who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Monday, March 27, 2017

Entitled: Inheritance...

My mum handed over my ‘portion’ from grandmas’ things.
It was an emotional moment thinking about how her possessions had been shared. Grandma was so careful with her things and kept them safe and in good condition.
I was given a set of gold earrings and pendant, and with the nice and quite heavy weighty set, a lovely thick necklace to go with it, an outfit and a lovely purse.

All the items are valuable… but obviously the gold has a lot more monetary value than the others.
Amidst tears, I took my things… but gave the gold set back to mum to keep for me. I did that in condemnation to self.
I was thinking mum was judging me as she handed it over to me because all the gold set she’s ever bought me, not even one remains. And she did buy me some expensive pieces. To think how much they would be worth in today’s market. Not one, not the stud earrings, neither the heavy sets and chains… I don’t even have any of the gold sets I’ve bought for myself… from anklets, to heavy earrings and rings… nothing, not even daddy’s gold chain and pendant I had!
Missing, sold off, stolen and different stories… I felt she was thinking in her mind how careless I was with all the other sets and how I would probably do the same with this precious piece, that had more than monetary value…

I know she wasn’t thinking that. But that’s what self-condemnation does to you; you imagine the thoughts of everyone about you. So I acted all ‘wise’ and responsible by asking her to keep it for me, and talking about how I don’t have a safe place for it right now.
I took my other things away.

That incident showed me something.
Jesus died and our inheritance has been given… ALL things are ours.
But like me, our condemnation by our weaknesses, our carelessness and our mistakes keeps us from receiving. We pick out the one we feel we are kind of deserving… it’s a big deal, but not as big a deal as the next.
So we take health and leave wealth…
We take salvation and leave the blessings that come with it.
We’re thinking maybe we deserve to be sick because we didn’t take care of our bodies… we sinned. So lets leave the healing in a safe place and live with the little pains because God will probably judge us when we ask Him for healing… so we walk away with some other blessing that we feel we deserve.
We don’t take the wealth, because well, we don’t know how to manage money and God is angry with us… so lets leave the wealth and just live poor while we live with wisdom and good health. A poor, wise and healthy man… bleh!
Remember the blessing of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow. We are entitled to these blessings… all of it, no exception and this blessing does not come with a baggage of sorrow… What is sorrow? A direct response to condemnation! Condemnation brings about sorrow… the fact that you don’t deserve it, doesn’t mean the blessing isn’t given to you irrespective of what you feel and condemnation has no place in the blessing of God. He does not condemn you.
If He did, He wouldn’t waste time and the precious treasure of heaven on you. The cross happened to wipe the slate clean and position you to receive every good and perfect gift, to receive the great riches of His grace and mercy. For our sake He became poor that we may be rich, by His stripes we are made whole. Glory to God.

Its time to take all we’ve been bequeathed in Christ death… the inheritance is an all-encompassing blessing. Don’t settle for one and reject the other. Take it all, it is your Fathers good pleasure to see you enjoy every blessing He has made available for you. I’ve taken my gold and even started wearing it, because I know it’ll be a joy for her to see me enjoy it.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Entitled... Upgrade!

The first time I was upgraded to business class, I was ecstatic… I was so excited, but I tried to be modest… I tired hard not too feel free to abuse all the services and perks that British airways made available to me, because I felt like I didn’t pay for that class, so I ought to behave myself… because surely the hostess knew and would judge me or turn their noses up when I asked for more or requested for something.
It took me a while to realize that paid for or not, as long as I was given a pass to seat in that place, I was entitled to all that was served, to their services, to make demands and to freely enjoy all that was available, and if I didn’t use it up, it was my loss and the shame was on me.

