who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Santa baby

Mom got me an ipod nano, I've had my previous ipod for over 4yrs. Twas about sueing me for abuse:)
My christmas list is been ticked off.

Here's britney spears version of santa baby, added my own lines to it

Santa baby
Just slip a personal spa therapist under the tree for me
Been an aweful good girl
Santa baby
A first class ticket to everywhere I want
With a black mastercard to go with it
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby,
A fifty four convertable too
Hot red
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight
Yeah yeah
(Oops santa, we don't have no chimney so just walk through the door with the papers of ownership)

Santa sugar,
Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed
Think of how I've kept little kids believe in you real
Next year I'll be just as good
If you check off my christmas list

Santa baby
I want a yatch and really that's not a lot,(I could have asked for a jet)
I've been an angel most of the year
Santa baby
So hurry through the door tonight

Santa honey,
there's one more thing I really do need(well there's a lot, but I'll whisper those in your ears when we see)
The deed to a plantinum or gold mine
Santa honey,
So hurry with the purchase tonight

Come sweety santa
And trim my christmas tree,
With jewelry bought at tiffanys
I really do believe in you...sort of
Let's see if you believe in me
So hurry through the mall tonight.

Santa baby
Forgot to mention one little thing
A ring
And I don't mean on the phone
The one that's got those beautiful sparkly stones
Delivered by a man on bended knees
Santa baby
So hurry through with your babys list today.

Ok, so I'm quite bored. We're(sis and bro) on a 3hr road trip from abuja to makurdi. I got to keep myself busy:)
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, December 10, 2009

soberly hungover

Nothing sobers you up from the drunkenness of excesses like taking a ride in the boat of recession. Suddenly your bank account reminds you of the rainbow, only this time the colors make you sad and not excited. the bank manager doesn't call as much to check on you and your account officer told you about her wedding at the 11th hour...........why i used to be her best friend, now cos she sees colors in my account shes put me in the backseat. i'll show them. next year is going to be the bomb.

I thought I was one of those who wouldn't get pinched by the so called recession, even though i was bitten in the stock market. Well simply put, life’s still easy but not as easy as it used to be.I have been sobered in more ways than one, and just thoughts of how I've always been a master of excesses gives me such a headache and nauseating feeling that comes with a hang over.

Sober is respecting myself and not going to cactus every weekend for breakfast/brunch.... its not even suggesting to self to check out the new restaurant at the southern sun hotel even though I hear good things. If someone doesn’t offer to take me, then forgerrit.

Sober is ignoring the peacock print dress in Tiffany amber cos suddenly its ridiculously prized and why should I buy if in the first place if I'm allowed to wear it only once?

Sober is not suggesting dutching or attempting to contribute to the payments on a date...this is naija if he cant pay why invite me out? to be fair no ones ever accepted my money(for those who are on dates). Although i've sobered up and stopped trying to contribute to the bill, i always feel uneasy when the bill comes and i'm just staring while he pays.

Its going out for dinner/lunch and glancing at the bill with a slight frown before paying, just because I need to be sure they’re not trying to reap me off. its paying cash and not handing over my debit card like a bigz girl. Its picking out from the change cos...how can I leave such a huge tip, I mean he didn't really smile at me while serving, did he? That wasn’t friendly service.........its also bringing out cash for what I've eaten when out with friends cos suddenly my maths is good and my memory sharp, I can divide numbers in my head. I'm no mother goose anymore, nope, I refuse to pay for your meal.

Sober is not making as much calls as before. Its reduced gossip, I'm not calling the UK every minute to spend hours on the phone with sister laughing and giving detailed account of that conversation with that person, or hearing every single detail of the nieces day and laughing at their jokes and playing games with them over the phone. Sis wants to laugh and talk? She best be calling. And the kids, well I’ll catch up on their life’s one way or the other.

Its respecting myself and going to flyaero.com two weeks before my trips to book for the cheap flights.

Its ignoring the vendors who supply the magazines.....Newsweek,time, economist, vogue, Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Elle, glamor,readers digest,what exactly do they think they do for me? I mean.....duh. Why would you sell pieces of papers to me for so much(why are the ridiculously expensive in naija). I haven’t even renewed my truelove subscription.

Being sober is discovering the hidden gems in your wardrobe and suitcases. you're forced to remember those never been worn before outfits as opposed to running to buy something new for some silly event or boring bbq...just because.

Its letting the natural take over....you can buy all the makeup mac can make but it can never make you be as beautiful as God made you be:) thus let the natural take control(I will as soon as my makeup is finito and buying a new set is a challenge). Its letting my hair be and turning up my nose at the horse hair sold for 80k and passed on as human hair(yes major beef) its discovering the 'Mabel'(one of my hairdressers) in you as suddenly you can tong and blow dry your hair really well yourself and its not as hard as you thought it was. If your hand hurts, you rest it and continue from where you stopped.

Sober is rediscovering the joy of the aboki shoemaker passing by the house,he seats down and works on your shoe and you're happy again, beats running to lady cobblers to fix every cut and scratch and coming back after a few days to pick the shoe with a huge chunk of money taken off you. Seriously...NO MORE!!!!

Its seeing someone hold a wad of cash and hiding my hands in my pocket so i don't grab it and bolt. its handling large amount of money in shopping bags and staring at it and wondering how the next couple of months of my life will be of i just take the money and fly somewhere......of course i get sobered up from this drunken thought and sadly go to the bank to pay in the cash. I shouldn't be made to handle cash in this state.

Its not dumping every single outfit in the car and taking it to some over prized dry-cleaner. Now I sort. Those I can dump in the washing machine, those I can hand wash and those that I grudgingly take to the cleaners cos the labels read ‘dry-clean only’. So I got so sober one day I decided to see what happens if you don’t ‘dry clean only’. All I can say is from that moment I follow instructions and ‘dry clean only’
Sober is closing my eyes and playing the day dream game when bored rather than strolling into the next shop, or book store or salon just because….

It’s limiting the impulse drives to the spa.....enjoyment in excess is a sin. Yes the bible says too much of everything is a sin.

Its paying for the gold subscription plan to my internet service providers instead of the platinum plan I love to use, cos after all people keep telling me the difference isn't much.

Sober is saying no to my nieces and meaning it when the screech for something. I mean even when my heart melts I'll still walk away. Its so exciting, I never knew I’d be able to say no to them. If they’re disappointed they’ll get over it the next minute.

Sober is driving past deola sagoe and having a headache cos I’m thinking….no i didn’t?...did I really? Impulse buys? Impulse deposits?

Sober is writing my xmas list and Xing everyone off the list, cos suddenly the gifts I got for mum and whoever earlier in the year is enough to sustain them through Christmas

sober is lying here writing this while my sister is in dubai, having fun without me on a trip i should have made. now I'd have been a foolish drunk to still go on that trip, but i am a sober little girl in my sober little room, while she explores and stays in five star hotels, wondering why i didn't let myself stay strong a little longer so i could enjoy a guilty pleasure trip before i let the hangover begin.

Sober is writing my xmas list and telling myself.......you can't always buy yourself what you want, let the world appreciate you and give you what you want…. Its believing that maybe there's a santa so I don’t have to sweat much on my wants from people and from self. its suddenly hissing at destiny's child independent woman track that used to be my theme song. of course,"they buy their own diamonds and their own rings" but i don't see beyonce anywhere near single, shes married to jigga and hes definitely buying her things even if she wants to get em for herself  
"My bezzle courtesy of Audemars, I order yours tomorrow now look how much I saved you Mama let me upgrade you"....jay z .

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