who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

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if you're a Nigerian and you own a blackberry, then there's a chance, you've got one or two or more contacts who have this hilarious DPs courtesy of smiling hat. I love him for his humor and omg, where does he come up with words like this 'transvestite antelopes' for more dps from the smiling hat, check him out on twitter @thesmilinghat or facebook  http://www.facebook.com/obkstudios









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Monday, January 24, 2011

catching up...

Some times its refreshing being on my own, staying away from friends but knowing that I've got them close when i need them. Being an island works best for me...me, myself, my books, 24(i just recently got the Bauer fever, not 100% impressed though) and my God. I enjoy this self imposed solitude so much that i begin to loose touch. Thank God there are friends who know just when to yank me up for air before I'm completely cut off from them.

Two of my favorite friends from secondary school decided we should have a play date this weekend, meet up and just be friends again. I jumped at the idea and suggested we meet at selfridges. What better place to catch up with friends? a place filled with people high on shopping, people who have a momentary sense of happiness cos they're surrounded by really beautiful and expensive things...(their own special breakfast at tiffany moment, except its breakfast, lunch and dinner at selfridges.) There's such a smug feeling i get from hanging out in a place filled with a false sense of happiness and there i am, right in the middle, truly happy, not because of the things i cant afford(just yet) but because i get to see my friends again. I don't need tiffany's selfridges to make me happy

I'm just from church and looking forward to meeting my friends at the food hall, we would have coffee and cup cakes and laugh like old times.
I walk into the food hall, i'm late, and the girls are no where to be found, and their numbers aren't connecting either. I'm relieved,thinking how great it'll be to seat down and eat by myself, subconsciously creeping back into my shell of solitude... but the need for a little air from my solitude wins. Surprise surprise, i really want to see my friends.

I finally find them shopping in zara.... and there we are, three old friends from over thirteen years ago,days when we had no need for bras, days where we wore checked uniforms and looked like pathetic prisoners,days we soaked garri in large bowls and devoured like uncultured girls, soaked biscuits in milk and milo and called it kpako flakes, days we ate kwado and ebange (disgusting garri concoctions), idomies that we soaked overnight, days we were flogged and punished....
Look at us, we're far from those girl, today, we're girls who've survived the barbaric lives of boarding school, seen life in its good, bad and ugly forms, overcome obstacles,and right now, we're just happy to see ourselves after so long and we carry on like we just walked into St Francis hostel after the night prayers sharing a bowl of cerealac and hiding from matron Zita.

We walk through the west end, we can pass for beautiful women as we go side by side, laughing at the memories of the good old days, heading off to a Portuguese(fine, to nandos....saying that just made it seem posh) restaurant to have a late lunch(selfridges pushed to the corner), three girls from over 13 years ago. Today, we're not soaking garri and making some sort of concoction, today, we're seated and dining like ladies of a kind...

Today i have been saved from myself, and the illusion of blissful solitude, life can't be lived without friends to share laughs and memories with.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Letting Go


photocredit here
“One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.” – Michael Cibenko

Its hard to let go of stuff. letting go of past relationships, of past success, of the dead, of past failures and disappointments... Probably why life always seems so cluttered, there's loads of garbage and junk in our memory and so little storage space to accommodate both the old and the new. Think putting new wine in an old wine skin.( "And no one pours new wine into old wineskin. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskin will be ruined.Luke 5:37) New ideas don't work well in clustered minds.
My room is almost always cluttered with clothes and shoes I know I’ll never wear anymore. But its hard to give them away cos there's always a memory attached to it.... Its taken up all the space that I hardly have any left to put the new things,I'm trying though….i’m getting rid of stuff bit by bit, tearing up the receipts and the tags et co. Why keep it if you don't need it?
The chopsticks from maxim, the notes we exchanged during night prep, the love letters from 'toasters' in secondary school, the receipt from some ridiculously overpriced shops, the old mobile phones with text messages(reminders that that 'silly' boy walking around like he's got the world on his shoulder doesn't really have it all together....you should read how desperate his texts were) just some silly thing or the other hanging around. Holding on to false expectations, illusions of what was, mirages of the past being better than what you'll have in the future.
“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.” – Unknown
Some memories aren’t worth hanging on to. Every day is a chance to start afresh, he might have loved you yesterday, but it doesn’t matter anymore if you’re heartbroken today, LET GO. You might have been the richest girl yesterday, it doesn’t matter today,because you're broke, tear up those receipts with proof of your extravagance, that you were once there and move on, stop thinking back and living in 'what used to' when 'you were', use up all the brain space you can get to brain storm and find ways to be a wholesome person again. You'll never recognize how nice and wonderful the new can be if you refuse to let go of the old. Yes it was all nice then, but who says it can't be nicer now?
Same problem Christians face...coming into Christ and washed by the blood, but still looking over your shoulder, clotting the flow from the fountain of grace into your life with self condemnation for your past. Chill....the past is the past. Let go...how can you live a wholesome joyful life in Christ if you can't let go of the filth of your past?

