who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Seeing Yourself Right ...


“Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.” Unkown.

I gained weight when I was 12/13 years old. I wasn’t really bothered about it. Well, that’s till I started getting bothered. My chief bridesmaids dress for my sister’s wedding was a size 16. I was worried, and I was too lazy to keep up with working out or dieting. So I stopped bothering about the weight and let it be, then I lost it without knowing how or when.

I grew up and the baby fat walked away. It wasn’t a reward for hours at the gym or a perfect diet plan… my genes just happened to waltz in when it was time and there I was, suddenly having to wear smaller sized clothes. I got myself a pair of jeans in a size 10, it didn’t fit perfectly, but I took it, because I couldn’t imagine using a smaller size, I mean I couldn’t be that small. A few days later my brother gave me a pair of jeans for Christmas, it was a size 8… I whined and kind of sulked in my head and told him he would have to exchange it for a 10…  then I tried it on, and it fit perfectly. He was right about my size, I was wrong.

I desperately wanted the ardyss body magic. In my eyes, my tummy looked like there was a baby in there and some. The lady exhibiting told me i didn't need one, then she recommended the perfect product for my friend(who i thought had great abs), she said i looked just right without it. I just couldn't understand why she would say that, didn't she notice the bulge under my dress? Didn't she notice it was bigger than my friends'? ( I eventually got from someone else, i realized too late that i didn't need it, it was a waste of money.)
I look in the mirror and see a vision different from what people see. And this is years after I lost the weight... you would think I’m a 100% used to it.

Looking in the mirror, I don’t see that I am small. I just see me… and me is me, no different from what I was. Well, yeah, so I know I’m not the chubby lady I was anymore, but I certainly don’t see myself as small as people say I am. I assumed I was the same size as a friend of mine, until we went shopping and she picked up size 14 outfits. We choose how we want to see ourselves. And most times our vision of self in the mirror is so wrong; it doesn’t even come close to being right.
The way you see yourself is up to you. It doesn’t have anything to do with the circumstances you happen to be facing. See yourself as the unique, beautiful, creative and effective person you know you are. See yourself as a bundle of positive, inspiring and meaningful possibilities that are well on their way to being fulfilled. Ralph Marston

We choose to use the wrong lenses when it comes to viewing our spiritual selves. We look in the mirror and see ourselves, as we were when we were rebellious against God. We see ourselves through the eyes of condemnation and see the filth of our past, focusing on the ugliness of who we were, that we fail to see that grace waltzed in and the weight walked away, we're looking better and well toned with God’s grace. We fail to see ourselves the way God sees us.

This song says,  “help me to see me, the way that you see me, sometimes I see pain Lord when you see victory, I see where I am Lord, You see where I shall be. Open my eyes, help me believe, I am what you see. You see me victorious, you see me faithful, you see me believing that you are able, you see me rejoicing that I have survived. Open my eyes, help me believe, I am what you see.“



Once we put on the garment of salvation, condemnation flees. Because the blood of Jesus has cleansed us and made us whole “And since we have a great High Priest who rules over God’s people, let us go right into the presence of God, with true hearts fully trusting him. For our evil consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water. Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.” Hebrews 10:21-23

In salvation, we have an abundance of goodness, and the truth of God's love takes over our being. We’ve been so blinded by our past, thus the goodness of the present and future is blurred when we look in the mirror. It’s time to see the truth of who you are in Christ with the lenses of God. You are special; you are the righteousness of God in Christ; you are the redeemed of the Lord; you are fearfully and wonderfully made; you are loved by God; you are royalty, a prince/princess of the kingdom; you are blessed beyond every curse; you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength; you have good success; nations will serve you and call you blessed; you are fruitful; you are prosperous; you are healed... and so much more promises in the bible for you, if only you choose to see.

What God says about you in His word is more important than what any person says. –Joyce

You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins. He canceled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ’s cross. In this way, God disarmed the evil rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross of Christ. Colossians 2:13-15

Lord help me to see me, the way that You see me...

