who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Santa baby

Mom got me an ipod nano, I've had my previous ipod for over 4yrs. Twas about sueing me for abuse:)
My christmas list is been ticked off.

Here's britney spears version of santa baby, added my own lines to it

Santa baby
Just slip a personal spa therapist under the tree for me
Been an aweful good girl
Santa baby
A first class ticket to everywhere I want
With a black mastercard to go with it
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby,
A fifty four convertable too
Hot red
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Yeah yeah
(Oops santa, we don't have no chimney so just walk through the door with the papers of ownership)

Santa sugar,
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Think of how I've kept little kids believe in you real
Next year I'll be just as good
If you check off my christmas list

Santa baby
I want a yatch and really that's not a lot,(I could have asked for a jet)
I've been an angel most of the year
Santa baby
So hurry through the door tonight

Santa honey,
there's one more thing I really do need(well there's a lot, but I'll whisper those in your ears when we see)
The deed to a plantinum or gold mine
Santa honey,
So hurry with the purchase tonight

Come sweety santa
And trim my christmas tree,
With jewelry bought at tiffanys
I really do believe in you...sort of
Let's see if you believe in me
So hurry through the mall tonight.

Santa baby
Forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
And I don't mean on the phone
The one that's got those beautiful sparkly stones
Delivered by a man on bended knees
Santa baby
So hurry through with your babys list today.

Ok, so I'm quite bored. We're(sis and bro) on a 3hr road trip from abuja to makurdi. I got to keep myself busy:)
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, December 10, 2009

soberly hungover

Nothing sobers you up from the drunkenness of excesses like taking a ride in the boat of recession. Suddenly your bank account reminds you of the rainbow, only this time the colors make you sad and not excited. the bank manager doesn't call as much to check on you and your account officer told you about her wedding at the 11th hour...........why i used to be her best friend, now cos she sees colors in my account shes put me in the backseat. i'll show them. next year is going to be the bomb.

I thought I was one of those who wouldn't get pinched by the so called recession, even though i was bitten in the stock market. Well simply put, life’s still easy but not as easy as it used to be.I have been sobered in more ways than one, and just thoughts of how I've always been a master of excesses gives me such a headache and nauseating feeling that comes with a hang over.

Sober is respecting myself and not going to cactus every weekend for breakfast/brunch.... its not even suggesting to self to check out the new restaurant at the southern sun hotel even though I hear good things. If someone doesn’t offer to take me, then forgerrit.

Sober is ignoring the peacock print dress in Tiffany amber cos suddenly its ridiculously prized and why should I buy if in the first place if I'm allowed to wear it only once?

Sober is not suggesting dutching or attempting to contribute to the payments on a date...this is naija if he cant pay why invite me out? to be fair no ones ever accepted my money(for those who are on dates). Although i've sobered up and stopped trying to contribute to the bill, i always feel uneasy when the bill comes and i'm just staring while he pays.

Its going out for dinner/lunch and glancing at the bill with a slight frown before paying, just because I need to be sure they’re not trying to reap me off. its paying cash and not handing over my debit card like a bigz girl. Its picking out from the change cos...how can I leave such a huge tip, I mean he didn't really smile at me while serving, did he? That wasn’t friendly service.........its also bringing out cash for what I've eaten when out with friends cos suddenly my maths is good and my memory sharp, I can divide numbers in my head. I'm no mother goose anymore, nope, I refuse to pay for your meal.

Sober is not making as much calls as before. Its reduced gossip, I'm not calling the UK every minute to spend hours on the phone with sister laughing and giving detailed account of that conversation with that person, or hearing every single detail of the nieces day and laughing at their jokes and playing games with them over the phone. Sis wants to laugh and talk? She best be calling. And the kids, well I’ll catch up on their life’s one way or the other.

Its respecting myself and going to flyaero.com two weeks before my trips to book for the cheap flights.

Its ignoring the vendors who supply the magazines.....Newsweek,time, economist, vogue, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Elle, glamor,readers digest,what exactly do they think they do for me? I mean.....duh. Why would you sell pieces of papers to me for so much(why are the ridiculously expensive in naija). I haven’t even renewed my truelove subscription.

Being sober is discovering the hidden gems in your wardrobe and suitcases. you're forced to remember those never been worn before outfits as opposed to running to buy something new for some silly event or boring bbq...just because.

Its letting the natural take over....you can buy all the makeup mac can make but it can never make you be as beautiful as God made you be:) thus let the natural take control(I will as soon as my makeup is finito and buying a new set is a challenge). Its letting my hair be and turning up my nose at the horse hair sold for 80k and passed on as human hair(yes major beef) its discovering the 'Mabel'(one of my hairdressers) in you as suddenly you can tong and blow dry your hair really well yourself and its not as hard as you thought it was. If your hand hurts, you rest it and continue from where you stopped.

Sober is rediscovering the joy of the aboki shoemaker passing by the house,he seats down and works on your shoe and you're happy again, beats running to lady cobblers to fix every cut and scratch and coming back after a few days to pick the shoe with a huge chunk of money taken off you. Seriously...NO MORE!!!!

Its seeing someone hold a wad of cash and hiding my hands in my pocket so i don't grab it and bolt. its handling large amount of money in shopping bags and staring at it and wondering how the next couple of months of my life will be of i just take the money and fly somewhere......of course i get sobered up from this drunken thought and sadly go to the bank to pay in the cash. I shouldn't be made to handle cash in this state.

Its not dumping every single outfit in the car and taking it to some over prized dry-cleaner. Now I sort. Those I can dump in the washing machine, those I can hand wash and those that I grudgingly take to the cleaners cos the labels read ‘dry-clean only’. So I got so sober one day I decided to see what happens if you don’t ‘dry clean only’. All I can say is from that moment I follow instructions and ‘dry clean only’
Sober is closing my eyes and playing the day dream game when bored rather than strolling into the next shop, or book store or salon just because….

It’s limiting the impulse drives to the spa.....enjoyment in excess is a sin. Yes the bible says too much of everything is a sin.

