who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Gist....

okay, so i raved about the jumpsuit i ordered at le petit marche some months ago:) and really it was worth raving about.
here's a peek at my outfit from obsidian.....Obsidian is an independent fashion line for the discerning lady with a flair for the bold and unusual but with her own individual style. Sexy without being trashy, fun and spunky, an Obsidian girl sets herself apart and is the epitome of all that is chic and elegant. A bold use of colour and attention to detail in all the garments ensures that when you wear Obsidian you STAND OUT. ...okay yeah, i sort of copied and pasted the line:)
but seriously, i think i STOOD OUT with this outfit. i loveeeeeee it. i used to cafe royale for lunch with my friend and gosh........

i've three more outfits coming from her, i really cant wait. check out this interview with miss isoken on bella naija . you can also find her every market day at le petit marche...
those of you in lagos, you still need to check out le petit marche every last sunday of the month, i think it gets better each month, with more retailers and all...kudos to the organizers. click on the picture in the sidebar and join the group on facebook to get all the info. i think its a new venue everymonth, last month was le saison, the cafe owned by tosan jemide, this month was at gourment plaza in v/i. who knows where next months would be:)

i love fergie's outfit. ankara prints have really come a long way yeah? i think solanfe spoted something similar as well. my tailor would definately be seeing this picture and making something better:)
i'm counting down to my last day at work. funny how sad i think i feel. if only i could tour the world,curb the looming sense of boredom. use this as an opportunity to grab a backpack and sail away (err, since its a backpack i should be saying hitchhike) but i'd rather do the 'grab a suitecase and fly away" it'd be more fun if it was a private jet. unfortunately they keep telling me aliko dangote isnt my uncle, even my dreams have refused to make him a relative in its story line *hiss*. with or without his money, i'll find a way of being a sailor sailor on the sea and sail away.(okay so i've talked about hitchhiking, flying and sailing, i cant even make up my mind about something so simple)
just finished reading chimamanda adichie's latest release 'the thing around your neck' a collection of short stories. i couldnt make the book reading at the galleria....*sob*
shes obviously a captivating story teller, and a really good one at that. shes so blessed.
grab a copy and enjoy. why hang out in some bar, spend money drinking only to get drunk and end up with a hefty headache, when you can lie in, play some music, sip on wine and read to get that thing off your neck:)
(not funny i know, makes no sense. the point is you really should read it, or buy it as a gift for someone. they sure will appreciate it.
************************************************
about the crisis in the north, how sick is it? God save niaja. i'm glad i've never gone through the horror of it all. i've been in kano, zaria and kaduna,stayed there for days. my sisters schooled in A.B.U zaria and through all the crisis, they were never caught up in it. i've been in bauchi, i've been in yobe....towns where the crisis are rampant, but they were just quiet and boring towns to me,i sulked about being holed up in the hotel rooms, i sulked about lack of nice resturants.....i never saw the towns as anything like they are with fanatics roaming the streets, destroying lifes and properties. with burnt corspe loitering the streets. I'm thankful to God that i've never had to experience the fear and uncertainty of an unrest. we all have a lot of things to be thankful for even as we pray for peace to be restored.
thats all folks...well thats not really all, something needs to be done about it all.
have a blessed week.

Friday, July 24, 2009

wifey or mummy.....daddy or hubby?

Was listening to wazobia fm at work(thats some mad station)
Matse(or how do you spell her name) asked this question, if you were in a situation where you could save only one person who would it be, for the ladies you have to choose between your husband and your father and the men, between your momma and wifey, you can read that question in pidgin english, cos thats what they use.
(First of all as long as its in niaja and you're a "big" man, you could bribe your way out:)

On a serious note though, the callers were interesting. Most men picked their mothers(who wouldn't) but it was so pathetic, their reasoning. such egoistic fellas " i can always marry another wife"....what?
The ladies stuck with their husbands(i'm sure if it was between a mother and husband the ladies would stick with mothers)But the point is women have it bad. they dont have the choice of 'i can always marry another husband' no matter how FINE she is.
as a woman, finding a husband is such a toughy, so whats the chance of getting another one if you give him up, from the 'tufiakwa's" from the mans family and all the other silly traditional african factors. well it just doesnt always work out good for us.....so sad. Men dont even need to think twice about this.

