who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Monday, August 29, 2011


Doubt is a traitor, a betrayal of the trust you’ve put in yourself. It is an enemy of the mind, an enemy of who you are. The greatest act of treason against yourself.
It seats in on the confidential meetings of the mind, and is in on the process of drafting ideas, it watches as the security system of courage and faith is put in place, and then it strikes when you're ready to execute, it comes from where you least expect, and it hits hard, because it knows where every loop hole is located. Just when you’re ready to execute this great thing, it sells you out to fear…treason.
Telling you that you can't do it after letting you dream it, just at the last minute you discover your security has been breached. Doubt seats there with a smirk on his face, threatening you with all sorts of consequences if you dare chase that dream... and you almost give up, because you're sure he knows what he's saying, he makes sense, you're more angry at yourself for believing you could do it, than with doubt for selling you out.
But sometimes, you've got to take that last bit of courage doubt couldn't get to and tackle doubt, take it to court to be tried, because every act of treason must be tried when uncovered. You’ve got to be tough enough to seat through a trial, because if you agree to settle out of court, you loose out on a whole lot of stuff, a whole lot of possibilities that stays in the land of woulda, coulda shoulda.Go to court, seat in the witness box where the King seats as judge and challenge it, bring out all the documents, win and clear all doubts out of yourself, hound doubt with all the facts of what you believe, with what the word says you can do 'i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' till it pleads guilty and gets the sentence it deserves... Death. Death to doubt... walk away with courage, courage restored to you from the hands of the king himself.

"Choose the belief that push you relentlessly forward, not the ones that hold you back". Ralph marshon.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Talk the talk...

It's easy to say i am a christian... to say i have a personal relationship with Jesus, to be happy and sure of my salvation and to get little pointers on the joys of being born again in every day life, to talk that talk... But it all comes crashing down one day when someone asks you the most important question of their life... "Who is Jesus? tell me about Jesus."
I get numb, shocked and i develop cold feet, there's a lot at stake in the answer i give, it could either make them want this person or think i belong to a crazy sect. But then i realize i have nothing to say, it's time to talk the talk in 3D and i have no idea. I can say the basic things of how good he is to me and how lovely he is and how kind and how he died for my sins and redeemed me, but beyond that how do i make a person who has no idea understand who Jesus is? How do i send out the message of salvation without being a senseless blabbing fool? Where in the world do i start from? Lord have mercy.

I went on a street evangelism mission once. I was scared, i almost stayed back in bed that Saturday morning, but i ended up in the car with my sister. It was a church thing.... we all met up in church and seeing all those people calmed my nerves a bit, and then we prayed together and joined our various groups, the spirit of it all warmed me up...well I'm sure it was the spirit of it that warmed me up and not the scorching Lagos sun.
And so it was that i had my first evangelism walk. It was fun, the rich, the poor, the beautiful, the shy, the bold....we all came out. My team took oniru estate and others spread out towards ajose et co. I had a couple of panic attacks.... we were in V/I and what if people i knew saw me? people heading to the palms... my 'posh' friends. But i threw it all away, i held my head up and laughed and walked like a girl on a mission "For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes".

I was on a new level of high... i gave out tracts, we answered questions and prayed with people, the theme of the walk was 'it's time' from 2 Corinthians 6:2 '.... Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.
The things you come across when you walk the gospel... people with all sort of problems needing prayers. I got proposed to:) the guys mostly stared and tried to chat me up when i walked up to them... thank God for my companion, she was this sweet elderly lady and she was a wolf against the wolves that growled at me. Most were encouraged "if people like you are coming out to do this, i guess i'll check the church out" so maybe they're in search of wives or whatever, important thing is it'll drive them to church and they'll get arrested there.
It was a good experience for me.
It was well worth the sun and the walk, i made up my mind to take morning and evening walks in lekki with tracts to distribute and chat with people... still haven't gotten round to it.

Being asked the question about Jesus woke me up again... i need to get my evangelism groove on.
Don't get me wrong, i let my friends know how important it is to get close to God and stuff like that, but when i have to explain to someone from a Muslim country with no Christian background about Christ, that's when the chills creep in. I did my best, i told him what i felt, i just worry and hope it was good enough for him.

