who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Unknown Error?...

Have you ever tried to top up your phone only to get an error message/a timeout message?
Then you retry and it says 'this card has already been used by you'? And that's when you check the balance to see that the initial top up was successful even though the phone gave you an error msg.


It happens to me all the time. Thus I have learnt to just make the call after I get that message or check the balance instead of trying again… because somehow I know the phone has been credited. It rarely is the case that I have to input the numbers again because the truly wasn’t processed.

This happened to me recently and it got me thinking about how we ‘input’ prayers and are unaware that they have been answered because our feelings process an error message and sends to us. I believe many prayers are answered that we're unaware of because we don't check... We feel like a response hasn't been received because we don't get a "successful recharge" message from God! (Even after His word says He always hears us)
Only to check and realize your prayers were answered but you were too blinded by worry, fear, desperation to notice... you were so focused on the error message of anxiety to notice.
Our flesh gives an error message! We don't feel healed, we don't feel comforted... we just don't feel.... but it's not about feeling!

Sometimes answered prayers come in the form we want it to come in.
Sometimes it comes in the form of a storm to end that relationship that was killing you spirit, soul and body. Or a storm to make you move from that city that wasn't good for you. To prevent you from going on that holiday that may have killed you...etc
What have you been praying about? Maybe it's time to start thanking and praising God for the answered prayers... praise brings down walls of delusion, unbelief, fear and dread! It brings the reality of whom God is to focus.

Be assured that God has heard you... Take that assurance to the bank and praise your way in thanksgiving and wait to see the manifestation.
(it sounds like a mechanical thing to say right? What if you don't see results?) Well there are always results to prayers... It just may not be in the way we imagine. But God is good and perfect, a good good loving Father and He responds to our prayers in ways that He knows will do us well.


“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”
Mark 11:24 NIV

Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.
Isaiah 65:24 (NIV).


And as Mosugu Eben sings "I serve a God who answers prayers... "

Download here  
 
This has been one of my favorite songs in this season… knowing that God loves me and He answers my prayers even when I don’t feel it, even when it doesn’t look it. That’s why I praise even when the fig tree does not blossom… 

Though the cherry trees don’t blossom
    and the strawberries don’t ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
    and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
    and the cattle barns empty,
I’m singing joyful praise to God.
    I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God’s Rule to prevail,
    I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
    I feel like I’m king of the mountain! Hababkkuk 3:17-19(msg)

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

When You Fall In Love...


I’m not the girl who falls in love. I’m the girl who has major crushes and moves on. But this was love quite all right. It was the stark raving mad kind of love. Yeah, he was fine, yeah he was bloodily rich. People referred to him as a prince. His dad was one of those high chiefs/kings . So maybe all the perks helped a little, but oh my, dude was the sweetest most humble of them all. My feelings were definitely beyond his looks and pocket and overall perfection.
He’s the sort of guy everyone falls in love with, I couldn’t imagine what he saw in plain old me.

My life changed with him in it. We were in sync, I backed out of things he didn’t like me doing, cut off from friends he felt were bad influences, our PDA was almost too consuming, always whispering to him words only he understood. that man knew how to make a woman feel loved. Morning, afternoon and evening was something special and sweet written just for me, one-liners, whole pages, a story that always spoke directly to my heart. He was my first call everyday and every night he was the ears that listened to me talk myself to sleep. In the afternoons I sneaked calls to him to tell him how much I loved him.

Have you heard me sing before? Well you’d hate it, but this man, he loved it when I sang for him, he listened like I was the best singer in the world, some days I danced into the night with or for him. Those were days of perfection. I had so much peace with him, but I was becoming one of those girls…you know those that go crazy in love that they don’t fit into the world anymore? Those my friends and I gossiped, mocked and made jokes about, no more fun nights out, I was too busy with my love. I was no more popular especially at the hot spots, no more at the events, the little social fire I had burning was slowly ebbing out. I was just ‘the girl he loved’ now. Thus I decided to take things slow, people were starting to talk, and you know how we hate it when people talk, don’t you?

