who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

The emancipation of me!!!!

i've been able to identify who i am, thus my emerging into freedom, thus i wrote this about my emancipation. yeah yeah, i always have one self discovery theme or the other lurking about. i'm getting there, at least this is yet another step.

Its time to bring forth me,
To release the real substance of me from this cell of uncertainty
My emancipation is the blossoming of my soul
that is birthed from my acceptance of things that I can’t control
And my willingness to understand all things that make me better
It is my quest to be true to this self of mine
My breaking away from the rusty clutter of the artificiality of today’s woman

Emancipation of me into liberty and equality with the self I harbor within
From the judgment I’ve placed on me
As I scrutinized all the wrongs in me
Rather than dwell on the fabulousness of me
It is my climb down the ladder of self-doubt
Which I painfully climbed to peep into my neighbors yard and lust over her superficiality
All the while failing to see what the essence of me is really about.

Emancipation from my delusion of fairytales
From thoughts that a kiss is really all it takes
To make a frog choke on its croak and turn into a prince
To the reality that if I don’t work towards getting a dress and a coach for the ball
I’ll definitely be left home alone drowning in sorrows at the painful realization that fairy godmothers and their wands belong to tales

My emancipation from the confines of such complex terms of pain with names like HMS, from seeing it as a hindrance rather than a possible gateway
From the weakness and giving in to that plague of breathlessness that fights to take me away from myself,
From the constant need to inhale the puff of that colorless gas that as formless as it be, brings my life back to shape,
It is my breaking free from constant need to be pricked by needles in veins that are most elusive and restored to self as the ugly liquids are infused into me,

My emancipation from the doubts that the greater being who exist on high has maybe forgotten me,
To my embracing his every word spoken ages ago, but somehow transported to the present and whispered into my ears,
My emancipation from the constant betrayal of self
From the judas of my head that always tries to sell out the Christ of my heart
My letting go of fear
And embracing the idea of falling in love

I emancipate myself from the desperateness of emancipation
I free myself from me
Today I pull the plug
And I become a woman of substance
An emancipated woman.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

and thou shall know the truth....

it was hard enough coming up with stories that'd create doubt...

YES i have flown in the nigerian presidential jet, way before my man jonathan, or uncle musa and baba iyabo flew in it:)
I flew with a past head of states son(who was in power then), the son of the cbn governor, another past military leaders daughter and a ministers daughter....we had to go to lagos to catch an international flight, missed our flight to lagos or rather it was a full flight, and so do you keep the head of states son waiting? you really dont want him to miss his international flight do you? NO. thus the jet was at our disposal, when we got back to the country late at night a week later, of course the jet was waiting to bring us straight to abuja as we couldnt wait to go home, and spending a night in lagos was not an alternative....
now i wish i was older when I did the hobnobing, that we were all older, so i could use the connections to get ahead, get contracts and all the deals that did make me a bigz girlz, and maybe one of them would have proposed(thinking back they all had a crush on my almost developed boobs)so i'd be having huge bites of the national cake now, have a huge wedding and get cars and houses as presents from the eye servers:)

YES i got suspended from school for leaving without permission, and yes i stayed with a brigadier general old enough to be my gran pa, it was the period after dads death and i was on the rebell, i felt life was too short to be far from the edge, i wanted to be out of school and i did it, for no reason. it wasnt anything dramatic as jumping the fence, i just smiled at the security guards and confidently walked out, they didnt demand to check for an exit cos of course the quite girl wouldnt dare try to leave without one.(i had one of my friends sign a fakey for me though, just incase my cool decor didnt work)
but of course you dont think the brig was a boyfriend no? he was my uncle, more of a family friend, but i've been close to him since i was little, i'd rather stay in his house in garki than the house in maitama. he loved to spoil me, outings to amigos and loads of chocolates and junkies for school, and meals out. i was the queen of his manor. mom wasnt so mad but a bit shocked when she heard i was suspended, it was out of character and i guess she figured i was dealing with stuff. my sweet brig helped talk the school to softening my punishment to just one week of suspension since i went home and not some place else. i had a ball staying home that week, only thing that got hurt was my pride, i lost a bit of the principals respect for me, but in no time she was back to loving me again(yes, i've got charms like that...

YES i have been confronted with huge images and statues of kim il sung all over north korea, on the breast of the suits of his officials and hanging in the houses of the citizens, the walls of the hotel rooms and i'm sure underwears of the citizens too. i have visited his birth place and been made to taste the water from the well he drank from and nod my head in satisfaction...'such great water our great leader drank'...yes its lol'able but true
i was made to gasp in amazement at the machines he used to plough the fields.(That's how much they adore him)
i have visited his tomb where his body is laid for everyone to go and awe over "oh what great leader he was"...and i have been hosted to a private dinner by the foreign minister (of course 'i' means me and the group i was with)

but i have never met the great leader, he was long dead even before my first trip to north korea. thus this is my lie.

there you have it, my 2 truths and a lie......

