July The Sixth...

I turned 34 on the 6th of July.
The older I get, the more age feels like just a number. God renews my youths.

I am a woman helped by God.
God loves me and everything is all right.
Here’s an excerpt from a journal entry I wrote about 15 years ago. I was desperate for God. I was running on empty. Knowing Him has been my desire from long before I can remember.
But God took me on a journey of questions, till I got to the place when I knew His love, not just because I was told, but because I had interacted with it.
My life is beautiful. And I’m not measuring it with the same things we use to gauge a life of success. Gods love for me… that’s my standard, and I have seen the goodness of God. I live in the goodness of God. I drink from the fountain of the goodness of God.
Nothing missing, and nothing broken, great is my peace.
I am just an ordinary girl, who collided with an extraordinary Love and now I’m nothing close to ordinary.

13th September 2004.
Age 19

I feel emptiness; I feel heavy, lots of loads on me, yet nothing in me, how does it all work? How does this happen? Then I hear of young girls dying, everywhere, those in school, graduates and I wonder if it’s worth it.
I try to pray, wishing It would work, but I only feel hollow as I mutter the somewhat rehearsed words, because I don’t feel a connection,
Sometimes I imagine myself having a one on one with God. I see me preaching and winning souls for God. But then its just wishful thanking, if only my imaginations came through,

Look how far God has brought me. He cares about our every desire. i desired to know Him more. To live in the picture i saw of me in front of crowds... and here I am, loving him all my days. Basking in His love and just being a mustard loving ray of sunshine.


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