who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Groove.

I looked round and saw hundreds of guest. it was my special day and everyone in town looked forward to celebrating it. Well, except a few haters who stayed away.
You never missed it, my birthday, the talk of town, the IT event of the year.

It felt wonderful seeing them go all out to celebrate me. I saw expensive new dresses, sparkly shoes, glamorous hair dos and dazzling smiles. No one could keep gloomy for long on my special day.

The music....the best musicians from everywhere composed special songs and performed just for me.
the food....how do the say it in Italian? delizioso
People threw away those funny diets, a day calories welcome with open arms.
there was dancing, the goofy to the wonderful moves.
Love was in the air. For the good cheer in the room was enough to break any ice between people.

It made me glad i was born, if only for a day like this. I was born for a purpose, i was born out of love, and my birth brings people of all class together.
But then in the midst of it all, the merry making and the laughter, my heart broke.
As much as everyone was joyful and celebrating my day, very few people even acknowledged me the celebrant.
everyone was out for my special day
but no one really cared about me, the celebrant
just few said 'happy birthday Jesus, thank you for becoming flesh for our sake. Your gift of love to us"

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A little bit of talk.

Its Christmas again...and it came real fast. Some child somewhere must have been really good, Santa just had to speed up the days to give her a gift :)
One of my favorite Christmas songs is probably 'Mary did you know" the Clay Aiken version.

"Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?"


As for the carols, i'm sure i love them all.
I've got a brand new baby niece, well she's sort of old stock now, she's twelve days old today :) the cutest baby ever. The best early Christmas present ever.
I love my family.

Shopping gets tiring some times. I'm too lazy to be the sort of shopaholic i claim to be. Thoughts of me shoving my way through the west end yesterday gives me shivers. Picking out Christmas presents is such a pain too. But then its all worth it in the end.
Looking forward to the hummingbird cake we're having for Christmas.
I want meat pie... who knows i might be on the meatpie queue at Jesus house on sunday.
Looking forward to the standard naija Christmas meal, all sorts of rice, meat, and salads...I'll miss having fried goat meat though.

Have a merry Christmas everyone. Don't forget the reason for the season. God bless you all.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.
And have yourself A merry little Christmas no

Monday, December 6, 2010

Haterz...It's not that serious o.

No Haters
I got an interesting mail today...I wasn't going to dwell on it but its been flashing in my head all evening.
An old school mate sent a mail to me apologizing for 9years ago. Apparently she wrote mean words in my slum book/year book. She hated me.
Its funny because, as hard as I've tried to recall, I can't remember her writing stuff and I can't remember holding any grudge against her.
I mean after secondary school, I noticed she wasn't so friendly with me. I just assumed it was a part of who she was and thought nothing of it, It all makes sense now.... Apparently she feels I've held it in me all these years and I've probably hated her.

Life's not that serious.
Maybe I was hurt when I read what she wrote...maybe I cried or maybe I didn't care. Who knows? I certainly don't remember.
(I respect her a lot for what she did, and this post is in no way a diss at her, she's a lovely lovely lady)

This got me thinking, how many people have we wasted our precious moments and priceless emotions hating? We spend so much in us sending the negative vibes their way and surprise surprise... They go on living life, not noticing, not knowing, not caring, and you're all by yourself getting a heartburn from hating.

I'm a lovable person if I may say so myself:)(i mean if i can love me, who are you not to love me too ). But I understand that in life not everyone would come close to liking you. Even Jesus with all his sweetness had and still has haters. I've had people I've never met or heard of say hateful things about me. I sat next to some girl as I made my hair some years ago, I didn't know who she was till my friend mentioned her name and I realized she was some chic who told someone how much she hated me.
I'm not worried that I'm being hated on. I'm just amazed at how clueless I am to the hating around me. Makes me wonder at the number of people I laugh with daily who respond with that subtle evil growl of hate under their breath.*shrug shoulder* their hate can't do me nothing.

Life's not that serious, the same way I no longer pay attention to what people say or don't say about me, is the same way I guess people I might have hated on once are oblivious to me. So I have no choice than to stop hating.
Beyonce.... I no longer hate on. My dislike or jealousy whichever it be of her success wouldn't give her a headache, I'll be the one looking for Tylenol to take after getting a hateache.
Like I said, it isn't that serious, this thing called life. Don't spend time on something as 'serious' as hating.
Be a lover not a fighter.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Sexy et Fabuleux


Lingerie shopping in Nigeria can be such a drag, you finally find a good lingerie store and the price tag sends you reeling, you don't want to guess how much primark undies go for. smh. Then of course, they don't give you the best services, fittings and consulting is such a drag, you get blank, clueless stares from the sales girls. No wonder we see loads of women walk the streets with their clothes not well balanced, just because they don't get it right on the inside.

That's where sexy et fabuleux comes in. Our very own Fumns is a crusader for the exploration and redemption of the femininity of the female folk(that sounds so intelligent...but meaningless :) ) and she came up with this fabulous idea to help the ladies get their groove back on. Look extra fab on the inside and you look extra extra fab on the outside. Lingerie shopping just got interesting for Lagosians:), you'll get all you need to make you feel good at the right price and there will be fitting sessions to ensure you get the right size too. Individual lingerie audits and style consultations, bridal lingerie and plus size E-K cups will be available for you too. No more sagging, no more slouchy shoulders, no more ill fitting clothes...and in the words of the dstv ad " no more wahala".

This is the second edition of sexy et fabuleux, the first was a huge success, its a quarterly sales event. The next edition will be on sunday the 12th of December 2010 at the GET arena Victoria island, Lagos. Various brands will be on sale from Victoria's secrets to ehh other brands:) So basically its an 'everybody affair' from the high brands to the affordable.

***I promise you, this isn't a paid ad, although i hope fumns would see this and love me for it and probably repay me with lunch or something #justsaying

check out www.sexyfabuleux.com for more info.
happy shopping.. Make sure you show up...who knows the girl of your dreams might be there and you'll get to say " we met at sexy et fabuleux"  sounds like an exotic love story.
bless.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

murder she wrote


Murder she wrote.
Yes i assault her every once in a while or ever so often but i didn't kill her....i promise you that. I have been an accomplice to various attempts on her life. I'm sure before i finish writing this post, i would have stabbed her a couple of times. It just happens, i have no control over it, but even with all the contempt i have for her, I'm too softhearted to do the actual murder.
Doesn't mean i don't have murder on my mind most times.

You see, the sheriff comes in the person of my sister, in the medieval days she'd be the knight of the 4th order of perfect English, she might even have been the personal adviser to king James when he translated the bible :). Her weapon against the villains of the language securely strapped to her... the dictionary, it's her sword, it's her pistol, it's her ak 47, her defense against us.

Thank God for auto correct on computers, or else, i'd have succeeded in killing the language, and oh dear, i'd be sentenced to life in a dictionary. The horror of it.
I don't care about punctuations, i don't care about spellings sometimes, or constructing sentences(when it doesn't matter) and most of all, i don't care about the big words.... i know what it means, doesn't mean i should know how to pronounce it, i know how to pronounce it doesn't mean i know how to spell it.

I really don't care that I'm seen as a villain sometimes, although i think its unfair to label me that, i mean, i just stab her enough to draw a pool of blood and that's all, a clean nice slice, I'm not like those who actually butcher her and try to suck out her blood. Common, i can construct a sentence or two or four without using any auto correction and i can read a book without referring to the dictionary. My brain translates the words to mean what they ought to mean in the context of the book:)

I've got the English police snooping around me every once in a while, detective sister is there, waiting, ready to whip out her dictionary from her duty belt and cuff me, until i save myself by saying the right thing or I'd be laughed at to a state of ignominy( see i'm not so bad, i can use the term ignominy in a sentence).
You know the lines used for arrest "you have the right to remain silent...bla bla bla" well the detective, sheriff, knight of the English language's line is " baby baby, with all the novels you read...bla bla bla" and the laugh and amazed look comes after the sentence. Oh what shame.