Found some pictures of the walk on Nnamdi's page and i'm sharing em... enjoy.
Getting spiritually equipped

sisi ekos were on deck
eager to walk the walk

the children came out too...out of the mouth of babes

onward christian soldiers

the average Jane was approached

and the big man too

the posh got tackled
and the not errr.... young ladies too


twas all worth it seeing people do things...

If you're in the area, be sure to stop by at City of David on
COD Church Road,Off Ligali Ayorinde Street,Off Dideolu Estate,
Victoria Island, Lagos.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Obiora obiwon...T.R2012

Secular musician turned urban gospel artiste Obiora Obiwon returns with three new singles from his forthcoming third album entitled “T.R2012”T.R2012 poses to be the sequel to the successful 2009 sophomore “The Rebirth”.

He explains in his own words, “I felt I had so much to say and express musically on ‘The Rebirth’ which wasn’t said or heard enough, hence the urge to turn it up a notch and find more expression in a sequel”.

The three singles “Follow You”“Good To Me” and “F.a.t.h.e.r (Part 2)” are scheduled for release starting Sunday August 28th 2011. The song F.a.t.h.e.r (Part 2) gets reissued after it debuted late last year and was later pulled back due to the artiste’s unavailability while undergoing minor surgery.

Musically, Obiwon experiments with a blend of electronic music over cultural rhythms and HipHop styles in varying degrees, while breathing his deepest convictions in rawer forms over characteristically expressive vocals.

Listeners and fans in Lagos can catch Obiwon on live interview to break the songs on the morning of Sunday the 28th with Freeze on Cool 96.9 Fm and with Yaw on 95.1 Wazobia Fm, as well as other radio schedules and fan give-aways within the issue week. Listeners across the globe will be able to stream and download the songs on major Nigerian music and entertainment sites.
On his general musical path and future, the artiste introspectively affirms, My greatest musical ambition is to be vehicle for music that speaks life and brings healing and can also be fun when required. I’m so thankful to have found the purpose of my own existence and gifting and I’m glad to continually give in to the higher calling”

Monday, August 22, 2011

Louis gets a vacation...

Let me tell you a story about Louis. She’s like that pair of jeans that you love more than the other ten, seven years on and you're still wearing it even with all the fades and its wear and tear. And you happily pick it over your new luxury brand jeans.
Louis is my friend. That's why i call her by her first name. But I’m afraid I wear her out, I’m all up in her face.
I drag her wherever I go. She doesn’t like it, but she’s nice like that. That’s what friends are for right?
Why do I love her so? She isn’t a gift or a handout, not an outcome of some pocket money or allowance, definitely not an ‘alhaji’ affair, not a payment for any favors. She’s not connected to me out of a desire to belong. I labored for her. I worked for that friendship. With my own sweat, and of cause Gods favor. I earned her. I didn’t have sleepless nights dreaming about her, I just woke up one day and wanted her, and got her as a reward to myself.
What’s the big deal? Well imagine driving cars that don’t practically belong to you, they’re yours but they got paid for by others, and then one day you walk into the bank and cash enough money to pay for your own car, money you actually worked for, with no crying from pillar to post for contributions… don’t tell me it doesn’t feel different and nice. That’s the deal with Louis.
She’s been everywhere with me, she reminds me of me, those good old days when I followed mum everywhere and was called her handbag. She's in most of my pictures with me. As much as i want to, i just can't seem to want to leave her alone.
Through the rain and the storm, through the snow and the sun, through turbulent flights and porthole-infested roads, in train rides and bus rides, through airport waits and duty free she’s been with me. She has been my defense in this world of judgment, the shop attendants are eager to attend to me, they smile at me and act nicely even when I’m dressed shabbily, she stares them down and dares them to speak a word against her friend.
Even when I come into my trust fund.(yeah i'm a trust fund baby) When I come into that money and enter into the shopping world of ‘touch and follow’, when I can afford every thing I want without biting a nail or two, I’ll have her by my side. I want my children to know Louis and have her as their special friend... You know how most parents keep their score sheets from school or the hide of the first animal they hunted down to show their kids and tell a story, sometimes lies about it? Well that's the plan.
She’s been to dinner parties and beach parties, luncheons and brunches, cocktails and meetings, movies and shopping sprees, carried different currencies and same time been cashless. I’ve used her as a pillow and hugged her while walking on cold days, she’s been a not so good shield from the rain and sun. But she doesn’t judge me even though she gets all the heat.
And because of her patience and love I decided to let her breath a little. Louis is on vacation. Just incase you wonder why you haven’t seen me with my friend as often lately, now you know.(Truth is i thought i could give her a work free holiday but i can't seem to leave her home when i go out, and it'll take forever for her to prepare her handover note to the others, no one can do it like she does. So it's kind of a working vacation for her, she still goes out with me sometimes)
There's always that one item that you're sorta kinda attached to, it may be a pair of jeans or sneakers, a bra, a hat, an earring...something you just wear out, something that begs you to put it out of it's misery. Mine's my Louis Vuitton Trevi bag, and i make no apologies. :)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Beyond the status quo...

