who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Thursday, June 27, 2013

On Age... Nothing But Numbers...


It’s my birthday soon.
I should feel a deep wave of nostalgia right?
Like I’m getting old and I should be clinging to something from the previous years I have lived, and upset about most things I haven’t done…
Like I’m required to miss something about the previous years. Like not wanting something, some moment of youthfulness from the past makes me… weird!
I feel nothing, maybe not anymore, or maybe I have just stopped conforming to what birthdays dictate I do, asides being happy and hiding my age.

I don’t care much for birthday cakes…  It doesn’t make it less of a birthday without one, but I let myself feel sad if I’m denied one, because birthdays are meant to have cakes according to whoever gave that unpardonable law. And so I sigh in feigned sadness if there’s no cake in one year… what’s a birthday without a cake, even if it’s a cupcake… one cupcake.
I’ll be 28… you can’t imagine the relief I felt when I realized I wasn’t going to be 29 like I thought… now that’s me saying two opposite things in the space of a few words right? Shrinking from age and same time not really caring about age. I allow myself a brief second to be scared and intimidated by my new age, to feel like it’s a heavy weight, but then I shrug and live.
That question, how old are you always sounds off like age truly defines you and what you have to say or where you stand in the world.
I am truly thankful for life.
But I’m tired of letting age dictate to me what should be and what fulfillment is…
Get married before 5
Graduate at 2
Own a car at 4
Own a house and a dog at 11
I should have finished working on the little project I have going by this birthday, because it was a deadline for the last birthday and the one before… but who says that’s what the timeline is meant to be like? Who says I’m not on track and it isn’t a failure or a disappointment that I let another year catch up with it? Who says that’s not the plan, the original plan to be done at a time not defined by age, or a sense of achievement from ticking it off the list?

It doesn’t make sense, being defined by the boundary of the number of years you have lived and what you’ve managed to pack… like a souvenir from each year, like a man who travels the world with a backpack, gathering exotic meaningful and useless artifacts to display on a shelf, not for himself, because he cares less about them, but to show off to his guests, make them see him as somewhat mysterious and whatever it is the impression he wants to give.
I’m no fool.
I want to achieve things and I want to be able to enjoy these things… So I want them when I’m young and strong enough to have expensive, meaningless adventures.
But I’ve decided not to race against time and age…
I will do what I want to, I will achieve, but not because an age limit has been set for me.
I will learn as I grow, not as my age defines… I’ve never been the typical 16yr old or 25yr old. So I may really be 49, be older than my age… but who’s asking?
I wouldn’t pretend to be what I’m not because age says so… I’ll only strive to find my purpose in God and live it out…
I’ll just celebrate being and keep digging to achieve, one day at a time… not just because I’m racing against or trying to catch up with 30 or 40 or 50…
And I will appreciate a birthday cake even if I don’t care much for it… but I will not sit and be gloomy, because 28 caught up with me, and the list has more unchecked items than the ticked.

Oh, my last birthday wish list was ticked real good. I’m thankful I got what I wanted in the last year.

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Real Decoy....


I remember waiting for my uncle to pick me up from school when I was about six or seven. He was late… I was one of the few students left by the gate and he still hadn’t come, the driver was never late, but my uncle on the day he was given the responsibility was. I didn’t know what to do, I resigned myself to the fact that he had forgotten and I was on my own.

I saw a couple of students walking and I walked behind them. It was in the direction of my house. It couldn’t be that far I reasoned as I pictured the journey in my head. My little brain failed to understand that it didn’t seem far because I rode in a car, and even if it was close, I had no business walking that distance and crossing roads.
I don’t know how I did it, but I walked home. And just as I got close to my house, the weight of my afternoon walk fell heavily on me. I desperately needed ice cold water. And so I tried crossing a gutter to my neighbors’ house, which was two houses away from mine, I would stop there for water. Crossing, meant me getting into the empty gutter, to come out on the other side, I was that little.

Just as I got into the gutter, in my thirsty spell, I saw my uncle stop the car. I’m sure he was really worried about me, I don’t know what happened to make him really late, but he saved me the stress of asking the neighbor for a glass of water. You would think it’d be easier to just go straight home, endure the rest of the trip if I had come that far. The neighbor would give me water, probably not as cold as I wanted, but home a few steps away would give me comfort, cold water, a soda, food, clean clothes and my bed to sleep out my adventure. The real deal was just two blocks away, but the decoy enchanted me.

I read a tweet, can’t remember who's it was, that said “There will always be a DECOY before the REAL DEAL shows up #pray #discern” 

Sometimes in the heat of your expectations, something shows up, something you need… or more like something shows up dressed as something you need. And if you’re that desperate (which we are most times), you’ll grab at it and run, only to realize your mistake right after you’ve paused to catch your breath.

