who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Conflict of emotions!



How strong a word hate is,

Such a deep stringing emotion.

As powerful as love.

But then love heals, hate destroys, or maybe it does heal too?

What do you call the emotion where u love a person as much as you hate him?

LOTE?LOHA?HATLOV?

Right now deep down in my guts I hate him....yes its normal to feel this way cos he left, but its more than it being about the fact that he died or his remembrance day is approaching.



I HATE HIM!!! even as much as I love him.God help me

I find a lot to blame him for.

Somethings aren't just as perfect as we hope for.



I know I'll come back and read this, and regret that I wrote it, and hate myself for writing it, but I hope I don't delete it. Cos this makes me feel human, somethings aren't always what we want them to be......even I can't force my emotion to be what it should.

I want to keep seeing him as my hero who can do nothing wrong beyond what I know he can as a human

And I want to keep calling myself his little mummy,

But Some days are just meant to be reality checks for us...a wake up call from fantasy land.

Nothing is always at it seems....not even perfection!

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

18 comments :

  1. its good to let it out. dont keep it in.everyone has that love/hate relationship with their parents

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  2. 'was in your shoes once....

    Be easy girl.....

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  3. wow, that's a myriad of emotions.

    I'm sorry u feel this way, and it is healthy to let it out, air it, don't it fester.

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  4. It's so painful to find out that our parents are only human and have the human fallability but it is even worse when they are no longer around to explain their actions...

    Let him remain the hero he was to u in ur memories..

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  5. i have such a relationship with my pa

    so i totally feel u

    *sigh*

    life............

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  6. Venting about our parents can sadly be so relieving most times! I tried it recently and I only just realized the degree of resentment I had stored in my heart for ages.
    I wouldn't delete it if I was you. I read my own piece everytime and I'm always glad I finally got that over and done with.
    So help us God...

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  7. Take it easy. It is crushing to find out your parents are human just like you, and bound to make bad decisions but we learn in that we find ways to forgive them and move on and focus on the good things.

    God bless you.

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  8. ur candor is endearing babe!

    i say love thumps hate, so u love him!

    cherish the good memories and forgive him for the bad cos he's not here to defend himself, and like most parents, he did the best he knew to.

    regardless of what he did and how much it hurts, u are still his little mummy and will always be.

    Happy New Year!
    muah!!

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  9. You think emotions are high please follow my blog I am distraught. I just found out love of my life my wife has been cheating on me.

    You need to find out why your dad left. I am thinking seriously about leaving but my for my daughter.

    I don't want her to hate me
    http://facebookcheat.blogspot.com/

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  10. I don't know if i can totally relate..I mean I have a love/resentment relationship with my mom sometimes and I just want to blame her for so many things and say she wasn't good enough....but the truth is that she tried her best in her own way n I love her for that.

    It's good to realise their humanness and ability to make errors but the same goes to you..you're also human and prone to error.. try and appreciate every effort good thing he did...hopefully it will overshadow the hate..in time

    Thanx for stopping by my blog

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  11. emotions do a lot of things to us. there are times we hate and times we love. just dont let the hate side overwhelm the love right now. you are good girl

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  12. Just stopping by But I hope that you get healed from your pain.
    Mista Jaycee

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  13. I guess you found out or realised some things about your Dad. Don't dwell on it too much.

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. Dear, you've been tagged in the 2 truths and 1 lie meme. Please see my blog for details

    ReplyDelete

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