who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Monday, April 19, 2010

PYT....FATAL GIFT OF BEAUTY

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I learned that Self-doubt comes dancing into the room of a pretty woman long after the music stops and she’s all alone in bed. These are moments when the questions arise “Am I really more than what my looks define me to be? Has life been fair to me because of my looks? am I worth it all? if it’s taken away would I get the audience who I easily access to pitch my ideas to? Would I be less loved by my bosses? will I still be wanted at those gatherings, invited to every event and would all the fellas who fly around still declare their undying loyalty?” Bla bla bla I have come to accept that beauty comes before brains sometimes. Beauty definitely opens doors.
It really doesn’t help matters when you read quotes like this by John Ruskin “remember that the most beautiful things in the world are the most useless; peacocks and lilies for instance.” That shatters your confidence for a bit. Does he imply nothing worthy comes out of beauty than being just a soothing balm to the admiring eyes? Does it mean, its not my brain that’s been speaking all this while but my face and the way I dress… or in Maya Angelo words is it “the arch of my back, the sun of my smile, the ride of my breasts, the grace of my style” That’s been speaking for me?
Thus this was the topic of discussion when three beautiful or should I say fine looking or more like pretty peacocks /ducks emmm girls and one duckling … me, met for lunch at bungalow some weeks ago
 “I want to be more than just another beautiful girl” the one in braids crones “I want my brains and ideas to come first before my looks, I want to walk into a room and all they see is an intelligent human being, not a peacock who’s coming to beautify the room” .
“Its bad enough that some women want us to apologize for who we are” the one with the Brazilian weave and hot red lipstick (which has kind of rubbed off on her teeth) chips in. “I didn’t choose to be stunning, I didn’t choose to have this legs ,why pick on me for it?”
That last statement got a raised eyebrow from me as I looked round wondering what one had to do to get served? Where is my Caesar salad? Why wouldn’t these ladies just talk about world economy like shopping, I wondered to myself as I tried to stop my body from shaking from hunger.
I was jolted out of my thoughts by the silence on the table. The beautiful ones were waiting for me to chip in, say something nasty about the world that has discriminated against/judged the beautiful, or simply curse the gift of beauty. I’m the one with the natural hair packed back. In fact, I had a lot of oils and john Freda serum buried in it to get it to look sleek enough to pack. I’m not feeling so beautiful, I would have wanted my smile to be as delectable and sparkly as yours Miss braids, and my legs to be as long as yours Miss lipstick stained teeth, and my hair to be naturally long, shiny and bouncy like yours Miss great skin.
I mean look at you girls, your dresses hug you so well, look at your shapes. If I get in that dress, I’ll probably be asked when the baby’s due. With your perfectly applied makeup, and my lone black liner and clear gloss, I couldn’t have looked uglier seating here with you in my favorite outfit, my black jalabia and my favorite leather slipper that’s got white beads glued on it.
Why are you complaining? You’ve got it good, look at me, I’m going to be the nameless girl when we leave this place. I can bet the three of you will get/exchange business cards with these fellas who’ve been staring our way, and while your exchanging numbers I’ll dejectedly walk ahead to the car. I will be discriminated against in your faces. That’s enough Prove that the beautiful ones got it good. Don’t shock me with your insecurity.
You see I’m not in this surreal situation to play the complain game; I’m here to kill boredom, avoid the afternoon heat, catch up with friends and have a free meal. Maybe the free meal should have come in first. I didn’t sign up to listen to girls who represent millions around the world who feel they aren’t taken seriously because of their looks. Maybe soon there’ll be the beautiful rights movement… Who knows, the gay rights movement might have started with lunch dates between some gay guys.
I’d say enjoy the attention. You might have brains but your beauty is a door opener. Walk through the door your smile has opened and ignore the whispers that try to distract you. With closed doors your ideas remain in your handbags for a very very long time, if at all it gets to see the light. Even if the idea sucks, you’re given a chance to know that it sucks. When you’re pretty, people give you a chance to be heard and its up to you to prove you’re a confident, intelligent assertive person who happens to be a beautiful woman. Wow them, shut them up. Stun them.
So grab your beauty and run. Use it, suck the juice out of it and progress… Legitimately that is. Stop complaining and accept the fact that some things that get to you are aided by your looks. Its your looks that’ll stop that MD on his tracks and get you that long chased after appointment when you meet him in a restaurant. Its your looks that’ll get the doctor to give you extra care :) Its your looks that’ll create the opportunities, and its up to your brain to nail the great idea. beauty is a great facilitator.
This is a because I’m fabulous and I know it, stop hating sort of conversation. I’m only too glad to sit back and listen. Ordering another cocktail while I’m at it. At some point, I have to chip in, earn my free meal. Can’t remember what exactly I said, but I know it was quite sarcastic. What was I supposed to complain about? It’s survival of the fittest, and I’m wise enough to know that. You better start fighting for your survival with all you got. (we’re not talking prostitution here, we’re talking intellects)
So here’s what I’m made to understand from the 3 whining peacocks.
The world around them has refused to see that they’ve (beautiful ones) got it bad and its not as easy for them as people think (duhhhh), its difficult proving yourself when your skin is perfect and your legs are longer, your waist almost doesn’t exist and you’ve been called ‘Manchester’ at different points in your life…..and Beyonce is just a few points off from being as beautiful as you are. You have to work twice as hard to be accepted in the work place (by the ladies that is), you always have to be twice as spectacular on the job, nothing less than ordinary, and when the promotions and recommendations come, everyone who’s been passed over looks at your long legs, double D boobs, smokey eyes and thick lips, and your inverted waist and whisper ‘its her looks and her flirting that brought about her elevation.”