Its all tiring sometimes, this English of a thing, makes me consider doing an actual murder on her. It doesn't help that we live in the times of abbreviated words, and one liners of twitter and text messages and bbm. smh
As long as you know what i'm about to say, or what i meant to say, then i can't be bothered. I wouldn't participate in spelling bees, and i'd rather use my simple words, I've got "hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia"(so maybe my best friend "Google" helped me spell this) but i know the meaning, do you? See, i'm not such a mean ol' villain to the English language.

I may be accused of writting murder or speaking murder, but i don't snuff the life out of the language, i have respect for life, so i assault it with care. Especially when i have an english enforcement agent in the family, and there i go on twitter and i see my fellow english villians trending with care, because there's a 'gbagbaun' mopol in town. i cant even spell the gba something, let alone pronouce it, but i refuse to be booked for that, its not an english word is it?

Murder was the case and they blamed me.....

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thankful...

Don't you just want to hate people that can't let a 'thank you' slip out of their mouth? Don't you just want to strangle them and take back that little act of kindness you've done for them? it could be something as big as giving a present or as mundane as saying 'bless you' to some who just sneezed her heart out. All i want is a thank you, but its obviously too much to ask. Thus i get angry, and probably write that ungrateful person off and promise myself not to do anything for him/her...ever again.
photo credit: dontwannahearit.com

Well that’s how we act towards God, but thank God he is not man to fume and react and write us off the same way we do when people fail to appreciate our acts of kindness.
Just imagine sleeping and dreaming of breakfast…agege bread and fried eggs, or pancakes and scrambled eggs, whichever side you belong to…you’re all warm and cozy under the duvet, dreaming away, oblivious to every other thing. While the one who never sleeps nor slumbers is watching over you, protecting you and making sure you come to no harm during the night, and then you wake you without a “thank you for today”, not even a nod of acknowledgment. All you’re thinking of is the breakfast you dreamed of. #fail

Think of how warm and fuzzy and good you feel when someone hugs you and thanks you for doing something for them,
when your boss commends you and says “well done”
When your mom gives you that smile and says “thank you”
When your dad pats your back with a soft look on his face, that means 'thank you, i'm proud of you" when your nieces or kids hug you and give you a big kiss in appreciation for something you’ve done, which of course is nothing close to all the goodness God gives us… think about how nice it feels.

Well God is a God who has emotions too. He’s a God of love, he’s a jealous God, he gets angry, he’s moved to compassion. If he has feelings too, don’t you think it saddens him when his children fail to acknowledge him for his blessings? Imagine how warm and fuzzy his heart goes when we smile and scream in joy over something he’s done and say ‘thank you lord’ or how his heart melts when we weep for joy and fall on our knees just to say “thank you”, or when you dance your heart out in a dance of thanks giving saying ”thank you for all you’ve done.”


There’s every reason to thank God for everything at every moment... i mean you're reading this now... you could be blind, or lying dead in some accident on your way home, or connected to tubes in some hospital, or too poor to afford internet, or living in some village with no idea what the internet is, talkless of a blog.
I thank God for my hair, its not as long and silky as some lady dancing between trees in some India movie, but its full and beautifully short.
I thank God for the family I was born into, we’re not the bill gates or the Dangotes of the world, but It couldn’t have been better.
I thank God for moments I’ve been afflicted, for if I didn’t go through the trials how would I have known him as my provider, my comforter, my healer, my friend, my helper... the good God.

I read somewhere  "if the only prayer you say is ‘thank you’ then its enough."

My mom takes appreciation to the next level. She would buy gifts and make you feel you did worth more than you did. It gets embarrassing and annoying some times. But she's a woman who knows the secret of showing appreciation. It sets you apart from the crowd, you're remembered and more doors are opened to you, cos really i would love to do more business with one who's showing me gratitude in such a grand way..
Same way, it's not just enough to say thank you to God with our mouth, we need to take gifts or offerings of thanksgiving to his house to acknowledge his lordship and appreciate him. And of course he'd get all mushy and send down more blessings our way.
Show gratitude to God today...

And happy thanksgiving to those celebrating.
X

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Talk True.

The fact sometimes blinds us from the truth.
I tried to get a definition of 'fact' and 'truth' for this post. Well the definitions by the English gurus and intellects do not serve me well for this post. Some would say they mean one and the same, but my stand is they're totally different.

In the face of the truth, the fact bows out gracefully...well not always, cos sometimes we don't stare the fact down hard enough with the truth, thus it laughs us in the face and keeps tugging at our hair.
Right now i stand against the intellectual men and women of the world and say the two are different. I define fact as the obvious, whats in sight, whats real, our reality. And truth as a belief that can't be seen, one that defiles logic. And of course God is El Emet, God of all truth, thus his written book,the bible is a book of truth...my iLumina bible encyclopedia says this about the truth
Truth is always timely; it applies today and in the future. Because it is connected with God’s changeless character, it is also changeless. Think for a moment about the centuries that have passed since these proverbs were written. Consider the countless hours that have been spent in careful study of every sentence of Scripture. The Bible has withstood the test of time. Because God is truth, you can trust his Word to guide you.
The truth messes those around you up.... they see what they see but you tell them what you see, which is a different vision from the visible. And that's why they say "she crazy". well its a good kind of crazy. call me crazy any day and i'll happily do the alanta dance as i hop off the fact wargon to my chariot of truth.*shrug shoulder*

God is a God of truth, he defiles logic, and i can imagine how he laughs when he messes with our brain and we stand in awe at how he managed to do what he did when he did it, in the face of the obvious facts. He's badddddddd. He can like to do effizy. Jehova el-effizy, God of all swagga. #thatisall

The fact is, the doctor just gave you a hard doze of facts to swallow, you've got a truck load of drugs in your house to prove, cancer, a hole in the heart etc....and this part i love, the truth cruises in, in that LR4 and in it lies the words that defiles all logic"....by his stripes you are healed"

The fact is, you might have been a notorious armed robber just yesterday,  or a prostitute some hours ago, or a drunk and druggie of the decade last year... but the truth is all that doesn't matter anymore,despite how all the self righteous people, the spiritual snubs of the world still look down on you. The truth is even if you've been in the faith for a second or 30 years, God sees us all the same and "....you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus" Stop the self condemnation.
The minute you run into his arms and ask for forgiveness, you're set upon the high place, at the right hand of God....the story of the prodigal son best describes this truth.

It doesn't matter if the fact stares you in the face with all the reds in your bank account, and you have no idea where your next meal is coming from, how your rent will get paid, if you can continue in school because of lack of tuition... the truth says "....my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory".

The fact is, your doctor has written your womb off, there's no way on earth you can have a baby, well stand on your truth, the truth that says "...there shall not be male or female barren among you..."

The fact is, the death of a father or husband is such a hard fall in life's journey. Even though we all jump up and move to destiny's child 'independent woman', we know how important the men in our lifes are. nothing can beat the love of a father, the love of a husband. and so the fact is your head is gone, and you wonder how you'll go through it, how you'll survive, how you'll raise the kids alone, how you'll go through school without daddy...but the truth is he'll comfort you through your heartbreak because he's the "...comforter" and he wouldn't live you alone when you recover and you're smiling and living again, he has said he is "...a father to the fatherless and protector of the widow..."

the fact is you have a dream, bigger than any one of your friends have ever dared to dream, you wonder if its a realistic one. Don't give up, for the truth is "...i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".

