who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

chain reaction

"my days are blue, my account is red, its so hard to be green...err grin" ozaveshe
'Chain reaction', that was the subject of the first mail we ever exchanged. Long story, don't ask.
I might bore you guys a little with my grief , but spare me. He'll probably strangle me if he knew i put this up:) and if his hands fail to do the job, he'd launch an online attack on me and make me pay for it till i scream bloody murder, and probably close this blog. He'd go red in the face with shyness if he could with all the attention he's getting from every angle. But i can't help it, no one can help but ruffle his feathers at this time. it was war to get him to update his blog, he kept promising he would. i wonder what he'd write if given the chance? he'd probably make his death sound so funny, you'd laugh and forget to grief.
"there i was thinking about a breath of fresh air, and who but death came tap dancing in, oh well i might as well go, i hear heaven needs a cool dude like me"
okay, so i'm not that good, and i make no sense. oh well.
We met October 14th 2007. We sat talking by lagoon at the pavilion in lekki. he sent this mail a day after.
i get to see you.
was a pleasant surprise. You were right - rihanna and her cronies aint got nothing on you. and then to match a face to the voice thats been killing me...really wonderful.
u're the 3rd internet person i'm meeting. the 1st two were guys when i was at university (dont get the wrong idea, tho).
it was difficult to read you though. u have this exterior that seems difficult to penetrate. what i mean really is, i think u go into default mode sometimes and i think u were doing that yesterday. default mode probably helps u go thru the day withoutgiving too much of yourself. add that to ur composure and the settled peace around you and u become virtually inscrutable (is that a word?)
i think i'm rambling.
...............................................................................................
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i had fun yesterday. meeting you. you seem very personable, very warm, polite...i wont go on. u had to manage my coarseness and ill timed (illl fitting too) jokes.
i didnt come clean yesterday - i had written a poem. was tossing it in my head to hear if the words made sense

you see, he knew how to make a girl feel good. no wonder we (the ladies) wanted to be his friend. makes you take away the mask of 'i wish i looked better" and walk with your head held high.This was strictly a friendship deal o....nothing attached(all ye of dirty minds)

I finally got to read a poem he wrote me. He says i need to loosen up, stop being hard to get

HARD TO GET

Why do we, like strangers,
float around
A friendship where Truth can’t be found?
We are more than we let be
You should be loving me.

Why do we smother
all the flames
We breathe out when we call our names?
We put on cloaks which are so chaste
We should be making haste

Why do we let chance compromise
The future we see in our eyes?
We dance around and don’t conclude –
We should do what we know we should


We should not wait
Time will create
Defences
And we will go sour
With all of our
Pretences.


and yeah, i was the girl in the 'hey, hi...bye' post  
so this is a sort of closure thingy for me.

bless.
X

8 comments :

  1. Funny babe we never met physically (face book is another matter) but I had the same impression about you...The default impenetrable mode...

    Hard knowing the real you...

    But love you all the same...will surely suceed in making you a family member!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's okay Honey, It's okay to grief..
    I get how you must feel.. especially if you think you didn't reach out as much as you should have..
    It's fine..
    He understands..
    I went through that and it was hell..
    I'm so sorry..

    ReplyDelete
  3. I remember reading that post and thinking this guy is so good with words. I lost a friend Jan 17th last yr and my cousin in 2007, so i have an idea of how you feel.

    Pele....

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...so i have a heavy heart everytime this reality comes back to thought.....so freaking sad sad sad.

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  5. I never fail to wonder why very good people die young.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Omojesus: Its not every good pesin that dies young oh. I still dey.
    It is sad...

    And it reminds me constantly to make the best of the short time I have.

    ReplyDelete
  7. i never met me
    but i can feel your hurt

    It's well.
    You will never forget him
    But you will settle the memories

    I think
    God heals all grief!

    ReplyDelete

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