Its paying for the gold subscription plan to my internet service providers instead of the platinum plan I love to use, cos after all people keep telling me the difference isn't much.

Sober is saying no to my nieces and meaning it when the screech for something. I mean even when my heart melts I'll still walk away. Its so exciting, I never knew I’d be able to say no to them. If they’re disappointed they’ll get over it the next minute.

Sober is driving past deola sagoe and having a headache cos I’m thinking….no i didn’t?...did I really? Impulse buys? Impulse deposits?

Sober is writing my xmas list and Xing everyone off the list, cos suddenly the gifts I got for mum and whoever earlier in the year is enough to sustain them through Christmas

sober is lying here writing this while my sister is in dubai, having fun without me on a trip i should have made. now I'd have been a foolish drunk to still go on that trip, but i am a sober little girl in my sober little room, while she explores and stays in five star hotels, wondering why i didn't let myself stay strong a little longer so i could enjoy a guilty pleasure trip before i let the hangover begin.

Sober is writing my xmas list and telling myself.......you can't always buy yourself what you want, let the world appreciate you and give you what you want…. Its believing that maybe there's a santa so I don’t have to sweat much on my wants from people and from self. its suddenly hissing at destiny's child independent woman track that used to be my theme song. of course,"they buy their own diamonds and their own rings" but i don't see beyonce anywhere near single, shes married to jigga and hes definitely buying her things even if she wants to get em for herself  
"My bezzle courtesy of Audemars, I order yours tomorrow now look how much I saved you Mama let me upgrade you"....jay z .

Monday, November 30, 2009

Cute Cute Abu.

Abu was the cute little boy who I had a crush on, he was light skinned and skinny, he had his daddys face with that pointed nose of the fulanis and his mouth was like his pretty mom's. We were 11yrs, and we hardly ever spoke. I would go to government house and turn my nose up at him while he brought out his camera to show off and ignored me in return, then I would look at him with the side of my eyes and silently wish that he'll come over and play as I sat holding his mum.

Cute cute Abu, didn't see him years after the military regime, but my mum did and from cute she recently started to say 'handsome Abu' and i would think, my cute Abu is now a handsome man and of course we'll live happily ever after, with cute looking fulani children:) I was so sure I was going to meet him again and we'll laugh about our stupid childhood drama.

Well Abu will be buried this afternoon @ 2.30pm according to moslem rites. Abu died this morning.
Rest in peace Abu.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Dine and be Wined

One of those parties in one of those 'houses' in ikoyi. Its not a large party,its sort of intimate, a select few from this afternoons launch. we're seated in the beautifully lit garden pretending to be beautifully civilized sipping on champange(juice in my case) eating weird looking meals(you know me, i love the food n somehow i'm not ashamed to be proud of it at this moment...go astoria caterers, go, keep bringing em)
well maybe the rest are civilized, all major oil company MDs,and huge HUGE financial dogs(not bankers if i may add, suddenly no ones courting the bank mds anymore) ministers and cooperate gurus and socialite mamalets spread all around. And such great host we have. When i grow up i'll have a garden party of my own and i'll be the perfect host.

And what do you know, the soft drinks have run dry, but of course the champagne can never be out of supply, thats even scandalous to think about (Moet what? Nah, thats for the lower class bourgeois, ).

*gasp* is that a girl in bum shorts? The nerve of her, tainting the glamorous nose in air gathering with such a wear, i mean look @ FQ shes all glamorous in her bla bla bla dress, hair packed up like a little princess from zango kataf that she is:) and she looks so at home in the garden, oh the cameras had better stop clicking before she goes blind, no really she loves pictures but not this much, shes not as proud as the peacock shes wearing on her earlobes.

Oh isnt that the Md of something something seating just beside her And something something of so and so oil company?Ahh shes such a mannerless something something something, worse than the bum shorts lady, how in d world can she be bb'ing @ dinner? Socialless butterfly.

The life bands good, the musician just called us to "please dance on the floor" "dont be shy" SERIOUSLY? Where else are we expected to dance if not on the floor? The tables? why not just ask us to up and dance? well some italian's on the floor dancing, so i guess he made sense to some.

dont get me wrong, it isnt all bad, wait, it isnt bad at all, i'm having fun. mingling with the rich and famous who arent about the government funds, well not completely about the government funds that is.....i just want my mates all around me so i can snigger and giggle and not bb and feel like i'm a spoilt child cos thats the way of the young world today works, and my mates understand that(i may love bb'ing, doesnt mean i dont get peeved by it either).

Been binging on deserts and soon, i'll have to get up and mingle, shake hands with board room alligators i've met before and those unknown in that firm grip i've tried to learn, laugh like a lady and not a girl when they ask me "what do you do young lady" and i joke "i'm a retiree" and they laugh and think i'm such a sweet witty young lady, and of course i give the laugh of the lady. Sip on my juice thats such a scare resource, nod knowingly at their conversation and pretend to choke on something, my tongue perhabs as i walk away when they ask my opinion on the present banking reforms or something intellectual about nigeria.
Its not all bad afterall:)
Happy thanksgiving.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

the turkeys arent thankful:)