The fact is you're in that place of brokenness, everything that could possibly go wrong has hit you from the left, right and center, Satan's giving you his best shot, and you wonder if you can survive it. Fret not, for the truth says "...we are more than conquerors through him who loved us"

The fact is you're heartbroken, cried out and in despair, jilted, lonely, sad.....the truth is there's loads of laughter out there for you for "...do not grief, for the joy of the lord is your strength".

The fact is that you're hitting forty and still unmarried, people are whispering behind your back and its beginning to get to you, the truth is he's already said "...none will lack a mate"

The fact is that your marriage is going through a storm, it looks like its on the highway to divorce. The truth stands true in the face of that fact, there's a peace and stillness for your storm, there's the best counselor you can ever get for he is  "...wonderful counselor, mighty God, everlasting father, the prince of peace"

The fact is you've been laughed at, a butt of joke among your peers, your family has given up on you, no one thinks anything good will ever come out of you...the truth is "..the stone which the builders rejected has become the main cornerstone."

The fact is that you feel worthless and unloved, wrecked with guilt and a sense of condemnation....the truth is you can never be to bad for him to stop loving you...there is one who loves you more than any human can"...his love endures forever" and the greatest truth of all is this truth of love in all extremity, hes given his precious sons life in exchange for yours, so you can become a better person "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

The fact is, the year is coming to an end, half of my expectations as i expect them to be haven't been met and i'm this close to being worried sick...but the truth has stood in my face and sent the fact running with tails between legs, right now i've told the fact that it can like to "chew grenade"(i've always wanted to use that slang..lol). My truth is God always comes through. We don't call him the God of eleventh hour for nothing, and in Rita's words "Jehovah suddenly" that's why i hold on to his truth that says "..be anxious for nothing"
the truth also says where there is a barricade, where i feel like there is no way forward...he makes a "...roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Thus why worry?



When you get rid of the fact and hold on to the truth by faith...then you're in.
One prayer i recently learned to say is '....thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" I've said the lords prayer a dozen times not having a clue how deep it is as simple as it sounds.
As it is in heaven....that is, the truth of Gods words contained in his book of truth concerning me and you, as he's said it in heaven concerning my life....let it be on earth. Start ignoring the facts and hold on to truth.


Bless.
x
"...you shall know the truth and it shall set you free."
 
P.S
all the truths contained in this post are excerpts from the book of truth itself, the Bible. Now be good bible students and hunt the books,chapters and verses out yourself.

Monday, November 15, 2010

are you experienced?

I'm not proud to say i'm not 'experienced'. I always seem to miss out on this wonderful event. I got to watch it live on tv last year, i sat in the living room till the early morning getting my praise on, i could only imagine how those at tbs felt. I knew i had missed a mind blowing experience.
This years edition promises to be mind blowing as usual, with a selection of some of the greatest gospel artiste of our time... there's Don Moen, our very own Panam Percy Paul, Ron Kenoly, Fred Hammond, Sammy Okposo, Papa San, Judy Jacobs, Mary Mary, Phil Driscoll, Micah Stampley, Isreal Houghton, Chevelly Franklin, Mike Aremu, HOTR chosen treasures and lots more.

The event has previously featured great anointed artistes and ministers Kirk Franklin, Donnie McClurkin, Cece and bebe winans, Tye Tribbeth, Muyiwa Olarewaju, Midnight Crew, Lara George, Nikki Laoye, Bishop T.D and a host of others


In the four years since its inception "it has become a global phenomenon, the world's largest gospel music concert and the largest musical event in Africa." and the best thing about it is, it's free, absolutely FREE.
you've got to give it up for the visionary who dreamed this up. My very own Pastor Paul Adefarasin
 

well, i might not be a member of House on the rock(HOTR) but I'm an associate member thus i have the right to call him my pastor:)

so have you been experienced? whats your 'experience' experience? you shouldn't miss this one,it'll be better than the previous experiences you've had. You'll experience the greatest experience ever.....okay i'm getting dizzy with all the experience i've had to punch in.


Keep the date free people.
Come hang out and groove with the lord of host. Experience Gods glory like never before, remember "...he inhabits the praises of his people".  Get your dancing shoes ready and come get your praise on, and get the best high you can ever give your self, and whats more, you don't get a hangover after the high and the groove.

 for detailed information visit theexperiencelagos.com

Friday, November 12, 2010

Underestimated.....diamond in the rough

The Greatest treasures on Earth are found beneath the surface,just like they are in you. Dig deeper! ......Tony Gaskins

Do we miss the one by insisting on waiting for ‘the right one?’ is there ever a right one? Have we judged things and people wrongly by putting prize tags on them?

How many times have we turned up our nose and missed a blessing? How many people are left wandering and lonely, unaware that they just missed the Mr. 'rightest' of their life because they weren’t impressed enough with his shoes to say a ‘hey’ to his ‘hi’.

The best things aren’t always the most expensive or finest…sometimes its hard, the pressure of it all, keeping up with the worlds expectation of what you should be like. Your friends boyfriend just got her a prada, you need someone who can get you four pradas and a Gucci… throw in some hard to pronounce French name while you’re at it. You go on a date with a guy in a cab and your friend and her boyfriend overtake in a Range, and have you seen how her boo looks in his suit? Like he just stepped out the cover of GQ, while yours looks like he …well you know the guy who cleaned up during the GQ photo shoot. But that doesn't mean hes better than what you have going for you. The grass is greener till you jump the fence. What you fail to see is, in all his GQ glory, he's not half as funny, courteous, loving and kind as yours.

At some seminar, Pastor Agu Irukwu of Jesus house London talked about a lady who ignored the right guy for so long. Her reason to an exasperated Agu was ‘hes not tush enough’. The untush guy didn’t give up on her, till one day after much persuasion she stopped to listen to the next words after hi, and after giving him a chance, all it took was her buying him tush clothes with his tush money I guess, cos now they’re married and probably the tush couple in church with their tush looking kids. With tush girls envying them.

A girl walks into a room with some dress from primark and all eyes are on her because she looks fabulous, and there you are, unnoticed in your $xxxxx marc Jacob dress. Heavy prize tags does not pass for class, taste or style.

A simple conversation with your driver, cook or security can lead you to breakthroughs, you’d be surprised at the info you can get sometimes by just being friendly.
Remember Naaman the Syrian who had leprosy? And how mad he was that Elisha would suggest he just dips seven times in the Jordan pool to get healed?
He ranted about how they had better pools in Damascus. He wanted some elaborate show of power and abrakadabras and poof, he’d be healed. But in the end, he listened to his servants who persuaded him to obey. He got healed from dipping in the relatively insignificant pool…and note, it was his servants who were his voice of reason “if he would have asked you to do something great, wouldn't you have done it?…..”,  it was a slave girl in his household who told him about Elisha…. if he never listened to his slaves, he would never have been healed.

Most times we miss the voice of God, our sure voice of reason because we're looking up to the sky, expecting it to darken and send out thunder with Gods voice saying 'My child.........'  or some dramatic voice from nowhere saying something to us in the voice of St. Obi in some naija home video:)
He's not a God of show biz, coming through with sirens and escorts and rackets to show hes around. He does things in the less complicated ways....he puts the answers in our heart, that still small voice, or that little child that comes your way with a smile and a word that means more than what the three year old understands. Or that bill board you see for the first time with just the word you need for the moment.

