who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Monday, May 30, 2011

The bandaid effect

Its easier to cover things up. Every little cut, every little hurt. Just put a band aid on it and move on. It gets so addictive that you get bitten by a mad dog and oh well, you just place a band aid over it, till you get rabbis and die, right after you get mad. Some wounds need to be treated,cleaned and stitched,before firmly covering it up to heal. With a nice injection or two to aid in recovery :)

           "What you confront you conquer, not what you avoid" King Odumu
Rather than face situations, we cover it up, without treating it, and so it gets infected under the glossy band-aid and gets worse than it should have been. Have you ever tried ripping a band-aid off an untreated wound? A wound that’s just been covered without proper cleaning? its painful and it looks much worse than it was before you decided you were so smart by heading straight for the first aid kit and bringing out your favorite Simpsons character band to conceal it.
Stockdale Paradox: You must maintain unwavering faith that you can & will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, AND at the same time have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Living in denial just doesn't werk. For everyday you try run from some situations, choosing not to deal with it because you can't stand the sting of cleaning it up with iordines, for every moment you silently hurt by trying to ignore it with the cover up of shopping, spas, reading or cooking, for everytime you look the other way, it just grows and gets more complicated than it should be. It's time to stop running away from our fears, from the ugliness that shows up, its better to deal with it and move on. Saves a lot of strength and keeps your heart light with not having to haul such baggage everywhere you go.

"How dangerous it is to go through life with all of that emotional junk just piling up inside of us, to be clean on the outside yet a mess on the inside. Have you taken some time to clean out your trunk? Have you taken the time to clear your head, your thoughts and unburden your soul? Sometimes, you never know how burdened you are until you lighten your load."
Td jakes

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The federal Repubic...

I left lagos a few days ago. Officially, I came down for the inauguration, in truth I'm just here to be with mom and family and yeah, maybe the inuaguration. You wouldn't see me on the field, I'll be more interested in the inauguration of the buffet table at home.

I remember watching excitedly as power was handed over to Obasanjo in '99, it was a new era for Nigerians. Democracy at last.
My school was one of the select few chosen to participate in the hand over parade, and how proud we were. A part of history. We went to eagles square every weekday for two weeks to rehearse. Even though I wasn't part of the matching crew, I somehow wiggled my name into the list. I was ecstatic, anything to avoid Mr Rudolphs math class. He wasn't pleased with me or the school for letting me go, he always had something to say about it when he saw me.

I wasn't so excited about the shift in power, but the fact that I could see Prince charles, Jesse Jackson,Mandela and all those heads of states up close. I wasn't old enough to start thinking government policies and what not.
A couple of us had our names scratched on some of the chairs in eagles square... It was the first time the square would be used. We wanted our 'legacy' to live on there. Wonder if its still there.
I remember grinning in excitement and taking pictures when Abdusalam and Baba inspected the parade, it was so cool... Its been years since then and I'm still not so sure about anything.

Was the military better? NO. It was horrible, I have friends who's fathers were victims of rights violations.
But i got a chance to experience it first hand, and today's dispensation has a lot to learn from the discipline milads brought to their states. Yes there was corruption, but it was so subtle you'd ignore it(in states that is, not the heads of states). You'd hardly find a lazy commissioner working for his selfish interest, the best men were sort out for the job. Today?

The first ladies(milad wives) were humble hard working ladies, with projects that actually impacted the lives of the rural dwellers.
Now first ladies(of states) are greedy lots, more interested in looking down on their deputies, and fighting them for dressing good, consumed with their greed and insecurities. Trying to prove they've got more power.
Faux programmes for widows and orphans, funds for 'pet projects' taken and used for luxury trips and diamonds and offshore accounts.

The military wives were more endearing,more disciplined, not carried away with cheap sense of insecurity. They got down and dirty when it came to rural projects... We had infrastructures that stood and were functional. Hospitals, day care centers, vocational centers, female empowerment etc. The FSP by Mrs Abacha and the Better life programme by Mariam touched lives even though their husbands were terrors.

So far so good, I think the Dame is an improvement from the other civilian first ladies, and Johnny is trying his best too. I know a lot of negative things has been said about the infamous lunch with the youths. But that's a first from a seating president. We know its not a campaign strategy as he's gotten the votes already. Let's give him a break and give him a chance, hopefully he'll be worth it.

