who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Keep Walking... This is not a Johnnie Walker Ad

My little cousin DJ was operated on last weekend. It was simple enough to be done as an outpatient procedure. The procedure was to correct an umbilical hernia. It was an uncomplicated surgery, but I felt anxiety, especially as general anesthetic was going to be administered on the little four year old … it didn’t help that I had the flu and I was probably hallucinating in my apprehension from the fever it brought.

A photo posted by Joy Akut (@inyamuakut) on

The surgery was successful thank God!
He was in pains when he was fully conscious and restless/confused at what must have happened to him, especially with the big scary looking plaster on his stomach. We reassured him that he’d be fine, and since he was an outpatient case; he was taken home that night.
He couldn’t/wouldn’t get up for anything, he had to be carried to the bathroom if he was in the mood to indicate his desire to pee, but if he didn’t, he freely peed on his mum and the bed with no care in the world, and no one was mad at him for doing that. He didn’t set a foot on the ground that Saturday, neither did he on Sunday, and not even on Monday when he was taken to the hospital for checkup and dressing. He was carried into the hospital that evening, like a fragile egg… notice I said fragile egg… eggs are already fragile, but a fragile egg is… You get my point I believe.

After his consultation, the doctor amusedly asked why DJ wasn’t walking…. Doc even said homeboy could run if he wanted to. The doctor held his hands and walked with him, and he walked gently at first, then he picked up pace, and so the boy we didn’t allow to set foot on the ground walked to the car.
I understand that he didn’t totally understand what he went through and so was scared to move at his normal pace, he had gone through something and was unsure of what it was like to function normally. Even we the adults were scared of letting him be because we weren’t sure of what the healing process was like, we assumed he shouldn’t be walking after the procedure and didn’t attempt to make him walk. We were used to seeing patients remain on hospital beds for days after surgery and not walking around. I had a good laugh at how ignorant we were and how we treated him so fragile when he could be himself already… how our fear probably fueled his fear, and same time increased his pleasure at being extra pampered so much that he stopped himself from being himself, being cradled and carried in your mums arms always is much better than walking after all. God used what happened to him to show me a little something that happens with we humans.

Many of us are like my cousin DJ.  We go through something unpleasant in life, like he went through surgery and then refuse to walk again, thinking we’re too hurt to even move, too betrayed to trust again, to scarred to smile again, too heartbroken to laugh again. Its time to put your foot on the ground, you can move, you can not just walk, you can run if you want to…. The pain isn’t deep enough to cripple you. Who has the power to hurt you deep enough to cripple your life, put it on hold, halt it? Who have you given that power to? You’re so wrong for that, but I’m not beating you down for not knowing better…. I’m encouraging you, take your life back. Put your feet down and walk. A divorce isn’t the end of your life. A failed business shouldn’t take away your passion and desire for success. Being raped can't stop you. Failing a course again isn’t a recipe for giving up and wallowing in self-pity. Who’s your Daddy? Why would you, a child of God let challenges cripple you?

Or is it something you did that’s so bad you cant get yourself over it? What did the bible say about falling and rising again? (Proverbs 24:16) It’s talking about you. Sin has no dominion over you. Yes you fell, rise up… that’s what makes you not just a Christian, but also a child of God; your ability to rise above your mistakes no matter how many times you make it, because God loves you and forgives you always. Put your foot down and walk. Its not so bad that God has banished you from walking in life. Walk boldly into His throne room and obtain mercy baby girl(Hebrews 4:16). Your condemnation of self is what’s crippling you brother.
God says there is no condemnation in Him (Romans 8:1)… meaning you can walk, so why are you bedridden in your guilt and shame? Like Joyce Meyer said “Condemnation weakens us and we keep making the same errors over and over.”
You’re only hurting yourself when you refuse to rise up from the ashes. And like my aunt had to suffer the consequences of being soaked in pee and lifting the heavy little man because he was not walking, your loved ones are suffering the consequences of your decision to lie there…. Peeing on yourself and just messing yourself up.
The longer you stay there stagnant, covered in guilt and wallowing in self pity, the longer you miss out on full recovery and the joy of new beginnings, the joy of knowing the love of the Lord being renewed every morning for you.
God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
    his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
    How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
    He’s all I’ve got left. Lamentation 3:22-24
(MSG)

Start walking, you may be too scared to hit the ground running, even though I promise you that you can, but you can start one step at a time… that’s progress, any progress is good news right?

