who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Love Rhythm...

That place you get to and mutter “I’ve heard it all before” with a deep knowing look on your face. A look some would translate as wisdom, others pain and some arrogance. But you’re past caring.

All sorts of love proposals, all sorts of carefully composed words, and sophisticated sentences that aim to sound convincing. Portraying a goody bag of emotions, so deep, so real, so false, so obviously deceitful, so aggressive… so blunt.
And so you hear them so much that the words, whenever they are directed at you blur into a pile of nothingness… you’re no longer moved, you can’t wait for the theatrics of professing to end, so you can finish up painting your nails or staring into space and wondering what it’s like to pull out the hair sticking out the nose of the person sitting across from you, because sentences like “ so tell me about you” makes you want to haul your phone across the room, if only it’ll keep the voice away, but you don’t, because it’s your phone, bought with your money, and suffering the unwanted advances wouldn’t pay for a new phone... well that’s unless you let those who try to buy your emotions do just that, only to reveal to them that the deal didn’t go through, as you let them down via the expensive phone they bought for you. Life isn’t fair is it?

You’re desperate to feel a stirring deep in your heart; you’re desperate for that string within to recognize a cord played in yet another voice, yet another mail or instant message with carefully thought out words… but nothing, the proverbial butterfly eludes your stomach.
And so the nice, fine, wealthy, enlightened, funny and almost born again one goes in the pile of blurring nothingness.

Till that one person comes along, with not a word of poetry, with not a silhouette of your dreams and fairytale imagination, with no enchanted love talk, bearing no gifts to hand over in exchange for your love.
With no desperate attempt to paint your heart with meaningless words, with no play act…
With no trying…
All he does is be your friend, your best friend.

And in that rhythmic walk in friendship, where pretense is thrown under the bus, where you‘re dared to be yourself, where beauty isn’t blinding and making common sense redundant, you find yourself stumbling and eventually falling and opening a window for the love bug that’s been impatiently waiting on the ground to bite you, and the sting awakens your flat lined heart.

Your heart responds to the cord that plays a song you desperately want to dance to, even when you’re clueless as to how to move to the beat.
But you move all the same, because the sound is so good, you can’t afford not to move to the rhythm, not moving will drown you in that place of blurry oblivion… You move to the sound so good, even if you have no idea how, because it speaks of all things beautiful, a beauty that is beyond your face or his heart, one where you skip all the theatrics of declaring love, where you skip all the skipping around and going through the ritual of being coy and hiding feelings and not saying what you mean and playing games with emotions….
Then you do a tiptoe dance around this new beat, hoping the heels of your dancing shoes doesn't rip a hole in it, hoping it never stops playing, hoping you’re never numb again, and back to the place where every word of wooing is drained into a hole of blurry oblivion.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


I lay in wait for my nieces, willing for them to come into their room so I could scare them real good. I waited and waited in the dark room as they kept saying goodnight over and over again to their mum and my other sister. They always look for one more thing to keep them from going to bed every night, and it was no different this night.

Something always came up to keep them away for an extra minute and then another and another. Their very own, special, foolproof delay tactic. I began to feel stupid with myself in the dark room, like seriously? How silly can a human be? Posed behind the door to frighten two little girls in a dark room... and my victims were no where in sight.

As I stood waiting, I got thinking... (after all it's a sad life being silly without thinking)
Sometimes we plan on going somewhere, but something keeps holding us back, we may be frustrated at the obstacles, and whine about it, oblivious to the fact that there's some evil that was waiting for us, waiting for it's perfect moment to move in on us, tempt us beyond reason or harm us…. And the holy spirit or as most will put it, "something told me to wait a few minutes/take the next bus/use the longer route/ignore his call"…. And he waits and waits and waits for us to walk right into his grand scheme of stealing and destroying us, but we just don’t…. we’ve won a battle we didn’t even know existed.
"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8 Learn to discern and listen to the voice of God deep within you, "...so that Satan will not outsmart us. For we are familiar with his evil schemes." 2 Corinthians 2:11

He’s probably waiting for you on the Internet, maybe that's the reason your system has been down for a minute, or that BBQ, or that email you haven't replied, that route you were to take but got delayed in some major traffic that got you all hot and bothered… Or that juicy contract that got cancelled at the last minute, just somewhere, but somehow you never show up... and he gets up and leaves just like I almost did. You never know what danger or temptation was lying in that moment you were stalled from stepping into.

But I'm smarter than the devil... I waited one more minute.

Good news is I succeeded in scaring the girls :)

I got to learn stuff from God as I lay in wait, the devil isn’t as patient as I am, he would already be off planning another downfall for his prey when we listen to the voice that makes us do strange things like stop and have an ice cream before heading home, only to realize that if you didn't, you'd have been right smack in the middle of a robbery. Thank God for His grace and protection that keeps us from harm, even in those moments we are clueless about.
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