Another thanksgiving has come…..you may feel you have nothing to be thankful for, but the fact that you’re alive at this moment and reading this is enough to lay on the floor giving God all the glory.... common, don't snort at that, i mean u have internet or a blackberry to browse with. how many people are out there with no internet *gasp* or blackberrys * double gasp * or phones that have browsers *triple gasp out of breath*......so yes, do the chicken dance. you've got stuff to be thankful for.
We should be thankful everyday, the fact that the Americans put a day aside doesn’t mean we leave thankfulness to just one day. so i'll defile them and do my post a day before:) now thats clever. 
Well there'll be no stuffed turkey for me, but theres a lot of stuffed vessels filled with thanks in my heart. he really has been good, especially at those moments when i have felt like i've been cast away, i have truly seen his goodness. i could do another thanksgiving list, but what's the point, a zillion things wouldn't make it to the list cos well, sometimes we just don't realize those little things could have been huge disasters and so we overlook them. i try to imagine myself sometimes in a place where some are, that place that drives them to stand on adeyemo alakija at night, that place that dissolves shame as they stand on the road begging, i cant even begin to. Thank God for his grace.
we’re doing a video shoot tomorrow(i was still working i did be thankful its a public holiday) and I’ve got an office warming in V/I, so its going to be busy and fun I hope. Then I’m off to Abuja then Makurdi, my family is having her thanksgiving on Sunday. It’ll be fun being home.
It’s funny how at such family thanksgivings we hardly think of what we’re being thankful for, its all about the preparations. Theres the caterer, the invites, the this and the that, and the right color for the aso ebi, bla bla bla. and in my case, the food (i mean theres 2 venues for the reception and i've asked who the caterer for each venue is so i can drift to the place that'll suit my needs most)So many things taking us away from the real reason for the celebration.
I wasn’t bought a new lace to wear for the ocassion like my granma,sister,my mom and her sisters . So I’ve sulked about that , whining about not having anything to wear to anyone who dared ask. till some days ago when  I stopped to be think that I’ve got a suitecase full of laces, some never used more than once, why cant i use any of them? My ungrateful heart just forgot to see what I already had, it was all set on showing off. I’m thankful for the fact that I've realized that i really do have and I feel so sorry and spoilt for whining and grumbling(well it sort of paid off, i’m picking mum from the airport and rumor has it that theres a new lace in her suitecase for me) I’ve been blinded with the preparations and all the glitz and show offs of the event that I haven’t truly thanked God for what we’re taking friends to church to thank him for. its been a good year.
I’m so thankful for my family, for standing by me, especially in those moments when I've acted like a spoilt child, even at my temporal moments of insanity they’ve believed in me, and let me be, not pressuring me(although I still feel the silent pressure) I’m thankful for the friends that have been supportive and given me laughs, for those who have prayed for and with me.i'm doing a thankyou project, writing a thankyou note to my family and everyone whos impacted my life positively this year. thats the best i can do to show how much i appreciate(well theres always a first class ticket to wonderland, but i'll pass on that, they'll appreciate the notes better right?). i'm thankful for my blogspot fam for sticking with me through the years. I’m thankful for my renewed faith in God and the chance to worship him in spirit, I’m thankful for the confident hope I have in Christ Jesus. All in all, i'm just thankful. 
Have a blessed and wonderful season, and as we come to the end of the year, its time we stop grumbling and start thanking, for in our thanks God showers more blessings, lets not be like the 9 lepers who didn’t bother going back.
P.S.. i'm thankful i'm not a turkey, not just any turkey, an american turkey. this season of thanksgiving and christmas must suck being an american for them:)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Fighting the past...

"...And no, I ain't perfect - nobody walkin this earth's surface is..." Jay Z, Bonnie n Clyde
now that’s the absolute true. we've all made some major mistakes in life. but hey thats the beauty of God,he gives the grace to rise up above our mistakes.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, things that somehow come back to haunt me. You know when you think you’ve scaled through your past all jolly and dandy, it somehow comes right back to bite you in the backside. No matter where we run to or how far we move, the distance of oceans and mountains, changing of addresses and names doesn’t keep the past away, it’s the past and its part of us one way or the other it finds us in the little hole we bury ourselves in cos its just got to have a taste of that butt of ours and Like misery the past loves company, and so its just going to haunt you down so you can keep him occupied, talk about those good ol’ days you’re running from.….
So the sooner we stop feeling sorry for ourselves and making excuses for our actions and past mistakes and start taking responsibilities the better it’d be for us,. By accepting the wrong and learning from it, we’re able to deprive our past the right to bite us in the backside. All you’ve got to do is take it by the collar, shove it against the wall ,like in the movies, but make sure you’re pumped up with steroids or else it’d just shove right back at ya(note steroids here is literal, more like prayers) 
Anyways you take it by the collar and confront every single bit of  it. No holds barred(well that’s pretty tough) and you might break down in tears even though you’re feeling like a toughie in a bar fight, but the tears makes you so human and makes it feel so right. After the confrontation(oh my, I love this part) you shove it on the floor, dust your hands, and like the movies, adjust your collar and strut away(or add a twist to it, adjust your lipstick and catwalk away)……… now that part I like. Purrrfect. Bye bye past, bye bye secrets. Hello future………
My past survived a major titanic like sink and found me, there I was stooping to pick up some bits and pieces of my porcelain life and just like that I felt the pain in my backside. And well..i think I re-enacted the bar fight scene real good and just before i adjusted my lipstick, I stooped and bite it back in the butt for good measure, not a nice taste but pay back’s a bitch innit, I just couldn’t leave it without it knowing what it feels like to bite a lady in the butt.…fight clubs got nothing on me...nada. i'm bad!!!!!!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

lesson learnt....

don't be quick to pat yourself on the back........i resisted the loveliest pair of purple platform sandals recently,purple is a favorite color of mine, i mean you should have seen my legs when i tried on those shoes. but i walked away, and my friend was so shocked, she even discussed it at the alpha group meeting.

Dr Okey Onuzo preached on being content some weeks ago, i left church that evening feeling renewed in spirit and ready to battle out my greed and want for more clothes, more this and more that.
i told myself i was content as i walked away from the shoes. i was proud of me and even though i've dreamed of that pair of  shoe for days now, i've been commending myself on my new found self control when it comes to shopping, after all my account is more or less the color of the pot at the end of the rainbow, i don't need the extra drama.

so today. i was sleeping peacefully in my cool room, glad to be indoors on such a hot hot day, the only thing taking me out is the shooting for celebrity takes 2,if i make it that is........i woke up at mid day, had breakfast in bed... well i wasn't served breakfast in bed, had to go whip something up for myself, but i had the breakfast in bed, so that counts as an 'awwwwww, how sweet' factor:) i served myself in bed.......sooooo romannntic.