In todays world where university girls fight over married men and air dirty, and i mean filthy laundry on twitter... where what you wear to class is more important than what you learn, a world where school is more of a brothel than a place of knowledge, where owning a blackberry beats paying for handouts... A few people still stand out, making a difference, bringing back sanity and hope that all is not lost with our young ladies... There's a bigger picture, much bigger than the bad that's thrust in our face.
Raquel Lily Jacobs

Miss Raquel Anuoluwapo Jacobs is one of the faces of change and sanity. This beautiful 24 year old lady from Kaduna State is a 2nd year student of University of Lagos. She is the founder of 'Beyond the classroom foundation'. 

BTC is an organization geared towards the development of young girls in the society. "A world full of girls and women who are not afraid to raise their voice, confident, who embrace the belief that they can achieve anything and consistently exceed their expectations. Who would love God and  function effectively everywhere they go." With a vision statement like this, whats not to love about her :) Presently BTC has two initiatives running.
  • The girl initiative… which I'm so in love with. It's focused on educating girls about societal and moral ills, health issues,spiritual and self development issues ranging from self-esteem to HIV/AIDS to sexuality to Etiquette/Grooming and everything in-between. Catching them while they are young and raising their awareness, so basically they grow up knowing ‘whats up’ and don’t end up making stupid mistakes like those before them. Contact Beyonddclassroom.blog.com if you would love to be a facilitator, give talks to the girls and help change a life.
  • Project red robot: now this one got me shocked. Have I been so sheltered that I take little things for granted? There really are girls out there, who can't afford sanitary pads. Like seriously? This initiative is all about providing sanitary-towels to girls who cannot afford it. I was shocked when she told me some girls use old raggish clothes as pads and wash to reuse since they can't afford proper protection. This puts them at a high risk of getting cervical cancer and other infections. We really are blessed beyond measure... little everyday things are worth something much more than we can imagine to others. For more info on this visit http://projectredrobots.blog.com
I was going to put up an account number to get all the wonderful people who come here to donate and be a part of this wonderful thing Raquel is doing, but she wouldn't have it. Apparently she isn't done with the whole registration process thus doesn't have an account in the foundation name, thus she feels it'd be improper to put up her personal details(which i think is noble of her). So if you feel like you want to donate, click on the links and contact her.

Shes an inspiration, she's challenged me and I hope everyone of us reading this to stand up and do the best we can, it doesn’t matter where we are in life, or how young we are… finance, age, and location shouldn't stop us from doing the good we can.
In the midst of all the craziness and decay in the society, we still have people giving us hope that tomorrow indeed will be a good day for the next generation. All hope is not lost. Thank God for that. And thank God for girls like Raquel who refuse to conform to their peers, girls who choose to stand when it seems cool that everyone is falling.

It's complicated...

     "Do not despise these small beginnings....." (Zechariah 4:10 NLT)
They say don't despise the days of little beginnings, but how hard it is. How much we hate little things. We want the big things now. Don't give me all the stories of going through stages, because i hate little things.
And so its hard to appreciate your cute little kia picanto when you would rather be driving a sweet BMW 3 series or a range or something hot(yeah, so maybe using the picanto as an example is pushing it too far...:p). It's hard to appreciate the little things when you know there's a bigger picture. But how do you fill out the bigger picture if you don't start with that first step of growth, the first stroke of the brush on the canvas?

