Backbenchers....

The only reason I agreed to go for the networking dinner was the food. Cocktails, small chops, and a Five-course meal…  like seriously, five-course, no joke! I wasn’t interested in the oily talk (it was an intimate dinner, with talks on the workings of the oil industry and opportunities to grab at within.) There were loads of top shots from the oil industry and the financial sector in attendance, the MDs and CEOs and the then minister of petroleum… 

I recognized a few faces from the financial institutions… but what I was desperate to introduce myself to, was the food. I could certainly relate with the food. I still don’t understand what it is with food and I… buffet to be exact, when in truth, I’m not such a foodie as I claim to be. I do not eat as much as I sound off.

I ended up greeting just one of the Ogas who knew me and after the awkward cocktail, which I duly networked with the small chops (because seriously, what was I meant to say to them? Little me? I was intimidated, even with my designer dressed to impress dress) I humbly looked for a table as far back as possible, away from the spot light, away from the big men and women, a table with one or two familiar and welcoming faces, a table that didn’t intimidate me. A table I could have fun on and eat without judgment. A table I could whip out my blackberry and do what people do when they fumble with their blackberries as they talk rigs and offshore and inshore and whatevershore that isn’t foodshore.

All was fine when one of the famous oil company MD’s took the stage as the MC. All was fine when he walked to some tables to pick random individuals to introduce themselves… We heard CEO’s and MD’s and all the big titles. All was fine because I was out of sight. All was fine until he stated the obvious; in school, backbenchers were those who didn’t want attention; those who hid at the back to avoid attention… 

All was fine when he walked on causally, like he was taking a stroll, making side comments about the back tables and inching closer till of all the backbenchers, he chose our table to stop at.

All wasn’t fine.

Now my sister is light skinned, so as uneasy as I was about this unwelcome development, I was relaxed that she’d be the unlucky one on the table, serves her right for having a color that attracts and distracts from us. And better yet, if she was picked, she belonged with the gathering as she had a working base in oil.

I tried not to catch his eyes when he stood over us making some jokes, which was easy to do as i was backing him. That didn't stop him from handing the mic over to me!!! 

My heart did a double flip somersault. Just talk oil already and let sleeping dogs lie.
I was not so lucky. 
Any closer the mic and my heartbeat would have been heard all over the room.
The whole room was quite, and all eyes were on the table, my table! I got up, sucked in my belly, glad that at least I had a nice tailored designer dress on for the cameras. If all else failed, my dress would give them something to talk about. 
I put my head up, stilled my shaky voice and introduced myself with my idea of swag, or more like with the voice of a scared mouse… I didn’t own any company; or work in oil. I had just resigned, so how do I introduce myself? Joke and say I’m the youngest retiree in the room? (Remember the food confirmed my attendance) But, if that was what it would take to partake in the meal, I may as well do it. I introduced myself with a self-confidence that would make you think I owned the stock broking house I resigned from, but conveniently said I still worked in (I promise, I lie no more).
I shook when I sat down, wanting to run out… After the introduction, the MD’s rushed over with their cards and I got offers from everywhere and I was an oily hot cake, and I was dropping business cards in my purse like it’s hot…. Now that’s how a story should end. But it didn’t end that way, it ended better… I still was able to eat after i was rattled. Now that’s a happily ever after.

Lesson from my story? Food has been known to put you in a tight spot since err mm…  well, ask Eve, she’ll tell you how she got it bad for a fruit.

Another lesson? Be overly confident, sit on the best forefront tables, let the cameras get you, when you act like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother with harassing you.

And on a serious note…

The best brains of the nation may be found on the last benches of the classroom” APJ Abdul Kalan

Today, we run from God, hiding from his will, thinking we’re not good enough, nor close to the weight of the pastors we see on the pulpits preaching or those we see making it big in our career paths… we walk into the cocktail of life with all the big names and creep to the back seats to sit quietly, thinking we’re not worth the attention of the world. All we want to do is have a part of the kingdom. Thus we hide, and with us hide our talents. 

