who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Saturday, June 7, 2008

dont get daddy mad!...for lack of a better topic.

TOP 5 AFRICAN PARENT CONVERSATIONS[Speeches of parent to be read in African Accents]
i extracted this from a group wall on facebook, twas so hilarous i had to share, wish i could post the whole freaking wall here, but i cant, so selected a few faves. crazy what some parents say, and the stubborn children proudly narrate. lol
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me: Mum can i have money 2 do ma nails
mum: (nodding her head) okayy...very good!! (takes her purse out and counts da notes) here take it...(holding out da money for me)
me: (going to collect the money)
mum: (slaps my face wid da money) KWASHIA!!...M--M-MONEY TO DO WHAT NAILS... NOT EVEN MONEY TO BUY BOOK....NONSENCE...NAILS....(kisses her teeth)...NAILS...COME AND TAKE IT TO DO YOUR NAILS...IF YOU LIKE COME AND TAKE 100 POUND .....NONSENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! (putting money back in her purse)...NAILS...BOW-SHIT (BULLSHIT IN HER TERMS LOOOOOL)
''I WANT MONEY TO DO MY NAILS'' <>
FITI...FITTTTIIIIIIIII...FITTTTTTTTTI!! move that your stupid face away from here
me: SORRY....(Running upstairs)
by D

(this definately is ghanian, innit)
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though my parents arent african there worse...IRISH! My mum beat me within an inch of my life - fav quote of my mum - theres only two things you should be scared off in life God and me holding a bambo stick..... didnt sit down for a week .
by ms .......

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Why when african people are angry we all of a sudden become friends lol

"My Fren are you madddd?"

"My fren will you Shut-up your detty mout"
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Friday night family meeting: atmospheric TENSION!
Dad: son this ur school report is discouraging (slowly unties his belt)..explain yourself
Son: (fear grips him)...the school teachers no like me sah...they gang up against me...
Random supportive Grandma: (thick Naija accent) Dont worry, God will scatter them with Holy Ghost dynamite. (LMAO - I nearly wet myself) lololol
..by M.
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Dad: What do you mean you have detention?

Me: But Dad it werent my....

Dad: SHARRUP! Dont talk to me in that tone. Rafat I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD, AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT FROM IT AS WELL
by.........
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dad: foolish boy, going about doing ganster here and there, "I'll send you to the village, one way ticket - then you'll see!!!"
by nana
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i could be outside or in my room and get called to come find them a pen, get em water, or hand em the remote or something. why i ask they say "back home we had to walk a mile to school so me callin u 4 dis is nothing. you're ungreatful. " lmao.
by......
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this ones my personal story. dad just finished giving my brother, some mouth lashing(they never beat us, well moms slaped me twice, but their mouths are just as painful)
my brother is seating in his room, very sober and all when dad walks in.
dad: are you angry with me
brother: yes(feeling all smug that hes going to get an apology and maybe some compensation to rub in our face)
dad: then you can go to hell, stupid idiot(that was dads fave insult, stupid idiot)
we laughed our arses out at the poor and visibly shaken boy.

whats your most hilarous parent scolding story? lets here it.

24 comments:

  1. i'm first but i don't care. I leave that o your gals to tuggle for. here's the second verse to that poem i promised you. and here is to the fact that for someone i don't know but somewhat know, you rock my world...


    I so want to spend time with you;
    Away from the class so i can get to know all about you.
    Want to know if your favorite colors are black and blue,
    If by any chance you like the same music as i do.
    Would you rather be in a lounge or hit the club for a night out?
    Or watch a good movie then good food and wine with the stars out?

    next blog, next verse..
    XX

    ReplyDelete
  2. scolding story!!i have too many

    ReplyDelete
  3. OMG! i'm 4th!

    wooo hoooo!

    cant think of any now but i sure got loads.

    luvin ur profile muzik, where did u find this oldddd song?

    ReplyDelete
  4. sori dear, just realised da music is on naijaline's page not urs.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi dear! Been such a long time. Just stopped by to check on you and wish you a fab day.
    Would be back to read yr post as soon as i find the time to.

    Takia!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ah..
    One comes to mind..

    6 in the morning my mum asks me..


    Where do you think you are going?
    Jogging.
    Take the Car!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ah..
    One comes to mind..

    6 in the morning my mum asks me..


    Where do you think you are going?
    Jogging.
    Take the Car!