then the call came in, this 'friend' just got back from brazil, i'd been hoping the call wouldn't come, but after my shoe resisting escapade, i knew when the call came i'd be able to resist the pull of temptation to buy, well so i thought, the call did come, and  i decided to humor her,and let her come home with the goodies, i'd uhhh and ahhhhh over her lovely bags, tsk my tongue at the brazilian weaves as i smugly tell her 'lovely things but sorry I'm not interested' and i would smile in glee at her shock that i would even think of punking her.

well she just drove off, i uhhhed and ahhed over the bags, shook my head at the Brazilian weaves and walked away and i'm back in my ac'ed room and still sweating,NOOOO i did not just pick a bag costing 20times more than those shoes(now i'm thinking i should have saved myself the trouble and picked up those shoes).  I couldn't let it go, there it was shining in its labeled leather glory giving me the puppy dog look and i knew i just had to take it. its funny cos as much as i love the bag, i dumped it in the laundry room with a pile of dirty clothes as i ran up to the room. not sure why i dumped it, probably self denial? not seeing it might seem like i didn't actually buy it. how could i? i haven't paid so i might as well return it, she wouldn't kill me would she? but would my life be the same without it? i've seen me use it with a dozen outfits already.

brings me back to the topic of self control and contentment Dr Onuzo preached about. he says we try to be godly, live godly lives,be better people on our own accord, yes self resolve does work but not enough to scale you over that hard pull of temptation. you resolve never to drink anymore and its fine, you do a good job at it, smugly announce and tell the story of how long we've stayed off drinking till you're out somewhere someday and everyone else is drinking and you're bored with your lime and soda thus you say 'oh, just a little vodka wouldn't hurt' and you end up being drunk..... the point is there's always something that'll take you back to a broken habit if you break on our own accord.

 the only way to overcome self and be a better person is by knowing you cant do it on your own but by the power and help of the holy spirit. when the spirit controls, its easier to overcome temptations, you laugh at those temptation in the face and waltz away
I was so proud of myself i forgot to thankGod for giving me the will to resist the lure of senseless shopping/spending. i went around smugly telling my story and claiming that i had changed. i didn't actually ask God for his spirit of wisdom and strength to continue in my resolve to break that habit.

i have been humbled, i've learned a lesson, an expensive one at that. but its a lesson learnt and i'm glad i learnt from it. now to return or not to return? that is the question. 

Friday, November 13, 2009

The single married man.

He’s everywhere you turn. He haunts you; he taunts you, he’s the new species of men available. The single married man

He’s that young handsome dude who’s wedding was splashed all over recently; yes they one you screamed in despair that you missed and envied the lucky ‘idiot’ who nailed the hot brova you always admired and hoped would notice you some day. it brought the crème de la crème of the society to a standstill as they all gathered round to bid him a happy married life. But you’re just in luck because after the honeymoon, he came back to town and he’s single again.

He more than before hangs out at his best mates penthouse, drinking Champagne, eating buckets of take out chicken wings, watching football on the 500inch TV, and playing PS20 on the larger than life screen with the boys. Belching on beer, scratching crotches, ordering pizzas and playing some dbanj’s ‘bad’ at the highest on his bang and olufsen speakers, with no care in the world.

“Its hard to be a married man” Ak droned as he tries to pop a bottle of Champagne, “you just cant give up being one of the boys with your boys, i ain't giving it up for no marriage you just cant leave that behind, life’s got to move on as it was.”(yes that’s a typical response)

Of course he has his ring glittering in all its 94k gold and diamond glory as he steps into the clubs/restaurants/lounges/ churches. Looking all pimply cute in some vintage Armani suit. But that doesn't stop him, no the ring is just another statement piece of jewelry, like his wristwatches.

He loves his wife don’t get him wrong, or well he feels something close to love for her, and he’s fulfilled all righteousness to self, society, family and the girl he dated for 3years by putting a ring on it( I’m doing the beyonce single ladies hand move here), and yes, she’s already pregnant, that’s an extra something something for her, what else does she expect from him?
(that’s why I feel so sorry for all those girls that scheme so hard to get the boyfriend to propose, they weigh him down with so much scheming that he has no choice but to get on his knees from the weight and propose……oh, you’re so toast)

Now its time for life to go on for him. He meets you, dates you, he takes you to the movies he holds your hands in public, he sleeps over, sometimes he even goes to church with you. But wifey never gets to hear about it, shes probably shopping in some country or too tired from taking care of the baby to notice he isn't home.

I might have spotted him a couple of times holding some damsels hands at picolomondo, but I’m all muddled up, was that really him and a mistress? (or girlfriend as he would correct me) I thought he got married two weeks ago? Or maybe its his sister or a business meeting. You never can tell these days, I try to make myself believe that maybe it really isn’t what it seems to be. But it is really what it looks like.

He’s the perfect boyfriend, the perfect husband, father and son in-law, The perfect married boyfriend and he’s the plower….in all the clubs, at the bars, the churches, the shops, well dressed in all his swagger, he’s there watching, flaunting the ring cos that’s what gets him heard, he’s the threat to the genuinely single guys(aka the unmarried single man).

You say ‘well the ladies must be stupid to still date him’ I agree with you, they’re stupid to remain with him after they find out he really is married and he really isn't leaving her(for those who had no idea from the start,90% of them know from the start),

The girls agree with you that its stupid but then where else would she find such a manly man from? Yes the single married man is as manly as can be, because he’s been molded by his wife, his swagger is tighter, he’s taken lessons 505 in the workings of the female mind from his wife, I mean he’s got to have had something to offer(outside money) for her to get married to him in the first place, he’s been screened and past the test of being manly by his wife, thus he’s just perfect for the single ladies, they don’t have to waste time giving him lessons, he’s a ready made man. He knows just what to do and say to make the single girl sigh, hes got lessons on intimacy and saying exactly what she needs to hear. He’s well glazed, honey glazed I mean, and he’s taken the scene, he’s every woman’s dream…….he’s the single married man. BEWARE!!!!

This leads me to saying, if it ain’t love then don’t do it. You can force a man to wed you but you cant make him be a married man or stay faithful, except he’s such a God fearing fella.