O well, I'm off to take my oath of office with the buffet table."I FQ, do solemnly swear, to uphold the constitution of the federal republic of my stomach... To sample everything laid out on the table to the best of my ability. So help me pounded yam"
Happy democracy day!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Friday, May 27, 2011


I’m not a dumb child, no I never was. Maybe sometimes I gave my dad reasons to doubt with my dumb questions, but thankfully he thought I was just a witty child. My granddaddy called me fq the clever, he was a wise old man, he looked beyond my ‘moments’ and called a spade a spade even when it looked like a stick. He called me clever.
Having said this to vindicate myself and clear the doubts, I’m not, was not and never will be.
But mathematics loves to put me in a tight corner sometimes. I wouldn’t tell you what my scores were or how I survived uni having to do a little bit of statistics, or how I even survived secondary school waec and jamb.
this is probably something i might have been capable of
I got home one cold winter night to find my sister and my niece struggling with her homework, a division equation. They had solved all but this particular equation, they got an answer with the calculator that was completely different from what they had, they almost doubted the credibility of the calculator.
My niece eagerly called for my help when I walked in … now don’t go pointing dumb fingers at me, remember it was a very cold night, I had just come home after a long train ride, and it drizzled on me while I waited for a cab to pick me at a corner to bring me home, and it seemed I had forgotten my phone in the cab. So my brain, my very clever brain was numb with cold. I looked at that equation and had no idea, I was clueless as to how to work the division formula, talk less of solving that question.
None of the two sisters around could solve the equation, we were contemplating sending a mail to my brother to have a go at it, …. I was getting quite scared, I know how my nieces brains work, next thing they start asking questions or joking about my dumbo brain.
My mum watched her children quietly as we shamed her, can’t imagine what she was thinking. All the money she spent on our education. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she asked us as calmly as she could to give her the worksheet. I rolled my eyes in my head thinking "please lady, don’t join us in this pile of shame for your grandchildren, lets have some dignity left in their presence."
Less than five minutes later, mum gives us the paper, we look up the answer in the calculator and the woman had solved it to the last decimal point. Every step clearly written out. Shame on us.
Never underestimate the intelligence of a grandma. Even when it comes to mathematics.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


Things aren’t always what they seem to be.
I remember once in secondary school, there was a bazaar in one of the parishes in Abuja, and as usual we were a dozen or more girls including Muslims, lying that we were members of that parish just to get our names on the list of those going out that Sunday.
Bazaars represented good food, cold drinks and freedom from the four walls of the school. Some actually got to see their parents and the school let it, because from these outings generous parents donated cows, rice et co to the school. More reason why they didn’t want to deny genuine parishioners the privilege of attending.
We were in front of the sisters convent pleading our case with the sister in charge of that Sundays' outing. She was a stubborn one, a hard one to crack and a wise one at that, she knew 80% of us were lying. It was getting embarrassing for me (I wasn't raised to beg). I knew I had to be out of school that day or I’d have a claustrophobic reaction. So while others kept pleading, I decided to go ahead and get ready, one way or the other I’d get on the bus, name on list or not… and as I walked away to prepare,  the sister noticed and called me back.
She was impressed. She told the rest of the girls that my name would be on the list just because I obeyed and walked away when she said NO. I was her life size example of obedience. And so my name got on the list legally and I had a good time out.
I was a Dundee when it came to math in school, and I dreaded math lessons with Mr. Rudolph. I found a way of hiding out in the library reading books during lessons.
One day, he gave us an equation to solve in class, I think we were working on sets and we were asked to interpret a certain set he drew on the board. I had no clue of what he spoke, he must have been speaking French or I must have drifted to France with Casanova when he taught. So I just drew an empty set and relaxed. Not knowing what to put in it, and not killing myself about it, i had a headache already. What’s the worst that could happen? He’d Probably embarrass me in front of the class, but they were all my friends, so I really didn’t mind. It was a price i was willing to pay.
 And so he came to my desk and looked over my shoulder… my hearts beating fast, I’m waiting for the jest and scolding as he looks at my work. But what I hear shocks me “clap for her, she’s the only one who got it right, come and have a look at what she’s done". My work was the reference point for the rest of the class.
I’m seating stunned… like WOW, seriously? I’m actually feeling proud… for English and literature I was the queen or the teachers lil princess, but never commended for math. And I remember my closest friend in class smiling at me, she was as shocked as I was and asked how I did it. No idea. I just left the set empty because I didn’t know what to put in it, and apparently the answer to the question was an empty set.
SHE: I'm eagerly waiting for him to come around thinking, BFF, maybe we'll go to the saloon together, get some pedicure, oh he tells such good stories... maybe we'll stop at the tailors, see what he thinks about my new dress, probably see a movie, and do some shopping while we're at it... huh, i might just cook for him today, see what he thinks about my latest attempt. At least through that i'll get to fine tune my cooking for #dearfuturehusband

HE: My goodness, look at the way she smiles at me, and we even spend the day together like a real couple, shes such a wife material, i think i love her. I think she's in love with me,  she expects me to propose, i should propose soon. I mean she tells me everything....
This brings me to something I wrote a while back.
Gullible girl: "awww, he stooped to conquer, how sweet"
He: "I stooped to conquer? No darling, i stooped quite alright, but twas to take a shit"
And that's life for you. You'll get played if you don't wisen up:)

How many times have we perceived things wrongly? Sometimes they might work in our favor, other times not.

