who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

He Loves me Like That... In all our Picasso (Not) Glory!

I can’t sing to save myself. I really cant and its pretty ironic because I love music, i play music most of the time, well not all the time, but it stays on top, right next to reading and writing… Its one of my favorite things to do on my one on one time with God… to just sing of His goodness and worship, but there's just a little hitch, I can't sing to save myself. Granted, sometimes I hear myself and feel like I should at least be in the finals of American Idols when it was still popping, even if I’m not getting the prize… but sometimes, even I wince at myself when I hear me croaking a song…

I was at a worship conference some days ago… the minister had just finished a powerful word session on worship, and we were singing in tongues, spontaneous worship was ongoing… that moment was so intense, the presence was so real, so tangible, so beautiful, and what a voice the minister had! I was on the floor, ugly crying and singing and I heard my voice and grimaced, and then at that moment, I believe God put this picture in my heart… that got me laughing in the midst of it all.

This is the picture I saw: you know how kids make drawings and we all gush over them with genuine love and appreciation and hang them up on the refrigerator? Well, we don’t care that those drawings are ugly when we do… because lets admit it… they really aren’t spectacular, even for a five year old. I’ve had those moments, where my nieces/cousins have made drawings for me that weren’t master pieces or beautiful in the sense of the word, but they were treasured, and I really meant it each time I told them how much I loved it and kissed the little Picasso's, and kept the drawings in special places… some of those art work were regularly stuck on my sisters refrigerator, in all their not masterpieces glory. Chuchu my seven year old cousin, recently showed me a painting she did, I was truly impressed, and this wasn’t the love covers all flaws kind of amazement, this was the wow, you really are artistic kind. I sincerely loved it, beyond the I’ll love anything you give me even when it isn’t near perfect… but my enthusiasm wasn’t any different from what I would express when the next one would bring me some senseless colored scribble painting that I would love just as much.
Source

At that moment, I understood that when I sing, as croaky and off tune as I sound sometimes, it pleases God ALWAYS… it may not be the best of voices like the kids paintings weren’t close to being perfect, but He genuinely is excited, He genuinely loves it and He sticks my praise song on the refrigerator right next to the genius works of the great singers… and he puts it in a special place, where he keeps the nice voices as well, side by side! (We could say He stores them up in a special special place in His heart.)

That got me excited in worship and laughing to myself, there I was with my off tune song, and there the minister on stage was with his beautiful voice singing in tongues with a beautiful tune, and our Father hangs up our worship in love, side by side… looking beyond our talents.
Its not my voice, its my desire to worship, my eagerness to minister to God… my response to His love for me, my love for Him…. That’s all He sees, not the notes I hit and the tune I miss, not the croakiness and my inability to reach!
Thank God for that!

One of my new favorite  'on repeat' songs...

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