Adesuwa Onyenokwe of TW magazine and today’s woman’s show inspired me in one of her articles on her 20th wedding anniversary, about how she’s never had to deal with the issue of other women(yeah yeah some might call her naive for that thought, but somehow I believe cos I’ve seen their relationship although from afar and it makes me sigh).
She thought his faithfulness had to do with her trying her best to be a great wife and bla bla bla, until she asked him why? and he said he made a decision to be faithful right from the start and he worked at it to ensure he wouldn't fail regardless of temptations, now that’s something. He obviously wasn’t forced and schemed into marriage:)

You can be the best wife there ever was, cook, clean, scrub, be superwoman with a cleo patra/Helen of troy or a domestic loving goddess with some sort of seductive powers,or such a faithful student of cosmopolitan, its not enough to keep him faithful, its got to be an effort on his part, a vow between his spirit, soul, body and his God. Just like Job. "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl." Job 31:1

Through all this talks of cheating and all I have to remain positive and believe that when I FINALLY get married it will based on love and trust and Godliness, and hubby of mine will be a genuine Married Man.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Celebrity takes 2

Spirit of David's "Celebrity takes 2"(naija's edition of dancing with d stars/strictly come dancing) is back, bigger, more exciting. Season 2 is tagged "war on the dance floor", dont miss as nollywood battles the naija musicians, starring dakore, stella damasus, fred amata, yemi blag, fathia balogun, yinka davis, obiwon, kel, faze, zaaki.....
CT2 airing times are DBN:Wed 9.30-10.30pm; Sat 9.30pm-10pm. STV:Sat 9-10pm; Wed 3.30-4pm. HiTV (Nig): Sun 7-8pm; Wed 7-7.30pm.AIT:Sun 6-7pm,Wed yet to be confirmed.AfMag & HiNolly (Eng) will be confirmed later. Spread d word, Let's get Nigeria dancing.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Monday, November 2, 2009

Waxing it out!

Whoever invented waxing has got to be a foe of the female folk. I mean its mean man, after the first strips been reaped off, all i want to do is run off half waxed to pick up my shaving stick. But I end up enduring it with very teary eyes:)
Cos in the end,I love the relief I get from the soothing gel and I love the smooth feel of my legs.

But we just keep going back to the waxing table despite knowing how painful it is because....well its like childbirth, you're in labor and you curse and spit and regret ever having sex, till you push that little bundle out, you see its face and its all worth it,you forget the insanity of it all, and then you find yourself having sex yet again...:)

The end result of waxing is great,like the end result of being in labor, but the process is hell.

Lifes like having a good ol' wax, to achieve your dreams sometimes, you go through difficult situations....but you have to keep striving, bear the pain and frustration cos in the end it'll be all worth it, you'll get a nice clean out shiny skin(life), run away halfway and you look like a lunatic.

we've got loads of people roaming the streets with unfinished dream projects just because they're not tough enough to endure after the first challenge....if only we could just clench our fist and bite our inner lips and endure it all till its over...if only. Then life would be better.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Monday, October 26, 2009

Stooped to what?

Gullible girl: "He stooped to conquer", how sweet"

Me: "He stooped to conquer? No darling, he stooped quite alright, but twas to take a shit"

And that's life for you. You'll get played if you don't wisen up:)

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

those who be.....

"Those who be clerk today, make them chief clerk tomorrow, those who are petty trader today, make them big contractor tomorrow, those who dey sweep street today, give them their own big office tomorrow. If dey walka today, give us our bicycle tomorrow...those who have bicycle today, they will ride their own car tomorrow"........bro chume in trials of jerome by Wole soyinka

Well I would say, those riding in business class today, give them first class tomorow, those in first class, give them private jet tomorrow, those who get private jet, give them their on wings to fly. Those who get wings to fly, may thunder strike and sun burn them so they start to walka again:)

Those who eat for buka today, give them Mr biggs tomorow, those who eat in Mr. Bigs today, give them jevnik tomorow, those who eat in jevenik today give them prime chinese tomorow, those who eat in prime Chinese today, may they fly on their wings to paris to eat, those who eat in paris today, may they purge tomorrow.........:)

We never really get satisfied as humans, we always want one more....just one more step ahead, sometimes that 'one more step' takes us right back to where we started out from. And the process starts all over again.

Is anyone ever really satisfied? Would you call the want for more greed? Its funny how the person with a million dollars sometimes is never as satisfied as the one with just a thousand dollars.

"don't wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit" Proverbs 23:4

I think the secret of satisfaction is all about God....trusting completely and casting all your burdens to him. Your little would seem so big and you really don't care anymore. You would board that plane and your coach seat would feel like you're in first class. You're content, and that's bliss.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Tarzan Monologues--and the men also have voices.

I haven't been to the theatre in a while,or to any poetry event taruwa, and bla and bla and bla for about three/four months, i was begining to feel rusty and unfaithful to my love for the arts.
thus today, i went to theatre@terra, not knowing what was showing, but going to have a good time all the same with a friend.

And what a comeback to theatre it was for me, i was welcomed with one of the best plays ever 'the Tarzan monologues' its a spin off of the vaginal monologue, highlighting the world through the eyes of men. it was the premiere of the play. just my luck.
all i can say is OMG, it was hilarious. Wole Oguntokun the director and writer(remember he directed the v-monologue- the Nigerian story)did a wonderful job. its such a creative idea and he had wonderful actors to compliment it all. there was kunle Adeyoola of the music group Roof top Mcs, the acclaimed Nigerian actor Bimbo Manuel, my personal favorite Terra male act Precious Anyanwu, O.C Ukeje and a couple of other wonderful actors.
   (obviously not the official poster of T-Monologues. i thought i'd give a lil' credit to Tazan:)

