belated birthday

hey, happy belated birthday to me...6th july it was, the day i clocked the double thats old, can't believe there was ever a time i wished to be all grown up...because right now, i wish i could turn back time to a place where i was oblivious to the evils of the world around, just a happy kid, playing with her doll and stuff. anyway, i'm the queen of fantasy, so i'm quite an expert in blocking out worries and tuning out from the world, just dwelling and cheering in that far away land i've created for myself where i am queen and i have the choice of whatever prince charming i want(now thats something thats not so easy to do even in lala land). i had a bbq thingy, my friends came from all over to makurdi and we just made the best out of everything.
i set a goal for myself years ago, to achieve certain things by the age of twenty...not my fault i couldn't meet up(then whos fault)...well i guess it's my fault, nonchalance down to the core and being just plain lazy, not wanting to take the plunge and all....but i've learnt not to be too hard on myself, cos as long as there is life, then theres definitely hope and as long as i have that hope, that dream to achieve will remain with me till it becomes a hows that?

i got so depressed last night, there i was lying in my room on my bed while my friends were having the time of their life at the thisday music festival...there was diddy, rihanna, john legend, could i have missed that, all because i was in makurdi.i attended the first show, v.i.p baby! and it was absolutely wonderful and exciting, just thinking of what they would be enjoying made my whole body tingle with jealousy....enough of the self torturing, i heard it was off the hook though!

cant wait to leave makurdi for lagos, don't get me wrong i grew up here, this is home to me, i love it that most streets i drive past has a childhood memory attached to it, i love the fact that it takes less than ten minutes to get to a destination,driving is fun unlike in lagos and the stagnant traffic, everthing is simple and less complicated here, even the gossip folks as is a characteristic of most small towns can be incredibly interesting and quite amusing, especially when you hear gist about yourself....but in recent times, the robery situation has been so daunting, me who used to be the macho man of the house, giving frowny faces to mom and aunties for getting scared easily, driving alone on lonely roads in the, confronting and calling to bluff those scary agboros in lagos traffic jams that knock on my car windows.....well that me has been drilled in a lesson of fear...first there was the gun piont snatching of my car and my new n95 phone(whats the point in getting expensive phones just so someone else can steal it)(try getting a gun pointed at you with a menacing face holding it, your life would never be the same again), twas in broad daylight, second time,less than two weeks after, was driving a friends car and i was followed home, luckily they couldnt get me. now, my heart beats just at the sight of a bike(their mode of operation), even the policemen added to the two other guards in the house are not enough to quench my fear, in my room i shiver at the sound of any clang outside...i've a new found phobia for driving(which i love so much), wouldn't go out if the driver isnt taking me, wouldn't even go out at all to visit if its not absolutely necessary......hope to be out of here by the weekend, to the land of over population and possibilities.

jeez, feel like a crappy old lady with all the writing, not like anybody is reading this, anyway, writing is therapeutic to me, loosens me up. ciao ciao!


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