I was daydreaming of a holiday. I get that desperate sometimes, I sit and make up my mind that I want something and I sort of get consumed. Its crazy but I think about it and my heart does a double flip like, God I want this…. I know it’s a want, not a need, but hey, He is my shepherd thus I shall not want, right? So I don’t always feel guilty for wanting…. 

So you see when you get desperate, the devil dresses up your want so good and hands it to you. I got two offers for this fabulous holiday I wanted without me talking about it… to the same country from different people. Now that’s great right? It’s just got to be God. Well wrong! Because it was all wrong, men who wanted a rendezvous’ with me. See, what I wanted was handed to me without me voicing it out, but there was a clause… 
They: “Hey, lets go to so and so together” Me: “why?” They: “Just a holiday, spend time together, get to know you, shop” Yeah right, cos I come with such a low price tag. Oh, you can think of all the benefits, its something you’ve been drooling over for a while… but with that clause, that certainly wasn’t God. There is pleasure in sin but it is momentary. Soon after i turned down those offers, I got my trip handed to me on a platter of gold, from a credible source, that definitely was God!
 
For every expectation, there is a decoy, learn to discern… for the job offer, the dream man, the dream deal… learn to read the fine prints and learn to know what blessings are from God. Not everything that comes calling, as a blessing is truly a blessing. There’s that of God and there’s that of well… that.
There is pleasure in sin but it is momentary. It is sugar coated; you bite hard at the sweet, only to find such bitterness within. The world/the devil gives you all the pleasure you can ever seek for, but it is momentary, there’s always a clause attached that’ll come back to bite you in the butt or your cleavage :|
 
Moses understood this… “He chose to share the oppression of Gods people instead of enjoying the fleeting pleasures of sin. He thought it was better to suffer for the sake of Christ than to own the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to his great reward.” Hebrews 11:25-26 To be able to pass up the decoy, you’ve got to have faith that God’s got something better lined up, because it truly isn’t easy to look pleasure in the face and pass it up, hoping for something you can’t see. Faith helps you remember there is a pleasure that last forever, one that is pure as the psalmist describes and grace keeps you strong enough to wait “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” Psalm 16:11

Abraham is such a classic example. He was promised Isaac and in the wait, Sarah got him to take another route to his promise through the maid, Ishmael was his decoy… not the real deal… today Ishmael is a thorn in the sides of Abrahams children… me and you.

Do not settle, not in marriage, career, ministry, your dreams… hold on. There is grace available; for God will not let you to be tempted beyond what He’s given you. If He’s making you wait, then there is grace available to wait, and when the decoy comes, there is grace available to resist, if only you choose to.

Satan has a counterfeit for everything good that God wants to give us… Joyce Meyer.

There’s a place far away from where I am that I could be at this moment, doing things my way, grabbing at the decoy dangling before me. I am a young girl, I have people offering all sorts, I could have all the things I want… I could have so much more…. I could grab at the decoy of doing things my way and living on the temporary pleasures available, being as big as I want to be. But the truth is, no matter how slow it seems with God… there’s not a place I would be, doing it my way now, there’s not a thing I would own, that God wouldn’t have me overtake in just a few seconds if i choose to wait on Him. 
I mean, Elijah overtook and reached a destination before Ahab who started ahead of him on his chariot… “After Ahab had left, the hand of the LORD came upon Elijah, and he tucked his mantle into his belt and outran Ahab in a race to the city gate of Jezreel” 1King 18:46 Go figure!!!

They may have grabbed the decoy and gone ahead of you, but a set season is coming when the Lord will come upon you , and you will outrun the chariots of decoy the world around you has taken off on, and you'll get there right on time, with no joy lost. I chose to stop at the neighbors house to take whatever they would offer because i was tired, when home was just a few steps away. Don't make such foolish decisions, don't stop just yet, don't let the decoy enchant you... home is just a few steps ahead. Keep walking!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Music Tag... Don't You Pay Them No Mind

I did the musical tag some years ago(how time flies on blogsville) and i decided to give it a go again. So the questions are a tad tacky, but hey, it's just for fun, and since I haven't been inspired to write, this should be a nice page filler. It just shows how diverse our music collection is.
You put your music player on shuffle and click next for every question, the song that comes on is your answer...