“Behold, I am doing something new! It’s already happening; don’t you recognize it? I will clear a way in the desert. I will make rivers on dry land.”  Isaiah 43:19
"don’t you recognize it?" We probably don't recognize the new because we're so caught up in the past/old of 'what has' and 'what used to be'
It's time to let go and move forward. The goodness of the new waits for no one. Catch it while you still have a chance.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

eat pray love

I haven't seen the 'eat love pray' movie. But i can't help thinking i have my own fab eat love and pray moments ever so often, and all in one continent, under one roof, wherever i am. How blessed am i? Like seriously who needs to go round the continents of the world to find what can be found in the heart(yeah, there is a place in my heart for food too:). I'm having one of those moments as i spend the vacation with my family.

Eat
Red Velvet whoopie pie...best thing since puff puff
Its been an amazing time for me. No, not because of the food, but i can't deny it plays a role. I'm chubby, i would use fat,but it's too strong a word,almost sounds like a curse word. Pencil dresses have to deal with a little bulge in front of me, my jeans have filled up and they fit, maybe a little too well, but I'm not complaining. From hummingbird bakery(discovered the red velvet whoopie pie...yummy) to all the food from the junkyard, to chinese, to puff puff consumed in dozens every other day....and best of all, its been ages since i've had mums cooking on the regular. Shes always making soups as mouth watering as granma's, and with the cold, her peppersoup does the right job of keeping me warm. I stay up all night and stagger to bed at about 5am, you really can't stay up without the midnight snacking. Its greeeaaaat. and as i write this, i'm munching on puff puff and my new favorite yogurt Dr Oetken's Onken coconut flavor . Yummy.
                
                                                                                     Pray

Spending time with God is the best thing ever, its so hard sometimes to drop everything and just concentrate on him,especially when you're away on holiday and your daily routine is disrupted. But i try my best and when i do, i get so overwhelmed. I lie down on the couch in the early mornings, and just talk.
the bible says 'pray without ceasing'
i've come to understand what it means, its not about screaming as loud as you can every moment. Its not about how long i spend on my knees being all spiritual in my talks ("oh thou who maketh meth"). Its about taking God along with me always, having conversations with him. And so as i shop i whisper 'God help me' when i'm confused, its that whispered 'thank you Jesus' i mutter, its remembering words from the bible and saying it to him,its the songs of praise i sing in my heart, the love i show to others....the words of the bible i study. Praying has been my survivor factor, its kept me in check, its uplifted my heart those moments unwanted thoughts try to creep in to ruin my joy. Prayer has been my key, my master key.

Love

in my world, family is love and love is family. Been together makes me feel how strongly i love them. sometimes when we're apart doing our different things, not seeing for weeks and months, its easy to forget that feeling....the one i'm feeling right now. The hugs and kisses i get from my nieces, and the birth of my newest niece gives my heart a much needed warmth in this cold cold world. I've got more than enough love to make my life worth living. I've got the love of God, the love of my family, and the love of #dearfuturehusband whoever he is,wherever he be.

That's all folks. Eat, Love and Pray, for life's too short to worry about what the bathroom scales say:)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

In the beginning...

"In the beginning God created.... "

I crossed into the new year with no significant change in my life, we all do. We still look the same, our body doesn't automatically transform to the size 6 we will it to be and the bad habit doesn't 'pick race' from us...although we've got it all written down as our new year resolution.
But there's something about that clock striking 12, something snaps in us, and that snap makes us all determined to conquer the world in the new year. We see the clock striking 12midnight on the evening of December 31st as the beginning of a new era....  A new year, a new beginning, another chance to be start afresh, make right all the wrong and be the wonderful people we were created to be. Its not always easy, before the end of the first week, we're doing a double portion of all doing the things we swore off.

In the beginning "...the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters" Genesis 1:2-3. 
A place/life described as 'formless, empty and dark" is quite useless, nothing worth caring about. But Gods spirit was hovering, waiting for a word from God, for permission to change it all "..and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day" Genesis 1:3-5

The past year/the old, may have been formless, empty, dark and gloomy, but there's a chance for a fresh start... the spirit of God is hovering around, desperate to do wonderful things for us, he's just waiting for that word from God, and Gods waiting for that word from us, because he certainly is a gentle man, he refuses to force himself on us.
The word that calls on him to take control of our beginning and forever, the word that moves him to say "let there be..." in our lives, the wonderful things we hope for, joy unspeakable, righteousness,peace, health,prosperity...... and the spirit gladly manifests it.


"And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day...." notice how the bible emphasizes on evening first? Even though it says God created light first? morning before evening. It could easily have said "and there was morning and there was evening"
This excites me, the evening represents the darkness we go through, it passes away and then comes our morning with light that fills out hearts,boldness, a renewal of our hope for better things and a life giver to our dreams that appeared dead.

And then there was morning after the evening. Don't get discouraged about the year just because you couldn't tick off a couple of things on your 'to do' list for the year 2010 and all the years past.
Don't give up on God, cos he definitely has not given up on you.
This is the year where our morning takes over from the past evenings of our lives. The years of darkness have been overthrown.
Remember to invite God to your beginning, so he can speak the word that brings about your joy.

Here's to a new beginning people. Say bye bye to the old and welcome the new. All will be well with us this year because Jesus reigns.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
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