular order)...you get the drift. and maybe a glass of wine,


most times i'm lying backwards on the exercise ball(which we never use for the real thing lol')
decided i wanted to take a picture of it...twas too dark so you wouldn't notice the stack of chocolate and my food craze of the moment, cheese and yogurt...yeap, cheese and yogurt, dont ask, i have no idea why my body wants the combination so bad.

this candle lit moments are usually my thinking moments.
my thought this day was 'quit the bullshit' and yes i know better and imma quit the bullshit, i ain't no super woman, i might do the whole Micheal jackson styled spin whenever i take one of those quizzes that ranks me as an 'independent woman at the top of her game', yes destinys child independent woman has been my theme song since forever, but beyonce sure got a man despite her Independence.time to smell the coffee here, i cant be jonsing while shes chilling.

so i'm stepping down from my throne of self sufficiency, i'm stooping down to conquer or rather i'm stooping down to let myself be conquered. i'm not going on a man hunt, no. i'll just make myself an easy prey(okay this doesn't sound right.) lets see, i'll just let my trail an easy one to track(whatever that means, you get the drift) leaving my mind open to possibilities(that's better said)
i'm tired of having lots of 'boyfriends', i want a BOYFRIEND! i want to go out for dinner with one of my own not 'one who wants to be' or 'one whos just a good friend"..lol.i could still be a power girl and be taken care of yeah? i can still stand on my own and yet have someone to lean on.....see i'm scared of love and the whole idea, i'm scared that i might end up discovering that i am human and not really a 'fantasy queen' who can fade out situations and jump into another imagery, my heart would eventually get broken because it ain't an illusion as i've imagined,and I'll be devastated, cos when i love it'd be one hell of a love i'm sure, so why the hell would he break my fragile heart?....maybe they thought of me when they said 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all'
my spirit is so willing but my body is weak.

so y'all get ready for the initial public offer of Fantasy queen, this conversion to a public limited company was reached after series of deliberations. offer open from now to when i get my mind back. first come basis considered here. juveniles. joint smoking, scrubs and lazy out of work losers would be disqualified. applicants must be able to respect privacy, understand 'no hold hands' phases etc, and oh, applicants must also cover their own insurance as company might as seems appropriate decide to go private again.lol okay I'm crazy selling myself off like some under priced stock..lol
that's what happens when i'm holed in on a Friday night.
wish me luck as i wait patiently to be conquered!



Tuesday, April 8, 2008

fresh air...

a breath of fresh air is...

*having a conversation with someone new and knowing my smile is genuine all through and even minutes after.

*knowing no matter how much i digress, my family is standing in the same spot where i left and waiting patiently for me, with more love than i left behind.

*the kisses of my nieces, their giggles and young minds working at conversations, their 'i love yous' and hugs and questions of 'why do you love me so much?'

*lying in the arms of mom, as she strokes my fevered head and comforts my troubled mind

*laughter, pure unadulterated laughter from wherever i can get...family, friends foe.

*pictures that say a thousand words, that moves my heart in the direction of my head, thus producing sense. pictures that captures the moments my hearts eyes have seen and remained opened for. pictures that in one glance sums up what my life used to be about giving me a reason to be thankful for the now that i have. its this picture...

*reading a good book,a book that keeps my toes tingling with excitement.

*music...music that transports the soul to thousands of miles beyond where our body dares.

*spending and knowing i deserve to, no guilt, no surrender...bliss!

*stepping out of the spa, feeling all refreshed and rejuvenated and....

*basking in a little fantasy

*sneaking out and wearing big sis T's stuff when shes been so mean to me, and knowing she'll never know cos she has so much and just wouldn't share even though she doesn't wear...blast!

*finding that one person...the one who translates as the ONE.

*Gods word breathed upon me

*....living, breathing...life....