Of course the play had to be such a come back at women...everything said about the female species bordered on the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so true i actually went ouch even as i cheered and laughed at monologues after monologues. it talked about everything from money, women, sex, erectile dysfunction, sexual abuse, religion, pressure, sterility, virginity,job loss, relationships, age, marriage and infidelity and of course the centre of all this themes was woman(they just cant do without us errr, the good the bad and the ugly, we're right there in their faces)

from Mr Manuels monologue on how as an older man, a way older man, he has it so easy with the younger ladies, they just seem to fly into his territory without him having to try so hard unlike in the days of his youth in 'powerful, sexy, grey' (of course his money draws them in), to the nagging of mothers, always berating their less successful sons lack of ingenuity in 'jack Gowons mother', to the vicious mouths of ladies especially when it comes to the bedroom,they just dont understand that a man fails to function properly when even the sound of his heart beat scares him as he imagines its the landlord coming for his rent or the banker coming to harrass for a loan payment, to the inevitable contempt a woman feels when somehow the tides turn and shes the sole bread winner in the family, to the male child syndrome(which it was revealed, that really the men don't care about having a male child, its the women who keep wanting to try again and again after having girl after girl) in 'mama na boy', to religion and the role of pastors in courtship in 'me, my girl, her pastor and the church", and of course it talked about how the desire to satisfy the wants of your girlfriend from prada shoes and jimmy choos to new cars to land, yes..land(the girls these days are mean with their demands) etc, leads you to start taking money that doesn't belong to you from work(who knows maybe the politicians embezzle cos of women) till you find yourself in jail.....and of course the lady is still free outside and in his words "another would buy her prada"

there was pimp my bride.....the hilarious story of how women retire from taking care of themselves after marriage thus sending men to infidelity and vice versa, to the story of the immigrant, the one who would go to America and come back for holidays in his home country, liberated from poverty thus the power to scream 'bullshit" as he pleases to whoever he wants including the president, to 'hadijat' the childhood sweetheart in the village who now walks in heels in the city ignoring her local love while he does the labor in the parks reminising about the good old days of loving he and hadijat shared.... I laughed my heart out at the ploy women use to hook ready made men as husbands. hilarious, all you girls thinking of hooking a man by getting pregnant, get your facts straight first.

'open letter to my father' gave food for thoughts, would you say you were wealthy because of the mansions and cars your father had or because of the love and attention you got from him? 'A mans world' got me smiling so broadly....just because i was spent laughing. it really is a womans world afterall.

then theres 'the first time' which talks about sexual abuse. it made me think how much we've taken for granted that the male child gets sexually abused too, its not only the females that are subjected to it. maybe we think 'they're boys', they probably enjoyed it and even went back for more. even as much as i laughed hard at this particular monologue, i think it should be taken more seriously. how many men are walking the streets traumatised by the actions of their childhood 'aunties'...
i loved 'local boy' and how Mr Manuel talked about what a local boy he was despite the oxford education, being seen in the right places with the right people, eating in the right resturants and playing the right sports. in the midst of all the glitz and glam, he still remains just 'a local boy'

and i was so proud of 'defilement' the monologue about rape. the men came out to disclaim all animals formerly known as men who dared to defile the delicacy of a woman by raping her. they raved at the excuse used of her causing it by wearing short skirts or whatever. rape has been such a silent crime in Nigeria for soo long, the sooner we start to discuss it openly and give the beasts what they deserve, the sooner we'll become a better people. think of all the ladies who are victims of rape suffering in silence just because they've been told it's their fault...."why would you sashay past a man and not expect him to rape you? especially in those jeans'. pathetic

oh theres more, lots more of the monologues, more than i can write about, and the grand finale was the '6 myths about marriage" i love love loved it.

I'm still not over the thrill i had there. i loved the fact that the actors sang and danced to popular naija tunes before each monologue, there was d'banjs 'suddenly' and 'tongolo' sunny nnejis 'tolotolo' and a couple of others. i would never in a million years be able to put to words the thrill i had. you can only watch it to understand what I'm all gushed out about.
its hilarious and same time thought provoking.

Tarzan monologue will be showing every Sunday for the rest of the month at terrakulture. tickets cost just N2000. theres an afternoon show for 3pm, and the evening show for 6pm. check out this website for more details on theatre@terra. and naija theatre
i've got a feeling they're going to be touring with this one. so watch out, just incase they march into your town. you wouldnt want to miss this.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

the Figurine.....movie premiere

for lack of better things to blog about:)
i was at the Lagos premiere of the 'figurine' staring Kunle Afolayan, Funlola Aofiyebi-Raimi, Ramsey Nouah, Tosin Sido, Omoni Oboli.
the movie was priemered at Genesis Deluxe cinemas at the palms. i think the guys at genesis did a wonderful job. as it went Hitch free and was quite glamorous.

i didnt take the pictures myself so you wouldnt have the best,as i would have captured more familiar faces and fun moments. i didnt get the red carpet pictures, i wish i did, it was grand, more like a raffia carpet, with the african tourches by the sides, ushers dressed in some funky styled ankara, food served in banana leaves, african staples like akara and thingys.....

the night went well, i was really impressed with the movie, not your typical naija movie, the plot, the cinematography, the acting, the suspense, the unexpected twist, nothing like your everyday predictable naija movies..... i mean i'm not a naija movie buff but gosh, i was soo impressed, ramsey killed his role, and the little kid? so not the 'mummy, daddy said(pause) i should have(pause, look at the camera for a second) ice cream today' typical naija child role type.
i love it that they took care of details, the rich didnt have mansions like our movies love to show with a dozen cars parked outside and body guards with tons of househelps trying to be comedians.....rather, they had a beach house, the effect was nice, a beach house is simple but we all know its expensive. the scence at the golf course was credible too(although they tried so hard in marketing the golf resort, and promoting unilever prouducts which were sponsors) i'm not so good at giving rave reviews, so all i can say is, twas a nice movie, better than the rest in technicalities.
only thing is i have a problem with the 'ararome' theme. I wouldnt watch harry potter movies and same reason i wouldnt go for halloween parties...the whole ararome thingy was quite scary and my senses kind of revolted against it, i walked out towards the end of the movie. thus its not a movie i'll go out of my way to watch, like i'll never go out of my way to way a harry potter movie even though its that good.