Not all widowers are wife material in our society, well except you're stella damasus who my colleague pointed out to be one lucky lady, women are looking for one hubby and shes been blessed with two beautiful men....only her:)
(i mean after losing her husband, shes bounced back with another beautiful boy)

I was one of those who said i'd choose my hubby cos 'well daddy is old' and he 'wouldnt keep me warm at night"
But even as i gave and looked for reasons to be all about choosing the hubby, i knew in the end i'd choose daddy.
Maybe, i'm using the frame of mind that says 'assuming i get a chance with daddy again, would i let him go?' so maybe cos i havent had him for so long, i feel this way.

so who would you choose? between mummy and wifey, or husband and daddy?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Excuse me, Please, Thankyou.

I love being prim and proper through no fault of mine, i didn't rehearse it, i was raised to be it, to say thank you after every meal, to smile politely and listen to people talk, i don't really care about tasting the wine(or pretending to)before actually drinking at dinner tables and the whole formalities of life. Of seating up and holding your head up like some trader with a basket of yams balanced on her head.

I have prim and proper buried in the dept of me, that's why i cant be loud in public(probably why i'm such a talker in the comfort of home),that's why i smile politely and say "no thank you" even when i really want that last piece of fudge cake on the plate. That's why i protest politely when you want to pay for the groceries for me(sometimes o). That's why i say "its okay" when i really want to say "sod off mate", that's why i say "don't worry about it,i'll drop you off" when you go on and on about how late your driver or boyfriend is, when all i want to do is hurry home and crawl into bed, that's why i really invite you to eat with me when i really don't want you even having a taste of my spicy prawns, you saw how much i paid the delivery guy, you heard me calling in to order, go get yours.
Polite can be boring. You say thank yous and please and excuse me's even when you dont mean it.
I speak with an accent, i hear. its just my northern heritage, i've never lived anywhere else to get my tongue twisted, but how can i have an accent northern or wherever when i don't even speak hausa? They tell me i sound funny when i speak broken/pidgin english...."maybe you shouldn't bother speaking it".
"Whats funny about my broken english?" I ask. When they don't find answers to that question they just say
"its not polite". They mock me for not pronouncing names well. Is it polite to mock? Someone should tell them its not polite to mock. I cant tell them myself you see, because i'm too polite.
Polite is boring, that's why sometimes i love to let my hair down(my new hairdresser choped a chunk of my hair off, so really i mean this literally lol)
That's why when i walk out of debonairs sometimes i embarrass my friends, i ring the bell that says to ring if you had fun. i do this especially on days when there aren't any kids, i do it at night when responsible adults are politely having pizza. I ring it when my hair's down, and if its not loud enough i run back in and ring again...you see i think its not polite if the bell doesn't ring loud enough to disturb the peace. I'm impolite in a polite way.
i'm polite when i accept to go on a date with you. i'm polite cos i feel i owe it to you for being so nice. but then i don't show up for the date, i don't even call to cancel at the last minute except you call to ask if you're picking me up....you see, its polite to call and cancel, but i just don't care about polite some days, because my hairs down on that day. being a girl helps to be impolite.

i stand in front of the atm machine beside the one my friend is using and announce i'm a human atm to the next person who wants to use it, but i get polite and say "sorry" as i step aside, it doesn't matter that he enjoyed the show and wants to start a little chat up with me.
Or i hoot back at the thugs(agboros) or bus drivers when they catcall at me "ahhh, sister you fine" or make kissy noises when in traffic or walking through the market, i scream back at them "come marry me"...its not polite to keep quite when you're spoken too:)
Even when i insult...in my anger, i'm polite as i write that mail, there's "sorry to bother you but....."
Oh, sometimes at night(not anymore) i flash my head lamp bright and drive very close to the car in front so that the light bothers the person driving, its not polite... but polite is boring.
I'm sorry, but i love being polite.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sunday sunday tonic

