who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Thursday, February 24, 2011

What if...?

Was on twitter today and had this thought... What if we have our blackberries on us when we're raptured?
Oh what madness, twitter and facebook and bbm updates would go crazy. Some of the things you'd see up would be:
Yo, Jesus just came and I'm so excited. I'm going home baybay!!! Rt if u're ascending too. ;)
O boy, see as Jesus dey ride on the clouds. If u no see am, u're on a long thing...chei!
Wow, u wldnt believe who just soared past me...it's @jollipop who wld ve thot that one'll make it.
Y'all shd see d angels, its crazy up here. Imma twitpix it for u in a bit. #rapturetweets
If you're not here you're on a lonnnng thing. Fi le!!! #rapturetohbad
See this bad guy o @jboy how u take join us? U don bring ur 419 here ba?

Guy,d tin fear me o,I just go church 2day o,just nw I take altar call I dey c myself hereRT@mboy: See this bad guy o @jboy how u take join us? U don bring ur 419 here ba?

Wait a minute, where's @pastoryomi we were standing together and I don't see him going up with me.#iknewit
Kai, see beef o,all of u hatin on me, remember when I was postn all those msges n u unfollowed me? #donthate #thatisall #chewgrenade #hugtransforemer #meIdongo
Its so sad, seeing all the peeps left behind. O well so excited, seeing my mansion in a minute yayyyy!!!
Look who the trumpet called...*bbm dancing smiley*
Jealous much? *bbm tongue out smiley*
I can think of more annoying things that would be posted, the insensitive smug statements and the 'I told you so' et co, cos really everyone wants to show off one way or the other on the social networks.
But Thank God he wouldn't let anyone rub it in anyone's face...because we are saved only by GRACE and GRACE alone, not by our works, so we have no right to disparage anyone like we earned the right to the riding the wind to heaven.
The world of christiandom where love ought to reign as king has some people walking around with the 'holier than thou, better than thou' attitude.
Salvation has no class and is absolutely free, or else some of us would be made to seat in economy by the 'real' Christians, with only the 'chicken and beef' option to choose from while they lounge in first class with chinaware and a menu to choose from because they're 'more christian' than us.... All because we refuse to clean our makeups and take off our earrings after salvation.
#thankGodforgrace it humbles us.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

When the high gets low...

"your body feeling right, but your soul going left. you think you're getting high but you really getting low... the devil got you blind from the weed that you blow" Lecrae blow your high
smoking weed
It was a hot afternoon and I sat in the main living room, curtains open for a little air. I had a perfect view of the gate and was more than curious when I saw the security let in a well dressed young man, he didn't look normal, and he was chewing on bread and drinking pure water as he bounced in. I've been through two robberies and a number of attempts to have my brains go on alert, I screamed for the help to bolt the back door and watched through the window as this stranger walked towards the back of the house like he knew the place well.
I rushed to one of the rooms where I had a clear view of him as he sat under the tree close to the kitchen door.
It was Adam*.
Unbelievable!!! his face was as black as coal. Adam used to be this cute, fun friend of my brother and I, his mum was a member of the house and a friend of my mum.
He lived the life six years ago when we met.
He smoked the smoke, doped the drugs, rode the rides, had a crush on me and dated a finneeee friend of mine.
Over the years, I've heard he was in and out of rehab...last week his mum told my mum he was past drug rehab, he was mental, and she was doing all she could to get him treated.
There I was, hiding out in the room, feeling guilty as I watched him chew on the pure water pack and laugh with himself.
Is this how the world turns?
I knew it'd be madness to step out, as much as I wanted to go out and hug him in pity. To hold him and say a prayer for him...I knew I couldn't.
Somehow the security persuaded him my brother and I were not home and talked him into leaving after i sent some money out to him for transport.
The security came back with a message from adam* "tell fq the fine boy she loves came to see her"
That broke my heart.
See what the devil's done to this fine young man.
Its funny, earlier in the day as I drove home I thought about him.. Those days where his mum would park all her cars in our house hiding them from him, and he would come over trying to talk my mum into giving him the keys to one of the new cars... the accidents his had and all. And here he is in my house, asking to see me.
Its about an hour since he left and I feel so guilty for hiding out, like a coward, one mind tells me I did the right thing staying indoors, another scolds me for not doing something, for hiding from a friend and not giving the love he needed.
Not sure if to listen to the wisdom of common sense or the conscience that pricks me.
Drugs never takes you beyond the high of a few hours.
If only... If only... If only
Someone could transport the junkies to have a front seat view of what their lives would be in 5years if they don't quit.
I grief for my friend, my heart feels so heavy for him and I'm praying for him. His high has brought him to the lowest.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