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

2 truths and a lie..........!

i got tagged by rita....

y'all know the rules. i'm too lazy to copy and paste and besides most of you have done this.

okay, its been tough trying to come up with truths that are unbelievable and lies that are so believeable.

1. i've flown in the presidential jet a couple of times.

2. i met the late great leader of north korea Kim Il-sung some months before his death, he really liked me and called me a 'little star of the north' .

3. in secondary school, i got suspended for sneaking out of school to stay with this man who was a retired brig. general and yes he was old enough to be my gran-daddy.

there you go people, my two truths and a lie. you figure.
i tag whoever hasnt done this INCLUDING afrobabe.

Monday, February 9, 2009

9years gone!!!!

Todays daddys 9th year away from us. Its like gush, so soon?
But above all, I know God reigns supreme and he's always been our comfort.
Its progress that I haven't cried over daddy YET, still too early to pat myself on the back though:)
I'm glad he was my dad even thouigh once in a while I felt and still feel like wriggling his neck:)
I'm glad for the first fifteen years of my life with him.
I'm glad he called me his "star baby" and his "mummy"
I'm glad he added a large quantity of laughter in my life
I'm glad that he was who he was,
I'm glad that despite all the wrong I feel he did, I still love him so.
I miss you dada and I love you even more!!!
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, February 5, 2009

valentine is suspended, who murdered cupid?

I've been on a hiatus in fantasy world with Eros,it was the funeral of cupid,i would mention who killed him but that'd be telling,(personally i think he died of overdose, gave himself a little too much of his medicine, he was one greedy sucker) a new cupid has been appointed, hes still a little shaky with the bow and arrow but i'm in love with him already. he has promised me that valentine would be suspended indefinitely, until his favorite person(me of course) is willing to partake in the occasion, thus none shall glow in love on the 14th.
i was really touched especially as he went on to explain that since hes a little shaky with his targets, he'll like to perfect his shoots before pairing me up.:)

so, i have gone weary in love. I'm superb at loving, if only i can get the right person to love. and that's the problem with me, how do i know if hes right. i always have an excuse for not dating. sometimes i come this close to liking a person, I'm seen everywhere with him, always hanging out, he even begins to get the illusion that we are 'we' and i'm not 'me' anymore, and suddenly just when i begin to consider actually giving him the official tag of 'boyfriend' i get cold feet. or i jinx the feeling by actually mentioning it to people that i might actually like him, then i start to see reason as i talk about him and then i run off, slippers in hands.
looks like i'm in deep shit, but i haven't lost hope on myself, and hopefully those who shake their heads at me havent either...hopefully.

lagos polo tournaments on.i admit its not as glamorous as the polo i crave in 'wish list',(i still want to learn to play, but for now i'll just watch) the grounds are not as rich as that in kaduna or abraka, the horses aren't as fleshy, well some are, but its every bit as interesting. i might even put polo just above football in the sports i love list. there's something glamorously endearing about men riding horses and swinging mallets...i've not been a regular at the polo club cos of work, i wish i could watch every game, but i certainly would be there on Saturday, the last day of the tournament.
maybe that'd be an early valentine treat for me. cos next week i intend to be home, and although it'd be a little mean receiving gifts, that's what i intend to do, to stay home and accept gifts(if they come, i'm sounding a little too smug hope i'm not disappointed:)

or i'll probably head out to genesis cinema at the palms, confession of a shopaholic would be showing for valentine, the upcoming Shopaholic movie honestly is crappy. The plot is almost completely changed, and goodness the costumes? Becky would never dress that way, my feisty Becky who is a britico in the book is played by an american, as in I had all this images of becky in my head and isla fisher doesn’t fit, I mean did they read the book? Hunky charming luke Brandon is cast as Hugh Dancy and the geeky millionaire character Tarquin was cut off,
Not my idea of fabulous. How dare they ruin a perfectly beautiful and imaginative book with this?

I’ll watch it all the same to get more criticism down, and murder my soul a little with each scene that trashes my dear rebecca brandon nee bloomwood.

If you haven’t read the 'confession of a shopaholic' series by sophie kinsella you should,(afrobabe i've told you to get it) I swear after the first part you’ll run out in the cold to look for the other parts. i looked for a denny and george scarf and an angel bag to buy after reading the book, was so disappointed to find out it was fictional :( don’t and I repeat DON’T watch the movie if you haven’t read the book, it might turn you off completely.

ciaociao y'all,
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