    ReplyDelete
  8. See your white eyes like a cat's own....

    don't worry your dad will soon be home (that was major threath oh)

    I swear you are as dumb as a tree trunk (said in dialet) sometimes changed to dumb as a pig!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. lol @ ur dad, ur bro must av really felt stupid.

    9ja parents.

    Am not sure I have any 2 tel, my mum always went d marital line (is this what u will do when u get married???), my dad uses logic (how will u run in that short skirt if u hear a gun shot???).

    ReplyDelete
  10. Babe give me a shout @ studio5i@yahoo.co.uk, so we can talk bout the hooking up thing.

    ReplyDelete
  11. hehehehe, very funny, l'm tryin to picture ur bro's face, lol!!!

    *howz wrk?

    ReplyDelete
  12. lol @ ur dad and bro!

    cant remember any now, but mum does the "is that what u 'll do or say to ur MIL?" thing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nigeria Parents...

    They all came first in their class...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Holy Ghost dynamite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    hehehhehehehheheeeee....madam u wont kill me abeg...

    are u angry??
    yes??
    then go to hell!!!


    lmaooo sounds like my dad!

    ReplyDelete
  15. LOL!!!
    Funny!

    One comes to mind.
    Just last night i was talking to mumsy, didnt know my hands had strayed to my crotch area and i was clad in just my towel cos i was about to take my bath.

    Me: "Ehen mumsy,so..."
    Mumsy: Why are you always touching your thing like a lesbian?"
    Me: (laughing) Haa, mumsy! me lesbian?? So lesbians touch their things...(at this point i make to tap her playfully) Mummmsy!!!"
    Mumsy: Commmon! Dont touch me with that hand you used in scratcching ur nyash!!"
    LMAO!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. i tried to repress all of my childhood memories for fear of going crazy lol

    but i love my parents even though they stock raving mad lol

    ReplyDelete
  17. lmao that was funny as fuck especially the nails one.. my mom is sometimes the same way... so sarcastic.. i used to hate it but to my abject horror(and sometimes secret delight).. im the same... delightfully sarcastic i call it... lol.. how u doing gorgeous?

    ReplyDelete
  18. lol..my dad used to say "you are very stupid/foolish" or "stupid girl"
    men that thing used to pain me o... the way he used to say it..kai!

    ReplyDelete
  19. ...roflmao...kai...brings back memories!!!...african parents!!!...shei...parents in general...they are something else...

    ...i used to hate when they would ask you a question, then as you start to answer, they just cut you off with some harsh ass shutup...then they come vex again because you never answered them!!...

    ..or when they beat you in public and then tell you to clean your eyes and stop crying...kai...they didn't even allow you properly express your pain...

    ...my mom has this very sharp and painful way of saying shut up...so much so that even my youngest brother, who wasn't fazed by anything, was humiliated into silence one time at a teacher-parent conference when my mom delivered one of her shut ups...

    ...i'll stop here...funny post...

    ReplyDelete
  20. i love d last one. i can't think of a personal story right now, as dem plenty. & i doubt if i found dem funny wen they were happening, nor now 4 dat mata.

    ReplyDelete
  21. oh, i remember one now. wen visitors would vome 2 our home & dash us money, my mom would just b eyeing us 4rm one corner of her eyes. if we accept d money without checking with her first, trouble! if she ok-ed it, as soon as visitor waka, she's seize d money. as in straight, no wasting of time. she's say she's saving it 4 us. ok now. fast-forward 2 days later wen she gives u N5 4 biscuit & we say u want more, & she asked u where she'd get d money 4rm. u say 'dat money so & so gave me dat u took nko?'. den she'd say 'all d food i've been giving, have u been paying 4 it. oya, let's calculate, den u'd see dat u r d one owing me'. daz sure 2 shut us up 4 a long long time.

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  22. Funny like James Tubman all my memories are repressed. My maternal grandmother was the one person I had the most exchanges growing up with. Thanks to her my image of grandparents is not the Disney version.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Bed In Summer

    (1)

    In winter I get up at night
    And dress by yellow candle-light. 。

    In summer quite the other way,

    I have to go to bed by day.

    (2)

    I have to go to bed and see

    The birds still hopping on the tree,

    Or hear the grown-up people's feet
    Still going past me in the street. 。

    (3)

    And does it not seem hard to you,

    When all the sky is clear and blue,

    And I should like so much to play,
    To have to go to bed by day?
    -----by wow powerleveling

    ReplyDelete

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