The fact that it was given to you by grace and not your works doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy or you don’t qualify for the best of services. You are entitled to the best it has to offer even if it is a gift and you did not have to pay for it. The cross happened not because we deserved it, but His love and grace caused that price to be paid and now all the benefits are ours for the taking… its foolishness not to take full advantage of it because we feel we don’t qualify for that price paid. God knew we would never be able to earn His salvation, yet He did it and gave it to us for free. Don’t be timid when it comes to enjoying the benefit of salvation… you may not have been able to afford it, but its been given to you for free, don’t judge yourself and limit yourself from partaking fully in the rich and satisfying life it brings.

You want the airhostess to attend to you, they will… they even call you by name… enjoy it! Don’t refuse the first course or the attention and don’t be timid about accepting all that’s offered.
We’ve been given all things we need for a satisfying life and godliness(2 Peter 1:3) Its been given and so we are entitled to enjoy it without labor, without stress. It’s grace.
If you were upgraded by the airline, don’t feel like a charity case and reject the perks that come with it, thinking the hostess are judging you for enjoying the charity… that’s punishment. Adjust the seat. Ask from another glass of wine or apple juice, eat like a king when you’re served and even ask for second helpings. Its grace, so take as much as you can and even so much more… running over.

You’ve been given this salvation for free… relax in it… make demands on the cross, ask for what you want, receive with glee… enjoy life to the fullest… that’s what Christ upgraded you into… a life of grace and ease… rich and satisfying (John 10:10) You’re entitled to it.

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Entitled: Just Enough?

I was going on vacation to Dubai with my cousin and sister and I was the middle man between my Uncle who was sponsoring the trip and the rest of us. He asked me to get a budget together…. I tried my best to be moderate, to be considerate with him, so I got a real nice package deal, that still availed us the luxury of a five star hotel and a fabulous vacation…. He was impressed with the price I presented.

When it came to our allowance, he asked me what we were expecting from him. I was expecting a lot, my expectation was so high, I had budgeted for a Louis Vuitton bag among other luxuries. I really was expectant, but I got cold feet at the last minute especially when I saw what he was spending on tickets and accommodation, I felt sorry for his wallet…. So I told him a very minimal amount…. I could see the shock and mixture of excitement on his face, I called way way way below what he had apparently budgeted for us… and he handed over the money almost immediately. I had saved him money he was willing to spend.
When my aunt heard what I asked for, she went crazy… how could you? It was a pretty sum of money, but not pretty enough to live in abundance, just enough to have a good holiday, I could buy my bag, but it didn't avail us an excessively carefree one.
Did you put into consideration things like cab fares and meals? She asked. I didn’t even think of those basic things, meaning we would have to spend from our shopping allowance on the basics. She was mighty pissed at me, my travel companions weren't impressed with me…. I was mighty pissed at myself and my uncle was mighty pleased with me… I think he felt sorry for us in the end, so much that he had to send extra money just before we left. You see, I had the opportunity to receive more but I was feeling so sorry for him and I requested for something less than he was willing to give.
Sometimes our desire to be modest don't help us when it comes to receiving blank cheques. In the world, it's a good thing to be modest when it comes to receiving help... but with God, that's a no no.

That’s not how God works; He doesn’t want us to feel sorry for Him when we receive.  “…you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Psalms 23:5
God is the God of abundance, He doesn’t just give enough to meet the basic needs, He gives to the overflow… running over.(and he does this for our enjoyment and so we can be a blessing)
Our minds are so small, so limited and so filled with junk thoughts that limit our ability to ask and receive from God.
You are entitled to this blessings by the sacrifice of Jesus, if you have a need, ask and it will be given… believe God for the best and not just good enough and you will receive. Don’t downplay your needs for your heavenly Father, He is well more than able to give us abundantly more than we can ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Entitled... Take the Best!