I learned from Naaman's story that not everything wonderful comes in elaborate ways, An aura of some heady perfume with a catwalk to closet outfit and billboard look isn’t always the fairytale dream….the wonderful may just be in the murky waters of the Jordan river, the fashion blind man in his yellow suite, the girl with the not so perfect English i.e “I doesn’t know’:) the dress from the street market.... the advice from the aboki down the road.
I’m still working on myself and the ‘I’m better than you’ attitude’ that sometimes creeps into my head. I don’t look as pretty with my nose turned up and rumpled. You never can tell where your blessing is hiding, like a diamond in the rough.

And that guy whose shoes suck? Give him a chance, he might be THE ONE, and when he is, you’ll have enough time to buy him all the shoes in the world that suites your taste, prada to proda whatever matches his wallet, made in Aba or Italy, who cares☺

Show some love, and discover your diamond.
Bless
x

Monday, November 8, 2010

Unveiled

"I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show..." Diana Ross
Lately, i've been pondering about being anonymous. Its been fun while it's lasted.
Why did i start this blog? to say with the key board words my mouth fails to express, every day troubles, everyday thoughts and just everyday. A place to talk without been judged. Of course everything is easier to say when you're behind a curtain....the perks of anonymity. I've had to take out some posts, the more i got unveiled, the more i scrambled about taking off posts like a little coward that i'm not.

I've been the girl behind a veil and its been a wonderful experience, all the friends i've made without seeing or been seen. All the friends i've made and unveiled myself to....

I loved the idea of my anonymity, but then i've realized that somehow people from my everyday world found me online, thus the whole thrill of being the faceless girl behind the keyboard is a little old.
Some random acquantance saw me the other day and told me she reads my blog....  That kind of gave me a shock. So whats the point? its time to draw the curtain and unveil myself to blogville.

The picture was taken by dearest IK Osakioduwa aka Wildchild, we were at cafe vergnano1882 at the palms for a sideview magazine interview with him.
He's such a lovely, nice, interesting, funny fellow, he's one friend i'd choose to have around all the time if given the chance his wife would let him. I admire him much and seeing him and his lovely wife together is always an awwwwww moment for me. Be it out of jealousy of joy.... my heart always melts:)

Maybe i'm that chick you hang out with everyday, maybe i'm the one you saw drive by and you wondered if you'd ever see me again, and maybe i'm the one who displayed some village skills at some restaurant that got you wondering where i was unleashed from, or the one who went ghetto on you.... It's a small small world. Here i am. I'm that chic and i want the world blogville to know.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

chain reaction

"my days are blue, my account is red, its so hard to be green...err grin" ozaveshe
'Chain reaction', that was the subject of the first mail we ever exchanged. Long story, don't ask.
I might bore you guys a little with my grief , but spare me. He'll probably strangle me if he knew i put this up:) and if his hands fail to do the job, he'd launch an online attack on me and make me pay for it till i scream bloody murder, and probably close this blog. He'd go red in the face with shyness if he could with all the attention he's getting from every angle. But i can't help it, no one can help but ruffle his feathers at this time. it was war to get him to update his blog, he kept promising he would. i wonder what he'd write if given the chance? he'd probably make his death sound so funny, you'd laugh and forget to grief.
"there i was thinking about a breath of fresh air, and who but death came tap dancing in, oh well i might as well go, i hear heaven needs a cool dude like me"
okay, so i'm not that good, and i make no sense. oh well.
We met October 14th 2007. We sat talking by lagoon at the pavilion in lekki. he sent this mail a day after.
i get to see you.
was a pleasant surprise. You were right - rihanna and her cronies aint got nothing on you. and then to match a face to the voice thats been killing me...really wonderful.
u're the 3rd internet person i'm meeting. the 1st two were guys when i was at university (dont get the wrong idea, tho).
it was difficult to read you though. u have this exterior that seems difficult to penetrate. what i mean really is, i think u go into default mode sometimes and i think u were doing that yesterday. default mode probably helps u go thru the day withoutgiving too much of yourself. add that to ur composure and the settled peace around you and u become virtually inscrutable (is that a word?)
i think i'm rambling.
...............................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................
i had fun yesterday. meeting you. you seem very personable, very warm, polite...i wont go on. u had to manage my coarseness and ill timed (illl fitting too) jokes.
i didnt come clean yesterday - i had written a poem. was tossing it in my head to hear if the words made sense

you see, he knew how to make a girl feel good. no wonder we (the ladies) wanted to be his friend. makes you take away the mask of 'i wish i looked better" and walk with your head held high.This was strictly a friendship deal o....nothing attached(all ye of dirty minds)

I finally got to read a poem he wrote me. He says i need to loosen up, stop being hard to get

HARD TO GET

Why do we, like strangers,
float around
A friendship where Truth can’t be found?
We are more than we let be
You should be loving me.

Why do we smother
all the flames
We breathe out when we call our names?
We put on cloaks which are so chaste
We should be making haste

Why do we let chance compromise
The future we see in our eyes?
We dance around and don’t conclude –
We should do what we know we should


We should not wait
Time will create
Defences
And we will go sour
With all of our
Pretences.


and yeah, i was the girl in the 'hey, hi...bye' post  
so this is a sort of closure thingy for me.

bless.
X

Saturday, October 23, 2010

One of blogville's finest www.ozaveshe.blogspot.com

I'm thinking all is perfect till I go on twitter and see this link from bagucci aka dhjax http://adialayo.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-want-to-be-happy.html I'm desperately trying to believe its not what I think.
I've called ozaveshe's number and its gone to voicemail,I'm trying to live in denial, I called fellow blogger and friend lil miss fab..., she just called back to confirm...ozaveshe died today. Its such a hard ball to swallow. Just 28 years old.
He's one of the first friends I made on blogsville, I remember the hilarious comments between he,afrobabe,carlang, atutupoyoyo,unnaked and I.
From virtual banters, we became good friends in the real world.
Soft spoken,mischievous, humorous intelligent ozaveshe.
His is one of my favorite blogs on blogsville, you always leave his page laughing your heart out, wanting to jab him playfully in the ribs.
He encouraged me when it came to writing, tried to get me to sign up for taruwa performance.
When I was mad to breaking point, I sent him a mail and he eased the tension off with his witty statements.
He was concerned about what i wanted to do when i quit my job, and so he kept asking,
He wrote me a wonderful poem.
He joined me in the bookclub for one day.
Last I saw him was on a hot afternoon,I drove past him on bishop Oluwole in V/I, I was too tired to stop and say hi.

Then he went to the Uk for his masters.
And we talked and I promised I'd call the last I heard from him,i never did. Now Its too late.
Just left his facebook page, and his last status update a few months ago 'you say the brains I have are getting to my head'... That's him for you, witty all the way.
Gosh, are tears enough to shed? I feel like a sell out, we were friends and I didn't even know he had cancer, I never called back, and so I never knew the reason he didn't call was cos he was in some hospital been pumped with drugs.
I'm hitting myself, what sort of friend am I?
I didn't reach out, thus I didn't know and so I wasn't one of the friends who encouraged him or prayed for him.

So young with such a bright future, my heart aches.
How does his mom feel if I feel this lousy? His sisters?
What were his last thoughts?
Did he know it was time at that moment?
Heaven only knows.
How many times would I have to mourn the death of a young person?
What's happening?
We all need to tighten our belts, get serious with God and ......
Lord have mercy.
Farewell my good friend, I love you and I'll miss you.
http://www.ozaveshe.blogspot.com/ drop by his page and see how good he is.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Sunday, October 10, 2010

the genie

A secretary, a paralegal, and a partner in a big law firm are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."