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Bridge...

I woke up some days not wanting to go to school. You see mum could have given into my whims and let me stay home from school whenever I wanted to, and as much as I still don’t understanding why I was finding x in mathematics class through school, as I have never found a reason to find x or y as an adult, I’m glad I have an education, howbeit a reluctant certificate.
 It takes becoming an adult to appreciate how you were brought up, and to look at those moments that left you crying and sulking at your parents to see that they really meant you well, even when they forced you to eat vegetables or share your ice-cream with your brother.

As a child I would travel with my mum, my aunt and my siblings to see my grandparents. There was this makeshift bridge, which was more like a bunch of wooden planks placed across a river in a town called Adoka on our way to Otukpo (all in Benue state). It was quite scary, as the bridge had no wedge/shoulder and was about 12feet above the stream beneath.
If my aunt was the one driving, once we approached the bridge, she would pull over and hand over the keys to mum to drive, and mum the super woman that she is would confidently, even in her fear drive us across.
When we drove across, my brother and I would look with glazed wonder at the village kids swimming in the brownish mud stained stream below. They looked like they were having so much fun. That image made us or well, I’ll speak for myself here, it made me wish the car would fall off the bridge into the water so we could swim with those kids, not like I knew how to swim, but they looked like they were having the best time, that falling over looked like the best idea ever. It was what daydreams were made of for me.

As a grown up today, I am thankful our car didn’t ever fall over. Thankful God didn’t answer that desperate cry of an ignorant child. The lives that would have been lost just so I could get in that water. The loss I would have had for a silly desire to be fulfilled.
It makes me wonder, what are we praying/wishing for that could kill us? Those things that God is keeping us from? Those request that He sees for what they really are beyond the bright lights we see them in? Those men who’s pictures you’ve taken to prayer houses to make them love you?
Thank God He doesn’t give us all that we ask for. We’d be a wreck.
Be thankful. That life you pray for could be the death of you.

It looked like bliss from above the bridge, my vantage, but it was potential death and destruction from Gods’ vantage point.
Thank God for being the good good Father that He is. The one that loves us enough to stop us, even when we don’t understand, even with knowing that we would sulk at Him and see Him with eyes that reduce His love because of what His love is saving us from.
He’s such a good Father, so perfect in all His ways.
Whatever you're asking for right now, think about it.... is it like wishing for your car to fall off the bridge for a little dirty swim? Is it worth it? 
Thank Him while you wait, knowing He'll only allow you have the best... even when it doesn't seem to be going your way, He is perfect in all His ways, and He's got the best for you... His favorite baby!

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Thirty-One Is Here...


Thirty was a good year. I soared at thirty. I lived… I faced unchartered territories and took them by faith, and I saw the goodness of God in new dimensions. The deeper I dug into God, the more I discovered there’s so much more in this big God that dwells in little me.
It’s limitless, the goodness of God, the love of God. Every day His love becomes more real to me… in the midst of the trials and the things that push me to the edge of the mount, I see His love and I am unmoved, and confident that I can’t be pushed over. I believe in this love more than anything. I know, deep within me above every fact, and I hold on to this truth that I am loved by my heavenly Father. That is my rest… the love God has for me.

I’m so thankful that I get to be called His child. He’s filled my mouth with laughter, filled my heart with songs of His love, and all that He is…
I look forward to thirty-one and all the beauty and glory it’s unleashing… even more limits would be broken.
If I had candles to blow out, what’s my one wish/request? More of this power, more of this glory, more of this… the beauty of His presence. Nothing compares, in it is everything… it’s worth more than all the things I could wish for, more than all the physical gifts I desire. His presence is truly heaven to me, and I would choose this over all.

I'm so blessed in more ways than I can mention... I can't thank God enough for the family I was born into. And thank God I don't look thirty-one... #GraceBabyGrace.

It’s a happy birthday…6th July it is!
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