i never saw myself as beautiful.
yes i loved to look in the mirror, but all i saw was a little girl with chubby cheeks, and then a few years ago i began to see what people said i was, and i thought to myself 'okayyy, quite pretty. not bad at all"
i'm very comfortable with who i am now. maybe i might wish my tummy would be tucked in tighter or my hair would grow longer so i dont have to use a weave or extensions so often, but i'm good with me.
a friend of mine from secondary school tagged me on facebook, some sort of game and i was number 21 on her list of last 21 people to write on her wall. theres a couple of random questions asked about the different numbers.
the questions about number 21 was when last did you see 21?" which her reply was something about bumping into me at the mall sometime ago. and the second question was "do you think 21 is attractive?"
her response was "very, trust me, no be today"
i'm quite immune to compliments these days, or so i thought, so i went awww in my head.
there was already a comment on the note when i read it, so i was the second to comment and i blabbed about us meeting up for lunch soon.
next i know, the first person is dropping off another comment after mine, directed at me, like right at my ego.
he goes "whats the hype with no.21? i've never really seen anything exceptionally striking about her beauty, anyway beauty is the eyes of the beholder"
fortunately i'm a lot bigger than my ego, and i've outgrown the self doubt phase and i know for a fact that i, like every woman is beautiful in my own special way, so i dont need to get a nod from anyone to feel good about myself, especially not from a stranger.
i've never met this fellow, i know nothing about him, from his surename i think hes related to some other school mate who was three years ahead of me.
i tried to make light of the situation and i go...
"errr...shes right here,just a comment above you and one below, try and whisper those words"
and he goes bla bla bla"dont you think i intended for you to hear? no offence intended, just expressing my opinion it beats gossiping dont you think?"
i decided to ignore him, and then other responses to the post(from people i know) put up defenses for me:)
"well, shes exceptionally striking in my books:)" and bla bla bla.
i thought i didnt care about it till now. i mean i was at the boulevard and as i walked in the rain looking in at shops,i lost my shopping spirit when i remembered facebook and i found myself staring at my reflection in the shop windows, which was a really bad idea as i was quite drenched and cold...it didnt do anything to boost my ego.
i put my nieces to bed and went to the lowest of the low, i coaxed them to tell me how pretty i was by asking if they thought i was pretty:)):
i feel bad that i let myself get affected by the comments of a stranger. i'm used to people knowing who i am and me having no idea who they are. but with this dude its annoying that it got to me. i mean he obviously did it to spite me, cos he left the first comment without saying stuff and when he noticed i droped a comment he put out the hateful opinion.
everyday i'm reminded of my beauty when i look at my nieces and my family, cos the beauty i see in them i know i have in me.
and of course theres the one i think i love who keeps singing how beautiful i am:)
the eyes of those who behold me and
so why worry, with one strangers mean words?
i got prompted to put up this post after i watched susan boyle from britains got talent a couple of minutes ago and almost choked on my baseless and self centred ego tripping low. shes the most beautiful woman ever. shes just so sweet, it's so hard not to cry watching her. shes such a leasson to us all, never underestimate anyone because of their looks.
beauty really is skin deep.
a while ago no one would look at her twice, now shes one of the most hit on youtube.