For colored girls who have considered suicide/ when the rainbow is enuf

Ntozake Shange's choreopoem inspired this post, many people went crazy over valentine just a few days ago, of course to most it wasn't about love itself, twas about what their facade/displaced reality of love could afford...a pair of designer shoes, perfumes... Diamond jewelry or expensive dinners....but love is so much deeper than that, even a novice like me would know.

Without any assistance or guidance from you,
I have loved you assiduously for 8 months, 2 weeks, and a day. I been stood up 4 times, left 7 packages on your doorstep, 40 poems, 2 plants, 3 handmade notecards,
and I had to leave town to send them.
You call at 3 am in the morning on weekdays... charming, charming!
But you have been of NO assistance! I want you to know that this has been an experiment...
to see how selfish I could be.
To see if I could really carry on to snare a possible lover.
To see if I was capable of debasing myself for the love of another.
To see if I could stand not being wanted when I want to be wanted and I can not,
so without any further guidance or assistance from you,
I am ending this affair!
this note is attached to a plant i've been waterin since the day i met you
you may water it yr damn self

How many women are brave enough to walk out on relationships that just take and take and take and leave them with nothing?
I know a couple of girls who just spend resources and every last shred of dignity they have on boys that don't care about them.
How many need to be forced out of the life support that ironically just drains their substance away, rather than pump joy into them. A support that takes away the life of their soul, the light in their eyes, the softness in their smiles....
Its not fair that they feel so worthless, that they let themselves remain in a lifeless circle, just because they're scared, afraid they'll end up alone all their life. Afraid they'll fall if they ever attempt to walk away.

Is it right that some see love as this passion that only drains, while others see it as the life filler, the essence of their existence, the joy of their soul, the reason for laughter?
One woman exhales in pain at the realization that love hurts, and another inhales and fills her lungs up with the freshness and satisfaction of the joy of loving and being loved in return...

'poem is my thank-you for music
i love you more than poem
more than aureliano buendia loved macondo
more than hector lavoe loved himself
more than the lady loved gardenias
more than celia loves cuba or graciela loves el son
more than the flamingoes shoo-do-n-doo-wah love bein pretty
oyeè neégro'


Why is it so hard to define what your love is, and stand by it even if it kills you? It'll save you a lot of drama. Why compromise, just because you don't have faith enough to believe that you'll get what you want... what you need?

LADY IN YELLOW my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face
LADY IN BROWN  my love is too beautiful to have thrown back on my face
LADY IN PURPLE  my love is too sanctified to have thrown back on my face
LADY IN BLUE  my love is too magic to have thrown back on my face
LADY IN ORANGE  my love is too saturday nite to have thrown back on my face
LADY IN RED  my love is too complicated to have thrown back on my face
LADY IN GREEN  my love is too music to have thrown back on my face"

LADY ELDORADO "my love is too pure to have thrown back on my face...."

And that's why I pray for the grace to wait till i find the right one to love perfectly in my imperfection. The one who I would open my bible and read 1 Corinthians 13:4
"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud, or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance...." And sigh in satisfaction "that love that it speaks of is all mine."
A man who will '...set me as a seal upon his heart...' Song of Solomon 8:6
The worlds definition of love in these days is quite scary. Nothing seems to last anymore, its like a rare artifact, picked and discarded at will.

While i patiently/impatiently wait, I refuse to fall prey to the deceit of life and love dressed up in trendy clothes, fat wallets, spotless faces and nice spot cars.... I haven't waited this long to fall for the one who would make me miserable and say sorry all the time...

