I haven’t been feeling well. The last couple of days were… oh well; they were what they were, in Annie’s words ‘plain awful’. You never truly appreciate good health until you’re knocked down and you can’t get out of bed without feeling like you’re on a Ferris wheel and ready to throw up with each step. So I was down and weak, and I lost the desire to be my fabulous self. No thanks to Adam and Eve, clothes are now a necessity, and walking the streets naked even if you’re in your car is considered madness, the only reason I was always decently covered when I had to step out while ill.
How irritating the phone gets when it rings just when you’re able to escape the discomfort of illness in sleep, only to see a number from anyone who isn’t family. You don’t want to talk to anyone.
Brushing my hair was a chore; talk less of putting on earrings, or lining the brows or perfumes... yuck!
When I have to go out, I just move. I have been a hot mess, but I can’t care less because there’s a disconnect, my mind is so lost in the weakness of my body, I can’t be bothered with what people think of me, I can’t be bothered with looking good when I feel terrible. Everyone knows something is wrong when they see me… because I let them know, by letting myself go, when i could make an extra effort to at least gloss my lips.
Isn’t it sad how life throws a sick blow at you and you don’t bother fighting back… you choose to look dull till whenever, and if whenever never comes, you choose to go with it. I’m obviously better to be on here writing. Thank God for every sign of improvement. I can’t wait to finish the malaria drugs and get moving.
So I was thinking how being ill is somewhat like when we fall into sin, rather than get up and face God, and get restored into His presence no matter how terrible we feel, we just don’t bother, we hide away, because our mind and body feels a disconnect from the Spirit of God in us. I mean Adam and Eve fell, and when they saw how naked they were, they hid themselves and covered up with the inadequate figs rather than face God. They didn’t want to even talk to Him. When God eventually called them out, they were properly covered with animal skin (grace).
We choose to hide away naked after every fall, revolted by the garment of praise, so we cover up with figs of things of the flesh (going back to our old ways) because we think there’s no point. We choose not to spray the deodorant of prayers because we get nauseous at the thought of facing God and having a conversation with Him, we don’t even bother applying the gloss of grace handed to us… we would rather keep away and be a hot mess than try to face it and make ourselves be good despite our situation.
Yes I know It's only January, but don't despair if your resolve to walk with God this year has been broken over and over again. Don't give up just yet, naked isn't such a good look. Allow God to clothe you, He'll never tire of covering you up. Don’t let go of your fabulous spiritual life. You are still the righteousness of God; don't let go of yourself in such a way that even when people see you, they're asking ‘what’s wrong with you’ because you’re such a spiritual mess, walking around all covered up in flesh. Make an effort!
I promise you, this made sense in my head. I just can’t get that sense down in writing. Oh well!!!