Saturday, April 5, 2008

all hail the chicken...cluck cluck cluck

two posts in a day...i must really be bored. good news is that i'm done loosening my hair. hard work, as i was too lazy to drive to the salon. i picked up a pair of scissors to cut off half the braids for easy loosening and i think i cut out a portion of my hair...i try consoling self by saying its all FQ's "home styled trimming, want the best hair trim? FQ's the hand you need". bad.

was thinking of the time i went in to get a tattoo, i had an airbrushed tattoo,i was so obsessed with getting the real thing, it was a Chinese symbol of joy on my arms.

i was so determined that Tuesday morning, trembling with excitement that i was going to do something classy, daring and BAD.(blanking out the fact that mum would gasp and my sisters would disapprove)
walked into the tatoo parlor at mega plaza and bajio the Lebanese guy gave me a prep talk on the procedure, it was more expensive than i imagined, but i had enough to cover it, i only had to sacrifice getting the jewelry from the shop next door..

but as i saw him prepare his tool, my 'tough girl' 'i'm bad' wannabe faded so fast you would never have believed it existed.
'i cant do it' i muttered to him, his face fell with disappointment.
'but why?' he screeched in his accent. i just shook my head no.
he pleaded and offered to do it for free...what? i bolted out of the shop as fast i could but not fast enough to avoid him giving me his card and asking me out on a date.
hell no, no wonder he was so disappointed at my change of mind, his one opportunity to touch my boobs for as long as it took him to mar it, and that chance was lost forever.
walked into the jewelry store next door and splurged on stuff.

i decided tattoos weren't meant for me, but piercings were definitely my thing. not the adventurous piercings..no. the traditional second earlobe holes and nose piercings which i could get away with from mom.
i've got only one ear piercing on my lobes. in school my friends would pierce themselves like they were putting on lipstick but i never dared, too scary. if a common lobe piercing scared me, how was i supposed to get my nose pierced? i had no idea but i was a determined chic. i wanted to bring sexy back with a nose piercing and i was going to get it.
i saw a random hausa chic one day with a pierced nose prior to my deed day, i asked if it was a painful experience(what a dumb question i know) her reply did it for me, i laughed my heart out and bowed out from the ordeal when she calmly said 'no, its not painful but tears came out my eyes'...dang! so were the tears for joy? i think not..

there was the time i wanted a gold tooth, oh man that was crazy. long story but i ended up not doing it, or when i went to quincy weight loss to buy a slimming package, i was 19 and i thought i had to get rid of the fat despite people saying it was baby fat and i looked good the way i was...i didnt get the package though thank goodness for that.
i naturally moved from a uk size12 to a 6 and i'm now lurking comfortably at 8/10.
i'm glad to say i'm an all natural girl, no weird tatoos, no odd piercings, no induced weight loss(although i need to take my work outs serious and push myself at yoga cos of my leg)
i make do with a fake tattoo when i really feel like one, best thing about it is i can put it anywhere, on my neck, on my back, my ankle, my boobs, my shoulders, it dont matter.
i can make do with magnetic earrings as a second hole or stick this tiny stud on my nose(i've gotten over the nose thing though), i had a little bling i could stick on my tooth when need be(thats way behind me too)

the crazy decisions we make in moments of insanity, some we dont regret but some we dont want to live with, its always better to think about the long term when considering stuff we want to do to our bodies. the body is our sacred haven, we need to treat it with respect...
i'm glad i was to chicken to go through thoses phases i passed through, cos today they dont matter and i'm so over my personal fad of the years past.
i'm not saying its bad to have a tattoo, just be sure its what you really want, that you'll look in the mirror in ten years and not regret what you did.

HELP..i'm a boredishly bored boredholic...hey i couldnt think of a tittle!

i'm bored. today i realized that the most frustrating thing about braiding your hair ain't just the seating down for hours to do it, the loosening is killing too. i'm home on a saturday afternoon, obviously bored, cruising through facebook, loosening my hair, checking youtube out, blog hopping,...damn, i'm super woman.
wondering why i didnt just go to the saloon and have four eager girls pounce on my hair...well i guess i actually felt i could be super woman. its not working for me.

*things that make the early morning drive to work worthwhile:

-three fit men...three lovely fellas running within the estate, they always do this same time in the mornings every week day. and i just stare out and envy them, they dont have to be heading off to work by 7. plus they're cute cute cute.

-the light skinned lone runner whos just too georgeous, all tall and well built..lol. he always passes just by our car, i get tempted to hold my head out and scream out to him...thats a thought i'm holding on to. might do it soon.

-the guy in the apple store at civic center. hes there before 8am and working on his system. sometimes we drive by when he's trying to pack his car. a hydia tucson jeep(i could even give the registration number, but thats going to far). havent seen his face clearly but he looks cute from afar.

i sometimes wonder if i'd see all this people at a different place,dressed in something that isnt a sweat shirt and running shoes.have i walked past them in a shop, or a lounge or....
would we meet in another country? maybe at the tube station...or... and never know they are the ones.