I have three favorite perfumes and then others; Hermes Jour d’Hermes, Chanel Mademoiselle and Gucci Guilty. I love them and then the others that grace my table… my bottle of Gucci guilty was less than half and I didn’t bait an eyelid because I knew mum had a full bottle, thus I used hers whenever I felt like it, because I needed to save my bottle, until I eventually took the bottle out of her room. I wasn’t out of perfumes, I still had full bottles of my other two favorites and half of my Gucci and various fills of others, but it didn’t stop me from taking from mum one of her favorite perfumes, because I wanted it… It wasn’t a need, it was a want. “The Lord is m shepherd, I shall not want”(Psalm 23:1)

My sister came home one day and she needed a perfume. She looked at mums’ dressing table trying to decide on which perfume to take. Mum asked her to pick whatever she wanted. She picked the cheapest bottle on the table… although it was a new bottle, as someone had just given it to mum as a gift… I certainly wouldn’t have picked that if given the opportunity to pick any, especially if I had none. I would have picked something more expensive… not what she picked.

My siblings are considerate when it comes to mum. I am as well, but I have this crazy mindset that the best of mum belongs to me, so I take her best when she offers anything. I want to use her sunglasses, I don’t take the cheap ones, I go for the Chanel… it’s her best and most expensive. My sisters do the right thing; we are all well brought up. But I have the last-born syndrome, and so I act that way with mum… she doesn’t owe me anything, the world would tell me, but that sense of entitlement just plays out strongly, because I am her daughter, i deserve her best.
I always use the relationship between my mum and I to catch a glimpse of Gods goodness towards me… as hopelessly devoted as she is to her kids, it comes nothing close to Gods devotion and goodness to us.

And so with God, we should all act like His last-born. I do! If He’s offering me anything, then I have the right to reach for the best. In the world, what my sisters do is considered as discipline, but with God, refuse to be foolish in a bid to being humble.
Desire His best. If He throws open an opportunity, don’t downplay it and leave the change for Him. You don’t impress Him; do not be modest when it comes to receiving from your Father. I take mums best… I believe I deserve Gods best because of what He’s done on the cross, because of His love. I believe and so I receive. 

That’s why I refuse to be anything less. I want the best for myself I refuse to settle. If there’s a nice Gucci perfume on the dresser that I like, then I’ll take it even if I’m not lacking… my sister had none but she was modest in reaching out to receive… The Psalms says "I shall not want"... meaning, your needs are met, and yo do not want for anything, what you desire, you get it even if it isn't a basic need. Don’t be that way with God. You may have a stack of blessings but what makes you think you can’t reach out for more? 

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: Ephesians 1:3
You are a blessed man, blessed with ALL... blessings are your inheritance, the more you reach out, the more you receive and it’s the best that’s laid out for you to take from, what you want is what you get. Get the best; don’t limit your capacity to receive... stretch out, enlarge your heart and your desires and know that because your Father loves you, you are blessed and you have all... your desires are met... You are entitled to the best, it doesn't diminish God's supply. Take it!

Monday, March 6, 2017


As a last child, I naturally acquired a sense of entitlement.
I am entitled to love, affection, favor, attention… and preferential treatment amongst many other benefits. That generally isn’t seen as such a great attitude in the worlds system; we say no one owes us anything, learn to live with that thought so you don’t get disappointed.
Thus, my sense of entitlement has a little class and decorum to it. I have wisdom to know that no man owes me anything… I know not to build castles of expectations for men only to be hurt when it crumbles. I know not every kind act is reciprocated or appreciated. I know one good turn may be deserving of another, but it’s not always given.  I have watched my mother go the extra hundred mile for people and not be appreciated. I have watched her not rise up in anger, feeling entitled to the spoils of what she helped pave the way for you to get. This wisdom clause in my entitlement program has shown me to feel entitled, to be expectant, but not get disappointed when people don’t act like they owe me anything, because really they don't and my act of kindness or love shouldn't be based on what I would get in return.
But, If you are my boyfriend/husband… then I am entitled to your loyalty, your love, your time, your respect, your devotion… your integrity, your honor and some more. It is my right as far as I’m concerned… you owe me that.
And if I am your sister or daughter, then I am entitled to your love, your attention, etc.

