who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Much ado about something

Another round of randomness. My internet's down. And so I seat cuddling my blackberry, I have a bunch of books to read on micro finance banking, women rights issues and extraordinary women in the bible. But I'd rather fiddle with my bb.
Did I mention I got another job offer? Now I'm confused, am I being overestimated? Or have I underestimated myself? I didn't even ask for time to think about it. I got the phone call and in the same breath I said I couldn't/wouldn't do it. I'm broke now, but somehow the valleys been filling up for me,even without the rains.

I find it insulting that some people call me from the bathroom. Its just not fair. Totally unflattering that I'm the one you think of when you want to take a dump. They probably think I'm so tone deaf that I don't hear when they flush, and that's the cue, after flushing 'alright babes, talk later", yeah talk later....when the indian food gives you a running stomach.
I am not your substitute for the newspapers, games or books you take to keep you company in the loo.

I'm quite mad. Some private company I invested in and put in a huge junk of clients money into haven't paid out any dividend in two years. That's not the bad part. The bad part is the children of the chairman bought a private jet...they've flown with their friends to watch formula one matches and play polo in certain places. I could give details but that'll be telling.
At least if they're not paying dividends I should be flying with them in the plane to wherever. Afterall I helped make the money that purchased the plane. So maybe thats where my beef is... not flying in the plane to wherever with them:)

I've been busy, on the campaign trail,trying to get re-elected to the white house, giving state of the union addresses and signing bills. Attending state dinners, Flying on airforce one and driving round town in a presidential motorcade with the seal of the president of the unites states.
See, I've been having dreams. Laugh all you want, I just need you to remember the story of Joseph, his brothers laughed too. He had the last laugh. So who knows, I might be the next president of the united states  'Mrs president ma'am...." Or maybe I'll be the wife of the next president of Nigeria in 2015....we all know when it comes to my beloved country the wives hold the power.
So maybe this dreams are revelations or they're just a hangover from the west-wing marathon I've been having. Like I dreamed of hospitals and being a surgeon when I did a house/greys anatomy marathon. Oh well we can only hope for the best and dream them to existence.

The bible is the best story ever written. There's a story within the story.....no, scratch that, there are stories within the story. You could learn a dozen lessons from just one story, and there's nothing in this world that you go through that can't be found there. That's a comforting fact.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Much ado about nothings.

So what's it with girls bleaching these days? Now they don't just want to be fair, they want to be blond...you see a badly bleached face with a badly fixed blond weave.SMH
Who invented flossing? I need to spank him,cos if he never thought it up we'd be satisfied with the good ol' toothpick, now flossing is a necessity, and I'm bothered with it. There's nothing as frustrating as flossing. I'll gladly have the hair in my nose waxed if it'll bring about a better alternative to flossing.

If you've ever heard me sing out loud in a public place that's not church.... Then you're one of the special people in my life. Me singing in public like me waking up in bed beside you.....messy hair, minty breath;), all bared as I am. Well not really, definitely not. You've heard me sing, so? Kini big deal?

I haven't worked out in ages, no yoga, no Pilate. And so I noticed a little flab here and there, thus i rushed to the toning board today.
I'll wake up with aching joints, I might not be able to take a few steps without groaning in pain and I'll have to shower with scorching hot water to relieve my myself. And so I ask myself, what's the point? To be as toned as those beyonce type girls on tv?
You see I've come to a conclusion that there's no natural way that you can be so dedicated to working out that you'd look as fab as they do i.e beyonce, ciara and co. Its all an illusion, they came to Benin to get jazz. I wouldn't bother myself anymore, I'll just concentrate on keeping fit, thus a 5 minute stroll every other day.

Never trust a lady that says 'Darline' all the time to everyone around her.

I heard the new question among Nigerian kids after their summer holidays is "when you entered the plane, did you go left or right?" Go figure. Please ehn, abeg, work hard so your child wouldn't be mocked for saying he turned right.

Natural is beautiful,that's what I think, so I chilled on the make up. but I soon discovered, it might be beautiful but make up adds an unbeatable flava to it. Thus I hereby shamefully stagger back into the artificial enhancer hall of fame.

Not every person who calls herself a designer qualifies, some are just educated or fashion conscious tailors. Its not fair that I have to pay 15k for an outfit birthed from my minds eye to be made with my own fabric, I'm more of a designer than they are. Oh well this is Nigeria, this is Lagos, what do you expect? Pure water will sell if you package it and stamp aquadeco(about 12 dollars per bottle) on it.

I used to think basket mouth was the funniest Nigerian comedian out there...that's till I heard gordons...to think we laughed so hard at a church event where he was heavily censored, there was no stopping him. I fell in love with him there and then. Basket baby, you just moved to second place, I love you still boo.

If all else fails,and you hate the outfit you're dressed in, wear beautiful matching sexy underwear. It'll keep you refreshed all day long, cos no one knows how good you look inside. You'll walk smarter, and you'll bounce in confidence knowing what you know...you look damn good in your pink little victorias secret.

The vice president is from kaduna state. I'm from kaduna state. Go figure. I'm mighty sure if I check my family tree his branch will be closest to my dad ;) and so I claim that my 'uncle' is in power. I'll soon be moving to abuja to reconnect old family ties.

And to conclude this randomness I'll quote a something obiwon said that stuck on me "you don't loose anything for every minute spent in the presence of God"
Think about it, there's nothing to loose and everything to gain. You should try it.
Todays Obiora Obiwons birthday, happy birthday to him.
God bless.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN
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