who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Terms of endearment.

When it comes to addressing your fellow female friends what are the rules?
I was going to write a birthday message on a 'friends' wall. There's something about the facebook birthday reminder that makes you so guilty when you don't wish a friend happy birthday. Cos its all up in your face.

So I clicked on friends profile and read wall posts from different peeps, most I knew for a fact weren't so close to her.
Happy birthday love
Hey angel, happy birthday
Hey sweety, baby boo,gorgeous(yeah right),dear,precious,sweetheart, Darling, lovely........
Oh how I hated it, but I joined in and wrote "hey love, happy birthday"
She isn't 'love' to me, she's just plain Mary Jane to me, I haven't seen her in years and I'll probably be uncomfortably mute 90percent of the time we spend together if we happen to bump into each other at a school reunion.
Like I'm sure a couple of others who wrote 'sweety' on her wall would. The same way I'm not really 'love' to most of the people who write on my fb wall.
Somehow writing just 'happy birthday' or 'happy birthday Mary Jane' sounds so cold, same time writing 'love' feels so insincere.

Guys with fellow guys is just a simple and sincere my guy, dude, chairman, O boy......happy birthday although they're guilty of using terms with girls. Some guy from nowhere going all " hey baby' on me....argggg
Girls have to make it so complicated. 'Hi darling' *Kiss kiss, cheek cheek* drinking in a jar of perfume as you perform the ritual of greetings.
Guys just slap their backs and move on.

Do we really need to use the terms of endearment with people we're not close to? I mean if our friendship doesn't go beyond some cluster group or mutual friends, then we shouldn't bother faking it. Can't we just give a sincere smile and at least a hug without soiling it by adding a term?
So don't 'hey love' me. I think its patronizing,there's always that undertone of fakeness and superiority to it that just chokes my guts.
Too bad sometimes I fall in the wagon of the endearment abusers...on the moderate though.

And like I said before, never trust anyone that says 'darling' all the time to everyone.
Alright darlings, hope you enjoy the rest of the week ;).

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

8 comments :

  1. Should I trust you for calling us darlings? :-)

    A friend of mine once taught me that it actually sounds nice when someone calls you dear, love, darling, etc. So I try to use it, but if I have no close relationship with the person, I wont bother faking it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i use terms of endearment for everyone i know

    different peeps

    different terms

    hehehehehehe

    hey babes would have gone down well

    hey love?

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  3. this is so true, LOL. that's why I just write "happy birthday, mary-jane!!" it's straightforward enough not to be pretentious. and the exclamation marks add some flavour ;)

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  4. @ Anyaposh lol!! You're a girl after my heart. I faced the same dilemma this morning and i went with happy birthday..... but uhm i lie if i say that was all i wrote sha cos i had to end it with xxxxx to sound sweet. Inyamu do i hear you say my point exactly?

    Oh!well.....lol!!

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  5. lmaoooo @drinking in a jar of perfume!!! i just go with the flow mehnnn!
    by the way my bday is coming up soonnn...a nice 'sincere' message pullleaaseee..thanx a bunch!

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  6. for your sake i wouldnt tell them how good your man sexes you up because then your girls will go after your man

    ive seen it happen

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  7. This is why people call me harsh! If you are not a love, I won't darling you! I hate those darling people, so irritating. I told someone NOT to call me that and they took offence, I couldn't care less. You ain't my love or family so suck it up.

    Go with the plain jane at least you won't be patronising.

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  8. I concur with u, most times when people use dear, love ,sweet heart I sense they want to feel superior or patronising ,I feel so uncomfortable to say it to people I know ar not really dear to my heart ,I stick to my plain Jane.I would rather be genuine than spurious,people might not admire that but that is just me

    ReplyDelete

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