The little job shapes you up for the big job. But it's hard not to despise the fact that you're at the bottom of the food chain at work... it doesn't matter if this is your first job, all you want is to be up there NOW.
Its hard to love the little things, but the little things are what builds the house, the little blocks end up becoming the big house you live in. You just can't put up one big chunk of block and get a house ready, it's got to be one stone after the other till its complete.

And as much as we hate little things, we hate the simple things too. We love complicated, after-all, we're humans, whats the brain for if not making up things that aren't really there.
A headache can't be just a headache, we've watched too many episodes of house and have more medical information available to us online, thus a headache could mean a brain tumor. Remember that scene in last king of Scotland where Idi Amin(Forest Whitetaker)had tummy trouble and screamed that he was poisoned but it was just gas?

Why in the world is she offering to buy me dinner? You think maybe shes trying to use me for something? make me indebted to her...  Cos i see no reason why she should buy me a new dress.
Well i probably didn't think that maybe she's just buying me dinner and maybe shes just being nice to me by buying me a dress, because those are simple answers, too easy. But i have to make it complicated.
It's like trying to figure someone out. We think they're too nice or too pretty or too something, thus there must be something wrong with them... they're frauds, and so we don't take them as they are, we look for ways to complicate the simplicity of who they are... we're at it till we destroy whatever relationship we had with them in our quest for ripples in the clear waters.
Complicated apparently is the spice of life.

He says hi... well say Hello and move on. He's not thinking about proposing to you, the guy is just being a gentleman, and not having the hots for you. Please spare him and take him off your prayer list and round table discussions with your friends trying to analyze how he said the hi and how he smiled and what it means.
He says 'I love you' take it as it is and don't start a conference with your brain, heart and ears ruling out the possibility that he is indeed sincere and No he isn't saying that to get something from you and no he doesn't say that to all the girls... Somethings should be taken as they are(be street smart sha o).

Little things and simple things are the hardest to accept. Because our minds have been programmed by our environment to think that happiness and joy can only be derived from big things, and that good things aren't that easy to come about.
Its not in us to believe we can be happy in our kai picanto(before we get upgraded that is), its not in us to believe that we don't have to pound the pavement and drown in our sweat to get that dream job... We've been made to believe that if you don't sweat for it then theres a snag somewhere, one way or the other it'll be taken away. But sometimes blessings flow and things come easy, don't stop the flow by trying to figure it out. Just be thankful.

Life really is that simple, i try my best not to get it all complicated for my own good. It gives headaches when i think deeper than i should on some issues, and i hate headaches.
Sometimes it's best to just drive in your little car with the windows down and enjoy the cool evening breeze. Don't despise those moments. It's simple things that gives us joy... not buying another expensive pair of shoes or going on a date in a maybach. Call a spade a spade and move on with life.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Lest I forget

Most of us have had wounds that's left scars.
Deep cut wounds of the past. Bruises in the heart, and wounds of the flesh. Scars in one place or the other, marks of remembrance somewhere et co. They all tell a story, some beautiful, some brutal, some just too ugly for keeps, thus we have therapys to heal our hearts, plastic surgery to cover up the blemish, and thank God for all the beauty creams that promises to fade the marks out and of course photo-shop to hide that ugliness.
Some guy asked me about my scar recently and he tried recommending 'python oil' to fade it away, i just smiled at him and thanked him, i told him i liked my scar good. He would never understand or maybe he will, if he ever gets to read this.(maybe i should put a picture up)
"...I believe scars are lessons learned, so I won't even fix any blemishes..." Janette Ikz p4Cm
Jesus has a scar of remembrance; the scar of the nails on the cross remain on his hands and his feet. “...His power can remove them but its there for all to see, to remind us of the pain and agony that he endured on Calvary” TYe TRIBET. And so when we mess up yet again, he can only love us through the pain we cause him cos his love for us and all he's gone through to redeem us is imprinted on his palms. It's his mark of remembrance. "Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb?Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;Your walls are continually before Me". Isaiah 49:15:16 

I’ve got a scar on my right arm. It used to be embarrassing. Especially when everyone wanted to know what happened. I would self consciously hold my left hand over it when I wore sleeveless clothes, making me look clumsy, or use the veils I love to carry to cover it up. It was a lot bigger than what it looks like today. It’s a shadow of what it used to be, but its still there all the same. And somehow that ugly black spot is more of a beauty spot to me than a mark of death and doom that it was before.