Hey peeps, do you all remember Frank Olise on newsline? I loved him and his opening line "....welcome to your sunday sunday tonic"
I worship with the redeemed church "city of David" although i was born a catholic and i think i am still a catholic. Its all about God afterall.
Todays service was about perfecting our praise. And how God loves to hear his people praise him. I kept trying to picture God seating on the throne and how good he'd feel hearing us praise him. A picture that came to my mind was how the lagos area boys hail people and i imagined them jumping up and down shuffling their feet screaming "area" "baba o" "ahhhh up you" and whatever words they use. God would love that.
The two couples called out today had beautiful stories to share, about Gods grace and upliftment.
John fashanu the footballer/entertainer talked about how broke he got at a point in his life,after some court battle in uk. His millions of pounds saving went to zit. so broke it was unbelieveable...not the "cant afford gucci" broke but the "whats my next meal" broke, that was when he met his wife, (my sister and i tried joking that hes too cute to not love him even without money) he tried to hide his brokeness from her but she knew. He was so broke she'd discretly leave money in his pigeon hole whenever she was in his car, so he could eat with dignity.....todays a different story for them. Hes bounced back up, recovered everything, hes moved back home and they live happily ever after.
The second couple was an ambassador and his wife. Said he was once a danfo driver, so poor he'd go to oshodi at midnight to buy the spoilt meat, the reject...because he just had to have meat and thats all he could afford. Today look where he is. So rich and successful. With a beautiful wife that has stayed with him through it all.
This just shows how faithfull God is, how hes able to turn around our situations from worse to best. Hes the fountain of hope and life, the living water that retores and blesses.
And i think the message today fits in here. It says we should praise God in all situations. Our praises and complete trust in him removes us from our hell into paradise. Our praises moves God to show himself.
I've never been through poverty enough to make me shiver in pain and fear, yes maybe sometimes i say i'm broke, but thats for trival things like not being able to buy a new pair of shoes or eat out at some over prized resturant. I always have food on my table....i'm thankful to God for that. My situation isnt as bad as theirs might have been but i've been through trials, depression and lows. But hes always seen me through.
I'm going through some trials at this point in life. In my last post i said i was starting afresh. I know it wouldnt be as easy, loads of people are discouraging me, making me shake in my faith, planting seeds of fear in my head, but I'll keep praising and believing God in my uncertainty for my own lifting up, for love that would stand steadfast through the ages to come, for success, for peace for grace.
Gos is ever faithful and his steadfastness and mercies never comes to an end.
God bless you all and have a nice week.
P.S
I've gotten two job offers already. Thrilling but not what i'm interested in. ThankGod. this just goes to show that despite my fears, things are going to work out good.
I havent been able to let go of the one who i think i might love. Its harder than i thought. But i'm working on it.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Falling off the edge of reason...