enjoy the pictures

i love this...the african theme
i've got to admit, never been a big fan of Ramsey, but gosh, he looks so pweety...oops handsome here. i still maintain he should have worn natives like his fellow cast members, afterall, the theme was african. but who cares. oh, thats his son by the way.
i love his(Ramsey) daugther, shes so cute.
'The Figurine' star Funlola Aofiyebi-Raimi(she was fantastic, gave depth to the definition of 'successful desperate lagos big girl)ramsey Nouah and co-star Tosin Sido
Rita Dominic......couldnt find a pix of Genevive in the mix. she looked stunning too:)
is that a blackberry i see in Ritas hands? cant Nokia like sue for this? lol,shes supposed to be the face of nokia right? that means representing nokia all the way.
Omoni Oboli, Toyin Subair HiTV MD, Peter Balogun of Genesis Cinema

yummy...the lady had wacked it all
Singer obiora obiwon, Kene Okwusa, Tewa(publisher Exquisite magazine)
cast and crew of the figurine
cast, crew and friends
Kene Mkparu MD Genesis Cinema's and Ramsey Nouah
Kunle Afolayan(directed and featured in the movie), Kene Mkparu and Omoni Oboli with her son(they both did an awesome job)
Ramsey and family
patrick Dolye and Ramsey
Comedia Tee A and friends(i hate the tags on pictures FQ and friends, it pisses me off...lol but i have no choice here)

the Genesis fellas....or should i say Odeon convicts(they all broke out to come give Naija cinema culture a boost the Odeon way...only better, well i hope:)

errrr....guest??? i think the chics nollywood. i mean the photographer took her a pic:)

Adegberon Ajibade(aka) Soji in Mnet soap tinsel...hes an old school mate. what a jolly renuion we had(you'd think we were so close in school)
D1(abi keke? of primetime entertainment) Patrick Doyle, Fred Amata etc

There was loads of nollywood out to support, joke jacobs, kate henshaw, genevive nnaji, the cast of mnet series tinsel, errrrrr, cant remember em all, the musi industry too were well represented, roof top mc's, obiwon, the coporate top guns, and of course me:)

i'm not cut out for entertainmet news obviously, i'll leave that to bella and linda ikeji lol'. gosh, loading all the pictures and tagging them. i could have written a post with all that time.

Its Mum's 61st birthday today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the best mum in the whole wide world. yeah i know you always thought your mum came first, sorry to burst your bubble, she comes right after mine:)
this year, theres no ticket and planned trip for her:) blame it on the recession.
but shes got the best gift ever, our love and our prayers.
God bless her and keep her and grant her long life and prosperity to see all her childrens children.
Going to creep into bed now with her......i love having my mummy around. it turns me into a baby all over again:)

bless you all.


Monday, October 5, 2009

a few of my favorite things.....

was going through my photo archives, and this brilliant idea popped out, do a post on 'a few of my favorite things' with some of the pictures, so yes, i was really bored in the middle of the night. but i had fun doing it.

My camera and i
I love my camera. I love taking pictures. i'm no expert, i dont really care about iso speeds and whatever grammar they speak with photography. i just love to take pictures. and i love my Sony camera although i've been lusting after the Nixon D90. i'm hoping to get myself one for Christmas or get one as a Christmas present:)

the pearl set and i
There are some things you cant let go of, no matter how broke you are. once you see it displayed you know you've got to get it. I saw this piece and fell in love with it. I was hooked, I was broke, I had a sleepless night, twas like a druggie who needed a fix. I finally had to break in to my secret stash to pick it up before the other bidders beat me to it. For over a year I’ve had it just seating in a case, never worn it, till about a month ago when i finally got to show it off. I fell in love all over again.

the beach and i
i love the beach. i love the sand, i love the feel of the water on my legs, that pull( i never go more than a few feet into the water:)), i just stay close enough for the waves to touch me. there's something soothing about sitting and staring into the ocean, vast and blue and so mysterious, makes me think of me........
the borrowed wristwatches and i
one is a mont blanc and the other a chanel. i love these watches. but unfortnunately they arent mine, just took them for these shots, belong to my sis.... i also love the pinkie rings, especially this gold ring with three tiny diamonds stones in it
tesco coconut cake and / oreos crumbled in vanilla bluebunny icecream
Oreos, separated, cream licked off and crumbled into a bowl of bluebunny vanilla flavored icecream…my guilty pleasure. I love. Then this coconut cream cake from tesco….my my my, mouthgasm is the word, the way it melts in my mouth...wow.....i try to get a steady supply of cake coming in to lasgidi, but its becoming a burden on my family *sigh*

cool aid and i

yes its all about the food:). i love kool aid in every flavor it comes in.

muimui and i
This bag….carries everything…makes it feel easier to be a lady without feeling clumsy with yourself for having so much stuff to carry. It hides everything, from a pack of cereals to that extra pair of slippers to the dvd sets to the pile load of books and a change of clothes, to the bulky camera and cos its so big, its easier for money to get lost in it, so on that day you're really broke at home, and you take your time to search, you find some good 'ol naira note you need to recharge your phone

river island and i
i love this river island bag, and i love it even more cos its so cheap and georgeous.

mac and i
its true what they say, once you go mac, you cant go back. been using it for just over a year and now using any other laptop is pure torture. i'm such a faithful convert.

candles and i
i love candles. Nothing stimulates the mind more than candles. i love to light them up in dark rooms and just watch them flicker and burn while i inhale the sweet and almost heady scents. And days when i'm really bored, i play around with them, move objects and watch how they glow in the light, then i take pictures.

food and i
i love well presented buffet tables . i'm not a big eater, but i love food. especially during occasions, which is such a drag as eating at events is such work for me(trying to act all babe like, while i starve to death). so i can only go crazy with buffets when its at events done at home. by crazy i mean, having a taste of whatever looks interesting and safe.