When we hide, God still finds us, and singles us out and puts us in the spot light for Him… its up to us to make the best use of the opportunity He’s given us, unashamed and unafraid even in our fear… I mean we really want to be a part of His feast of glory we might as well do what we have to do while we enjoy it. Jonah in all his hiding was still (literally) fished out. 
You may feel irrelevant, hidden, overlooked by the industry and field you’re in. You may feel like the spotlight already has one too many people to bother with you… but God looks round, He walks to the backbenchers, and He picks His servants up from there, those He can use.

David was seated at the back of the class. His brothers overshadowed him, he was pushed to the background of the fields, but God reached out and found him in the field with his sheep and anointed him king. The fact that you feel hidden doesn’t mean God can’t find you. And if you’re running from His will, good luck to you, He will find you, even if it means leaving you at the mercy of a storm and fish to get your attention, He will… It’s just so much easier to suck your belly and behave like no shaking when you hear Him call, than run round in circles. Gideon certainly was no top shot, but he was fished out.

Lesson learnt... the back table isn’t far enough to hide you from the spotlight… there ain’t no place too far to hide from God.

Life...

Someone sent a mail to an email fellowship group I belong to, asking us to pray for a friend of a friend, she was a young lady battling with cancer. She put up a link to her blog, and I remember reading it and feeling so heart broken. I muttered a short prayer and moved on. I didn’t even remember her after that, not until I went through my mail some days ago and read that the young lady had died. I went back to read her last post and I don’t know what to feel. My heart aches… she was brave and I pray she’s now at rest in God’s bosom, but my heart aches. I never want to imagine what it felt like for her, what writing that last post meant, what her last moment was like. I hate to imagine, which is sad because my mind gets over itself and tries to paint pictures it shouldn’t be painting.

I pray for healing, for whoever is battling with any illness. I pray that the doctors’ report will be overruled by the report of the Lord, which says you are healed. I pray that He will show Himself strong for you and give you a testimony in the land of the living. I pray that you will prevail.

We are young, God has a plan, we can’t allow the devil creep in and try to deny us of the glorious future and hope God has in store for us.

And for those who are mourning a loved one. Remember how Job lost all his children and property? Remember how God restored to him a double portion of all he lost, but when it came to children, he had the same number? 

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So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses. He had also seven sons and three daughters.” Jobs 42:12-13

Think about it. He gave double of the material things because they were really lost, but he gave the same number of children as Job had in the beginning because they weren’t really lost. They may be gone physically, but we haven’t lost them… 

May God comfort you in the way only He can. And remember you haven’t lost them…

The Boat...

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Have you ever felt like you were wasting time while waiting on God and letting Him use you for His purpose? Use you to reach out to people for Him?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I want to do more… Sometimes I feel like I’ve stayed still long enough and it’s time to launch out and do MY thing, even though I’m clueless as to what it is. Live wherever I want to. Fall in love with any of the beautiful men that make me laugh… live the good life where everybody knows your name, you’re popular and get to go everywhere you’re invited.

Sometimes it’s crazy…

Sometimes I want to write… and I sit down to put something beautiful down, something witty, because I really am funny or I can write funny… I think.

Sometimes I want to wow your minds with what I can do, but all I end up writing is Jesus! He just finds a way to creep in and I can’t turn Him down. Thus I stay still and let Him flow through me… even as much as I itch to write something else… anything.

Let me tell you a beautiful story. A man named Peter labored and toiled all night, in the peak of the fishing hour and caught nothing. Not his talent or his strength or his going out at the right hour could get him the catch he needed. And just as he gave up for the day, washing away the dirt the net accumulated; Jesus came to him and asked him a favor. He asked to use his boat, his source of livelihood to teach, to reach out to the people and he let him. Peter could have chosen not to, or he could have given an excuse, told Him he was tired from a fruitless labor or anything, but he didn’t. He let Jesus in and from Peter’s boat; Jesus taught the crowd that had gathered. I assume he must have gotten impatient at some point, I’ve always imagined Peter to be this huge, intimidating, impatient man … but with a kind heart.