Things aren't always what they seem to be.

"Be wise as serpents—and harmless as doves." Matthew 10:16


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Slowly slowly catchee monkey

The nice guys FINISH! The other guys are just going really fast in the wrong direction.
Tony Gaskin
The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong. Ecclesiastes1:11

In Life's race, getting there first doesn't mean you've won or you're the best.


Don’t rush it because others seem to be getting there faster; take your time, easy does it. You only sell yourself short when you rush yourself through life and make more mistakes while you're at it.
We’re pressured to be a lot of things because our mates are those things and more. We have mini heart attacks every other day because our juniors just over took us on the high way of life and our best friends are rushing right after.
Slow and steady wins the race, with loads of extra years to enjoy the prize. Ask Mrs Camel and Mr Tortoise. They outlive the fast and the furious of the animal kingdom. You don't see a lion or hare outliving Mr Tortoise, either they die of old age, or are shot as game.
Life isn’t always about speed,how fast you can be a 'big man'. There is an urgency yes, but then you’ve got to move with precision. I’m not saying we shouldn’t bother or aim to be better, I’m saying we shouldn’t measure our journey and success by the speed and mileage of those around us. When we start doing that, we loose the purpose and are just zombies like everyone else. No one is made the same; no ones destiny follows the same path. But all in all, God has a perfect plan and purpose for you. Take a deep breath and a sip of water, wipe the sweat and keep on keeping on like the tortoise. You’ll surely get there and live to enjoy it.

Going through the due process in life is frustrating. Especially when we live in a world that not so discreetly embraces shortcuts and cutting corners, sleeping your way to the top, sleeping your way to the first class trips and range rovers, sleeping your way to the diamonds on your neck and sleeping your way to be the envy of your friends. Scheming innocent people of their money to build mansions and buy cars and own yachts, using rituals to gain power. There’s really no peace in getting there the quick way. You’re living a lie, not just to those around you but to yourself. It'll help if you can have backbones like the tortoise and the camel, so when the pressure to conform, and the taunting for being seemingly slow rains down, they just bounce off the hunch on your back
We get built up in the climb. The more we walk, the more we sweat, shedding off attitudes we would not need when we eventually get there. Meaning we learn not to sweat the small stuff. Have you noticed how some extremely rich people are so simple and humble? They don’t have ten cars with number plates saying ‘badt guy 1’ all the way to 'baddest guy 10'. When we let ourselves escape some of the routes God has laid out for us, we’re not as strong as we ought to be, because we missed some of the lessons meant to help us when we get there.

Taking short cuts will get you cut short! Stay the course and Success is yours! Tony Gaskin
As the saying goes, slowly slowly catchee monkey.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sick Note.

I shouldn't be exposing myself here. but warrahell. If y'all don't laugh with me, then who will?

Last time i found my head in a toilet bowl, i had mummy, my sister, my brother and my nieces around me. which made it less daunting.

And so as i found myself all alone in the bathroom months later, head over toilet bowl, feeling like my guts would come out, all i wanted was mummy, or any of my sisters to hold me up and splash water on my face, but alas, i was alone. After repeating the journey to the bathroom a number of times, i grabbed my pillow with me the next time i had to run in there,  because i knew i'd be too weak to make a return to my bed, thus i lay on the cold cold floor of the bathroom, my head balanced on my pillow, slipping in and out of oblivion as i retched all the emptiness in my belly out, that's when the hallucination started.

 I tried to pray for strength but all i could pray was  'God please let Bertie, King George VI die already so i can feel better'. Apparently his living was holding my good health at bay.(blame my ongoing study of the British monarchy for this)

Mummy wasn't coming to hold me up, and neither were my sisters, and so the emperor of china lifted me from the floor. He's such a nice man. It doesn't matter that he did it cos i was willing to sign a peace treaty with china. Anyway he lifted me and held me over the toilet and i retched again, and then he helped me get my face splashed with water and walked me to my bed, covering me up real good. I was so glad he helped me out.
And as i closed my eyes to sleep, it happened, a mosquito bit me, and another flew by my ear, even with the full blast of the ac and fan, those little imps were still operating. I was mad(i hate mosquitoes). Apparently mosquitoes are Chinese(according to my Sunday evening madness) because still hallucinating i asked the emperor to call his mosquitoes off or i wouldn't sign the peace treaty, he tried to plead his case saying they were defectors and he had no hold over them, well i was so pissed, i didn't sign the treaty.(now i feel bad, how in the world would i have expected him to do that?)

