who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Return of the Juv..

he sounded happy, he sounded sane, i sounded excited...why shouldnt i be, havent seen, spoken or heard from him in years, dont know what he looks like now, cant imagine how tall he'd be. stubborn? yes he was, but the nicest stubborn soul ever. did he play all the pranks for attention? a chance to be heard or for want to feel Bad. his grades were worst than bad, he was always sent home from school, he moved schools like i change lipsticks.

Yes, he stole, it started from the little bits here and there, a gold earring here , a gold pendant there, a couple of thousands of naira, then a hundred thousand here, a thousand dollars there...all when he was in secondary school, and then somehow he went overboard, carted away with hundreds of thousands and a box of jewelry worth more than the money he stole...that was the last straw, it was obvious it wasn't a phase that would pass or a thing that could be dealt with at home,he was shipped off to remand home to everyone's relief and joy, but there was the undertone of worry, would he come out worst than he went in? or would he actually change for good?...my poor sweetheart, he was just too nice to not feel any sympathy for him.
he'd distribute money at Christmas to we the cousins, he'd buy me gifts(of course with the stolen lots), and take the boys out to buy them drinks...and some would take from him cos we knew he hid his loot in his shoe box, and we loved it when he walked about complaining that his money was stolen, i always laughed at the irony(they were stealing from the thief)...i cant help but wonder if we were part reason for his growing out of hand, we knew what he was doing, we let him receive the punishments even though he kept denying he wasn't the thief, and we encouraged him by taking when he offered... did he think the only way he could be loved and accepted was by giving?, but thats no excuse.
i've tried to think of moments where i harbored raging anger for him, i can't remember...not even when my gold set disappeared and i knew it was him(with no proof though), or when he took this fancy diary i had to his school, which was the brother school of my school and my crushes were revealed(the boy i was fronting for got to know i liked him) and other girlie stuff...you couldn't stay mad at him.

in the years since he was locked up, i kept imagining what it'd be like seeing him again..that was till now, now he's coming home, his grades are all A's, he's written jamb and soared high with his grades. he sounded cool and excited when we spoke, i couldn't think of what to say to him, i desperately wanted to ask how he coped, even though we talked about everything before, i cant baer to talk to him about that. i told him i was proud of him for his scores, he said he was proud of him too.
he's coming home, but what home? would it still be home to him? would he be welcomed? would the label be placed on him for the rest of his life?, would the isolation(if there is one) send him back to the place he was?
i love him, and i wish everyone could honestly say welcome home to him...because i know despite the front he isn't welcome in the family home, they're all worried he isnt changed and maybe they'd be the next victim of his act.
i wish every other person could have a little faith in him...as i do. or do i? am i letting sentiments come to play here?..

12 comments :

  1. Sometimes I wish life was like the MS word pakage where you can type out a sentence, make a mistake, go back, undo or delete and then go forward. Unfortunately it isn't. I pray it goes well for your cousin and all the family. May his good works earn him your family's trust and respect. It may take a while but it's possible.

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  2. He needs all the encouragement in the world. Its not gonna be easy but you have to stand for what you believe. He deserves a chance to be loved and trusted again. Somebody has to start, that person may be you.

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  3. I feel like I'm missing something here. Am I???

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  4. @ejura now u've got me imaging life as uncomplicated as an MS. i pray all goes well too. thanks.
    @supergirl, i'm trying my best to be the momentary best he looks forward to, before he continues with life again.

    @bighead, see your bighead, let me say what i'm imagining u feel u're missing...either incest or bonny and clyde, which one are u suspecting me of???u go wound oh....

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  5. lol @ bighead....

    well Inyamu hope ur friend gets the opportunity to start life afresh on a new page.

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  6. He needs to be treated normally, like nothing has really happened...too much "are you ok?" will make him uncomfortable and make him run away even if not physically, emotionally...Be there for him girl..seems you already are.Lovely post too.

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  7. funny thing, neither was on my mind. Do I sense some guilty conscience here??? Incest is relatively scarce in this part of the world.

    I wasn't just sure how come yu were so close to this person. Did he stay in ur house?

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  8. @afrobabe, i try my best
    @bighead...now u're trying to make me admit to something i dont know jack about.

    he didnt live with us, but i saw him practically everyday, i always had sleepovers at their crib(no incest i swear)
    and i guess he's a lkeable person.

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  9. Oh so they live(d) close by. Theiving is enough to make anyone hatable. He must have been REALLY likable

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