"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.  
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. 
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office right after lunch."
One of my ultimate fantasies was finding a genie in a bottle. Aladdin had my senses messed up. It didn’t help that I’d read all these jokes and stories of people who got the lamps/bottles and oh, what stupid wishes they made. They got me angry at their stupidity,how dare they waste their wishes? why wouldn’t the genie appear to people with heads on their shoulders like me? I tried to get my priority right as i lounged in fantasy world, rearranging myself and trying to figure out how to use my three wishes, but you know like humans do, when given an inch you want the whole 9 yards. Thus three wishes didn’t seem like a fair number, and I’d tell myself that the genie was mean after all, and what a stupid idea it was. Why give me just three wishes when you can give five, I mean I just saved you from an eternity of confinement.

And today as I shed off skins of fantasy bit by bit, I’ve come to realize that I’ve had my own genie all this while but I’ve been ignorant."...my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge"
Unlike the one in my fantasy, he isn’t locked in some bottle or lamp. He doesn’t limit me to three wishes, and when I wish for something stupid out of ignorance, he’s wise enough not to grant me, he processes my foolish wishes and only gives me what is best for me.

God is my genie, that is why he's called Jehovah-Jireh, my provider. All I need to do is bow my head in prayer and ask anything I want in his name and he is faithful and just to give me all my needs according to his riches in glory; I love my Genie, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Phillipians 4:19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
John 16:23 Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you. Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.

Friday, October 1, 2010

it's not belated, is it?

Nigeria @ fifty, there's a lot of thing's been going on in my head, things bigger than naija @ 50. I've been in and out of one of the most dreaded offices in Ikoyi, making calls as we all try to pull all the strings we've managed to tighten and hiding facts from the ones i love.
All the stress, it's given me migraines, its taken away my appetite, not even the 'gourment' meals of Mr Michael the new and impressive chef can tempt me, not even the offer of a pig out on my favorite breakfast at protea. I didn't attend any shindings, now that would have just driven me crazy.
I just wanted to crawl into bed and wish all the happenings of this weekend away and fast forward to a time where all the wahala would be over, and I'd just look back at the streets in ikoyi i had to frequent and laugh it off. But even the twenty minute rest could do no good. All i can do is pray. and that's the only comfort i get from the pressures, fear and heartaches...Pray.

So you see, I'm a proud citizen of Nigeria. i did a post before midnight:) but unfortunately on this day, she has to wound me in a way that cuts deep, and makes me wonder at her system.Oh well, it's one of those things that happen to other people, but suddenly decides it should give you a taste, cos you've been so indifferent about it. It is well jare.

I heard of the car bomb just about 2 hours ago....(that's how occupied i was.) that's such a sad and sorry thing to happen. Innocent lives cut off, just like that. We're better than all these rubbish, aren't we? abi i'm talking about a different Nigeria?

The kidnapped children have been released... i saw a clip of the little ones and it broke my heart for the first time, not like i didn't care before, i just saw the reality today, those helpless sweethearts in their uniforms. Any of them could be my niece, my cousin or my baby. *sigh*

Happy Birthday my motherland. Don't cry mama, age ain't nothing but a number. And fifty isn't old if you're Nigeria, you're permitted to claim twenty, we'll let you be. Face lift, breast implant, tummy tuck, lipo, botox and a nose job....go get prettied up lady. I love you boo, just give me back my sanity right now, can't do this macho woman stuff no more.

Bless.
x

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

social rant

Don’t we love that face that’s called a book with no pages to flip through but its facebook all the same or that site that’s called twitter, when really birds would rather die than get on the internet. Are we so short of inventions that we end up calling ourselves half humans and half birds?….tweets, tweeple, tweethearts. But we love it all the same. Viva la tweeter et facebook.

You go for a party or whatever function and the only familiar person in a room of twenty is the host, you’re fidgeting about cocktail hour and dreading the idea of dinner cos you don’t know if you’ll be able to have a healthy conversation with the stranger beside you. Drink in hand, you act like you’re not feeling left out as you try hard not to bolt home…then suddenly the fairy godmother of socializing brings facebook alive for you, hovering on the head of the person next to you is a notification ‘you have two friends in common’ and the one next to him has a twitter update saying hilarious things about the other guests, almost the exact same things you think, and the cute fellow seating at your right at dinner, is a friend of your sister’s ex boyfriend…you realize you have at least a friend in common with 70% of the people around you,how liberating, now you can walk up with confidence to whoever and make conversation, surely having mutual friends and retweeting their thoughts would make people drop their guard and loosen up.

Can you really have 1000 ‘friends’, and like know each one of them or might have related to them closely at some point in your life? Why’s my optician adding me up on facebook minutes after I walk out of the overpriced clinic? Do I really want to be friends with the immigration officer handling my passport renewal or house of rep member from my state who just discovered the joys of online networking? Or the Iranian jeweler?
Some random requests I choose to ignore, just because we have a hundred or one friend in common doesn’t mean I want to open the door to my life to you. Suddenly some random person you don’t know sees you as his best friend,they talk about you like they know you personally cos now they know your birthday, and your favorite movies and your favorite music. They’ve combed through your profile, made some of your pictures their screen savers. They comment on your status with exaggerated ‘lols’ and ‘lwkmd’,they retweet your every post. And when you walk out tomorrow and they say hi to you, you’ll look on in confusion cos you don’t know this person who’s saying hi to you, this person who’s probably read your facebook/twitter update that ‘you’ve got a bad case of the Mexican food aftermath” and has probably dropped a lol’ comment there, this person that has wished you a happy birthday. Or in a store you’re oblivious that the person next to you knows more details about your life than your new boyfriend. You don’t know this person who intimately knows you. Now that’s spooky.

Facebooking/tweeting/bbming has changed the definition of friendship. The ‘friends’ you hardly talk to in reality are regular callers online, your online bffs. The random guy from the 8th floor who you just send a hello nod to in the elevator is suddenly your best friend online. He pokes, sends the annoying fun wall mails and the sweet personal mails, no he’s not hitting on you, just conversations, you reply and he replies and you joke and laugh, he tags you in his notes and you comment on his talents, and then you meet in the elevator and you hardly have anything to say but smile and say the usual ‘hi’ and then you get a wall post some minutes later‘nice seeing you today and oh, you looked smashing” suddenly words are loosened up online.Is that a new definition of friendship?Limited to a free flow of banter online and a mute drought of words in reality.
no one wants your phone number anymore, they all want your bb pin. Phone calls are slowly loosing their appeal.
Are we destroying the idea of human interaction as it’s meant to be? Are these social networking tools the most unsocial things? Signing off for a full day is like some sort of capital crime to the mind, like a drought of info, a social fast. You cant help but put up your thoughts or whatever jargon you want to when you’re stuck in traffic, some waiting room, out with friends or even when you’re really busy and wiped out. Its only fair that you put something up in the status box, you want to be heard, and you want to hear what other people are screaming and whispering about.

Prof Susan Grenfield of oxford university suggests from her research that if facebook and twitter continues unabated we’ll be blabbing idiots living in the moment and reacting instead of responding to life
”I often wonder whether real time may eventually give way to these sanitized and easier screen dialogues, in much the same way as killing, skinning, and butchering animals to eat has been replaced by the convenience of packages of meat on the supermarket shelf, it is hard to see how living this way on a daily basis will not result in brains or rather minds different from those of previous generations”
Enjoy, but don’t let it use you or thrash you and transform you to a blabbing idiot living in the moment.Rather use it as best as you can in the promotion of self business, and your talents and like me my beliefs.
social networking has made people more antisocial. If you're more comfortable tweeting than speaking, you need therapy. Happy tweeting #okbye #justarantingpost.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Exhale....