He must have watched the other fishermen give the sea one more try before retiring, but he couldn’t launch out to attempt one more time because Jesus was using His boat, he wasn’t in control anymore. Maybe he must have felt like I did, like he was wasting time, his heart beating as fast as mine is now…  doing nothing. Just in a boat that was rocking from side to side and moving nowhere… maybe he was tempted to tell Jesus to step out so he could try fishing one more time… just maybe, but he waited, the gentle giant waited, till it was seemingly too late for one more try before retiring for the day, because the sun came out and no one fishes in this season.

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When Jesus was done, He turned to Peter and asked him to launch out. It was an unusual request…. He would be going against the principles of fishing and the laws of attraction. He toiled all night, and now it was out of season, no one skilled in fishing would dream of fishing at that hour or call fishing at that hour a brave idea because it was stupid, that’s what it was, a waste of time and energy… but he agreed, and he launched out at the instruction of Jesus, and oh mine, what a catch he made. An exceptional extraordinary one, so extraordinary that he couldn’t handle it by himself, he had to call for help… he was an employer of labor. He had an overflow that he had no choice but to involve others.

You see, when Jesus asks to use you, your talent, the work of your hand, your life… as hard as it is, yield yourself… sometimes you’ll be yielded to Him and feel planted, like you’re stagnant, but let Him do what He’s doing through/from your boat. As you stay planted in Him, your roots will go deep, before your fruit eventually shoots up. You watch your mates ‘hustling’ and you’re right there sitting as God uses you. You watch them get married to the tall, dark, handsome wealthy man and there you sit rocking from side to side in the boat. You watch others singing about booties and climbing the charts, but there you are singing wholesome songs, and Jesus songs and staying at the bottom, nowhere close to the charts, not because you’re no good, you’re certainly better than them, but your boat is occupied and you’re only recognized in churches.

Don’t despair, Keep letting him speak through you…. And then one day, He’ll look at you and tell you to launch out. It may be something unconventional, some beat you’ve never heard before, something you’ve never done before, something strange, a strange and weird move in your career, a weird style of writing, a weird clothing design, a weird way, a man you never dreamed you would date, way out of your spec… and oh mine, what a catch you will get, more than enough, that you can’t handle yourself, you will have to call other fisher men, other professionals to help. Your harvest will be such an overflow that nations will come running to you, your marriage will be so blessed that people would use you as a reference point. You can’t let God use you and end up at the bottom. They may laugh when you take a step of faith and launch when He instructs you to, but let them, you’ll know who’s got the last laugh soon enough.

So when I see myself despair… I think of Peter, and I relax in my boat as I watch the master reach out through me. Don’t despair… Keep yielding yourself to be used… Soon, He’ll ask you to launch out and oh my, what a catch… What a catch!

"No Other Choice" by Tye Tribbet is the apt soundtrack to this post. The words of the song paint the perfect picture my words may have been unable to capture.

[Verse 1:]

So many times in life before, I tried and tried to do things my way (hey, hey, hey)

I thought that I was smart enough; I thought I knew enough to (handle my self)

I didn't realize the problem was, the struggle was between my will and Yours

So I'm giving up my will for Yours, I'm totally depending on You (please come through)

[Hook:]

I have no other choice but to trust You

That's all I can do

I have no other choice but to believe

[Verse 2:]

Now when trouble comes my way, I don't cry, I just lift my eyes (to the hills)

'Cause Your word says my help is gonna come, I'm just gon rest in what You say (hey, hey, hey)

[Bridge:]

'Cause I know every word You say is true

And every promise that You made it will come to

So no matter how long it takes

I'll be here still giving praise

Waiting on my change to come

She Rocks....

With mother’s day just around the corner(U.S), Yvonne I. Wilson of Empowerment Moments Blog is 'Celebrating the life of mothers who rock', and I feel blessed that she asked me to be a part of this wonderful series. Mothers are special, so special I could cry thinking about just how extra special I’ll be when I’m a mother… I mean I am a mother of seven right now without the labor pangs, but yeah :) …

My feature was posted today, check it out and leave your thoughts here.

