who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

chain reaction

"my days are blue, my account is red, its so hard to be green...err grin" ozaveshe
'Chain reaction', that was the subject of the first mail we ever exchanged. Long story, don't ask.
I might bore you guys a little with my grief , but spare me. He'll probably strangle me if he knew i put this up:) and if his hands fail to do the job, he'd launch an online attack on me and make me pay for it till i scream bloody murder, and probably close this blog. He'd go red in the face with shyness if he could with all the attention he's getting from every angle. But i can't help it, no one can help but ruffle his feathers at this time. it was war to get him to update his blog, he kept promising he would. i wonder what he'd write if given the chance? he'd probably make his death sound so funny, you'd laugh and forget to grief.
"there i was thinking about a breath of fresh air, and who but death came tap dancing in, oh well i might as well go, i hear heaven needs a cool dude like me"
okay, so i'm not that good, and i make no sense. oh well.
We met October 14th 2007. We sat talking by lagoon at the pavilion in lekki. he sent this mail a day after.
i get to see you.
was a pleasant surprise. You were right - rihanna and her cronies aint got nothing on you. and then to match a face to the voice thats been killing me...really wonderful.
u're the 3rd internet person i'm meeting. the 1st two were guys when i was at university (dont get the wrong idea, tho).
it was difficult to read you though. u have this exterior that seems difficult to penetrate. what i mean really is, i think u go into default mode sometimes and i think u were doing that yesterday. default mode probably helps u go thru the day withoutgiving too much of yourself. add that to ur composure and the settled peace around you and u become virtually inscrutable (is that a word?)
i think i'm rambling.
...............................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................
i had fun yesterday. meeting you. you seem very personable, very warm, polite...i wont go on. u had to manage my coarseness and ill timed (illl fitting too) jokes.
i didnt come clean yesterday - i had written a poem. was tossing it in my head to hear if the words made sense

you see, he knew how to make a girl feel good. no wonder we (the ladies) wanted to be his friend. makes you take away the mask of 'i wish i looked better" and walk with your head held high.This was strictly a friendship deal o....nothing attached(all ye of dirty minds)

I finally got to read a poem he wrote me. He says i need to loosen up, stop being hard to get

HARD TO GET

Why do we, like strangers,
float around
A friendship where Truth can’t be found?
We are more than we let be
You should be loving me.

Why do we smother
all the flames
We breathe out when we call our names?
We put on cloaks which are so chaste
We should be making haste

Why do we let chance compromise
The future we see in our eyes?
We dance around and don’t conclude –
We should do what we know we should


We should not wait
Time will create
Defences
And we will go sour
With all of our
Pretences.


and yeah, i was the girl in the 'hey, hi...bye' post  
so this is a sort of closure thingy for me.

bless.
X

Saturday, October 23, 2010

One of blogville's finest www.ozaveshe.blogspot.com

I'm thinking all is perfect till I go on twitter and see this link from bagucci aka dhjax http://adialayo.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-want-to-be-happy.html I'm desperately trying to believe its not what I think.
I've called ozaveshe's number and its gone to voicemail,I'm trying to live in denial, I called fellow blogger and friend lil miss fab..., she just called back to confirm...ozaveshe died today. Its such a hard ball to swallow. Just 28 years old.
He's one of the first friends I made on blogsville, I remember the hilarious comments between he,afrobabe,carlang, atutupoyoyo,unnaked and I.
From virtual banters, we became good friends in the real world.
Soft spoken,mischievous, humorous intelligent ozaveshe.
His is one of my favorite blogs on blogsville, you always leave his page laughing your heart out, wanting to jab him playfully in the ribs.
He encouraged me when it came to writing, tried to get me to sign up for taruwa performance.
When I was mad to breaking point, I sent him a mail and he eased the tension off with his witty statements.
He was concerned about what i wanted to do when i quit my job, and so he kept asking,
He wrote me a wonderful poem.
He joined me in the bookclub for one day.
Last I saw him was on a hot afternoon,I drove past him on bishop Oluwole in V/I, I was too tired to stop and say hi.