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Stay Beautiful...

I was on my way to the factory and just around the corner was an empty plot of land. The industrial layout is a water logged area, thus the empty land had become a pond (for lack of a proper word to describe it) due to the regular heavy rains… the water is disgusting and unpleasant to look at, it is all murky and I can just imagine the snakes and all things slimy in it.
In all that, I saw something that left me in awe… Out of the ugliness and disgusting nature of it, I noticed beautiful white flowers emerged from the waters, spread out sparingly across the flooded land. From all that dirt, something beautiful and so white could come out. Beauty chose to stand out, pure and graceful in the midst of ugly. Giving me a reason to stop and stare.

When you’re in the murky waters, you’ll have disdain for what seems different from the norm. If you choose to be beautiful in a world where ugly is the cool factor, you’ll be left out and made to feel unwelcome, you will be pushed to mar your face just to blend in and be loved. Because when all around is ugly, beauty is a sore sight to the eyes.

The world has chosen a path so different from God’s way, and the ‘wise’ have gone with the flow of it all, accepting the unacceptable, reinventing the rules, and replacing right with wrong, compromising on things we feel we can’t adhere to. It doesn’t mean we’ve stopped believing in God. No, we’re more God crazy than ever, it’s just that this time, we make the rules and we want Him to conform to our standard.
When you refuse to think in this new world order, you stick out like a sore thumb. The beauty of your decision to stand true to the ways of the ‘Ancient of days’(the same yesterday, today and forever), makes you the ugly one in the world, not because they don’t know it’s the truth, but because they know how right you are and are mad at you for not being a part of the facade, because this thing you choose to do feels impossible. Maybe if everyone would just ignore the old way, God will be pressured to go our way.
                   
The beauty that stands out is hated. But relax, It doesn’t matter what those around you think, you may not see the rationality in your stance… but choose to remain beautiful. Because like this picture, when God looks down at a world that has been wrecked with the ugliness of disdain for Him, He sees your beauty standing out, and the sight of you, like that beautiful flower in the picture is a salve to the pain the decay He sees causes Him.

Stand for what is true. Keep holding on. Your friends may hate you for your faith and call you names in playful (and not so playful) jabs but don’t compromise on your faith to blend in(remember you were born to stand out).
Don’t be all holy in church and a freak in the streets, just because you’re desperate for acceptance… don’t have street cred with homies and holy swag with the pastors.
When you’re all about Him and all about them… your petals begin to fall off with each compromise, and it’s only a matter of time before all your petals are off and you’re just a stalk of nothing, waiting to fade into ugliness.
"My deep satisfaction from my commitment to Jesus is constantly challenged by other believers. They treat me like some kind of Neanderthal, definitely out of step with today's woman." Lady In Waiting.
God is saying, “Hold On”

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Keep standing out. Keep being the ‘kill joy’. Keep being too hot to be in the cold gathering of your peers. Keep being a snub to the trends and opinions that the world has laid out for you… don't grow weary.
God sees you, He loves you and in due season you will reap your harvest.
Best of all, you are beautiful in His sight, and remember just how glad He is when He sees your beauty from way up there.

'So come' by Israel & The new breed is one of my favorite songs, i think it's near perfect for this post...


you have taken the precious from the worthless
and given us beauty for ashes, love for hate
you have chosen the weak things of the world
to shame that which is strong
and the foolish things to shame the wise
you are help to the helpless
strenght to the stranger
and a father to the child thats left alone
you invited the thirsty to come to the water
and those who have no money come and buy

so come
come, so come

behold the days are coming
for the lord has promised
when the plowman will over take the reaper
and our hearts will be the threshing floor
and the move of God we cried out for will come
surely come, oh God
and you will shake the heavens and fill your house with glory
turn the shame of the outcast into praise
now all creation groans and waits 
for the spirit and the bride to say
the words that your heart has longed to hear

Monday, August 13, 2012

Waiting...


I hate waiting.