The Equation...

I told you the mathematics story right? I probably did. But I’m that nice aunty, that you just have to sit through one of her stories even when you’ve heard it a million times and smile through it pretending it intrigues you each time.

So my niece had this math homework. I got home late and met them struggle with it, my two sisters failed and I certainly wasn’t feeling like a champ because I hate math. I was clueless. I used the calculator and I got the right answer… what in the world did the teacher expect? Why use your brains when you can use a calculator? Everyone was in a fix… I pretended to try to solve it, but in my head I was probably daydreaming about something else, probably a warm bath after all that cold outside. 
The last resort was to email the equation to my brother to solve it and send it back to us in time for school the next day.

All this time, mummy sat watching her daughters shame her… one eye on the Nollywood channel, and the other on what her investment in our education produced.
 

After watching us shame ourselves for a bit, she asked for the work book. I was about smart mouthing her to stay out of it, you know something like “I don’t think you’ll be able to do this”. She left the maths text book over 50 years ago after all, I wasn't all wrong for thinking that.

I reluctantly took the book to her, and there she calmly sat, holding the pen like a cup of hot chocolate, and within a few minutes, mother dear mother had solved the equation, without a calculator, to the last decimal point… When she handed the work paper, I checked the calculator and I was shocked. She got it handled just like Olivia Pope would, and without the gladiators in suits! She's good!!! My mummy needs no gladiators to handle issues... well with the three daughters in the room as her gladiators, she might as well not bother. Olivia who? (spare me for going all scandal on you)

 

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 Needless to say, my niece’s teacher accused the sweet child of using a calculator and failed her, because it was impossible to get the answer so accurately without using one. I really wanted my mum to go the overpriced, stuck up school to give the teacher a schooling the old school way… you know show off,  but oh well. Some things are just so unbelievable when they are true. Fact stranger than fiction sort of strange.

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I’m retelling this story for a reason. We go through tight knots sometimes, and we feel we’re old enough to handle certain situations ourselves, and so we ignore the one person in the room who has the answer and waste time going round in circles till the last minute. And when we humble ourselves enough to hand it over to God, He works it out in such a supernatural way that makes people to doubt, because who can explain His ways?

What issues are you going through? Stop passing it round like that equation, getting clueless people to give you clueless advices…. Turn to the one sitting in the room, watching you and waiting for you to ask for His help. You never get too old to need mothers help. She may be old, but she’s still as smart… God may be the ancient of days but He’s still smarter than you are even with all your ipads and smart phones and google. Let Him be your first point of call when you get a twisted equation dumped on you.

It's so easy, when we don't choose to make it complicated.

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Broken Rules...

Some rules ought to be broken, bent or ignored. Especially those that are so rigid, that in the pursuit of sticking to them, we miss the point of the rules in the first place, and just mess up a bunch of other things. No wonder we were redeemed from the law, too much chaos under it. 

I attended a wedding ceremony at a church in Port Harcourt. Considering the fact that it was a wedding and there would be visitors unaware of the rules of the church, they should have been nicer and willing to concede a little. But they wouldn’t let me into the church because my hair was not covered. It wasn’t a catholic church, and so I was completely taken unawares.  The aso-ebi was a fascinator, so the ladies who bought it had an all access pass. (Note to self, stop rejecting asoebis.) As decently dressed as I was, I couldn’t get in. Fortunately for me, a friend had a clean hanky I could use to place on my head, it was either that or one of my pocket tissues or waiting in the car.