Having that sense of entitlement from my position as a last born has made it easy to receive from God. I have been continuously schooled on His endless love for me, like putting a magnifying glass directly on paper that it burns, His love is magnified on me like I am the only girl in the world, and I burn, my heart is set on fire with all that love and so I have no choice but to feel entitled. It is my right to have the best of everything. Why? Not because I did something deserving, I could never live up to the standard of His love. It’s all because a price has been paid, a sacrifice has been made and accepted, and now I have the right to be all those things and so much more

Why? Does God owe me anything? No! God doesn’t owe me anything because He already gave me everything on the cross… ALL has been paid for in blood and the receipt is with me… the Holy Spirit.

When He died, He said it is finished and gave me ALL… blessed me, so I don’t owe him and I am not being modest but foolish if I don’t have a sense of entitlement for what’s legally mine.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: Ephesians 1:3
The blood of Jesus is the currency used, my guarantee that all things are mine, and the Holy Spirit helps me enforce my right, come into the fullness of all that I have been blessed to be. So if I don’t rise up and act like I have a right to those things, I am being foolish, and I will let the world and the devil intimidate me with lies that those things aren’t mine or I am not deserving.
The fact is that I do not deserve most of them, but the truth is that God didn’t look at me to qualify me for the gifts, His grace made a way, His love made a way via the cross and the finished works to give me ALL… because I could never work to deserve a third of what I’ve been given.
Praise God.
Walk around the earth with a sense of entitlement.
I am entitled to the best husband, to the best life, to the best clothes, to the best of everything, and that’s what I get.
Desire Gods best for you.
You are entitled to the best Job, the best home, the best husband/wife, the best selling published book, the best song, the best dance, the best of the best… don’t settle for less, don’t dream small. Have the last born mentality, dig deeper for your sense of entitlement and enjoy ALL that God gave Jesus that you may have… abundance. Some may see it as pride… but it’s the life you ought to be living.

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

On Nando's and Waiting...

A photo posted by Joy Akut (@inyamuakut) on

I promised my niece Mimi, that I would take her to Nandos at the weekend. I was down with the flu when I made that promise and I told her if I felt strong enough we’d go. She was motivated by that promise to always pray for me to feel better soon.
I was out of bed by Saturday, but I still felt a little woozy and all I wanted to do was just stay home and rest, but my Mimi wouldn't let me be. I tried to bargain with her; let's stay home today, and I'll send for McDonald's (which she absolutely loves) and then next weekend we'll go to Nandos.
Baby girl wailed ... I couldn't believe she would pass off a chance for an extra treat. That wasn’t wisdom!
And so I got my woozy feeling self up and went to Nandos. 

It got me thinking how sometimes God wants us to wait, more like, He needs us to wait... Not because He's going to deny us, but because there's one or two things He wants us to catch before we get there, get to the promise. Things that'll help us mature/sustain us/help us thrive at the destination... But we get so impatient with Him and refuse to wait... We insist on having our way. We wail our way out of the waiting room… no wonder we see people crash and make so many mistakes so often.
I've realized that for every time God has asked me to wait... He hasn’t left me helpless. The waiting may have seemed so hard, but it’s always been worth it. Even in my impatience, I've seen Him throw McDonald's here and there in the waiting mix. There are always sprinkles and even showers of blessings in the waiting room. Experiences that help me grow out of myself, into something better and bigger. Experiences that ‘man’ me up.

The only reason you haven't noticed the blessings as you wait is because you're so focused on what isn't happening right now, that you fail to see that He hasn't left you helpless. And those little blessings in the waiting room count for so much when you finally get to the destination, to your promise. Those blessings help you see things differently... Help you manage your destination well because character to sustain you, to help you thrive at the top is formed amongst many other things.
Don't be so focused on the disappointment of waiting for Nandos that you miss out on the added bonus of McDonald's while you wait.
God’s got you, and His waiting room isn’t bare… look well!

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