who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

is saying No wrong?

when is it okay to say NO?
is it ever okay to say NO?
why is it so hard to say NO?
humans are so complex i get so tired of trying to fit into the system of constantly displeasing myself so i could make others happy just by saying YES so i can avoid saying NO and getting the disappointed look.
truth is i hate to share.
yes that black dress looks so gorgeous on me, that's why i bought it in the first place, so let it remain where it's supposed to be, on my body and in my wardrobe, don't try to borrow it off me.
or the white top with frills and laces
or jewelry
or perfume...
no i'm not selfish.
but if we're going to move in the same circle then don't wear my things and i'll stay off yours,
its different if we both have same outfits
hell no, i hate it when we go out together and we've all got the same scent just because...well obviously we've all used the same perfume.
but of course i cant say 'no, don't use it', or 'no i cant give you' cause i'll be seen as mean and selfish and ...

back to what brought me to talks of no.
a friend called me today, she needed a loan. i so wanted to help her cause shes my friend, i would have been willing to give her half the amount or in full and write off the loan
but right now, i have a lot of commitments on ground added to the expenditures of the past month, its wearing me out.
there's the pledge i made, that cant be left hanging.
i just came back from a staggering holiday which set me back.
theres the spa membership with venivici
i made a pledge i haven't redeemed to a charity org
and a bulk of my liquidity was pushed into the stock market because prices are at their lowest and this happens to be the best time to buy, and i cant sell a portion of my stock like i usually do when i need money cos that'd be at a huge loss.
and my major account is funded but not with my personal funds, my sisters sent me some pounds to change(and dang what a loss, 198 from 226) and keep for a stuff they're trying to get for mom.
i noted the disappointment at me in her voice, although i didn't say no out rightly, its difficult saying no, i just kept listing my commitments,
it felt like she felt i was being mean and selfish,
but i really cant.
i hate it that i'm being made to feel bad and even guilty.
i wish humans were more understanding.
i hate being said NO to,thats why i hate to ask, but when i do, i know how to accept it gracefully, i would tell the person who cant assist me 'its okay, i understand' even if its not okay with me.

***********************************************
my weekend was good. the bookclub meeting was alright and the reading with Ekene Onu was a delight, shes such a likable lady and her book 'the mrs club' is such a bite of fudge cake smeared with vanilla ice cream...okay not that orgasmic, not even near there, its just a book that's fun to read, well not really fun, just a readable book. its about three Nigerian ladies in Atl sexy and scandalous titi, sweet and smart amaka and sharp and savvy minna. most girls would find a little bit of themselves in those ladies.

mr E's house party was good, for the twenty minutes i dropped in there i had fun. left just before majority of the guest began to arrive. i couldn't be tempted to stay back,rushed home to shower and dress for my dinner. opted out of wearing a dress.
used my deola sagoe high waisted pants and a black oxygen top, green heels and sliver accesories. We went to auto lounge after the marcopolo dinner. Fun fun fun, and one of my ages past crush got drunk and tried hitting on me....(gross, where were u when i daydreamed of me and you with white picket fences?)

17 comments :

  1. i know how that feels...and i have this thing where pple only ask me for financial obligations just when i get broke, and i hate giving excuses so i just say, i am sorry but i cant.
    You do what you have to...your friend will be alright and she will see reason...hopefully.

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  2. and oh, i am first...and now second

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  3. and 3rd
    sorry, i just had to do that. i learnt from Vera. lmao! but unlike her, i will stop now. lol!

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  4. like my mom says, don't "borrow" anybody money if you can't forfeit it. I dont think you should feel too guilty saying 'No'. the worst is, she'll be mad at you for a couple of days and then she'll get over it:)

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  5. I see nothing wrong in saying no. I completely agree with Bumight. I had to make that my mantra for a while in the past, when I realised nothing you do can completely satisfy everyone. Do you, your friend will be alright.

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  6. When I learnt to say "No" and not feel guilty, I had reduced my life's worries drastically.

    My purpose in life is not to please man but to please God.

    If you have to say no to your friend, do it nicely without too much talk. She will understand as long as you have been nice to her in the past.

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  7. Awww. Pele, we are selfish, we can only see ourself clearly, we cannot appreciate the nuances of a seperate individual's context. She probably isnt a bad person just human.

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  8. i can imagine how u feel...... never let the pressures of how others feel inconvenience u...... i totally relate to the first paragraph of this post..... stand ur ground and whoever cant handle u saying no should stop asking for unnecessary favours,..........

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  9. It really hurts when we dont get what we want but i agree with you, people need to be more understanding and accepting unless you are sending out mixed signals-saying i dont have money yet splurging on stuff while the friends watch on...they'd definitely not believe you when say u dont have.

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  10. i find it difficult saying no contrary to the Queen! MY LITTLE SIS. she isnt so little but i love her when it comes to being reasonable and straight to people. Tell them as it is, they don't understand, move on.

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  11. was stuck in the 'no' situation myself just yest. and i was thinking the same thing that i wish they'd understand! :)oh well.

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  12. SweetHeart, Say NO the instance deep down inside of you says no. I was the queen of YES and believe me when I say it does more harm than good.....you should know that.

    Wouldn't you rather sleep in peace knowing you're handling your life ok, rather than sleep in worry because you decided to say yes to someone else's life issue?

    I'm Not saying you can't help, but always draw the line, so you don't get taken for granted.

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  13. If u dont learn to say NO u r gonna b in a fix at ur own makin. Wen u can - u help. wen u cant simply say so n try not to beat urself up. U cant pls d world , no matter how hard u try.

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  14. I would feel bad as well, but it really isnt your fault, so u'll just keep telling urself when u start feeling that way. help when u can, when u cant, u cant.

    that said, u didnt tell me about the book club! not fair, not fair at all.

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  15. Dont feel bad about saying no o. I equally hate the idea of sharing baffs, i sooooo hate it but i dont feel bad when i say no o. Ive been cut out as the devil many times because i said no but... Anyhow sha, glad you had fun last weekend

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  16. i dont have a sister....two brothers though...so i dont have to share...my mum doesnt share either

    so if its mine....dont touch it

    i wont touch yours either....you like it...go get yours.....



    as for money....i only give out what i wont miss....

    if i will miss it........then its a big no.......

    couldnt care less what the person thinks......most peeps did me no favours when i needed them.....

    so for me its Moses law...........

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  17. saying "No" isnt wrong is just that people tend to misconstrue it, which is very annoying.

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