At this point, the song i'm thinking of is 'Bug a boo', from my Disney mousercise cd, (i know i shouldn't be listening to that cd at this age, its time to hand it on to my nieces, but its quite therapeutic  hearing donald duck, micky, minnie and the others sing), anyway one of my favorite songs on the cd is bug a boo.
Underneath the carpet in the dead of the night, take a peak and you will see a marvelous sight, dancing, romancing, doing the bug-a-boo, roaches and some Beatles are the boys in the band. Crickets are the singers, they’re the best in the land, dancing, romancing doing the bug a boo.
Well lets do the bug a boo, come on and shake a leg or two from the big grasshopper to the tiny teeny bumper, they know what they love to dooooooooo.... BUG A BOO
Look out everybody it’s the star of the show, lovely little molly shes a hot mosquito. dancing, shes prancing and doing the bug a boo
No one else can do a samba the way that she does, when she gets a going she can give you a buzz, dancing, romancing doing the bug a boo 
Well lets do the bug a boo, come on and shake a leg or two, from the big grass hopper to the tiny teeny bumper they know what they love to do… bug a boo.
See the crazy spider with the gleam in his eye, whats he doing dancing with the sweet little fly, he’s dancing, prancing and he’s doing that bug a boo, come on little lady…. Lets go bug a boo……. Dancing, prancing and doing that bug a boo
I handled matters on my own, declaring the emperor an enemy. In Jack Bauer style, i crashed the party myself(from the above lyrics), killed all the bugs and captured Molly, the hot mosquito. She's probably like the beyonce of bug world. And how i tortured her bit by bit till she told me the strategy mosquitoes use, in frustrating and biting me. Then i killed her. And life was better. Then i had to force myself off the bed to get some tylenol, unfortunately the emperor was not at hand to help me anymore.

That's what a fever does to you. Say no to fevers. But i got to learn that indeed i am made for greatness, of all things to hallucinate about i chose kings and emperors, i know y'all  got yourself hallucinating about saint obi in a yellow suite. I'm a star baby!!!!! and between, I'm much better now. My appetite is still playing a game of tag with me, but i don't care, at least i can comfortably wear a cropped top if i choose to. And i'm going home to mummy is a few days, hurray!!!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Shop and sensibility

I was going through my archive and I found this. I wrote it when we were trying to get used to the stock market crash and the recession was still fresh in our heads. Today, I’m so free from the shopping delusion, Well not entirely, what I mean is the ‘shopaholic delusion’ I’m now a sensible shopper :)
Living within my means. That’s the easiest thing any sensible person will do. But Sensible speaks Korean to me, thus I go "huhhh??" when it warns me off that pair of shoe. “Speak English will you? Something I can understand. Like, 'that shoe's a killer on your feet' ”.
 With the recession, it’s advisable to be frugal, meet your basic needs and learn to save, but I just can’t figure out how I can have the basic needs and leave the other wants out, cos really there’s just a thin line between a want and a need. And who says another pair of black shoes or that gorgeous red dress isn’t a basic need? It could be the one singular outfit that’ll change the course of my life; I mean I might meet ‘the one’ in that outfit. It could be my happily ever after outfit.
What happens if I don’t eat out? What happens if I don’t buy that bag or that jewelry or that new gadget? What happens if I don’t attend that event in a new dress? What happens if i don't go to the spa as often? What happens if i don't have retail therapy? Surely the world will be in chaos.
Someone’s got to understand. Don’t you just look in the shop windows or the online shops(hello bluefly.com,I love you) and know deep in your heart that the items are meant for you? The designer must have had a divine encounter, an apparition of me hovering about in that design, his spiritual muse, thus he got up and made that outfit, just for me, to make me look more beautiful, smarter and richer than I am or simply to make me look ‘fabulous’ like my nieces would say.(even though i cant afford it)
I’ve also considered that if I don’t buy, who will? It doesn’t matter that I don’t need another cocktail dress, but who knows? I’ve got lots of ‘you never know’ outfits in my wardrobe, those days when I defiled the taste of sensible to buy outfits that don’t make sense at the moment(tiffany amber, i break your spell)…but you never know. You might need that Elvis costume at some point in your life.
It is my duty as a citizen of the world to contribute to the world economy. That extra dollar I pay might be all a shop needs to keep it in business. I may be insensible to my senses but I might have saved a life with my days purchase.
But sometimes I get bitten so hard by the red on my bank statement that I rush to the dictionary of life and eat up the page where ‘sensible’ appears in English, hoping it’ll be digested and ready to be brought up like bile whenever I attempt to spend foolishly. Like when bored and window shopping or when that lady calls to say she’s just back from Italy with shoes and I’ll feel bad if I don’t pick anything from her cos she’s so nice and what would she think of me if I don’t buy one or two shoes, after she drove in the horrible traffic to see me.
I yearn for that freedom, the one where i walk into any luxury store with attitude and point and buy like Imelda Marcos… probably why I tell myself I don’t like Hollywood peeps and WAGS that much…I’m just jealous that they don’t have to be sensible in the area of shopping…. why cant I be a movie star or just a star or maybe a wag? why wouldn’t some foreign footballer marry me? Why can’t I win the lottery simultaneously? at 2 weeks interval, in three different countries? America, Britain and verify the authenticity of loto Nigeria….why why why?
With a heartbeat of 250 BPM, I stare at the two thousand pounds handbag as the FADP(Finance Police Department) tactical team rushes out at me and subdues me before i can make a purchase or get myself upset for not being able to afford it. 
Oh well I’m living within my means, I didn’t say I like it but I have to, because I hate the taste of sensible bile coming to my mouth, it tastes like sushi and I’m not a fan of seafood. I’m sure someone else will help save the economy by purchasing that bag, God help me its not any friend of mine, cos when we hang out together, have an unnecessary beyond sensible dinner out and she dares hold the bag, I’ll end up been sued for manslaughter (in my head that is), I’ll run her high taste over with my imaginary Mercedes, then to make sure it’s really dead I’ll step out and walk over her with that brand new pair of shoes seating in my wardrobe waiting to be worn, cos it was purchased in a ‘you never know’ moment. At least the shoe will get its hour of fame when it’s used as an exhibit in court.
photo source:trendsupdates.com