I got distracted when I got into the tastefully built church. All around me were scantily dressed ladies, comfortably seated with their fascinators. I gasped at their too tight dresses with hemlines that were almost non-existent. My mind was on an over drive. Time for the thanksgiving offering unleashed more of the dresses that were hidden from my sight, too tight, too short, boobs sticking out

It got more ridiculous when a friend walked out of the church to take a call and came back amazed. He saw a lady being bounced from entering into the church because she was dressed in a pant suit. From what he overheard, she tried to make them understand that she came from Kaduna for the wedding and had no idea of the rules, but they still wouldn’t bulge. Not only was she not allowed inside the church, but she couldn’t stay within the premises with trousers, she had to wait outside the gate till we were done. Now, I sighted the pant suit and it was a very decent one, not snug in anyway. In fact, it made my dress look like a party wear. But sorry lady, rules are rules... So, a decently dressed lady is not allowed into the church because her braided hair is uncovered, but a near naked woman is gladly welcomed because her hair is covered and she isn’t wearing trousers. Rules are rules right?

I guess somewhere along the way we missed the point. Some rules are meant to be broken.

You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the evil powers of this world. So why do you keep on following rules of the world, such as, “Don’t handle, don’t eat, don’t touch.” Such rules are mere human teaching about things that are gone as soon as we use them. These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, humility, and severe bodily discipline. But they have no effect when it comes to conquering a person’s evil thoughts and desires. Col 2:20-23

Precisely Random...

Sometimes you shop for random things only to realize that all the seemingly random items match perfectly well with something in your wardrobe and they make a perfect ensemble. We have no idea when the fabric is made or designed or how it's cut and sewn... It's sent into the store and as we shop randomly, we sight the outfit and buy it because it's just perfect for us. 
I bought a lovely print dress; a few days later I walked into another shop and as I was walking to the till to pay for a bag, I noticed a pair of shoes and picked it up without thinking twice about the color… When I got home, I realized the shoes were a perfect match for the dress.

A few months later while shopping in some random shop I only went into because I saw a billboard with an ad campaign I liked, I saw a pair of earrings I just couldn’t let go of. I hovered around the earrings, weighing my options, doing a mental calculation, trying to figure out if the price tag was worth the beauty of the jewelry… I ended up picking the earrings, not knowing what in the world I would pair it up with especially as the color was quite weird, but I knew I had to have it.

Days later, I brought out the print dress and did a mental check on what to accessorize it with… and that’s when it hit me that the earrings were perfect for the dress. It was such a match, you’d think they were made for each other and paired together in one shop. Items bought in different shops in different countries, paired together and worked to serve one purpose. You would never believe I bought them separately, oblivious to the fact that they matched.

I just want to remind you that ALL things work together for good for those who love God… God knows what He’s doing with you and He knows why you’re going through what you’re going through. Don’t despair; it’s all working for your good, all the random situations… One day you’ll sit and realize that He truly is the wisest, and you’ll be thankful for certain things you despise now, because you’ll see just how glorious your end is, because He used the situation to create a beautiful masterpiece. Keep trusting Him, keep loving Him, and keep serving Him…

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28

Right now you can't see it all clearly. But one day it will come into focus and you'll look back and say, "Wow, God! You are amazing! You had it all figured out, all lined up. Your perfect will be done." Joel Osteen

Life isn't just random, you'll find it precisely random, a series of seemingly spontaneous events are really planned by the master builder to be woven together at some point. When you eventually piece the puzzle and write your story, you'll see how beautiful every piece thrown at you makes you the perfect end to a real life ever after.

Bye Bye Cash, Hello Bag...

I needed a new bag; it wasn’t a necessity per se, more of a want.

It was easy hunting around for the bag as I knew what designer brand I wanted. It felt good walking into the luxury store knowing I wasn’t just going to waste the attendant’s time.

It was all fun until I had to bring out the cash. I counted out my dollars, and my purse felt lighter, more like empty. At that moment, it was hard to hand over the money, to release it, to accept this item that I wanted. It was hard to swallow the truth that you really can’t eat your cake and have it too. I had two choices… take my money and run, but then I’ll have all that money with no bag to show for it, and probably spend it on little things that end up meaning nothing, like a top here and another there and of course food food food…  and end up wondering what happened to all that money when the wallet eventually gets empty, because it would certainly get empty. Or I could pay for the bag. The money would go at once, my purse would be empty, but I’ll have invested in a beautiful bag, one I’ve wanted… one I’m pleased with, one that will last longer than the money would, one I’ll probably still be using when I’m doing school runs with my kids.

