When shit happens… Give a shit wisely…

Its not every time you’re the butt of the joke… but God has a sense of humor and he’s using my butt to deliver a message. I have struggled with posting this but hey… after posting this, I’m spritzing some Chanel mademoiselle on, putting on lip-gloss and some heels and strutting about like the human that I am… I don’t take or do shit!

Caveat/Disclaimer: I don’t go about saying shit in real life… I show some decorum. Poo-poo somebody? Certainly not excrete… probably ‘take a dump’ sometimes.

That said…. I went to get my hair done at a salon my friend recommended. It was in one of those plazas in Wuse 2, Abuja, ADB plaza to be precise.

I noticed my tummy acting funny… but I assumed whatever it’d be, the salon would have a bathroom I could dash into.

The shit really did hit the fan when I bit into the hot puff puff I ordered from one of the shops. Say what?

I can do this… I will not be moved. I reaffirmed to myself. Beads of sweat may or may not have formed on my forehead. I couldn't concentrate on the book i was reading.

And so time went, I spent hours there… and each minute became more uncomfortable.

The center really could not hold anymore… because you see, I had had it to here… it wasn’t about been tough or exercising patience anymore… it was the whole nine yards, I had no more strength or so I thought, and if I held on to non-existent strength, something was going to emerge…

This was when shit got really messy (pardon this pun, I really am not cussing). There was no bathroom in the salon, the only option in the plaza was the general toilet and the salon girls wouldn’t let me use it because they said it would be too nasty for me, not up to standard, they could use it, but I couldn’t. I was too poised in their eyes to be subjected to that mess.

At that moment I didn’t care, even as I tried to maintain every front of composure. I told them I had to go, I really needed to and I wouldn’t mind the mess, it couldn’t be that bad… but they looked at me, looked at my bag, looked at me and my innocent never had to take a shit looking self and refused to subject me to the instant gratification of the moment.

Funny thing is, I wasn’t even dressed to the nines to warrant such treatment, I was dressed down in an I’m spending all day in the salon with no make up  kind of way.

They gave me an option… go across the road to the hotel and use the bathroom… it’s neat, its decent, it’ll be comfortable.

Would they let me just walk in and head straight to their toilets… or lavatory as we sophisticated (Ha) people say?

“Yeah, just walk in the reception and ask where the toilet is.” They told me.

Now that sounded like a good idea, albeit, embarrassing to walk in and head straight to the toilet and head out again, I mean, no disguise of enquires about the hotel before depositing shit on them.

Even with the assurance that there would be a clean bathroom ready, waiting for me, the next question was if shit could stay put long enough for me to get to my destination. Would the center hold or would things fall apart?

I felt like if I got up and moved, everything would come crashing down…

I loved the toilet they wouldn’t let me use… other people in the salon used it, so why not me? At that moment, if you put a potty right in the middle of the plaza, I may just have pulled my pants down and finished a business deal there… but….

And so I bravely and prayerfully got up, got a scarf to cover my half made hair so I don’t look crazy crossing the busy road… I walked or ran down the stairs… cursing the salon for being three floors up. Walked into the hotel and didn’t even pause as I greeted the cute receptionist… just my luck two very male men smiled from behind the desk and responded to my greeting…. I asked, “Please where’s your ladies?”…. And they said “toilet?”  I said “yes” while still walking in the most likely direction (it wasn’t a large hotel thus the reception area was quite compact), toilet, ladies, whatever you call it, I didn’t give a shit in that moment. They pointed in the direction I was going, and it took me every dignity, and every ounce of strength not to run… I would worry about the embarrassment with the receptionist later.

What joy it was… what a relief. A song of deliverance could be played right about that moment… I had a clean and relaxed atmosphere to relieve myself... there was a sweet smelling freshener, soft tissue, plus running water, soap and a dryer to wash my hands well.

(Another (Unnecessary) Disclaimer: No I don’t go through life throwing the word shit about, I use well-contoured words ... but somehow there’s shit splashed around this post… Lord have mercy)

I shared this embarrassing story so I could tell you that sometimes, you’d be so pressed in life, so pressed that you tell yourself if you don’t grab at that opportunity right now, you would die or shit on yourself, even if that opportunity has dirt marked all over it. Even if you know there’s risk of an infection in whatever form from using that dirty toilet… even if you know you’re worth more than that move that’d give you that instant gratification. But that’s a lie from the devil. It may feel like you’re dying in that urgency the situation tries to choke you with, but truth is, that situation can’t kill you. It may be pressing, but you certainly wouldn’t poop (see how I didn’t use the word shit here…) on yourself if you hold on for just a little little while as you look for a clean spot. You can walk to the hotel across the road and use a very clean toilet; you have the stamina, the strength, what it takes to patiently endure and walk to a proper, neater solution than your body makes you feel. It may be uncomfortable, but it is worth it.

 

There will always be a decoy before the real deal shows up… well, maybe not always, but most times… and we need to learn to discern, to pray, to listen to the leading of the Spirit and how our hearts react to certain things that look right, but rubs off the wrong way on us. Like marry that guy with a shitty attitude because you're so pressed by the pressure of society, when there's a better alternative just across the road from you.

“Satan has a counterfeit for every good thing God wants to give you.” Joyce Meyer.

You need people around you, true friends and mentors who will boldly discourage you from going the dirty path no matter how pressing the issues may be, who will look you in the face in the heat of the pressure trying to floor you into making the wrong choice and say NO!  People who will point you in the right direction and cheer you on.

That day at the salon, I wasn’t dressed the way they addressed me, I wasn’t dressed my best or looking quite classy and stuck up in heels and well made up face… but they still recognized something in me to know that I wouldn’t be comfortable in that toilet. You need people who will recognize who you truly are, maybe you may not be feeling or acting so spiritual in that moment, may not be pumped up with the spiritual juice, but they recognize the journey you’re walking in, they recognize that God has a bigger purpose for you and would stand firm in holding you off a decision that looks right, but isn’t Gods right and may end up causing more harm than good after the instant gratification of the moment, they will recognize you and insist on redirecting you to better… on convincing you to wait for the best. The blessings of the Lord make rich and add no sorrow… no condition to His blessings, but a lot of clauses to the instant gratification from hell.

I pray that God gives each and everyone of us, that person, that friend, that mentor, that pastor, that spouse… that family that looks out for us and saves us from our desperation born mistakes.

“Do not settle, not in marriage, career, ministry, or your dreams. Hold on. There is grace available; for God will not let you be tempted beyond what you can handle. If He’s making you wait, then there is grace available to wait, and when the decoy comes, there is also grace available to resist, if only you choose to.” Joy Akut, Kiss & Tell (How cool is it that i get to quote myself from my book? You should get yourself a copy :)