And take things slow I did, more like try to shoo him off like I do with my crushes. It was too consuming for me, or so I thought. From whispering every moment to him to not even giving him a nod of acknowledgement, to blocking out his desperate but calm whispers of love, to dreading his letters, the once sweet words were now like chunks of bitter herbs to me. They only seemed to highlight how wrong I was even though they were the same old sweet words.
I cheated on him, betrayed his trust, and abused his love, made his family and friends wonder why he still hung on to me.

I used him when I wanted, like days when I needed his money and his family connection, or days my leg hurt, and I needed him to rub my back the way only he knew how to, days I was sad, days the world seemed blue, I would come crying to him and he would rock me to sleep in his arms, that peaceful familiar arm of strength and I’d know everything would be okay. Of course that little fox that loves to ruin the garden of love would visit and in the morning I was back to being the mean lover i was. I cringe at what I put him through, the pain, the hurt, the shame. I pushed him to the limit any human would have cracked at, but there he was, his beautiful eyes lighting up for me when I bothered to visit. I knew he was hurt but I was past caring, I had hurt him too much to go back to that place we were at the beginning, o how I wanted to be there, but my shame wouldn’t even let me soften up to him, my shame took me farther away, my shame made me hurt him more, just waiting for him to reach his limit and dump me.

We had a routine I still kept up with. We went to his fathers the king/chiefs at oniru twice a week. On Tuesday evenings for dinner and Sunday mornings for breakfast. On these days I would grudgingly dress up in my best outfit not wanting to go, but feeling obliged to, the least I could do for him for defending me when his family asked him to leave me. I always ended up having the best of times, with the other family members and friends who were invited. Whenever I saw how much they loved my charming loving dude, I would get aggressively jealous, I would whisper and scream telling him how much I loved him, just for the show of it, just so they wouldn’t get to judge me or label me nasty or take him away from me(you see I’m that confused, I didn't want him but I wanted him). I would make sure I danced with him... I didn’t want to loose his love to those who seemed to show more emotions than I did. I would hug him and kiss him and listen to him talk, as mesmerized with his words as the other guests …we would laugh, and we would be the cute loving couple again. Till of course he drops me off, gives me the goodnight kiss, and with the morning light I'd be mean ol' me again.

Oh that man really loved me…no one would or will have coped with my attitude for so long. Have you ever been so loved that you feel it in your spirit, soul and body? I messed up what i had because I was scared I’d be labeled as a weak weird girl, who fell in love and ruined her life. I preferred to be popular in town than be safe and pampered in his arms.

My miserable self wanted to free my spirit again, allow myself to accept Love, the purest pleasure of life without prejudice. I wanted those days back. I just had the worst day ever. the people I tried to impress by being tough on the best thing that ever happened to me were all a bunch of selfish fools, no good. Why did it take me so long realize this truth? We partied together, we drank cocktails together, we gossiped together, we did all those things together but we were no more than strangers. We didn’t love ourselves. They would gladly put a knife in my back and drag me to hades just to save themselves. I didn’t want to wake up in ten years alone, dying from some mistake I made with my ‘friends’. i wanted my love so bad.

Thus after this epiphany, I rushed over to his fathers, it was a Friday, they'd be having some family lunch. I was going to fall at his feet, soak him up with my tears of sorrow, beg him to forgive me. I panicked, not sure if he'd be nice to me, not like i deserved it. I said some nasty things to him a few hours earlier, was that the last straw that would break his love?