When an event is slated for 8pm, I’m more often than not ready at about 7pm, and prepared to get there for 8pm or a few minutes after. It doesn’t help that when I decide to go with friends, I’m ready at 8pm, and they stroll into the bathroom at 8pm. It gets to me, it infuriates me. I adjust my makeup, sit close to the ac or fan to keep myself cool or more likely keep my temper cool … I get restless, imagining what I'm missing out on, and how rude it is to be late.
I fume on inside and wait impatiently, slightly irritated by the 'we've got all the time in world' attitude being displayed. 
source
Does it happen to you too?

Have you noticed how time seems to slow down when you wait? You check the time and it’s 8.35pm, then you pick up some magazine or something and after what seems like forever you check the time again and it’s only 8:38pm. Now you're about pulling out your hair. It's especially frustrating when in that moment, you keep refreshing twitter and no one seems to be twitting, your timeline is so boring, everything seems to have gone slow motion on you. Stretching out on the bed and forgetting the event or calling a cab to come pick you up since you're going in your friends car is almost tempting. That initial excitement of getting yourself all prettied up and finally getting into your dress has dropped to the lowest of the low, because you've been delayed from going where you've looked forward to showing up all pretty and relaxed since you got the invite.

In that moment, you begin to wonder why you didn’t suggest that they meet you there. Why did you have to choose to go with friends? At least you would have been there on time, at your own pace if you went alone, no chance of  missing out on anything. You finally pile into the car an hour thirty minutes late. You get there two hours late and surprise surprise, you didn’t miss anything. The event is just gearing up to start as you take your seats, making an entrance that gets you noticed. If you didn’t get delayed(sometimes), you'd have come on time in your own definition but have to awkwardly wait around as the organizers desperately try to put things together way past their slated time. The organizers time is almost always never the right time. That’s a fact we sometimes need to embrace.(especially when you live in Nigeria)

Sometimes we need to embrace waiting as hideous as it can be. More often than not we rush out and find out we got there at the wrong time, which was the right time on our invitation cards but obviously the wrong time in the organizers head. Thus I guess we have to be thankful for the friends that delay us in the long run, they invariably save us from a lot of embarrassing/awkward situations of being there in the midst of the chaos of the stage falling apart and needing a quick fix to the "checking mic 1, 2" sound check, to the caterer loosing her cool after a bunch of plates gets broken when she's setting up etc.

i.e Have you been given the "when are you getting married" card lately? You know that look? Like "girl, the show started at 24 and you're already 27 and still not on your way there?" Well, I'm ready, but I've got to wait for my Friend, I can't go to that event without Him, He may be taking His time, but I know it's for my good. Those of you who've read this blog for a while now would remember how i used to whine about this... then i stopped. Now I'm just thankful i didn't leave my friend and head out for the event on my own, or else I'd have been ridiculously early and more likely have turned back home to sleep with disappointment. Was there a lack of men then? No. Is there a lack now? Nope. But it's far beyond the availability of men. it's about stepping out at the right time. I have matured over the years, anything before now would have been such a mistake. 

God is our friend as much as He is our Lord and King. Be willing to invite Him to go with you every path your life takes you, as much as a friend can cause delay, life isn't worth going through alone, and this friend is one worth holding on to. We may feel like we're being slowed down by letting Him go with us, because we can't just jump into the vehicle and drive off when we're done dressing. But when has God ever failed or been wrong? 
Be thankful to Him for delaying you when you’re dressed and ready to step out. Don't curse at Him or murmur when it seems like He's taking a shower when you should be seated at the event (of your marriage, deal, career, promotion etc) already. Don't be mad at Him for making you wait, when your idea of the right time stares you in your face. Boldly written on the invitation card the society has given you is a 9pm prompt time staring at you... Don't fret. If He lets you go out when you choose too, you would get there a little too early for the show, when the venue isn’t near ready for you, and that’d be real awkward and disappointing. It kind of kills your joy and all you want to do is just go back home or if you choose to stay, you're not really noticed cos you're already seated by the time others come in. But going in His time means you get there right on time, not late and not early, just the right timing of not missing out on anything and same time getting noticed as you make your way in. (I'm sure we all want to get noticed through the works of our hands, so we really shouldn't mind waiting on Him, because going ahead on our own may get us lost at the bottom of the sea of other talents out there...)