(Get your popcorn out....long post alert)
I'm taking steps of faith, so bold it scares me.
With my life, with my job, with my emotions, with my spirituality.
I've heard Gods promises for me declared into my unhearing ears since ages ago.
The thing is i never sit still long enough to take it all in,
I know i'm special.
God has chased me around the room till he finally got a hold of me.
Its like a lovers dance, i run a few miles....let him catch me, embrace him a little and cut off. Now he is done playing games and so am i. I'm bond and chained to his promises.
You see i've been so stubborn, but he never let me go, that's how much a faithful lover he is.
I've read his word, like a lovers letter, holding it close to my heart and its talked about faith....thus i'm taking him by the hand and walking in faith towards perfection. When you try to put reason to his words, you get a lot of jargons, the best way to bask in it is to fall off the wagon of reason and just be stupid in him.
I'm leaving my job,its almost three years in and i'm bored already. do i have job offers? Well i had in d last quart of last year, but i'm not looking at finance world anymore, i've been scared of writing my resignation letter/notice, but i will as soon as i post this. I just voiced it out to my MD/COO, thus is unofficially official,a wave of fear hit me as i let it out, i've shed a couple of tears, reason tells me i'm crazy, the number of people who would kill to be where i am.but well i've fallen off the edge of reason, cos reason is too safe....i'd rather like to see it as
a step of faith.
I've got a couple of personal things going, i know a couple of places i could walk into and get the job i (don't)want/enjoy, but i'm holding on to God for directions, i need to do something my heart really wants.i don't know how he'll do it, but he'll do it, that's what faiths about and that's what reason isn't.
Its easy to feel like i have nothing to loose, because i really don't . I don't need a job, i mean the salary might sound okay, but that's not what i live on, nope...but then i wouldnt let myself get dragged that road of idleness, because having a job, waking up every morning and dressing up smart and rushing into the car in the mornings as annoying as it is sometimes gives me a sense of fulfillment. it means I'm doing something for myself,i'm all grown up and i love it.
I sold off all my shares in the primary market, i actually thought i was crazy as i lost 90% of my capital, its depressing to think about. Reason hit me in the head and gave me the silent treatment for days "girl, is you crazy?" It asked.
Reason had the right to do that. I fell off the edge of reason in doing that, more like a free fall, stupid but blood pumping, think sky diving, you could die, but you just don't care. i'd rather not look back at the loss....its a step of faith for better things to come, i've still got investments with some strong private companys(well i hope they're as strong as i think i know). It feels like airing my closet, throwing out the over due. I'll start afresh in playing the market. And i'll make such a kill again, better than i did in the boom time:)
I'm letting go of the person i think i actually LIKE, cos i don't need the drama, hes got a girlfriend or an ex girlfriend(i dont know anymore) and i deserve more than a man who wants to eat his cake and have it too. Thus i'm letting go. we've been good friends for a while now. I'm done with melting at the whining little boy saying "i want us to be more and i don't want to loose you" I wouldn't make him choose cos that'd be mean.(and maybe i'm scared he'd choose her:) cos trust me shes some hot mama jamma, i even have to prep talk myself anytime i meet her.), like seriously)
Reason tells me "girl you've got to be on crack, cos its so hard for you to actually like LIKE someone so much you honestly tell yourself its love, you've never felt this way with any other person....if you let go, you might never find that person to make you feel this way" reason wants me to fight (for sole ownership?), but like Michael says "I'm a lover not a fighter" well reason can rest for a bit. I'm taking a step of faith, knowing if he's mine, then surely we'll be, if not, then my faith will take me to the arms of someone else i'll love who'll love me back.
I thought it'd be easy to let him go since we're friends before anything else, but its so freaking hard, good thing i'm getting out this early or else i'd be a wreck walking the streets if given another minute with him.
I let some abtract things guide my emotions,like thinking that his loving me wholesomely was about him packing up and heading to UK to see me for a few days cos he couldn't bear a month without seeing me....loving me is more than showing machismo and hopping on planes,its about giving up everything for me without thinking twice cos you just cant bear to loose me.
Oh boy, he sure was sweet. But loving me isn't about how when i was in the hospital for some days some weeks back, he'd stop by on his way to work and seat with me and make me laugh and hold my hands and i'd feel like everything in the universe was just fine.
Or him preparing chicken for me cos i love chicken, or asking his cook to make special meals for me, or having me come out to dinner on a boys night out cos hes desperate for me to meet the other half of his friends that aren't mutual friends.
But I'm done being a potential sharer. I'm a selfish woman and proud.(i'm done with attracting/luring and hunting the unavailable) If i have a man, then hes got to be for me and me alone. Loving me would be him not putting me in the agony of wanting him all for me but unsure if i can have him despite the TLC he gives. then of course relationships for me have to have a definite direction....
Listening to reason and holding on(cos rumor has it hes bla bla bla...el loco for me)wouldn't make it better. Faith would keep me strong.
And even as i break a bone or two from falling off from the edge of reason, i know faith has the healing touch to make it all right again.
Sometimes we have to fall off the edge of reason to get to our dreams....playing safe is fatal and leaves you stagnant.


Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Monday, July 6, 2009

24 is the number....

Its my 24th year today.



Gods blessed me in more ways than i can ever imagine. So even as much as i count off things i haven't done yet,the things i've achieved and my blessings overwhelms it all. I discovered this fact as i sat crying with appreciation on the cold tiles of my bathroom floor a few weeks ago.



Thus i can say i'm happy and truly mean it. I've never felt so free and my hearts never felt lighter. I've never felt closer to God and i've never smiled so much. I've never felt so content even in the midst of my wants. The bible says "if God be for us, who can be against us?" God is for me, thus i've gotten rid of fear, i'm taking steps of faith towards my goals(i'll post about those soon)...its scary, but hey, fear is out of my vehicle and probably taking a hitch hike back to hell:)



So today? I'm Lighting a candle,playing my favorite songs(my play list gets more ol' school by the day),saying a prayer, and spending most of the day with my friend Koko at the spa(barazahi, i'm kind of addicted to that place, beats the rest of the spas in lagos and some)we'll get spoilt and pampered together, cos we deserve it. I'll meditate on my own accomplishments,my gifts and my blessings,my positivity and my inner strenghts and beauty.