Breakthrough:
1. An act of overcoming or penetrating an obstacle or restriction.
2. A major achievement or success that permits further progress

Open:
1. having no enclosing or confining barrier : accessible on all or nearly all sides
2 being in a position or adjustment to permit passage: not shut or locked

Door:
1.  A movable structure used to close off an entrance, typically consisting of a panel that swings on hinges or that slides or rotates.
2. a swinging or sliding barrier that will close the entrance to a room or building or vehicle;
 

thus an 'open door' is when a structure moved to close off an entrance is adjusted to permit passage...or whatever you want it to mean. As long as its opened i don't have qualms.
 

Blessings:
1. A special favor, mercy, or benefit: the blessings of liberty.
2. A favor or gift bestowed by god, thereby bringing happiness.
3. The invoking of God's favor upon a person

Speechless:
1.Temporarily unable to speak, as through astonishment.
2.Unexpressed or inexpressible in words: speechless admiration.

Its all about breakthroughs, open doors and showers of blessings. I'm like totally speechless and its all because of his grace.
 
Catch me if you can!!!
x

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Audi 80: In Loving memory

The car after my own heart. You stood by me through thick and thin.
How I loved you, we roughed it out together, we conquered the porthole infested roads together, driving through them like you were a land cruiser.
That’s what I loved about you, you always believed in yourself and did more than you could.and how cheap you were to maintain....just a few litres of fuel took me places:) yeah i know i starved you when it came yo your juice. Thank God for mum or you'd never have known what a full tank/belly felt like.

You tolerated my girlyhood, all those emotional roller coaster rides I took you on, crying and driving blindly far away from town, on highways with trailers and speed demon drivers…
All those girls I cramped into you. poor you, driving round town with girls hanging on every part of you.
You knew so many secrets, you listened to so many gossips…good thing you can’t talk, you might have betrayed me on one of those days I treated you like crap….remember? days when i was allowed to drive the mercedes.

You were true to the end, never once breaking down on me, even when you were sick, cancer of the throat, that made starting you a pain, you still stayed faithful.
You were a stubborn darling, refusing to abandon me.
You outdid that somewhat posh car in the race my friend used you for, I mean who knew you had it in you, one minute you’re my plain ol audi, and the next you’re flying in a race and winning, knocking the engine of the poor guy who dared to dare you. everyone had renewed respect for you after that day. Oh how you loved the attention.

Then you started to fall apart, the cancer took its toil on you, you would cough and splutter before you moved. But even with that, you stayed strong. All shiny and bright on the outside but hurting in the inside. You stayed with me through the four years in school. And mom knew you had gone through enough, it was time to let you go. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I was excited about getting to drive a new car that looked better than you, I loved you and I was sad to see you go.
Although you weren’t so hideous, you accepted the jokes of friends suggesting we send you in for pimp my ride. I’m not saying you wouldn’t have qualified, but hey…. I looked beyond your model and loved you.

I wonder where you are now audi? Are you making someone else happy? Or have you been abandoned in some junk yard? Its been 5 years, and somehow, even with all the classier and better(I don’t mean to be rude hun) cars, I still miss you and your stiff steering. Just driving you daily helped tone my arms.
Where ever you are audi, I want you to know that I miss you and I really did love you.

XoXo
FQ

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Terms of endearment.

When it comes to addressing your fellow female friends what are the rules?
I was going to write a birthday message on a 'friends' wall. There's something about the facebook birthday reminder that makes you so guilty when you don't wish a friend happy birthday. Cos its all up in your face.

So I clicked on friends profile and read wall posts from different peeps, most I knew for a fact weren't so close to her.
Happy birthday love
Hey angel, happy birthday
Hey sweety, baby boo,gorgeous(yeah right),dear,precious,sweetheart, Darling, lovely........
Oh how I hated it, but I joined in and wrote "hey love, happy birthday"
She isn't 'love' to me, she's just plain Mary Jane to me, I haven't seen her in years and I'll probably be uncomfortably mute 90percent of the time we spend together if we happen to bump into each other at a school reunion.
Like I'm sure a couple of others who wrote 'sweety' on her wall would. The same way I'm not really 'love' to most of the people who write on my fb wall.
Somehow writing just 'happy birthday' or 'happy birthday Mary Jane' sounds so cold, same time writing 'love' feels so insincere.

Guys with fellow guys is just a simple and sincere my guy, dude, chairman, O boy......happy birthday although they're guilty of using terms with girls. Some guy from nowhere going all " hey baby' on me....argggg
Girls have to make it so complicated. 'Hi darling' *Kiss kiss, cheek cheek* drinking in a jar of perfume as you perform the ritual of greetings.
Guys just slap their backs and move on.

Do we really need to use the terms of endearment with people we're not close to? I mean if our friendship doesn't go beyond some cluster group or mutual friends, then we shouldn't bother faking it. Can't we just give a sincere smile and at least a hug without soiling it by adding a term?
So don't 'hey love' me. I think its patronizing,there's always that undertone of fakeness and superiority to it that just chokes my guts.
Too bad sometimes I fall in the wagon of the endearment abusers...on the moderate though.

And like I said before, never trust anyone that says 'darling' all the time to everyone.
Alright darlings, hope you enjoy the rest of the week ;).

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Love Story

I’m not the girl who falls in love. I’m the girl who has major crushes and moves on. But this was love quite all right. It was the stark raving mad kind of love. Yeah, he was fine, yeah he was bloodily rich. People referred to him as a prince. His dad was one of those high chiefs/kings . So maybe all the perks helped a little, but oh my, dude was the sweetest most humble of them all. My feelings were definitely beyond his looks and pocket and overall perfection.
He’s the sort of guy everyone falls in love with, I couldn’t imagine what he saw in plain old me.

My life changed with him in it. We were in sync, I backed out of things he didn’t like me doing, cut off from friends he felt were bad influences, our PDA was almost too consuming, always whispering to him words only he understood. that man knew how to make a woman feel loved. Morning, afternoon and evening was something special and sweet written just for me, one-liners, whole pages, a story that always spoke directly to my heart. He was my first call everyday and every night he was the ears that listened to me talk myself to sleep. In the afternoons I sneaked calls to him to tell him how much I loved him.
Have you heard me sing before? Well you’d hate it, but this man, he loved it when I sang for him, he listened like I was the best singer in the world, some days I danced into the night with or for him. Those were days of perfection. I had so much peace with him, but I was becoming one of those girls…you know those that go crazy in love that they don’t fit into the world anymore? Those my friends and I gossiped, mocked and made jokes about, no more fun nights out, I was too busy with mi love. I was no more popular especially at the hot spots, no more at the events, the little social fire I had burning was slowly ebbing out. I was just ‘the girl he loved’ now. Thus I decided to take things slow, people were starting to talk, and you know how we hate it when people talk, don’t you?

And take things slow I did, more like try to shoo him off like I do with my crushes. It was too consuming for me, or so I thought. From whispering every moment to him to not even giving him a nod of acknowledgement, to blocking out his desperate but calm whispers of love, to dreading his letters, the once sweet words were now like chunks of bitter herbs to me. they only seemed to highlight how wrong I was even though they were the same old sweet words.
I cheated on him, betrayed his trust, and abused his love. Made his family and friends wonder why he still hung on to me.
I used him when I wanted, like days when I needed his money and his family connection, or days my leg hurt, and I needed him to rub my back the way only he knew how to, days I was sad, days the world seemed blue, I would come crying to him and he would rock me to sleep in his arms, that peaceful familiar arm of strength and I’d know everything would be okay. Of course that little fox that loves to ruin the garden of love would visit and in the morning I was back to being the mean lover i was. I cringe at what I put him through, the pain, the hurt, the shame. I pushed him to the limit any human would have cracked at, but there he was, his beautiful eyes lighting up for me when I bothered to visit. I knew he was hurt but I was past caring, I had hurt him too much to go back to that place we were at the beginning, o how I wanted to be there, but my shame wouldn’t even let me soften up to him, my shame took me farther away, my shame made me hurt him more, just waiting for him to reach his limit and dump me.