About three years ago I was this close to dying. Struggling between wanting to let go and wanting to live. I remember going out for apple crumbles with my friend Remi and he noticed a small bump on my arm, we both dismissed it as a mosquito bite. It got bigger that weekend, and more painful by the hour, throbbing and red and then suddenly I wasn’t breathing good, and then I was hanging on to life and blab la bla, I’ll spare you the details.
I look at the spot today and it takes me back to the memories of lying on a hospital bed, not able to breath, not knowing what was wrong, afraid and empty. Needing constant jabs in my vein, like a high to keep me alive. Not sleeping fine cos I was scared of dying… my dreams were haunted I tell you. But somehow God delivered me; despite not being the person he wanted me to be.
These days I don’t care much about my scar. You see a black ugly spot, I see a beautiful tiny spot that says 'if not for the mercies of God, where would I be today?' It’s like a rainbow to me. You know how God destroyed the world with water and vowed never to do it again, thus the rainbow is a mark of the covenant, it puts us to remembrance of his promise to us. Well some might see this explanation as stupid. I mean, the fact is the rainbow exist and there’s a scientific explanation on what causes it to be, but the truth is, it’s a sign of Gods promise to man, so is it with my scar, the fact is that there’s a medical explanation, but the truth is, its my own little covenant stone. 
When I feel sick again, when I’m tempted to stop fighting, when i struggle for breath, that little scar reminds me that never again, it might come one way or the other, like floods do, but it will never destroy me.
The mark is my victory over death,  my reminder, my promise that I would not die but live to declare God’s goodness. Its my mark of redemption. Some things happen for a reason, and that episode of illness was the life turner for me, the cold that pushed me closer to God for his warmth. The scar is my testimony. I love it that i've still got it.
"How stubborn the scars which won't fade away… or just a gentle reminder that now are betterdays…" Steve Whyte
The scars from our past shouldn't be hidden... they're a reminder of what we've been delivered from. They're there lest we forget, they may have come about from something ugly, but with the master it's all transformed to a story of beauty and grace.
It could be a scar of a heartbreak... but look at you now, Thank God your heart got broken then and you got something better today.
It could be the scar of being an addict... but look at you now, Thank God you didn't die in that live you lived, thank God you're a survivor and look how far you've come today.
It could be the scar of rape and abuse.... Thank God the scar has helped you find your voice, to speak out and help others going through the same.
It could be the scar of..... you get my point?
The scars are there lest we forget... he brought us out once, he can do it again. Lest we forget... to be thankful, it's a gentle nudge of reminder that all is indeed well with God on the throne.
I'm truly thankful for every scar in my life.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

This is Your Wake-Up Call...

I hate alarm clocks and bells. I attended a boarding school,and it was horrible i tell you.
The bell terrorized my poor soul. I only enjoyed hearing it when it ended some lesson or prep.
When it came to the 'rising bell' or 'siesta over' i could strangle the bell ringer.
The bell would go off at about 5am, just when the sleep was getting 'sweeter' and the early morning Abuja weather beckoned to me to snuggle into my blanky with dreams of being home watching tv with endless plates of my favorite dishes handed to me or performing with Spice girls in some concert.
You had a choice to make if you were in my hostel... you could choose to ignore the bell and sleep on, but that meant choosing to get a nice lashing to shock you out of sleep from matron Zita... her cane was enough to chase every sleeping demon far far away. A harsh way to transit to the reality of bunk beds and discipline from the mirage of the comfort of home and stardom.

As much as we hate the bells and alarms, we really do need them, they help keep us in line. And someone has to keep doing the job of the bell ringer, even if it's a dirty little job... I never liked the bell ringers in school. Today I'll be your matron zita, just incase you've pressed the snooze button for too long or ignored the bell. Today i choose to shock you awake, to shock myself awake again... I'm only doing my job. Remember, don't shoot the messenger for waking you up from your seemingly sweet dream.