Trust Him to be always on time. Find a fan or an ac(the word) and let it cool you and your temper, building up patience as you wait, and keeping your make-up (hope, faith) fresh for when you eventually step out.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Lol Moment Of Faith...

What foolishness has your faith pushed you to?

I got back from Calabar and lo and behold, my Macbook refused to come on. Maybe she was mad at me for not taking her on the trip with me(i always travel with my laptop, but left it this time)
I was heartbroken, i knew i had overworked the poor thing, but why and how could she just die on me. Especially when i didn't have the N240k for a new macbook.
I refused to let myself grow weary after the Miss Fix it in me yielded nothing in all my fumbling with parts.

The next afternoon, after i had whined about my laptop to a friend, i went to the room to have a look again, knowing there was nothing i could do about it. I had already made some calls to make arrangements for a new macbook with no idea how i was going to pay up. I sighted the bottle of anointing oil by my bed, and something moved me to pick it up and dab a little on my finger tips, I laughed at myself when i realized what i was going to do with the oil, in between bouts of laughter, i said 'Father, your anointing gives life, i speak life into this laptop' thats how i spoke life into my mac and touched it with the oil, thinking how foolish i was acting (X_x). I hit the power button and my screen lite up... I was in shock.

Give me a minute here, time for a praise break....
source
God uses the foolish things of the world indeed. Somethings may seem stupid, and even crazy... so crazy you even want to hide from yourself when you think about doing them, but don't let stupidity and the foolishness of certain actions stop you when you're moving in faith.
It's been two weeks and i'm still using the old macbook, still trusting for a new one as soon as possible.

God is a good God with a sense of humor and I love Him!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Deitrick Haddon and I :D

I got to see Deitrick Haddon perform live in Abuja on saturday. I'm still so super psyched about it. He's one of my favorite gospel acts. I got there really late and got to watch him do about four songs, but it was more than enough for me and i'm grateful. He doesn't just sing, he ministers to the soul and the anointing is so real. I was blessed.
Deitrick Haddon and Sammie Okposo on stage.
After the show, i got to meet a really nice lady who i later discovered to be Dr Veryl Howard, author and one of the most sort after managers and promoters in the gospel industry (Her clients include some of big names in the industry... Deitrick & Damita Haddon, Shekinah Glory Choir, Tyler Perry, Marvin Sapp, James Fortune, Dr. Ron Kenoly, Angie, Debbie & Ce Ce Winans, Kirk Franklin, Shirley Caesar, Vashawn Mitchell, Bishop TD Jakes etc) something tells me my name is going to be a part of the very long list. Let me hear an Amen!!! :)
She took a picture with me, but with her camera so can't famz with that right now. I also got to meet the one and only DJMr.Watkins(Official Deitrick Haddon Dj and has also worked with the likes of Canton Jones, Tye Tribbett, Kiera Kiki Shear etc) Got a complimentary CD of his mix.( cos i couldn't afford to buy any)


It's funny how when i was so pumped up on secular music, i only got to see few acts live : Snoop dog, Busta Ryhmes, Missy, Femi Kuti, Weird Mc, Dbanj, Tu Face, R.Kelly, the yori yori boys... 
But i've been so blessed to be under ministrations of more gospel acts in just a few years: Ron Kenoly, Don Moen, Panam Percy Paul, Chevelle Franklin, Ce Ce Winans, Phil driscoll,  Deitrick Haddon, Myles Monroe, Roof top Mcs, Jahdiel, Sammie Okposo, Judy Jacobs, Micah Stampley, Eben, Muyiwa, ... and lots more.

God makes it easier for His children to be ministered to. :)
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