I rang the doorbell, feeling like an intruder in that house of love, I fidgeted, wanting to run back, but the door opened before I could, it wasn’t the butler, it was my love himself, how his eyes lit up, and the sight of it drowned the darkness of what i felt, and even before I could say a word, he pulled me to him and held me in his arms as I cried my shame away, all the words i wanted to say lost in my tears,but i didn't have to say anything, the way he held me told me he knew. He smiled and then he laughed,oh he laughed a sound so sweet ….
"don’t cry, I’ll always love you, I’ll never leave you, even if you push me away, I’m close by, waiting for you to come back to me. My love is sufficient to drown your imperfection and mistakes, I don’t love you less than the first day I met you”

That man, my lover, my friend, my king. I’ll never leave him anymore, I’ll go crazy for him, I’ll gladly be called weird and be ignored because I spend too much time with him and time talking about him on fb, twitter, bbm, instagram... I don’t mind being put in the dog house, as long as I’ve got him by my side, That man Jesus…he sure knows how to love, and I’m basking in his love. My love can never be measured to his, but I’ll try my best by accepting all of His love.
"I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels can’t, and the demons can’t. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can’t keep God’s love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
Its up to us to be willing to accept this special love, because it’s just there waiting for us to acknowledge it.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 . . . "Love is patient and kind . . . Love does not demand its own way . . .
Love never gives up"…thus he keeps knocking, the more you push the more persistent he is. Because that’s what he is, he’s Love and love is patient. His grace is more than we can ask for, given freely to those willing to accept it. That's why as imperfect as we are, as often as we disdain the cross and hurt him, he still welcomes us back when we turn back to him.

Sometimes it gets old and boring, if we don't constantly fuel the fire of love.... by spending time together and praying etc. the excitement of the first few months and years are lost on us, thus we find ourselves sliding away, if we're not careful we end up being the mean lovers. Gods warning us about that, to keep watch, to guard our hearts so we don't loose out completely.
Look how far you have fallen from your first love! Turn back to me again and work as you did at first. If you don't, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches. Revelation2:5

The bible is one of his precious gifts to us, because its straight from his mouth to our ears. You find the kindest, truest most loving, and enlightening words in there, that directs, that comforts, that encourages, that teaches you everything, to love, to pray, to have faith, to receive peace, to be happy, to be patient, to care…. its that love letter that speaks straight to my heart.

I am the girl that Jesus loves and I’m proud to be his.... Lets all align ourselves with his love, cos really, there's nothing else out their.

PS
I used oniru, not because of the royal family...before i get accused of crushing over one of them:) but because my church City Of David is located in oniru estate. we have Sunday morning service 7.30am and 10.30am and midweek service on Tuesdays by 6.30pm and my absolute favorite... He's Lord praise hour at noon on Fridays.(an hour of lunchtime pure praise and worship) Come if you can to experience some real love:)
(Well I wrote this when I still lived in Lagos) But here are a list of bible believing churches I attend when I find myself in the area…
Makurdi
Shelter of Glory, opposite Aminu Isah Kontagora Complex, Makurdi, Benue State. We have services on Sundays at 7am and 8.45 and on Wednesdays at 5.30pm

Gboko
Christ Family Centre Theatre if Faith, Off Ring Road behind Gboko Hills, GRA, Gboko, Benue State, Nigeria.
Gboko 1159
Sundays 7am and 9am and Wednesdays 5pm

Abuja…
Savannah Grace Chapel Abuja - SGC Hall, plot 870/871 northern parkway, beside NHIS Building Utako, Abuja, Nigeria
Service times Sundays 7am and 9am and Tuesdays and Thursdays 5pm

The Standpoint Church Nicon Luxury Hotel, Area 11, Garki
Abuja, Nigeria
Sundays 5pm and Wednesdays 6pm

Plot 1101 Kaura District, between Games Village and Prince & Princes Estate
Abuja
Sundays 7am and 9am and Thursdays 6pm

London…
HIllsong London has a campus located in the heart of London's West End every Sunday at the Dominion Theatre, Totehamcourt road.  11 am, 1.30pm, 4pm, 6.30pm

Jesus House …. 112 Brent Terrace, London NW2 1LT, UK
Sundays at 9 am and 11.30am

The Vineyard Church 7 Ashley Road Brick Knoll Park, Ashley Road Industrial Estate, St Albans AL1 5UG, UK
Sundays 9am and 11am

There’s just so many great churches out there, these are just some that I have attended and been blessed by… find yourself one, be planted and flourish in Gods word and presence… in company of other believers. Your TV is great, but getting messages on TV isn’t an excuse to forsake the gathering!

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