A couple of weeks ago my sister and i were at another service of songs of another 'friend' a fine young man, i've known all my life but we've probably never said more than a few words to each other, mostly nods of acknowledgment.
A few days ago, i got a call, a good friend of mine lost her sister, another fine young lady, last i saw her was at the funeral of yet another fine young man(all of them not older than 31)

I asked myself why? And it hit me... this is the wake up call for the youths. It's time to wake up to the reality of life, it owes you nothing.
Its easy to ignore the talks of 'we've got to change'. Pressing the snooze button and ignoring all the talks, wanting to stay forever in that seemingly cozy bed and sweetness of sleep(life). Truth is, staying in bed only brings us to our ruin, we miss out on everything, we're late for everything and more often than not we're punished for that 'one more minute' of sleep. Life as we know it isn't as sweet as we think... clubbing, drunken nights out, sexual freedom... It's time to wake up from all that illusion.

The more the bell rings, the sweeter the pleasures the world offers, it's like its a competition. And you just can't see yourself waking up and leaving all that goodness. Never has there been such freedom, such boldness to do what you've always wanted to do with no one raising an eye brow.  Never have you been so popular, and never have you felt so wanted with every man wanting to talk to you. Never mind that your skirt is practically stops on your waist and your boobs are hanging out... the attention you're getting is heady.
Today you've ignored the ringing of the bell for so long, so I'll be a self assigned matron Zita, double checking that no ones still sleeping after the bells gone off.

This verse from proverbs obviously talks about something else, but it fits in to what i'm trying to say "Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake and you will have food to spare."proverbs 20:13(niv) The more we sleep, the more we loose our soul. It's time to wake up and live the life of abundance we were created to live, abundance in peace, joy, love, kindness, purity.....

The deaths have definitely been a lash on my back. I keep thinking and wondering, whats life worth beyond our eagerness to be married, to get that job, to make that much money, to be famous, to wear that dress.... to look beautiful? its worth nothing without God. If I'm getting the houses and the cars and the fame and dying the next minute without God then what's the point? Not just God in the sense that we wear a blingbling gold cross, but God in the sense that he's imprinted in our hearts and our life is about living to please him and not caving into the demands of our flesh.

The alarm has been ringing none stop. How many more youngsters do we have to see die before we start living right? before we take things as seriously as we should? Before we spring out of bed to start living?
If we dropped dead at this moment, where would we go? I ask myself this question as i type this.

I'm not perfect, but I'm working on it, at least I'm awake now, I'm no more asleep and its easier to shower and get ready for life. This is our wake up call. Got Jesus?

 "You and i have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness" C.S Lewis
It's my favorite only brothers birthday today. My own personal Prince. I'd give him the world and some if i could... But I'll give him something much more than the world, I give him my prayers and my love that's much more than numbers :)

Friday, August 5, 2011

The wait...

There's something about waiting, it doesn't matter how patient we claim we are. There's always that part of us that's so tensed. So tensed that you don't realize until what you're waiting on comes through and you feel all easy and free in places you never knew existed.

Today, in the world within the world, we had an act, the doctor played God and we were her subjects. She promised us a clean and easy surgery, a very minor one, no need to worry, even with the general anesthetic. We believed her, but we were still tensed as grandma was wheeled into the theatre and mum followed a few minutes after.
Did I ever doubt that they'll be fine? No. But then, like most humans i hate to wait.

And so we waited. Then the nurse came in to prepare grandmas bed. That perked us up, but still no grandma, and still no mum and still the wait. Knowing it'll be alright but still just wanting the moment to end. Seating on the window stile looking out through the vast window at the country side, so much beauty around me, but too caught up in the wait to appreciate, even though i KNEW it'd be alright.

Mum and granny are doing good. There's four generations of women in this room. The wait is over. And the god in this play was right, they really are doing wonderful, the surgery was perfect and we'll be going home soon. She came through on her promise, I trusted her, because her smile and care for her patients and love for her job was genuine. I just hated waiting for the promise to be a reality. I'm happy and thankful mum and granny are fine.