red velvet and i
i'm beginning to feel like a food junkie. i'm not. i love this one from hummingbirds bakery, omgoodness, you need to try it out, and cos we dont have any hummingbird bakery in niaja, my sis decided to try baking one herself when the crave for some red velvet cake almost gave us the shakes. she did a good job, it was just as delicious….although it doesn't look exactly like the real thing:) she tried vamping it up a little by just pouring melted chocolate on it to give it some extra something something,this was a first attempt, the second was even better.

shopping and i
every girl loves to shop. i love to shop, although i confess, i hate the process of shopping. i wish i could seat in a shop and all the shopping comes to me. makes it more convenient and even more fun than walking my feet out. this were pictures were taken while unpacking stuff sometime last year.

wii and i
i love my wii. especially wii fit. then i do a little wii sports, and then i'm a fan of fifa 09 my fun moments with fifa is playing as arsenal against man u, and making arsenal loose woefully:) i even have arsenal players scoring against themselves.....ahhh, the joy of virtual world. the wii fit has helped keep me fit. seriously, i do yoga and suddenly i'm doing stretches i never imagined i could. i love boxing too and step dancing. although i havent been on the board for a little over two months, i hope to continue gaming soon enough.

year of the ox pendant
this is the Chinese symbol of an ox, which represents the year of my birth. i've had it for about 6 years, in silver. i had a gold duplicate made for me while in dubai last year. I try not to get interested in all the zodiacs cos i feel they're not what a christian should do. but i think this is different from the everyday zodiac. the year of the ox has some story attached to it, according to the books The Ox symbolizes prosperity through fortitude and hard work. Those born under the influence of the Ox are fortunate to be stable and persevering (of course in my view you cant be all that without God)." Oxen do not appear to be imaginative (not so sure about this bit) though they are capable of good ideas(this i know). Although not demonstrative or the most exciting people romantically (so wrong)they're entirely dependable(right on point), and make devoted parents. Oxen are renowned for their patience, bit it has its limits, once roused, their temper is a sight to behold(yeah, you should see me flare up)" kind of true. and i really do make a wonderful mummy...ask my nieces.

house and i
dr Gregory House. why I haven’t been following house till recently still dazzles me. I love that grumpy funny arrogant doctor. mcdreamy what? Greys anatomy what?...move over, Dr house is in the house.
funny thing about watching all the medical dramas is somehow you get educated and familiar with terms, you actually feel like you could be a really cool doctor. and then theres the panic attack when you get a headache and blurred vision, you start panicking and thinking maybe its something more, maybe you should go see dr. House, what would Dr Foreman, Dr Cameron and Dr chase think it is? would they have to call dr. Cuddy in for a consult. well thankGod its only a headache afterall.

my praise and i
Redeemed praise and worship meley. Awesome. I love the talking drum, makes me want to marry a Yoruba man, so we can get our praise on together:)
nothing sounds sweeter than hearing God’s name praised and worshiped in Yoruba. i just cant explain that feeling. this would probably be playing on repeat if you get in my car.

Pure T,Mac and i
Germaine de Capuccini's "PURE T" skin range is the shizzle. its the perfect therapy for my oily skin. I love it, and I love Yeni at barazahi even more for recommending it to me. and the mac primer is a winner too. thanks to the two oily face isn’t such a lover of my face anymore.

shoes and i

i got these pair about 2months ago, never used them. but i love staring at them, jessica simpsons song comes to play when i bring it out 'these shoes are meant for walking, and some day i'm gonna walk all over you" :)

flowers and i

i'm not exactly crazy about flowers, but i love to recieve them, be from a hater or a wannabe lover or a friend. theres this feel good enzyme it sends to my brain. i'm almost stoned with being happy. i dont go all sniffing on them, but i love the flash of colors, and the look of envy because 'yes, the flowers are for me' when the delivery guy comes knocking.

nicole farhi and i

Nicole farhi femme…this is my favorite perfume ever…unfortunately it’s almost finished and I dont have an extra supply. thanks to the fact that you dont find it in every store, you'd think it was so expensive from the way it gets scarce. I love it, its unique. Its like my secret stash, I wipe it out on special special occasions.

money and i
i put this on the list cos without money how do i get some of my favorite things? everybody likes money. its when you serve and worship money that you know you're in serious trouble. well money's so serving me or it will pretty soon. and it's one of my favorite servants:)

amongst other favorites are...my blackberry. i really cant use any other phone anymore. my second line has been abandoned for a bit cos the iphone just gets dumber by the day. even dear old nokia phones i was faithful to have become such bores...sigh. as long as i havent gone crazy or checked into a home for bb addiction after a year plus. i'll stick to the crankberry.

my bible and i.....…I’m going intimate with God and studying his word is like a letter from a lover. Very refreshing, very honest and true and comforting and uplifting. my open heavens daily devotion by pastor Adeboye and ODM(our daily manna) are faves too. they serve as a GPS system for me in navigating through life. its taught me how to navigate my way out of anger and depression and fear and frustration.

theres the spa....these days barazahi spa(gosh they've got to pay me for hyping them up so good). but trust me they're so good. i've recommended some stiff neck guys(i dont do spas in naija types) there and well, they've gone a second time.
going to the spa is one of my favorite things to do. its relaxing. you're secluded from the world for a few hours, just you and the therapist who respects the need for silence as she works on you. i love the herbal massage. it doesnt just relax your muscles, it relaxes your senses too, i'm not a sucker for facials, but i know i have to do it. i love body scrubs and mud wraps, and steam rooms and the jacuzzi, the Spanish manicures and pedicures...the hated waxing that i try to avoid as much as i can. Its luxury sometimes, but its a much needed luxury. i always feel like a new woman when i step out, just like the lady in the joy soap ad must have felt when she walked the streets and the people stopped and stared. i'm not saying people stop and stare,but gosh, she must have felt so..... its just about that 'Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now....so good, so good..." feeling.

jeans and i....i've got over not about 20pairs of jeans...i always feel so comfty in jeans, i could do with wearing jeans every day of the year. it got worrisome i had to start investing in skirts and dresses. its just so versatile and chicky. especially if you've got the right fit.

inyamus eldorado and i...yeap, i love inyamus eldorado weally weally much. shes such a companion:)
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