‘i don't know how she got yr number baby, i'm sorry‘ 

‘o baby, ya know i waz high, i'm sorry’

‘i'm only human, and inadequacy is what makes us human, & if we was perfect we wdnt have nothin to strive for, so you might as well go on and forgive me pretty baby, cause i'm sorry’
‘shut up bitch, i told you i waz sorry’

‘i do ya like i do ya cause i thot ya could take it, now i'm sorry’

‘now i know that ya know i love ya, but i aint ever
gonna love ya like ya want me to love ya, i'm sorry’
Sorry just doesn't have a place in my life.

For those of you who have attempted to commit suicide, murder your souls when you lost hope, there's still hope for a love that thrives, marriage that lasts, a heart that smiles, and joy that overwhelms. Despite what you've been through, what you've heard and seen around you, despite the heartbreaks and tears, don't give up just yet. Soon you'll have someone you love writing this to you...

I want to write a simple love poem
But I don't know how to
I want to tell
The reason I fell
So madly in love with you.....


****poems are from the book :for colored girls who considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Ene Maya Lawani

Its exciting seeing people close to you achieve things, especially when you've known them all your life.
That's the feeling I've got right now. I'm so proud of my friend Ene Maya Lawani, Ex Miss Nigeria. She's coming out with her very own line... The ene maya label is set to push your buttons to the last shred of ...you know something(looking for something intelligent to insert there)
She's been pictured on the red carpet rocking them good...and there she goes turning it into a money making venture. She'll be launching her line later this month.I plan on rocking this piece to the launch :)
its one of my faves

They're exquisite pieces, and the best part about this is the price...you can look beautiful in the turbans from 5k-30k.
Here's the official press release:
Ene Maya is the true African definition of beauty and brains. She
shot to limelight in 2004 in the oldest and most credible of all
beauty pageants in the country with several other Nigerian
beauties to become Miss Nigeria 2004 (the longest serving beauty
The ENE MAYA Collection is a combination of head wraps,
scarves and accessories. The aim is to introduce this as a trend in
young Nigerian women to accessorize any kind of outfit. These
accessories have been a hit in various runways round the world.
A turban is versatile, fun and bold, playful and different. The
turban is quite chic. A turban might not be the first hair accessory
you think of when your outfit is in need of something extra, but its a
brilliant way to tie up your hair while looking like you made an effort
with a fashion accessory. Turban can transform a look from dire to
danny in no time. Wearing a turban demands confidence. You
have to believe in your looks. Turbans are without a doubt a type
of fashion accessory that cannot go unnoticed, offering you the
opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and try something a
little different from what you may be used to. Being versatile and
interesting, this type of accessory offers you that chance to make a
bold fashion statement adding a vintage allure to any outfit. With
the right dose of courage and creativity, this accessory can
contribute to a very modern look. Fashion is mute until we give it a
voice, that's the gut and energy of this whole thing, you can trust a
turban to do some screaming.
The ENE MAYA Collection will be stocking at Rivista Stores on
Awolowo Road, Ikoyi from the 1st of March 2011.
Prices will range from N5,000 to N30,000.
The launch will be coming up on the 26th of February in Victoria Island
For further enquiries call Ene Lawani on 08035378970.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Its a crazy hair day in abuja.

I left for Abuja yesterday, I had an appointment with aminu my dear dear tailor, he's easy on the pocket and goes hard with the machine. On my way to abuja, my friend Miss Tea sent me a bbm. Abuja was going to be on fire on Saturday. Human hair for all man kind on sale(how ironic as i'm planning on selling mine)
I'm not a fan of the Brazilian,Indian et co...well not yet, maybe when I come into my trust fund (yeah I'm Gods trust fund baby) I would buy all the hair I want, even gorilla hair(trust me, gorilla hair's the ish, soft, silky, non tangling...you get?)
I wouldn't lie, I like all the afghans, Brazilians et co hair, especially as it looks so natural and I sort of feel prettier wearing it(duhhhh) but I'm not crazy about them.
What's contributed in putting me off is the number of girls in the out of work category, barely out of their teens et co, rocking 80 to 100k hair like its 200naira noble.