And even in church, you have to work hard to show you’re really saved, you have to prove twice as hard how spiritual you are because somehow your beauty makes you a more likely sinner……yeah, because you’re fine, you’ve just got to be one of those worldly girls, and the ladies in church start to judge. You’re not even permitted to smile at the ‘brothers’…especially the married ones. Certainly not expected to wear makeup either, that’s proving them right, you’re out to seduce.
“Oh that’s not all”. The one with the perfect skin chips in “there’s the issue of men….. they’re everywhere, you’re spoilt for choice, thus the fellows begin to loose their essence” (I can relate to this even as a duckling, so I guess its a universal problem)
Because of the excess in supply they end up being just another man and even if he’s special, you miss it, cos you’re tired of it all, they loose their individuality and cloud up in your brain and end up being just another compliment, another over zealous date and desperate to please you. Thus even in the midst of all the attention from the males, she ends up craving attention, wanting a man.
You know, like men say women wouldn’t give them any mind if they didn’t have money, she begins to wonder if this fella who’s been crying on the phone for the past five minutes cos she’s told him she cant date him for the 19th time would give her any mind if she wasn’t beautiful. If It’s all gone today, would men give her any mind? She doesn’t want you to like her because she’s some PYT, she wants you to chase her because she’s smart, funny, loyal, God fearing, loving and kind.
 How would you get to know all that about her if you’re blinded by the length of her legs and the color of her eyes? What happens if she loses a leg the next minute, would you still hang around to hear what’s buried in her? Like RevRun put it “many women don’t want to be loved because they’re pretty, good or smart, but because they’re themselves”
“I got it good though, its not all bad, its fun most times when you're not trying to prove yourself,” Miss Brazilian weave says dreamily. I’m forced to believe she’s thinking about all the gifts she receives like this new watch she showed me earlier “a have a nice day present from an admirer” she declared as I admired it.
The beautiful ones are known to make fools out of people. Like John Paul Richter said “ whenever at a party, I have been in the mood to study fools, I have always looked for a great beauty: and they always gather round her like flies around a fruit stall’ I agree with him. As the duckling I always tend to spot fools too.
They are sort after, paid for (everyone wants to be the one to make the pretty girl smile), bothered and envied, they’ve been cried for, giants have stooped just by seeing a pretty smile, they are misunderstood and gorgeous And most of all they are wrongly judged; maybe the most misunderstood set of people. A friendly pretty/beautiful girl is labeled a flirt, a shy pretty girl is labeled a snob.
We don’t have to seat envying the beautiful ones, just go and get a makeover. I mean, If i feel ugly I buy myself a new shade of lip gloss and get a new hair do. After all beauty is a social necessity, it is every woman’s duty to make herself look beautiful and everyone has their own opinion of what beauty should look like (plus this beautiful girls I’m listening to have one sort of artificial thing or the other going on for them, hair, nails, lashes,…..makeup) It means that as much as they are beautiful, they try to enhance their beauty. Thus I want long legs like the braided one, I buy higher heels, I want to be called Manchester at one point in my life I run to Dr 90210…okay I kid, Victoria’s secrets can do wonders for me. We are what we make ourselves to be, every woman is beautiful, only some seem more beautiful than the others as theirs shine through, or they learn early enough that they’ve got to dig to discover their buried treasures and polish it real good while others are ignorant of that fact and leave theirs buried.
As much as I was more interested in my salad and cocktails than the lamentations of my friends, I think they had a point. We judge loads of people by their looks. But I will not be made to take the paint of my feathers that make me look like a bonafide peacock because I do not want to offend anybody and I want to prove myself truly intelligent. NO!!!! If I have to wear the color that brings out the beauty in me for a meeting, or a form fitting suite that makes my waist look like I had ribs removed, I would take the duckling out of me and turn myself into a swan for that meeting, if that’s what it’ll take to get me a chance. I will not miss out on opportunities because I hate to be judged by the way I look.
All I could tell the girls as they paid the bill… If they (women) give you the eye for your promotion or make snide remarks at you, tell them to go dye their feathers to look like peacocks,and get a life.
And what do you know….. I was the one who got a card from one of the fellas at the other table. I guess some just love to pick ducklings out of the peacocks. Maybe, wondering what they’ll look like as swans. Unfortunately they’ll never get to know, cos I’m not calling, or maybe i would call if only i can find the damn card.

4 comments:

  1. shut up jare! ure beautiful cuz!! *side eye*

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  2. LOL, I doubt you're such an ugly duckling but that's an interesting argument for the beautiful ones.

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  3. You do make a compelling argument, and I have to say you have totally convinced me.

    'Dye your feathers to look like a peacock and get a life.'

    I like that! hehehehehe

    And my dear, we are all ugly ducklings jere. You would be surprised how ugly sef.

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  4. hmmmm very great read and btw ur beautiful jor, from what ive heard o,...
    anyway back to this, i thought all beautiful people had it easy.....

    ReplyDelete

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