*my time out hide out spots:
-in the bathroom
-behind my bed
-on the roof top where the overhead tank seats.

*habits i want to kick:
-shopping, well at least i want to start shopping with sense.
-living without a budget
-nonchallancy
-sod love, sod guys, sod it all, i'm cool like that attitude(not so cool anymore)
-insecurities about my looks(so strange but i'm so vulnerable when it comes to my looks. i know i cant be called hideously ugly, but then sometimes i wonder. i have to kick those thoughts out)

*things i used to be:
-an amebo..lol. being the last i was prone to report any and everything to mum, no one could escape my spills, not even dad. when we hear moms car outside, everyone would start singing the cnn tune/nta/bcc(whatever they feel like)tune for me, they knew i was going to be giving her the evening news. now i hardly talk, i have lots of stuff bottled up. everyone begs me to spill...what an irony.lol

-brave...not anymore. when you have a gun pointed at you,or you have armed men come to your house twice and its your name they keep screaming, you seize to be the brave girl that you were. i hate what its make me become. scared of driving out alone at night and bla bla bla...

-weight conscious. i used to be a uk size 12, then a 6, and now hovering at 8/10(no drastic weight loss therapy..no, apparently every girl in moms family goes from chubby to bone thin and then a lil' bit of flesh). i've realized that being thin is overrated. flesh is good. i'm an african i need to work that booty. like dbanj croons...'i love that booty.....that overload'. wonder why we get so engrossed in all the sturves, being healthy is what really matters yeah?

*things i'm looking forward to:
-learning to ride a bike...if its the last thing i ever do(well not really) but i've been a biker chic deep down for as long as i can remember. i hope to get my bike someday(actually the security guard offered to teach me, but thats so not how i picture my riding lessons to be like,...sigh)

-eat at ghana high.
i've heard stories about the food at ghana high. so am i the only one in lagos who hasnt shared in the goods? hope not. if you havent then hit me up, we need to share this experience together. hopefully it aint all over hyped.

-marriage, funny enough, the wedding is the least of what i look forward to. i try to see beyond that. the actual marriage, living together, tolerating, having our babies..
i look forward to all that. i'll leave my mom to look forward to the actual wedding itself. i guess when i'm completely sure of THE ONE, then my mind would be triggered towards getting excited about the wedding.

-starting my NGO. i cant wait, have i taken steps? no, but i still cant wait. i want to see children smile and know that i helped in some way, i want to see woman happy and know that they've been liberated from abuse cos of something i've done. i'll get there i know.

-standing in front of a church and preaching. its weird but i keep imaging that someday i'd be this preacher that would impact people in so many ways. giving heart changing sermons and you know...serving God to the best of my ability.
its hard trying to be a christian, so hard, but i'll try, i'll keep trying. and i'm so looking forward to reaching that level where i'd be at peace with myself.

crap, i guess i'm no super fly super woman, i'm tired, multi tasking sucks. this post came out of sheer boredom. off to the salon. hopefully it wouldnt be crowded.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

perfect exterminator

i read solomonsydelle's post on the almighty mice/rat whatever
it cracked me up good.

took me back to this post in one of my poetry books....the perfect solution to your rat problems. you should try it, maybe it'd work lol', but seriously what perfect non expensive exterminator we could have, its all about being tactful... enjoy the 'poem'

Rat O Rat

never in my life have i seen
as handsome a rat as you
thankyou for noticing my potatoes(in sld case indomie)

o rat, i am not rich,
i left you a note concerning my potatoes
but i see that i placed it too high
and you could not read it

o rat, my wife and i are cursed
with the possession of a large and hungry dog;
it worries us that he might learn your name-
which is forever on our lips

o rat, consider my neighbour:
he has eight children(all of them older
and more intelligent than mine)
and if you lived in his house. rat

ten good christians
(if we include his wife)
would sing your praises nightly,
whereas in my house there are only five.

by: christopher logue

had a crazy weekend. club hopping night crawling was given a new meaning in my life...never again is all i can say.

its afrobabes birthday today...may the nice fairy sprinkle goodness on her naughtily sweet self and dust all the crazy off her(well hope not, we love her the way she is yeah?).

its april fools day, i vowed not to be fooled today or fool anyone and so far even the most convincing foolings have been bluffed by me(after last year i aint getting caught...hell no!)...yippee...hopefully i wouldnt be suprised at the end of the day.
have a nice week y'all!
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