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Random Small Chops

I was going through my old posts and had a great time laughing at the comments. You know, like looking through an old album and reminiscing about the old days. We had our backs and we were dedicated readers, it's funny how you feel so close to people you've never seen. Even when we didn't have the luxury of follow buttons, we had to guess or have sensors to spot updates, and there was this raw joy at being first. I miss Naapali, Queen of my Castle(she has a book out now...yayy), Atutupoyoyo, Kimpossible, sasuke, fineboy, afrobabe, pink satin, black jamesbond, ozaveshe, james tubman, unnaked, carlang(writes for 234next now), dairy of a g, callywaffy(floated a striving PR company), ejura, princessa, bighead, yarmama, jinta....i wonder where most of them are now?

Nigerian men!!!! Its not fair how naija guys walk up to girls and say ‘I just saw you and I knew we were meant to be together’ or they call you up one day and tell you ‘I had a dream and God showed me you're my wife’. Well I dream too, and i turn on my TV and see fine fine boys, but you don’t see me chasing Prince Williams to marry me, even if something in my heart flutters and thinks we're meant to be together forever. What will the world be like if we're allowed to chase anyone we dream of or fancy? The fact that you dreamed it, doesn't mean some force is working to get you and i together. Smell the coffee.

I watched the court clip of Strauss-Khann. I kept looking at his face trying to figure out what he was thinking, trying to read his expression. The shame of it. He really put his foot in it this time. What is it with men, power and scandals?
I don’t get it…why would you upload a picture of you on facebook and caption it ‘cutie’, 'finest', 'hot' ? I understand you need to love yourself, and boost your confidence. I look in the mirror sometimes and I can't help smiling and hailing me for looking that good on a particular day. But uploading a picture that isn’t that great and saying all that is just a no no.
Why do I always find my voice and the words I want to say after hanging up the phone? Its not fair, you plan on what to say and when you get to the talking point, you’re a blabbing fool. Then you stare in the mirror and start saying everything as it is, with attitude…only thing is you’ve hung up the phone and missed your chance so it doesn't matter..
Today, you're more likely to be accepted for being gay than being a Christian.
You eventually hate the thing you fear. So if you’re going about with a chip on your shoulder that your wife, your kids, your help or your sister fears you… think twice and make things right, let them respect not fear you, cos indeed we eventually hate what we fear. You don't want that.
My mirror lies to me,he's a cheat. Everyday I look him in the eyes and ask "who's the prettiest of all?". I get the answer I want, "thou of queen art the fairest of them all". But I realize he says that to all the others, he looks them in the eye and tells them the same thing. I know because i see the way they smile when they look at him. Such a player.
Why do people die? The people we love, people we need. Why is there loneliness in the midst of a crowd? Why cant we understand the meaning of life? why should there be wrong in the midst of right? Why should the wrong one love you right? Why do we always realize our wrong just after the mistake? When you throw questions at life, life throws its balls of uncertainty back at you, leaving you more confused than you were. Some questions aren't meant to be asked.
There's a thin line between a lot of things. Between love and hate, greed and ambition, friendly and flirty, jokes and stepping on toes, Discipline and being wicked, self love and vanity. Be wise and know where to draw the line.
Sometimes its good to vent, let the steam out or you'll just implode and die of a heartbreak, killing others with you because they'll die of a heart attack because you died, and then there'll be a chain of deaths tied to your death, and then the world will be one empty and lonely place with just a few people left for me to talk to, and we don't want that.
Power can get heady. Sometimes you can't blame the politicians for the way they loot and steal(i'm not saying it's right) Imagine having to eat akara and pap for breakfast for the most part of your life, then suddenly your menu is changed to Kelloggs, bacon and sausages. There's a tendency that he'll have an overdose of it till his belly runs him to the ground. That's why you see him buying ten cars at a go. What do you expect?
That's all folks. 