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
What a bang bang - Omawumi ft Tuface (One of the Nigerian secular musicians I listen to... She really does make sense, clean lyrics and she sings well too. )

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? He will Carry Me - Mark Schultz ( yes He will, going through a crash course on faith)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Shine Jesus Shine - Don Moen (ohhh yeah, got to shine for Christ)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?  Fly high - Jahaziel Ft. ZG (Blank stare)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Press In Your Presence - Shana Wilson(I really do want to keep pressing in His presence.)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? I Said I Love You - Babyface (*Shrug*)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Shima Yam - Bemyoda( emmmmm)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? So Close - Mary Mary

WHAT IS 2+2? Freedom - Nicole C. Mullen

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? It Wasn't Easy - CeCe Winnans

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Peace - Bobby McFerrin (huh? ok)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? No regrets - Lecrae ft. Suzy Rock (!!!! I would really want that to be my story)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? 'Till I See You - Hillsong United (I'm grown up already. Sounds like a slum book kind of question... )

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Let Go - Kenny G (lol, we need to let some crushes go)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? My Help Cometh From The Lord - Larry Bland (Na, I'm not so bad they need help to handle me. lol)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Surrender - Flame ft V.Rose (Definitely not a wedding tune. I should slow down with all the hip hop I listen to)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Living it up - The Ambassador ft. Trip Lee(lol, my great-grand-kids be bumping to hiphop at the funeral)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Family Reunion - Jill Scott (So apt, love being around family)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Tell Mama - Etta James

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? The long day is over -Norah Jones

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Don't You Pay Them No Mind - Nina Simone

It's silly fun, and sometimes shockingly accurate and plain senseless... You should try it :)

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Taken For Granted...


I’ve taken a lot of things for granted. The access I have to certain places and certain people. The fact that I drive up to certain houses and gain immediate access.
The fact, that I can sit joking with certain individuals, while others are doing the Luca Brasi rehearsal in preparation to just say hi.
I drive into my house, and it’s just my house, my home. The one daddy built, big enough for me, but not as big as so and so’s home… could have been bigger, or could have had a pool, but to someone somewhere, it’s a mansion, a dream home where having your own room is paradise. I have a pile of clothes to choose from everyday, and sometimes I moan about not having anything to wear even with the brand-new clothes with tags still on them… I moan in ingratitude over the little luxuries I have been blessed with because I have become so used to having a ready meal whenever I want to eat.
I’ve become too familiar with certain blessings that I don’t see them as blessings any more, I see them as life, as something I’m entitled to, as well… normal. The fact that I have people to help me, and a mother who loves me, and a family that looks out for me and loves me. I take them for granted, these blessings I’ve been showered with.
I take Gods love for granted. I take the familiar for granted, it's just like seeing my friend stand up to preach. I may roll my eyes a little or fail to get anything from the lessons, because… wait a minute, I know you, we just struggled over the last piece of groundnut in the bag… Just like Jesus wasn’t accepted in His home town and couldn’t do any good there because of familiarity. We fail to celebrate people close to us, because we have become so used to them, we take their talent/achievement and love for us for granted, until we go out and see how they are celebrated by strangers.
The song says, “I have made you too small in my eyes, forgive me…”  Its time to magnify the blessings. Stop underrating them because they've become too familiar... you may want a bigger car but rejoice in what you have today, knowing just a fraction of the number of people who see having a car as the biggest achievement ever is all you need to rejoice in what you have.
You may hate your life right now, but do you realize how many people would give anything to be half the person you are? To live half the life you live? Yes you can’t afford business class or first class or your private jet just yet, but be thankful that taking holidays or getting on a plane is a luxury you can afford to take, even if it means nothing to you… Some see that as going to heaven. The little things are such big blessings if only you stop to see.
Count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done. It’s time to stop being spoilt children; throwing tantrums in form of mumblings over the things we don’t have. If you stop to think and you are true to yourself, you’ll see a million and more reasons to be thankful for where you are, even if it isn’t anywhere close to where you want to be, even if you feel like it’s the worst season of your life yet, you will find a reason to be thankful. Be thankful, even as you wait in expectation for more, the glorious future and expected end as promised in Jeremiah 29:11.
 My life isn't perfect, but I realize that it is packed full with blessings on every side. I am blessed... in every season, I see the blessings. I see the hand of God in my having breakfast, in the friends that I have, in my sisters and my brother, in my mum and aunties and uncles, in those I can pick up my phone and call when I am in a jam. In those that like me, in my nicely shaped nails and my taking cabs, in my home without a pool and my wardrobe with a handful of designer items... In the desperate part of my heart that seeks to know God more. In some disappointments and the agony of making tough decisions, in my ability to make use of common sense and in my love for books... I am truly blessed in all these and much more. I am thankful to God, I do not take any of these for granted.
You shouldn't either. Make a conscious effort to see the blessings and be thankful.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Wedding Bells...


My friend is getting married tomorrow, more like in a few hours.
You know one of those friends who end up being favorite friends and sort of, kind of make the best friend list without even trying? 
Even when you don’t communicate as regularly as you used to? Even when life happens and you find yourself happening with life and hardly ever stopping to say hi, but you always know that you always pick up from where you left off. One of those friends that you love genuinely without even trying.

I’m so proud of him; even though I'm still in awe that he's taking this bold step… I guess it’ll get weirder for me when I see him standing there and exchanging vows with his beautiful bride. :)



I am a proud friend…
It’s going to be a good day.
It’s going to be a beautiful wedding and such a blessed marriage.
Congrats Adama and Amina.
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