We run away from pointing out our pecks and patting ourselves on the back cos we always feel its better to criticize ourselves, we're scared of giving ourselves credit when no one does, cos they might snort at us.

We try to avoid looking in the mirror and giving ourselves a thumbs up when people are watching cos we feel its being self centered and vain and arrogant, well i've realized thats not being vain or arrogant or self centered. Thats loving yourself and acknowledging Gods blessings in your life. So i'll be doing all that.



This is going to be a good year for me. A perfect one. I know, and i can feel it.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, July 2, 2009

can heaven really wait????

i used the theme can heaven really wait? from michaels song 'heaven can wait" well, he was wrong.
i wasnt going to do another Michael post....cos really i was getting quite peeved with it all. dont get me wrong, i love michael. i even did a michael post some months ago. all i can say is that Michael does live on, in his music, and videos(whioch i pride myself of owning about 85% of). my 4yr old niece loved him, and i'm sure my daughter and my son unborn would fall in love with his music too. cos it really is timeless and a breaker of boundaries of age, taste and style or whatever.


(how cute he was)
the following piece was written by Nigerias r&b sensation Obiwon(y'all should watch out for this one), its an inspiring post, thought provoking. and even though its about Michael, he uses Michaels death to point out Gods glory.

enjoy, cos i certainly did......



Daddy thank You for Your creation Michael.

Thanks for such a wonderful gift, such music, such an amazing voice, such dance steps, wow, looked almost gravity defying.

You knew Michael before he was born
You gave him so much of this musical gift and for a purpose.
Whether he used this gift for Your original intended purpose is now between You and him. Nevertheless he was such a beautiful gift, a beautiful gift for us to witness in our lifetime!
Who can deny the ethereal nature of his talent? and for this we thank You, and now within Michael's short 50-year stay,

You even use his life and death to teach us so much about You, life, living, all the gifts you've given us and the things that should matter.

I personally thank You for You used Michael's gift to help me discover what You've given me.
All the times I almost destroyed the cassette deck buttons trying to learn the lyrics, the havoc on the video machine to learn the dance steps, the drum beatings on the school desk by my school mates cheering me on as I did Michael's latest moves,the voice screechings trying to hit his notes,
You used his gift and others' gifts as well to help me realise I could do this.
Michael was such a huge influence on me and You knew and You allowed it all for a purpose, ultimately to use it for Your work and glory.
Daddy the way you have everything all figured out, ordered, you are awesome, thank You! Thanks for the times when Michael seemed to be searching for You,
deploying what You gave him to try and uplift humanity.
Such times when he threw questions at the Man in the Mirror ,when he asked that we Heal The World, when he asked many Will You Be There? and then did an Earth Song for this our guest house, your beautifully created world.

He had his flaws, just like all of us...and now Daddy looking at it all we realise (yet again) that all that matters is knowing You, living for You, serving You. that the things we usually fight for, hate and envy each other for, worry and get into all sorts of vices for are so worthless, building treasures in a very temporary place, instead of a place of permanence.

That the most priceless items of love, joy, peace are so freely given and can never be bought with money or even acquired through "good works", especially as You in Your ultimate Love sacrificed to give us these true treasures?

So most importantly Daddy, thank you for the greatest gift of all! Your Son, The Prince of Peace! Through Him you've freely given us all we crave for, all we ever wanted, just for us to accept, believe and live for Him (John 3:16). Why is it so hard for us to see this?

Why do we allow ourselves to be deceived...over and over again? How long before we learn that the majority doesn't matter, and that one with You is majority? Why are we so afraid of common death that has since been defeated? Your Word asks us that we in all things give thanks (Eph 5:20). Therefore right now at this moment we thank you, we thank you for your gifts, treasures and the greatest Gift of all.

BABA THANK YOU Oh!
Sincerely yours.
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