Anyway the flyer had this crazy prices and I was like 'wow'. Even a lukewarm fan wouldn't resist checking it out.
Saturday afternoon, my friend, Miss Shady says we're going to get hair. Shady wanted us there as the clock struck 2pm, she was willing to let her wedding wait while she hair shopped. I wondered why we had to go so early, we had parked the car at 2pm on the dot and omg, there was already a bunch of cars there with all sorts of girls fast walking into the gates...a male friend of mine said people had been waiting since 1.30pm. I sat by the pool watching, i certainly wasn't in for all that madness.
It was quite interesting, I got to see people I hadn't seen in years...like seriously, girls hovered around the door waiting, it felt like watching tv on boxing day and seeing live how ridiculous it is when people wait in the cold outside selfridges to start the shopping madness or in America on black friday.
They waited and they waited and I got to catch up with long lost friends. I'm sure the organizers didn't expect such a turn out, they were probably making an alternative plan.
I left before the doors were opened, my good friend miss P was willing to wait the crowd out. I hear people were let In batch by batch later.
By the end of the day there will be a number of girls diagnosed with depression after been outsmarted in the hair market, not getting the inches the want. There might be a couple of emergency room visits from wounded toes...the number of heels there and the shoving we can expect that.
All that for hair...I tell you, its all madness. I'm off to yar'dua centre for some exhibition, I hear its not that bad. And they dare say lagosians are crazy.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Hair Dilemma

I've been thinking about cutting my hair.
Its the feeling you get when you're thinking about sky diving or... You know, doing something daring.
Sky diving could either end with you dying without a suicide note, or surviving and being the cool daring kid on the block.
Well cutting my hair feels that way, either I'll look like hell or end up looking like some princess from space...

I haven't had a low cut since junior secondary.
I'll probably be doing something great for the 'lagos wannabe big girls' you know those that try too hard to be among....
I'll treat it and package it good
It'll be hundred percent natural hair, plus I've got full hair so you only get to buy one pack unlike the Brazilian hair around :)

Nigerian hair at its best.
So maybe you can't get it in 16inches or even 10inches,
But I guess 4inch hair wouldn't be a bad bargain,
And trust my wanabe naija peeps, when they find out your weave is 100% naija especially with the 'buy naija' promo going on now, they wouldn't mind if its 2inches as long as they can brag about owning one.(Of cause they'll be too dumb to realize their hair is of the same stuff)
It'll have value, my hair.... You want one, you have to be on the waiting list, 4 years...that's probably how long it'll take to grow it back. And you'll be a bigger big girl if you own one...

So cutting my hair will be great for business, that's a pro, but then am I bold enough to go ahead with it?
Or maybe if I cut it, I'll loose my power like Samson...no man will ever look at me again, and I'll have to live alone with a cat in my old age....
Oh, what a dilemma, the sleepless nights.
Maybe I am my hair afterall, and I do not have the guts...not even for the fame and fortune my hair pieces would bring me.
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I'm headed for heathrow in a few hours.
Its been fun while it lasted.
couple of months away, it almost feels like i was escaping reality.
but i refuse to dignify that thought with a response. Its back to the hustling.
I'm lighter now, no,i'm not bleaching, i guess i'll have a few days to enjoy my new complexion in nigeria before the sun tones me down. Who knows i might get to experience the 'awesome goodness of life' all those who bleach get when they become multicolored...but then, maybe not, i'm not a patch of black and white...oh well *sigh* i guess i'll never know.
so maybe i'm blabbling cos i don't want to think about the heartbreak i'll be experiencing in a bit. Not kissing my baby niece and taking in the freshness of her.
Not having the bigger girls bug me out with stories i'd rather not hear....its all love.
not seeing my dearest and sweet big sister every day and stalking my brother every other day.
and lots more.
i'll miss going to church on sundays, and window shopping at brentcross after church, then taking bus 189 to oxford circus, just because i want to be on my own, seating on the top deck and listening to refreshing music on my ipod....

The holiday didnt go as i planned in some ways, but then God works in mysterious ways, i learnt a lot from it, and i got to experience what it means to be fed by the ravens like in elijahs case.

Well its back to the real real reality, and then i start to work on every loosed ends. And even though i'm a little bit scared of reality, i walk into it knowing Gods got my back, thus i'm ready to move mountains, and  close the biggest deals ever, and no client dares to disappoint me at the last min:) cos someborry go wound real bad.
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