who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Cab...

I called for a cab.
As I waited outside the shop, tired and wanting to be home already. I saw a sleek shiny black BMW driving towards me. I may have gone “nice car” in my head and turned my back to it, as I didn’t want to be caught staring. This sleek car slowed down and stopped right in front of me, with a very cute man, well dressed in a nice suit behind the wheels, “Joy?” he called out. Who would have thought, that was my ride!

I cautiously got into the back of the car. Not wanting to get too comfortable. The car had that wonderful new car smell. I mean the cab company has nice cars, but mostly Toyota cars and some other brands, but nothing this sleek. Some of the drivers speak good enough English as they are a mixture of Asians, middle easterners and English fellows, but none of the drivers looked like this one, or dressed like this one, or had a hint of class when they spoke like this one.
I’m used to good things, I adjust well to good things, I love good things… but when your cab or that good thing isn’t something you expect, well… you tend to walk with caution and if you’re not careful, loose out on maximizing the experience of the moment.

The cab driver asked a question, which I timidly answered, with no hint that I would be interested in more conversation… thus the default “beautiful weather today” topic of conversation wasn’t even given the chance on the ten minute drive home.
Who knows maybe that was my moment for one of those Hollywood scripts to play out. I would take the conversation with him further and bam… I’m in love with a rich heir, who was bored and decided to play the role of a cab guy for the day. Blehhh

It was weird having to pay him, and even weirder waiting for my change of a few coins, weird and awkward, because leaving the change didn’t seem like a good option either.
I never came across that car or its driver again, I’ve had a couple of drivers come regularly when I call the cab company, but that seemed to be a one off.

Sometimes we call for help and when it comes we ignore it, turn our backs to it, because it comes more glamorous than we expect it to be, and so we doubt it, and cautiously accept it, but we don’t enjoy it because we’re uncomfortable and expecting an “aha!” in our face any moment. We expect it to be said that the joke is done, just when we get comfortable in this comfort, so we rather sit pinched.

God usually gives us above what we can ever ask or think… you think its too good for you? Then it’s God! You think it could have been better? Think about it, its probably above what you asked for. You think he could have been cuter? He comes high above your hearts expectation or what you could have ever imagined. God gives us more than we can ask or think… enjoy the blessings, be thankful in every situation knowing it is more, because God’s involved!

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]– Ephesians 3:20(amp)  

Get into that cab and chill like a boss, legs crossed, relaxed as you wiggle your butt comfortably on the leather chair, feel good about it and enjoy the ride home.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Thirty Minus One...

"But first, let me take a selfie"... Thirty minus One.
I have behavior that contradicts my belief sometimes. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe! If there was a book of Inyamu in the bible, it would be such a messed up controversial story, a not so pretty picture. But in all that mess, you’d see a beauty that shines through, the beauty of grace glittering so bright, you almost can’t stare it in the face…
The pieces of my brokenness and struggles, the pieces of pain and tears, the pieces from every fall makes a kaleidoscope of colors, my perfect imperfections are perfectly beautiful, because in all these… my feet are off the floor and I rest in the arms of Love.

Grace is my warmth, love is my cover…  grace met me where I was and refused to leave me where it found me. Grace is taking me on a journey, I’m not there yet, but we’re so far away from where I was. It’s been such a road trip of self-discovery, different from the lens of the world, under the lens of grace.

There’s so much ugliness spewed about… that’s life. But even in your struggles, your uncertainty and your sometimes-shaky faith, there’s beauty all around… like the deep breath you take… that’s a story of beauty and hope. The world is full of uncertainties, bombs and guns, girls kidnapped and living in fear… earthquakes and hurricanes, but in all these, there’s the beauty of the flower, it’s where it is, growing in beauty, because that’s the only thing it knows how to do… grow and be beautiful! Oblivious of the callousness of the earth.

I took these pictures in Hyde Park recently... Let the beauty of Grace shine through every pain.
Beauty always shines through, beauty always lives… beauty never leaves, it’s right there, in the midst of it all. Find the beauty in you and let it shine through the pain. Gods grace!

I’m thirty minus one today. I should be fidgeting about getting older and blab la bla, but I’m just here, thankful for beauty and resting in Grace.

Thirty minus one; I've known pain, I've seen struggles, but through it all, I rest in beauty.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

On Escalators And Getting Stuck

Some years ago, while in London, my sister and I met up with some friends for dinner. We had a good time, and headed home at about midnight. I got down from the escalator at the train station and turned around to see my sister stuck. Her brand new dress was getting sucked into the metal animal and there was nothing she could do about it. My instinct kicked and I rushed for the emergency stop button. Now, this was around midnight and the station was quite empty, there was no official in sight. The train was a few minutes away and we did not want to miss this one, as it was late and the next one would be even later. And so we pulled and pulled at her dress but it was stuck right there, a few other passengers came and tried to help pull it out, but it was a no gainer… the alternative was to rip the stuck part of the dress off. Someone had a knife and my sister gave a little “my new dress’ sob. We eventually didn’t have to use the knife, some guy had more strength than the others and gave it a big pull, the dress came out all tangled and ripped and stained with grease… just in time for us to catch the train.

Sometimes, we get on escalators in life dressed in our favorite things and activities, but these things hold us back, there’s a train waiting to take us to our destination, the comfort of home… which is our purpose, but we’re cut between letting go of what we have, the superficiality of it all and finding rest in purpose, … If I didn’t hit that stop button she sure would have stood there pulling and pulling while the evil thing just sucked up her dress till it stripped her… but the little it held on to was difficult to let go of.

“You can’t move forward if you are constantly looking behind you. Now is the time to leave the past behind and make room to embrace the destiny that lies ahead for you” Victoria Osteen

Is there no way we can go with the whole thing? Every inch of it, no tear, no wear? What’s holding you back from the train waiting to take you to your purpose? Being in the popular corner and the world’s idea of what being it is? I was stuck on lives escalator once myself… it was hard giving up some things. Giving up climbing up that social ladder, giving up living the IT life and air kissing the world about… giving up hanging out with the cool group and being a little too cold for comfort myself. But sometimes you have to know that the things which satisfy your flesh are temporal and only holding you back from the ultimate satisfaction of spirit, soul and body, and as much as its hard, we need to be able to let go and just rip away from that binding force holding us back, so we’re free to get on the train when it comes calling.

"Milton was right…" The choice of every lost soul can be expressed in the words "Better to reign in Hell than to serve in Heaven." There is always something they insist on keeping even at the price of misery… C.S Lewis

As the C.S Lewis quote says, are you insisting on saving/keeping the new dress /social circle/popularity/relationship even at the price of misery? Let go, don’t let the escalator strip you of all you’ve got before you realize you were better off just ripping off a piece of you and running off, than letting it get the whole of you.

‘Don’t love the world’s ways. Don’t love the world’s goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.’ 1John 2:15-17(MSG)

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