Monday, May 9, 2011

Barren, Broken and Blessed.

Sometimes we find ourselves in barren situations. Not necessarily when a child has not been born, but in the area of accomplishing goals. Becoming something for ourselves, wanting to be more than what we are but still stuck in the place that we are, because we just can't seem to get it right, to conceive that dream or the means to facilitate it.  
Barrenness is portrayed as an image of destruction, rejection, shame, despair and a joy killer in the bible.
But have you noticed that the barren women in the bible were the ones who bore children that became blessings to the nations when their wombs were eventually opened? Mighty prophets. People God used to show his glory. Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Samson, Samuel and John the baptist were sons of Sarah(Gen 21), Rebekah(Gen 25), Rachel(Gen 30), Manoah's unnamed wife(Judges 13), Hannah(1 Samuel 1) and Elizabeth(Luke1). All six women had something in common, they and their husbands were devout and they cried out to God.

Our afflictions are what births our blessings; our biggest mess turns out to be our biggest and best message we have. For when we eventually birth our dreams, after the long frustrating months/years of brokenness and being unproductive, the outcome isn’t just a blessing for ourselves but to the world around us. 
So be of good cheer buddy. I've learned that the area of  life that seems barren, that keeps us up at night, that makes us break out in sweat and keeps our spirits low, that thing that gets people pointing and talking… at the right time, as long as we keep trusting, the heavens will open our wombs, and we’ll birth success in that area, and it will be not just a blessing to us but to all those around us. 
And people will be shocked "isn't that M? the barren woman? S the failure? R the Mr. Can't get it right?" Well you got it right and you're writing the cheques while they stand wondering. Sometimes we're broken to make us whole again, blessings are held back to teach us to trust.
 "Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.
   Fill the air with song, you who've never experienced childbirth!
You're ending up with far more children
   than all those childbearing women." God says so!
"Clear lots of ground for your tents!
   Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope,
   drive the tent pegs deep.
You're going to need lots of elbow room
   for your growing family.
You're going to take over whole nations;
   you're going to resettle abandoned cities.
Don't be afraid—you're not going to be embarrassed.
   Don't hold back—you're not going to come up short...." Isaiah 54:1-3(the msg)
'Your Redeemer God says:   "I left you, but only for a moment.
   Now, with enormous compassion, I'm bringing you back.
In an outburst of anger I turned my back on you—
   but only for a moment.
It's with lasting love
   that I'm tenderly caring for you." Isaiah 54:7-8(the msg)

Maybe you've had that dream forever, and it feels like it'll never be anything more than a dream. Just keep crying out to God who is fruitful and keep trusting him, and the right seed will be planted in you, to develop that dream and birth it at the right time. It really doesn't matter how old you are, Sarah and Elizabeth were old when their day came, but it came eventually and their fruits fulfilled the purpose to which the were birthed.
"....My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God’s grace for you. Stand firm in this grace" 1peter 5:12
 photo source:restlessmoods.blogspot.com

Friday, May 6, 2011

Junks in my Leather Trunk.

I haven’t done a bag post in two years? So I'm doing one to unwind.
While waiting for a friend to pick me up for an event, I decided to send the time soaring and keep my 'pissed off' attitude in check by taking pictures of my bag.
I hate waiting, and i hate being late. So I'm always ready and more often than not always waiting for a few extra minutes to an hour. When you say 1.30pm, I'm ready at 1pm. I hate it when people say "i was trying to give you time to get ready, you know how you girls are" Whatever!!!!
I love my 'Marc b' bag, I think the brand is fab, a classy bag on a budget. I’ve copped three bags over time from the brand, and I enjoy using them. They might not be chanels but the channel me good (whatever that means.) I can't stand when ladies carry fake designer bags, especially when there are loads of affordable and quality lovely brands out there. Why buy a fake chanel when you can carry an original 'marc b'?
the junks in my trunk.
I’ve got a novel, the kings speech, a notebook, for random scribbling and an Ipod nano (I'm almost always prepared to arrest boredom before it mobs me)
An inhaler. I make a conscious effort not to forget it. I'm tired of buying one almost every time I'm out, cos one moment I'm having a laugh and next i feel like i need a puff only to realize I've left it lounging somewhere at home.Thanks to my forgetfulness, i breed a pack of Ventolin at home (good thing we don't need prescription sheets in Nigeria)
Mac powder and Mac lipstick in Russian red. (I love love love this lipstick)
Pocket Tissue/Dove hand cream
Two Phones.
Cuticle trimmer
Two pens
My Wallet with the basics.(expired drivers license, 2 atm cards, expired GT master card,passport photos and some family photos, a little cash)
Dior J'adore miniature perfume
Yellow chili takeaway menu(sometimes I read through the menu when hungry, hoping to order something but I get full by just going through the list :))
My invite for the event
My reading glasses which I hardly ever use.
yes they all fit in with more space left. I love the gold heart, a 'marc b' trademark

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Big Brother's Biggest Brother.

