who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Story Story... Not Tales By Moonlight.


I wonder how I got to this place that I am today! If I was given the monotony of the script of my life ‘Inyamu’s Eldorado‘Adventures of Joy’ it’d play out differently (see, I can’t even get a proper name for it)…  splashed with only vanilla, ice and all things nice but with so much deficits. Like those over-hyped movies I hear about and look forward to going to the cinema to see… and once there, I’d be bored out of my socks. What was all that noise about? Common, those rave reviews for this? I’m rolling my eyes half the time, making myself appreciate the few scenes that catch my attention, just to justify the money paid and the company kept… selecting extra sugar coated popcorn out of the bag is more exciting…. Why not stay home and watch movies with engaging conversations like… the godfather or binge on west wing episodes.

You see, there are things I daydreamed about as a little girl… things I pictured as an adolescent… and fairytales I played out as a young adult… now those things taste like chalk.
I once imagined over the top, out of this world proposal scenes as a teenager reading M&B’s and silhouette’s romance novels… now I’d probably walk away from such a loud, public and over the top proposal… (The party involved has been duly cautioned).
Did I age too fast? I mean I’m thirty two soon… and seventeen year old boys are still chatting me up, pot bellied men are leering at me as another school girl to be preyed on… but it goes beyond the looks with age. The slate of my mind was cleaned and it was renewed to think differently… it’s not about the age, seventeen or thirty two, I’d be thinking this way after the refurbishment my mind went through.

A time came when the real professional came in, and I humbly gave the script to him to overhaul. Sometimes, I come in to add my own scenes; you know that two-cent input that is never needed… but goodness me! What a disaster they’ve been, so I humbly revert back to my main role as the lead actress in my story - I’ll tell you the truth though, I’m more like the supporting actress in this story, even though its mine, there’s a lead act, a very cool one at that and so good at what he does, I'm only in this movie, because He choose to be in it. It's only a hit movie, because we have His name in the cast.

I like where the scriptwriter is going. He’s made it quite predictable in an unpredictable way. I love mysteries in movies and books, but suspense isn’t really suspense with me, I take the fun out of the mystery, because I somehow manage to have guessed right. Maybe I get too analytical… I should learn to chill and just watch... right from my Nancy drew and famous/secret seven five days, I've almost always been ahead of the authors.
But anyway… I know what my story is about, but goodness, the twist and turns and nail biting scenes keep me on the edge of my seat. If it was a cinema, I would completely forget about the popcorn or even the idea of looking for sugar coated ones. My mouth would hang open, and not even flinch when one of those rats rumored to be in certain cinemas in Nigeria use my foot as a chair to enjoy my story.

Scenes as intense as being thrown into the fire and coming out unscarred… no special effect! Every scene as real as can be. You could see the smoke, feel the heat of it and smell it through the screen and I’d come out unscarred in my red lipstick, still scenting of chanel and my hair well laid, and maybe even heels to balance my strut… shutting the religious folks up, encouraging those who are watching me and just being fabulous.
I care about my looks… I love nice things (thus on this movie set, I have been given a wonderful wardrobe and stylist to satisfy my taste), but what has that got to do with my truth, my basking in the love of God and walking in His power? While I’m enjoying myself in this love, people are scrutinizing and judging… and being concerned about me. She needs to get married… but with the way she looks, does she know how to cook? Cook? Seriously?
That’s the scene where I would walk into the kitchen, dancing to hillsong, open the fridge and bring out some eggs… can I cook? I would crack the eggs, the camera zooming in as I whisk it briskly, put the pan on the fire and fry it, then let it get burnt… and then I would turn and face the camera… Eat this! I can cook and would cook burnt eggs if I want to, what has my cooking skill or lack of thereof got to do with my kingdom slayer status?

There’d be comedy, there’d be romance, there’d be betrayal, there’d be drama (like the cooking scene), there’d be the supernatural; paranormal… there’d be events that would be tagged as sci-fi and even horror and then there’d be the general theme of blessed!
I sit on the edge of reason as frequently as I fall off it, not knowing where I’d land… suspense. But always knowing I’d find a firm safe landing in the land of extraordinary… and then faith shows up as a parachute and glides me firmly on solid ground. Bones in position…purpose fulfilled.
There’d be a moment where I deal with insecurities… where I’d stand in front of the mirror crying, looking at myself and asking if beauty really is a gift? And trying to find the thin line between gift and curse… till I finally rise up from the ashes and embrace it fully as such a gift that is beyond what my face looks like. There’s a beauty that comes from embracing the love of a God, who loved me so much, He became man, proposed to me with the greatest gift: the gruesome yet beautiful gift of the cross (beat that… what a romance!). How can’t you be exceptionally beautiful without the contours and bronzing of makeup when you’re hooked up to such a love?
There’d be betrayal, where I’d stay faithful and true to some who end up taking for granted the purity of all that is molded in gold for them, and crushing it right at my feet, glowing from all I’ve given but instead, I’d be compelled to love them still, and hold no strive, but move away from the poison and keep living in peace with all men. Now that requires some extra coaching from my acting tutor on containing emotions.

There’d be bravery… of a girl, unsure about certain things but the love she’s got and stepping out to literally live her dream. Not knowing how, but knowing that she’s doing it, and she’s shaking the world with this little seed in her hands, one ridge at a time. Bravery in times when her heart beats and her mind taunts her about the possibility of failure and the downpour of shame that’d come with it if she dares… but throwing that caution holding her hostage in the edge of reason out and doing it anyway.

There’d be emotional moments, when the one in whom she leans on who she can’t see, whispers to her in the dead of the night, when she stays up enjoying his presence… uhhh, paranormal they say? When she hears whispers that seem to come from her heart, but isn’t her speaking… when the tears flow from the force of the love she feels and the power of the words spoken.
There’d be crazy moments of her laughing with one in whom she cant see… when she jumps up in glee over nothing and dances to the silent but potent beats of His love in the face of seemingly strong oppositions.
Crazy moments when she lays on her bed and sleeps while the storm rages, unafraid, confident… even as her heart beats sometimes, but knowing, there’s something that conquers it all on the inside, working on her behalf, unfailing… knowing that the storm may have come to destroy her, but the one in whose love she rests is converting it to a fire that helps forge her for better.

What a story… even I with my imagination would have never thought of half of this… I can’t believe I get to live this life. I can’t believe I get to do this life with this God. I cant believe, even as much as He loves me, He sees me faithful in my human shortcomings to carry this seed of dreams that are brought to life as I daily choose to live, and to live in Him… trusting His love and faithfulness to see me through every moment, not caving under pressure, rejoicing in the face of adversity… I get to live this life… I get to do this. I get to understand a revelation of His love daily.

This is my story… well, just a brief glimpse of what it is.

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