As hard as it was, I chose to buy the bag. I released what was in my hands to get it.

If we don’t release what’s in our hands, we would never receive the goodness waiting to be placed in our empty hands.

Either way, I would have spent the money… I’m glad I spent it in a way that I have something to show for it, rather than foolishly with nothing to show.

Release what’s in your hand to God, and He’ll move through you, and make you enjoy the benefits of whatever plans He has for you.

Let go of life to gain eternal life…. Let go of Life, as you know it, to experience more than just life. Let go of life, to experience the peace, joy, love and goodness of God.

If you don’t plant a seed, you’ll never get a harvest. Isn’t it amazing how the harvest is always greater than the seed planted or the sacrifice made? What you gain from letting go is worth more than what gets into your hands.

Let go of self condemnation for your past, present and future sins to receive the fullness of grace so amazing. You can’t enjoy the fullness of God’s grace and love if you hold on to self condemnation for what you’ve done... Condemning yourself doesn't paint a picture of remorse so good that God is manipulated to forgive you, it only separates us from enjoying grace. He's so loving that once you give Him your filth, He tosses it aside and remembers them no more even as He covers your shame with His love. Stop trying to remind Him of your sins.

What do you have to say goodbye to, to receive your blessings? Some things we hold on to, refusing to let go of hinders us from the greatness we have been given… Are you holding on to fame and popularity and missing out on what God has to bless you? Are you holding on to a failed relationship and missing out on the perfect one God has planned for you? What are you holding on to that is keeping your total surrender to God at bay?

God knew He had to let go of Jesus if He wanted to save us. It was a sacrifice worth making, hard as it was. Thus He emptied His hands and released Him to us, and allowed Him to go through death, in order to bring us to Him and to save us from the consequences of our sins. Without Jesus death, salvation would have been such a far-fetched reality.

Take a deep breath, and empty your hands... It'll be worth it.

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives. Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.” John 12:24-25

Monday, 13th September 2004

I feel so alone, so lost, a stranger to myself. I’m here but absent, I’m not in me, my me is too depressing, so many worries, locked up in a cell with only me, no one to talk to, no one who really cares. I try to suppress hatred that boils in me for myself, for those I love, what I am I can't figure out, my only escape from all these are my thoughts. I travel far away from my body, to a world of dreams where everything is possible, where I'm happy, where I have true love, no enemies, wonderful friends, Gods love, everything... a world that’s so beautiful. Then I come back to my isolation, but I always try as much to go back to that world, as I walk, talk, watch tv, eat, drive and whatever. This is my perfect escape, my link to sanity.

I feel emtiness, I feel heavy, lots of loads on me, yet nothing in me, how does it all work? How does this happen? Then I hear of young girls dying, everywhere, those in school, graduates and I wonder if this all worth it.

I try to pray, wishing It would work, but I only feel hollow as I mutter the somewhat rehearsed words, cos I don’t feel a connection, I feel cast away. I hate it when I’m told to pray during family prayers, because I feel I’m only making God ignore us. How worthy am I to talk to God?

Look at me today, I’m a walking description of depression, only I would never take my life. Somehow I can see the devil feeling victorous over my life, but I can't sit and watch that… I’ll find a way.

Sometimes I imagine myself having a one on one with God. I see me preaching and winning souls for God. But then it's just wishful thinking, if only my imaginations came through...

Whats my life going to be like? I read somewhere that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans… I cant see ahead, I’ve no focused plan for the fututre, I can't see me being anything more than now just yet. Maybe I'm doing the right thing living moment by moment…

I can't believe I’ve been lamenting. I’m grateful for life, all I have to do is find a way to make it right, to make me right and to do things right.