The big brother madness is here again, captivating the audience all over. I lost my interest in biggie a couple of years ago, I wrote about it here cos I was put off. I think it’s pointless and bla bla bla bla.
I sat down waiting to watch tinsel on Mnet some days ago, i was ten minutes early and the big brother daily highlight show was on. So I watched for the 10 minutes, my first time of seeing the housemates and stuff. I would love to see a picture of my facial expressions all through those minutes. I don’t want to start with all things wrong, I don’t want to even spend time talking about this house. So I’ll spare you my rants and talk about another house.
We all are in a big brother house ourselves. We live in a much bigger house, with a more diverse set of housemates, people from every nation and tribe living in the same space. Everyday people are evicted and everyday new housemates are brought in. We're Living on budgets, given interesting and challenging tasks, rewarded for completing the tasks and we have the Biggest of all brothers with the biggest eye ever watching.
There are cameras in ever nook and cranny, there’s no hiding in this house, Shower hour, loo time… the biggest brother does not miss a thing, our every thought, every whispered conversations, every eye contact and body language has microphones fixed on them, and they are broadcast loud and clear to him who sees all. There's also the daily dairy room, the moments when we take time out to have a chat with the biggest bro, most times some of the housemates disregard this rule, but it's their loss in the end.
And we get evicted too. At the eviction show, we see highlights of our life played out for us, and the shock of it all. Things we forgot we ever did, there it is on some large screen playing in 3D, we’re embarrassed about some, pleased with some, but all in all we see what we could have done right and its too late, we cant go back in to change it.( Well sometimes there’s a twist to the show, we've heard about some people who were given another chance in the house after being evicted. Biggest brother’s grace is boundless.)
The best thing about this house is that, as long as you’re good, and play by the rules of the book and remain true to the biggest brother, you’re a winner. Even if you get evicted before the last day of the show, you’re entitled to the prize money, an eternal life of glory, joy, peace, mansions and streets made of gold, a world without sorrow.
God is watching us, every single detail of our life he knows, he knows our thoughts, he knows every worry, he knows everything, we might pretend to the world, our fellow housemates, but we’re not fooling the Big G. 
In your hiding places he’s watching you, the biggest brother is watching, always watching, always, and he's so merciful that he gives us chance after chance even when we’re up for eviction. But how long will that second chance lurk? Lets be careful and avoid being evicted prematurely, before we perform the unique tasks set before us. And remember "Biggest Brother is watching"

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Dark Delusion...

“Under the cover of darkness, people do things they never do under the harsh glare of day. Decisions feel wiser. People feel older. But, when the sun rises, you have to take responsibility for what you did in the dark. And face yourself under the cold harsh light of day.” Meredith Grey

There’s something about the dark that gives you a sense of security, the false sense of being invisible, immune to hurt, to judgment, to failure, to everything. You’re defiant to limitations, to your values. At that moment; it doesn’t matter, because its nighttime and you feel free to do what you please. Then its morning and you go O_o because reality has hit you so hard with its light… you're left with a hangover as you realize what the situation really is.
The dark is deceptive, it gives you cover, it coaxes you, it makes you feel you’re safe because you’re invisible and no one knows, and then it stands back and smiles as you fall into it as trusting as a child, and then it leaves you, just like that, exposing your failures, your weakness, your shame…
“we can easily forgive  child who is afraid of the dark: the tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light” Plato. 
I’d rather embrace light and things as they are, than hide under the falseness and mirage of the dark. I’ve realized people choose to stay in darkness even after it dawns on them that they’ve been deceived, because they’re scared of the light and what it’ll bring with it, it’s illumination of all their weak sides and failures, so the deceit continues.
It's time to realize that we have a higher power that can overcome the power of darkness, we've already been equipped to overcome it, no matter how impossible it seems, we can walk away from its endearing call and stand up to it. Be wise in the decisions you make when its dark, so you’re not left naked and ashamed when the light comes. You definitely don't want to be caught lurking in the dark when the light of the world comes in all his glory.

I love Mariann's take on darkness and i decided to share....
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson, Return to Love

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Jack bauer still got it

"Jack Bauer went off the air last May. Osama Bin Laden turns up dead a year later. I'm just sayin' "- Joey via twitter
from the @funnyhumor team
I love how twitter has gone Bauer crazy following the death of Osama Bin Laden.
Hollywood and its delusions are welcome staples in our daily lives.
The jokes, the laughs and the delusions do well in easing tensed situations.
There's so much to think about after this victory against terrorism. What next? What do they have in mind? is this enough to break their will?

Of course it had to be the 24 hero Jack. I went Bauer crazy once, but i started getting put off with the way he had a solution to everything and never died. The man was just so unreal. But i guess that's what we need when it comes to complicated and high risk operations like this.