We had a routine I still kept up with. We went to his fathers the king/chiefs at oniru twice a week. On Tuesday evenings for dinner and Sunday mornings for breakfast. On these days I would grudgingly dress up in my best outfit not wanting to go, but feeling obliged to, the least I could do for him for defending me when his family asked him to leave me. I always ended up having the best of times, with the other family members and friends who were invited. Whenever I saw how much they loved my charming loving dude, I would get aggressively jealous, I would whisper and scream telling him how much I loved him, just for the show of it, just so they wouldn’t get to judge me or label me nasty or take him away from me(you see I’m that confused, I didn't want him but I wanted him). I would make sure I danced with him…..i didn’t want to loose his love to those who seemed to show more emotions than I did. I would hug him and kiss him and listen to him talk, as mesmerized with his words as the other guests ….we would laugh, and we would be the cute loving couple again. Till of course he drops me off, gives me the goodnight kiss, and with the morning light i'd be mean ol me again.

Oh that man really loved me….no one would or will have coped with my attitude for so long. Have you ever been so loved that you feel it in your spirit, soul and body? I messed up what i had because I was scared I’d be labeled as a weak weird girl, who fell in love and ruined her life. I preferred to be popular in town than be safe and pampered in his arms.

My miserable self wanted to free my spirit again, allow myself to accept Love, the purest pleasure of life without prejudice. I wanted those days back. I just had the worst day ever. the people I tried to impress by being tough on the best thing that ever happened to me were all a bunch of selfish fools, no good. Why did it take me so long realize this truth? We clubbed together, we drank together, we gossiped together, we did all those things together but we were no more than strangers. We didn’t love ourselves. They would gladly put a knife in my back and drag me to hades just to save themselves. i didn’t want to wake up in ten years alone, dying from some mistake I made with my ‘friends’. i wanted my love so bad.

Thus after this epiphany, I rushed over to his fathers, it was a friday, they'd be having some family dinner. i was going to fall at his feet, soak him up with my tears of sorrow, beg him to forgive me. I panicked, Not sure if he'd be nice to me, not like i deserved it. i said some nasty things to him a few hours earlier, was that the last straw that would break his love?

I rang the doorbell, feeling like an intruder in that house of love, I fidgeted, wanting to run back, but the door opened before I could, it wasn’t the butler, it was my love himself, how his eyes lit up, and the sight of it drowned the darkness of what i felt, and even before I could say a word, he pulled me to him and held me in his arms as I cried my shame away, all the words i wanted to say lost in my tears,but i didn't have to say anything, the way he held me told me he knew. He smiled and then he laughed,oh he laughed a sound so sweet ….
‘don’t cry, I’ll always love you, I’ll never leave you, even if you push me away, I’m close by, waiting for you to come back to me. my love is sufficient to drown your imperfection and mistakes,I don’t love you less than the first day I met you”

That man, my lover, my friend, my king. I’ll never leave him anymore, I’ll go crazy for him, I’ll gladly be called weird and be ignored cos I spend too much time with him and time talking about him on fb, twitter, bbm, I don’t mind being put in the dog house, as long as I’ve got him by my side, That man Jesus…he sure knows how to love, and I’m basking in his love. My love can never be measured to his, but I’ll try my best.

I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
its up to us to be willing to accept this special love, cos its just there waiting for us to acknowledge it.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 . . . Love is patient and kind . . . Love does not demand its own way . . .
Love never gives up….thus he keeps knocking, the more you push the more persistent he is. Because that’s what he is, he’s Love and love is patient. His grace is more than we can ask for. given freely to those willing to accept it. thats why as imperfect as we are, as often as we nail him back to the cross and hurt him, he still welcomes us back when we turn back to him.

Sometimes it gets old and boring,if we don't constantly fuel the fire of love....by spending time together and praying etc. the excitement of the first few months and years are lost on us, thus we find ourselves sliding away, if we're not careful we end up being the mean lovers. Gods warning us about that, to keep watch, to guard our hearts so we don't loose out completely.
Look how far you have fallen from your first love! Turn back to me again and work as you did at first. If you don't, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. revelation2:5

The bible is one of his precious gifts to us, cos its straight from his mouth to our ears. You find the kindest, truest most loving, and enlightening words in there, that directs, that comforts, that encourages, that teaches you everything, to love, to pray, to have faith,to recieve peace, to be happy, to be patient, to care…. its that love letter that speaks straight to my heart.

I am the girl that Jesus loves and I’m proud to be his.

PS
i used oniru, not because of the royal family but cos my church city of David is located in oniru estate. we have sunday morning service 7.30am and 10.30am and midweek service on tuesdays by 6.30pm. come if you can to experience some real love:)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

emotional Idiot

I'm an Emotional Idiot
so get away from me.
I mean,
COME HERE.

Wait, no,
that's too close,
give me some space
it's a big country,
there's plenty of room,
don't sit so close to me.

Hey, where are you?
I haven't seen you in days.
Whadya, having an affair?
Who is she?
Come on,
aren't I enough for you?

God,
You're so cold.
I never know what you're thinking.
You're not very affectionate.

I mean,
you're clinging to me,
DON'T TOUCH ME,
what am I, your &@$%*^ cat?
Don't rub me like that.

Don't you have anything better to do
than sit there fawning over me?

Don't you have any interests?
Hobbies?
Sailing Fly fishing
Archeology?

There's an archeology expedition leaving tomorrow
why don't you go?
I'll loan you the money,
my money is your money.
my life is your life
my soul is yours
without you I'm nothing.

Move in with me
we'll get a studio apartment together, save on rent,
well, wait, I mean, a one bedroom,
so we don't get in each other's hair or anything
or, well,
maybe a two bedroom
I'll have my own bedroom,
it's nothing personal
I just need to be alone sometimes,
you do understand,
don't you?

Hey, why are you acting distant?

Where you goin',
was it something I said?
What
What did I do?

I'm an emotional idiot
so get away from me
I mean,
MARRY ME.
by Maggie Estep
oh women, what do we do with you?

Monday, July 12, 2010

P.O.W: Prisoner Of Words

photo credit:theinsanityreport.com
I am a big fan of def poetry jam. sometimes it gets too deep for me i find myself drowning in it, sometimes its so funny i spend my time laughing, other times there are tears as words so true are spilled out. i decided to share Alicia keys piece here because its something most if not all of us can relate too. Most times, we kill ourselves by choking on our unsaid words because its not expected of us, we don't know what people will think,thus we shut up even when it comes to the little things; i love you, Jesus loves you, i miss you, i want some more,i don't like it, NO, thank you, sod off:) it gets nastier, it gets nicer but we just never get to say them. Enjoy.

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
I trap myself further
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid
I am a P.O.W.
Not a prisoner of war
A prisoner of words
Like a soldier
I'm a fighter
Yet only a puppet
Mostly I only say
What you wanna hear
Could you take it if I came clear?
Or would you rather see me
Stoned on a drug of complacency and compromise
M.I.A.
I guess that's what I am
Scraping this cold earth
For a piece of myself
For peace in myself

It'd be easier if you put me in jail
If you locked me away
I'd have someone to blame
But these bars of steel are of my making
They surround my mind
And have me shaking
My hands are cuffed behind my back
I'm a prisoner of the worst kind, in fact
A prisoner of compromise
A prisoner of compassion
A prisoner of kindness
A prisoner of expectation
A prisoner of my youth
Run too fast to be old
I've forgotten what I was told
Ain't I a sight to behold?

