This line from Nina Simones 'the other woman' prompted this post
'But the other woman will always cry herself to sleep,the other woman will never have his love to keep, and as the years go by the other woman will spend her life alone'
Not always so, because sometimes the other woman wins or maybe its her loss? Because she used to be the other woman, the one he rushed to, a distraction from the routine, but now she is 'the woman', the one who eventually becomes the routine, and he's got another woman.
It's really just a circle innit?
I never want to be the other woman. Lots of women are not ready to accept the emotional responsibility of a real relationship so they seek unavailable partners to avoid true intimacy.
But is it reason enough to be the other woman?You get more comfortable with a fella who's unavailable, you fall for that illusion of him, cos you know deep down both of you can never be because you have refused to be the other woman.
But are you lying to yourself? Maybe you're not so guilt free after all, you might not do anything, but talking on phone for hours, showing concern and 'friendliness' might as well translate to emotional cheating, cos he's falling for the idea that you could be, he's seeing 'his woman' as less than she is, more stale by the day compared to the freshness of you and he's warming up to the idea of you. The chats, the calls, the mails and sms, the (innocent)dinner and movie dates....that's cheating.
Then he breaks up with her so 'we' can be together, but you have no use for an available man, cos you don't want a relationship, you want an illusion of one, cos you're freaking scared, so you become distant and all evasive of him and prepare for your next illusion.
We may not be having sizzling HOT affairs with married/unavailable men, but somehow you find yourself in the position of 'the other woman', because you think it's just innocent, till you start to doubt yourself. We've got to understand that we are lovable and that we deserve to have an open, equal and loving relationship, rather than be impatient enough to wait thus accepting the title of 'the other woman'.
I'm sick of all the comments of 'your shakara too much, better choose one guy now, before this thing you call beauty would fade and you'll start doing the chasing or worse, settle as the other woman to one chief alhaji' thats a quote from a friend, tufiakwa...
Met my first openly gay guy, I may be against it, but he's such a wonderful fella, all finger snapping and head twisting, and so hilarious with stories of his boyfriend(had to hold myself back from asking him how he could love a man that way.) Best of all, he does my make up wonderfully well. He's the 40th wonder of my world. Don't know what the 29th to 39th wonders are, but i couldnt put him on top of the list. I've seen lots of gay folks, but never have I come across a 'gay and proud' Nigerian in Nigeria... Only in lagos people, only in lagos.