I found this entry in an old journal from about 9yrs ago. And as I read through, all I could think of was God's grace upon my life. I was such a basket case, a still water that ran deeper than ever, calm on the outside, crazy on the inside. Oh, I didn't go round sulking and with a sad face, but I had my mood swings, and it was a joy to cry for no reason every once in a while, as long as there was an empty room. No one knew that I was being choked up, and no one cared because how could they reach out if they had no idea? I am not a sharer, I do not open up to people easily especially those I love. But I probably died everyday even as I lived. Oh, people loved me, especially the boys, but the attention scared me even if I enjoyed it sometimes, and it contributed to all the craziness and confusion inside. I was almost resenting my looks, because I felt it gave me undue attention, I told myself it was my curse(you see how crazy I was? cursing at this precious gift :))

I wanted to serve God, I just couldn't find the strength and the will. But God's grace kept me, till I was still enough to open my eyes and see that His love had always been right there with me, within my grasp. It took a seemingly end of facing death to open my eyes to this wonderful love, and once I saw, the road that looked like an end curved and I have continued on this journey.
I certainly didn't see myself where I am today 9yrs ago... Oh, He sure does laugh at our plans.

I guess I shared this just to let someone know that no matter what it is you're going through, there's sunshine just around the corner... Its nowhere near an end for you, it's just a bend, you'll see if you let yourself walk through. God's love for you is bigger than depression and whatever confused thoughts that goes through your head. It's bigger than anything wrong you've ever done.
God is great and His grace is amazing. I'm not where I ought to be in my walk with God, but thank God I'm not where i was, thank God i can pray knowing He loves me, not for what I am or what I've done, but for who He is... Thank God I don't have to think of words to say to Him, but I can just talk, because He's my best friend and I know I can tell Him everything... things that hurt, that makes me feel good, that leaves me confused, that makes me laugh... everything!
Thank God I can talk about Him through this blog even though I haven't gained enough boldness to go out there like I imagined.
Thank God I can read my bible, no where near as often as I ought to, but when I do, it's no more a bunch of jumbled up words, it's His words spoken to me. He really does answer prayers...

Seek the Lord and you will find Him. It doesn't matter how much you feel condemned because of what you've done or what you've failed to do... The cross spells forgiveness, thus His love is always available. Don't give up, don't think it's impossible... He found me and heard the desperate cries of my heart, He will find you too. He loves you too much to leave you high and dry when you call out to Him.

Random...

I posted this piece on this blog about five years ago... I read through it, edited it and decided to share it again. It's throwback thursday after all.

Its so amazing how abstract things we go through in everyday life finds a 

way to be interpreted in how we live. I’m sure many of us can relate to this, especially the ladies. Just another bunch of randomness.

** Forcing yourself into outfits that clearly don’t fit and buying them anyway. A size 6 dress when you really are a 10.  I’ve been in situations where I have bought new jeans, not because I needed them, but because they represented big brands and I was getting them relatively cheap. Size is nothing but a number yeah?... except when your butt crack starts to show and you can barely walk in them, then you think twice about size.
Or sometimes you walk into a shop or look in the car trunk of a sales person, you see beautiful pairs of shoes, which are a size too small for you, do you walk away? No, you buy them and keep because no one else should have them if you can’t have them. They look too good to walk away from.

Reminds me of how people date because of how cute, hot, wealthy and popular the other person is, even though their characters are flawed and they derive pleasure in causing them pain and bore them with their dull sense of humor. They stay on in such offensive relationships just because they don’t want anyone else to have him/her if they can’t.

They choose to stay with the superficial perfect guy/girl and bask in the attention from people and envy of friends, because of the comments of ‘such a cute couple’ and those fabulous red carpet pictures they take together, and all the expensive gifts and holidays, while inside they’re dying to breath, they can’t walk well and this huge blister is building up on their feet from the too tight shoes, plus their butt is on fire from being held in too tight in an undersized pair of jeans.

The fact that it’s all fine and classy doesn’t mean you’ve got to have it if it doesn’t fit… learn to let go.
 