A prisoner of age dying to be young
To my head is my hand with a gun
And it's cold and it's hard
Cause there's nowhere to run
When you've caged youself
By holding your tongue

I'm a prisoner
Of words unsaid
Just lonely feelings
Locked away in my head
It's like solitary confinement
Every time I stay quiet
I should start to speak
But I stop and stay silent
And now I've made
My own hard bed
Inside a prison of words unsaid
by Alicia Keys


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Spoilt for choice...

photo credit:www.cattilacstyle.com
Its one of those days again. I stand in frustration in the midst of discarded clothes. I don’t know what to wear. I haven’t been out in ages. Now I have to go through the annoying rituals again.
Days before I had it all planned out, the resonate blue Rock&Republic jeans and the tiffany amber pink top. Well we have the resonate and over five pairs of jeans discarded; all my republics failed to rock your body right, the religions failed to be true and the seven for all mankind just felt like plain number one for no mankind on me. Feels like my body somehow transformed over night, all the right curves going in the wrong places.

The tiffany amber is buried under a purple mango dress that was discarded just after the grey skirt and the black top, right next to the sagoe pants. Everything I tried seemed so wrong; the whole wardrobe is turned upside down. I’m already sweating despite the heavy blast of the ac. I look at my many many clothes and shoes, some really expensive, some as cheap as you can get them….all useless at this moment. What was i thinking when i purchased them?

I really should have just made my mom proud and joined the convent, be a nun and wear a habit all day. Then i wouldn’t have to spend money on clothes I can’t wear when I need them.
In frustration i discard the blue vintage top, it lands on the red shoes and the dereon skirt narrowly misses the never been worn tiffany amber maxi dress in the corner, bought a year ago, tag still intact. I reach for my housecoat, the cool silky cloth feels good on my body, at least that’s one expensive purchase that’s serving me right. I go down to get a drink, pick up a book, step on some of the clothes as i try to find my way to the bed, push all the discarded clothes that were lucky to land on the bed to the floor, switch off my phone to avoid irritating calls of ‘where are you?” And life isn’t so bad anymore.
Searching for the perfect outfit for a wedding, a red carpet event, a date or even just an evening out with your friends is sometimes one of the hardest things ever. Not because you have nothing to wear but because nothing seems to be right for that moment. Like the hilarious delectable Tracy Martins a bona-fide wag of luton town said in the book the wag diaries by Alison Kervin
“ ……..ludicrously over stuffed walk in wardrobe, so its not like I don’t have anything to wear-it just seems that way sometimes. Most times, when I look at my wardrobe with more clothes in it than the average departmental store, I don’t think there are no clothes in there, that would be plainly absurd, I think there are no clothes in there that I can put on and feel like a million dollars and be guaranteed to look like the best in the room tonight. What I mean, as every woman means when she moans about having nothing to wear, is that in the wardrobe, there is not the answer to all dreams, there is not the outfit to transform me. There is not a piece of clothing in there that is absolutely right for this particular event. And such is the power of advertising that when I buy clothes or even see clothes in shop windows, I do believe in some small part of me that they will do that…they will make me feel perfect”
Our help once told me, the only reason i say i don’t have anything to wear is because i have so much to choose from, if i had just a suitcase of clothes then i wouldn’t worry myself so much, because my choice is limited to what’s in the suitcase. I wasn’t too happy with him for saying that to me, I just felt he wanted me to give him more clothes for his sister. Well years later, his words make more sense to me. When you’re spoilt for choice, you become confused and disgruntled.
Its like when you’ve got men hovering over you, and more than one of them kissing the ground you walk on, you get confused, spoilt for choice, thus undecided and you kind of miss your big break when the best of men is dangled in your face. Everywhere you turn is someone with something to offer, whispering sweet nothings with mega phones, writing poetry, buying gifts, just showing off a lot of macho stuff. Dude 1 has A and B qualities you like but dude 2 has C, E and F qualities and doesn’t sing as good as 1, while dude 4 has ACBEFGHJ qualities but picks his nose in public. It gets so daunting, you don’t know who to choose, cos like your clothes, they all looked good on the mannequins, but they just don’t work in the long run when you need to wear them. Like Meredith put it in greys anatomy when she had to choose between Derek and Finn, its hard choosing between three people you actually like, cos you wonder, is the third one the right one.
And so with all that confusion you go home, wear your robe and sleep, forget about relationships as much as you can…Like the help said, if you had just one suitcase, it would be easier to know what you want. If I had just two lurking around, it might have been easier to choose between the two.
PS...I'm not relationship obsessed, i always find myself writing about it cos no one understands why i'm still single,thus its a conversation i have every day or every other day. i might as well write about it if i'm bugged about it.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

the big 25!!!

its my birthday!!!!
i've been so overwhelmed with the love i've received so far, shed a few tears and all the mushiness I'm not known for. And my nieces made me love them more by calling and singing to me. Above all i've been so excited about the prayers that have been said for me by more than one person, they all go in one direction, that's a confirmation of the promises i have.
there's no parry today, although a friend is throwing one on Friday, so i'll be there. And typical me, I'd rather stay home.
25 is the new number. Half way to fifty, depending on how I'm viewing the glass. its a new season.
where do i see myself in five years time? that's the golden question i hate to answer. I'm done with all the fancy answers that make people so impressed. the truth is i don't know. It’s not because i’m not ambitious, its far from it, its because words cant describe what i imagine, and from experience I know that the imagination always turns out to be less than the reality, no matter how colorful the imagination may be. Thus its best left unsaid. In other words...i expect the great unexpected.
the latter will surely be greater than the past 25years.
loads of stuff have been thrown my way to make me stop and think, and I’ve realized that I'm more than what I've always seen myself to be. I am an oil field of potential and I’m extremely blessed.These past few months of seemingly idleness has been my exploration period. Oil will soon be stuck and the drilling would begin.
It takes but rushing out to get Tylenol from the drug store around the corner, to attending a cocktail to going out with friends to the beach, to smiling back at the stranger in church to take me to an unexpected and worthwhile path, these random people I meet are certainly not random, cos somehow an opportunity comes out from it all. I'm not the smartest girl in the planet, or the prettiest, of the best educated but like uncle Solomon says
"I have observed something else in this world of ours. The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise are often poor, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don’t always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being at the right place at the right time.” ecclesiastics 9:11 

Somehow these random people know someone who knows someone and there I am knowing the other someone who knows someone. I just happen to be at the right place at the right time. i call that favor, i call that grace...I hope to keep climbing the ladder, keep walking towards the light. Gods been with me, he's worked on me in ways so mysterious, on the other side of 25, he gave me some major breakthroughs which i misused, but he used them to teach me lessons. I'm glad i went through all those issues, cos its better to be a young fool than an old fool. i know not to make the same mistakes. He knows the plans he has for me thus who am i to tell him what to expect in five years? I can only voice out what I hope my expected end will be, I refuse to short change myself by naming places so low in the ladder. i.e Say a food hawker cries to God for a stall in the market, when Gods plan for her is to own a restaurant in some nice part of town. I refuse to set a standard that is so short of what God has in store for me. 
five years from now? i’d be closer to the light, close enough to see my path and know where the next perfect turn leads. settled with my husband and kids,doing that which the maker has placed in my heart to do and doing it well, I hope to be highly successful, through what deal or in what field, I know not. who knows? When he pushes me right, i go right even though i see more gold at the left. what can i say, he's God, he's got to know what he's doing. He's the one who's promised an expected end, thus he knows how to get me there and everyone else who sets their sight on him.
I can't paint pictures of expectations, i don't have the right colors. the canvas may seem bare now, but who says that's not the whole idea. i am a vessel, grooming and waiting to be made into what i ought to be.
happy birthday to me.

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