Then he went to the Uk for his masters.
And we talked and I promised I'd call the last I heard from him,i never did. Now Its too late.
Just left his facebook page, and his last status update a few months ago 'you say the brains I have are getting to my head'... That's him for you, witty all the way.
Gosh, are tears enough to shed? I feel like a sell out, we were friends and I didn't even know he had cancer, I never called back, and so I never knew the reason he didn't call was cos he was in some hospital been pumped with drugs.
I'm hitting myself, what sort of friend am I?
I didn't reach out, thus I didn't know and so I wasn't one of the friends who encouraged him or prayed for him.

So young with such a bright future, my heart aches.
How does his mom feel if I feel this lousy? His sisters?
What were his last thoughts?
Did he know it was time at that moment?
Heaven only knows.
How many times would I have to mourn the death of a young person?
What's happening?
We all need to tighten our belts, get serious with God and ......
Lord have mercy.
Farewell my good friend, I love you and I'll miss you.
http://www.ozaveshe.blogspot.com/ drop by his page and see how good he is.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Sunday, October 10, 2010

the genie

A secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."


"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.  
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. 
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."
One of my ultimate fantasies was finding a genie in a bottle. Aladdin had my senses messed up. It didn’t help that I’d read all these jokes and stories of people who got the lamps/bottles and oh, what stupid wishes they made. They got me angry at their stupidity,how dare they waste their wishes? why wouldn’t the genie appear to people with heads on their shoulders like me? I tried to get my priority right as i lounged in fantasy world, rearranging myself and trying to figure out how to use my three wishes, but you know like humans do, when given an inch you want the whole 9 yards. Thus three wishes didn’t seem like a fair number, and I’d tell myself that the genie was mean after all, and what a stupid idea it was. Why give me just three wishes when you can give five, I mean I just saved you from an eternity of confinement.

And today as I shed off skins of fantasy bit by bit, I’ve come to realize that I’ve had my own genie all this while but I’ve been ignorant."...my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge"
Unlike the one in my fantasy, he isn’t locked in some bottle or lamp. He doesn’t limit me to three wishes, and when I wish for something stupid out of ignorance, he’s wise enough not to grant me, he processes my foolish wishes and only gives me what is best for me.

God is my genie, that is why he's called Jehovah-Jireh, my provider. All I need to do is bow my head in prayer and ask anything I want in his name and he is faithful and just to give me all my needs according to his riches in glory; I love my Genie, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Phillipians 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
John 16:23 Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

Friday, October 1, 2010

it's not belated, is it?

Nigeria @ fifty, there's a lot of thing's been going on in my head, things bigger than naija @ 50. I've been in and out of one of the most dreaded offices in Ikoyi, making calls as we all try to pull all the strings we've managed to tighten and hiding facts from the ones i love.
All the stress, it's given me migraines, its taken away my appetite, not even the 'gourment' meals of Mr Michael the new and impressive chef can tempt me, not even the offer of a pig out on my favorite breakfast at protea. I didn't attend any shindings, now that would have just driven me crazy.
I just wanted to crawl into bed and wish all the happenings of this weekend away and fast forward to a time where all the wahala would be over, and I'd just look back at the streets in ikoyi i had to frequent and laugh it off. But even the twenty minute rest could do no good. All i can do is pray. and that's the only comfort i get from the pressures, fear and heartaches...Pray.

So you see, I'm a proud citizen of Nigeria. i did a post before midnight:) but unfortunately on this day, she has to wound me in a way that cuts deep, and makes me wonder at her system.Oh well, it's one of those things that happen to other people, but suddenly decides it should give you a taste, cos you've been so indifferent about it. It is well jare.

I heard of the car bomb just about 2 hours ago....(that's how occupied i was.) that's such a sad and sorry thing to happen. Innocent lives cut off, just like that. We're better than all these rubbish, aren't we? abi i'm talking about a different Nigeria?

The kidnapped children have been released... i saw a clip of the little ones and it broke my heart for the first time, not like i didn't care before, i just saw the reality today, those helpless sweethearts in their uniforms. Any of them could be my niece, my cousin or my baby. *sigh*

Happy Birthday my motherland. Don't cry mama, age ain't nothing but a number. And fifty isn't old if you're Nigeria, you're permitted to claim twenty, we'll let you be. Face lift, breast implant, tummy tuck, lipo, botox and a nose job....go get prettied up lady. I love you boo, just give me back my sanity right now, can't do this macho woman stuff no more.

Bless.
x
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