**How about those carrier bags we carefully put aside after a day of shopping in choice stores, like say Harrods, Selfridges, Louis Vuitton etc... you get my drift. We spent mad money in the shop and we need the world to know we’re posh like that. Thus the next time we have to take stuff out, or go to the salon, or take fabrics to the tailor, we grab a hold of the luxury bags from the pile of Primark, new look et co. Like oh, its nothing. We shop there like everyday and we don’t care.

Me and my BFF Da' T.R.U.T..H... :|

Don’t know what to relate this to... maybe name dropping? We happen to coincidental bump into some celebrity and next thing we’re talking like we rolling cool with ‘em and are all that… buddies, pals, sistas. We post the pictures he/she agreed to take with us all over face book, instagram and twitter with tags like ‘rolling with my man diddy’ Or a girl who has one guy smile at her and act nice to her getting all delusional, going round telling people she’s dating the poor boy or how in love he is with her and probably changing her relationship status to ‘in a relationship’

 

**The guys/girls who are clueless when it comes to cooking. They step into the kitchen and try to slice tomatoes/meat like a pro, only its a blunt knife he/she is using, so you don’t get clean smooth cuts, instead it gets all squashed up as they keep attempting to slice with the knife. Now that kind of slicing hurts the most, imagine it on your skin.

 Guys/girls...*sigh*...they break hearts, its normal, but some of them are so clueless or well maybe just mean souls, they don’t just break it into two, nope, they try to slice it with a blunt knife, in the process squashing it and letting it splash in different directions, making it so difficult to mend. I mean if its broken into two, you can get a glue and put it back together in no time, but in pieces, it takes ages just like a jigsaw puzzle, maybe you might miss a piece when rearranging the jigsaw, thus you’re left with a very bitter woman/man to deal with.

**When you’re eating some nice, extremely delicious extra hot chicken/goat/cowleg pepper soup(yummy) and you get the sauce splashed in your eyes when you try to cut the somewhat tough meat... You scream in shock/pain, rush to wash the fire out of your eyes, but would you push the plate aside when you’re back from the bathroom, the affected eyes still red and barely opened? No! You pick up from where you left, how in the world do they expect you to leave your meal just because of that little incident?

I see that as being in a relationship that’s abusive but so steamy you don’t want to let go, you heal from your hurt and grab the plate back ready to wash the eyes again if another accident happens, why cant you just leave the food and move on, you can always eat pepper soup another day. Can’t you? You’ll find someone who loves you enough to respect you and treat you like the princess that you are.

 

**Eating garlic because you know it’s got this healthy thing to it, but the end result? Well you’ll stink all day and people would turn their nose up when you speak. Think sleeping with a man for Gucci bags, a car, shiny things etC. The effect may be beautiful, you’ll glitter in diamonds but you’ll stink so badly to yourself, and others. Material things can’t buy you class can it?

You may look good like the result of eating garlic is great, but is it worth the stink?

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**Spending hours putting on makeup that looks like you don’t have any makeup on. This is so funny. I mean the time we spend making up so we can look like we’ve got no make up on is WOW. I’ll liken this one to gushing on and on about a guy and all and all and that and this for hours to our friends, holding the phone and willing him to call, and when he finally does, we take our time to answer or we talk like we’re not interested or thrill our selves out by not answering at all... Yes its fun, but sometimes its annoying, just say yes to him and save both yourselves time. The sooner you start dating and know if he's one for keeps or for dump, the better. right? I mean if you want to look like you’ve got no makeup on, then don’t wear any right?

 

** Or those mothers who sterilize every single thing for their first babies. Its so amusing it bothers on annoying. You don’t use unsterilized spoons or if a vest drops on the sparkling clean floor, it goes right back into the washer… but with the second child, you get shouted on for taking too long ‘don’t bother with the sterilizer, just bring it’ or you don’t even see the sterilizer anymore, its lost somewhere in storage...
The first days of relationships, the chasing phase where you’re treated like an egg who must not be bruised or cracked, when the chase is done, no one cares, you could break, and we’ll just stitch you back up. Most of us are in that phase in our relationship with God.

That's all folks... I think.