And so it is in the real world, with the real God. He gives his word and we know him enough to love and trust him completely to come through for us, but the wait is so crazy. The door opens and like in the hospital someone walks in and we're excited thinking the wait is finally over... But its just a nurse preparing the bed, the false hope effect.
And finally after long minutes(years) of waiting... Too tensed to enjoy the beauty of life through the window in your waiting room, even though you tell yourself you really are living, the promise comes through. And even the devil binding, walk on water, demon sucking, tongue speaking christian in you let's out a sigh of relieve. You never doubted... But somehow, some part of you was twisted and wondering if you really should believe.

My lesson from the hospital today is Waiting on God is worth it... He'll never back down on his promise, give him time, to come through with the best he has for you.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

You Don't Know...

Today, the bride is radiant, with the perfect hair, the perfect makeup and the dress that beats all dresses. While the groom and all the men look in awe at her beauty, there we are, the girls, every bride’s nightmare. We seat hurdled up in false cheer masking our disdain, we’re jealous… we want to be her; we want to be in that dress, we want to look that beautiful. We want that rich, handsome groom.(how did she manage to cop him?)

Never envy because its never what it looks like from the outside. You see the glory but you don’t know their story… Tony Gaskins
No one in the congregation knows how she worked to be perfect for this day. How she went on a diet, the number of times she almost collapsed on the treadmill, the hours spent in the spa, the endless hours in the saloon with the hairdresser months before, trying to get the perfect hairstyle and makeup. 
The dress!!! The frustration and energy and emotions used up in looking for her perfect dress. The sleepless nights spent in worry that a dress wouldn’t be found, and when found, the various fitting appointments. The despair of searching for the perfect shoes. The toiling and groaning, the tears and the frustration. The search for the perfect cake, the bouquet, the cards and the caterers. All those moments. 
As she smiles, a sea of white walking gracefully towards her groom, no one would guess that just 30 minutes earlier, she was in tears thus ruining her makeup because the zip of her dress broke, no one would know the chaos back in the room and how she almost ran mad. 
No one would know that as wonderful as this all seem, Its been a battle, she dreads her in-laws, what sharks they are, she already has scars from their bites hidden behind her joy and the love she has for this man, a man who is every ladies dream, a man who isn’t as soft as she would have loved him to be, a man whom she tries not wonder if she made a mistake by making him propose. A man she knows doesn't love her genuinely. No one would know… all the trouble she went through for this day, a day she isn't even sure about.

No one would know, because here she is the perfect picture… the most beautiful bride you’ve ever seen, with the brightest smile ever. But you weren’t there ... you have no idea what she went through to make her day special. To make him propose, because she was sick of your silly jokes. The calabash buried in his backyard, and the little tasteless powder she dropped in his food... Yeah, i thought so, you wouldn't dare dream of using jazz on a man, would you? Well, no one would know that she thought she had no choice but to force the hands of nature to work for her.

We don’t know and so our jealousy is almost stiffening. Suddenly your ‘cute’ husband whom you lauded over her isn’t so cute anymore. You’re angry, you want to be her right now… but you forget… those moments you gossiped about her. Moments when she moved from one failed relationship to another, one heartbreak to another. Moments you wrote her off and called her hopeless and cursed. You forget her struggle in one heartbeat, its all about how she is at the moment, and you want to be her. But you don’t know, you have no idea. None at all, that as she says "I do" she's asking herself "do i? Has my desperation become the ruin of me?"

Are you willing to go through all she went through? Are you willing to be her five years ago when you called her hopeless behind her back after another man walked out on her? Are you willing to go through what she went through to make her day perfect? Because to be the woman she is now, you have to go through the fire she went through and live with the torture and guilt of what she's done.

Okay, so maybe my illusion is a little off, basically what i'm trying to say, is what you see isn't always what you get. Don't seat on the outside killing another with your envy and anger when you're totally clueless...
We see loads of young men and women who've seemingly 'made' it, and suddenly it's sleepless nights for us. Seriously, you wouldn't want to do half of what they do to get where they are. 
Don’t judge a person till you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. I say, don’t wish to be like a person till you know how she managed to walk past you in her stilettos. Her toes might be bleeding in those shoes... who knows?

One of the greatest lessons I learned in life is never aspire to attain or be jealous of another persons position achievement in life until I know the price that person paid to get there” Myles Monroe
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