Some of my favorite tweets...

"the stories about the small team of US soldiers killing Osama Bin Laden are all lies... We all know it was Jack Bauer,  on his own, with a pen"

"so now we all know what Jack Bauer's been up to since the end of 24"

"Took so long to find bin laden, should've just got Jack Bauer, he would've have done it in 24hrs and got gadafi while he was at it!"

"it took Jack 24 hours to complete the operation".

@ErnestoRiley "okay so the rock was the other guy in the special forces team. Jack Bauer, Jason Bourne; Chuck Norris were also on said team."

"Many say that the elite team was composed of Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris... I would have to agree!"
"Yo S/O to my niggaz Jack Bauer, Snake Eyes, Captain America, n Chuck Norris for killing Osama Bin Laden. #RealAmericanHeroes"

"Just got word that Jack Bauer lead the seal team that stormed the bin laden compound and Jack took the shot that put Osama down"

@gaurav_kolarkarsee  "watch the 4th season u'll know that Operation laden wasnt original. Jack Bauer already did same sort of task in chinese embassy"

@wemzlaw: "Let us all thank the one person who no doubt was behind the killing of osama bin laden.....Thank you Jack Bauer!!!"

@fussymadam "dont you just wish Jack Bauer had got him and the whole thing had been broadcast by Fox in nail biting episode format. #admitit"

"wow!big ups 2 the U.S guess jack bauer finally got 2 osama."

Ha ha, i'd be scared if i was Jack( Kiefer Sutherland) just incase there's a reprisal attack being planned. "revenge of the ninja" style. Oh well Jack knows all and sees all, no worries there, just be sure to keep  Kim in a safe house...

Monday, May 2, 2011

Nana: The bella of the Lagoon

I’ve always wanted to take a picture of Nana, but unfortunately whenever I'm in close proximity i'm either without my camera or it's inappropriate because of the people I'm with.

And so as we lounged in Protea hotel waiting eagerly to watch the Lagos state water regatta, I got my long awaited opportunity to take Nana a few shots.

She's the £12 million luxury yacht owned by Nigerian business man Mr. Otedola, named after his wife. Nana lives a life of luxury, just floating and drifting idly on the waters, i hear she's too big to sail freely on the lagoon, too bad. And so she just slow dances with the water and taunts the boats parked adjacent to her in the Lagos boat club, they can’t be compared to her, she shows them who’s boss.

The Lagos state regatta wasn’t as exciting as I imagined. I expected much more. Thus i wasn't shutter crazy with my camera... a few of the shots i managed to take from the terrace of protea hotel. 


Maybe it was a little more interesting than i let on. With the music and all. I was just a little tired coming from church and all. But my camera just kept drifting back to Nana...

PS: Protea on Awolowo road has the best barbecue buffet ever. You should try it one Sunday evening. Mad!!!

A-Z Reflections.

I took up this challenge on a whim, I didn't know about A-Z till a few hours before it started, and I found myself signing up, not knowing how I was going to do it, but just doing it anyway.

It’s amazing how easy it is to give up, with most of the alphabets representing words i could have used as my final posts, my 'i give up' posts... B is for 'Bye bye', C is for 'Catch ya later, D is for 'Don’t disturb', F is for 'Farewell', G is for 'Goodbye', H is for 'Halt a cab and please get me out of this', I is for 'I’m outta here'…..and it goes on. Good thing i didn't take the easy way out. It's been a wonderful experience.

I would never have seen it through if I wasn't in love with writing. I got to get schooled on the alphabets again(singing the abcd...song to make sure i was on the right track. It's funny how you forget the simplest of things sometimes). I also got to learn that I am a disciplined little girl after all, making sure there's a post scheduled for the next day before melting into the night. I would spend some time before bed time(meaning between 12am-3am) writing a post for the next day. Wisdom definitely comes from God, i would type in the alphabet completely clueless on what to write about, and the next thing i know, I'm typing in letters that add up and end up making sense, well it sort of, kind of makes sense... i hope it does:)

I’m not sure how many fellow A-Zers I got to visit. I’m generally not a talker(some wouldn’t agree with me) and I guess I’m that way here too, I find myself reading beautiful posts and leaving without dropping comments. I forget that unlike in the real world where I am seen when i sit quite in gatherings just observing, no one sees me when I visit a page and seat reading and trying to understand the writer in the virtual world, and so no one knows I've been there. I did visit your blogs, not close to half of the links though, it's an overwhelming number. It'll take a full time job to do that.

It’s been a wonderful experience,everyone should be proud of being a part of this, even if you didn't see it through to the end. The fact we started at all is commendable.

I wouldn’t say I’m not glad its over, although a part of me already misses it much.Who knows i might take up a personal challenge of a post a day week.
A special shout out to the hosts at Tossing it out Well-done!!!.

You can check out reflections from the fellows from the links below.

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