who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Joy and Pain of Heels...


Every morning that I choose to get out of bed is a day of victory. Sometimes I want to lie down and let the pain take over and control how I should feel, because getting up feels like a lot of work. Stretching out, taking that first step, climbing another stair, carrying my handbag, lifting up a baby, driving… these are my little everyday victories against pain. I could choose to let the pain take over, to allow it sip the joy out of me, to wallow in self pity and complain every second of every minute… but I refuse to be defeated in this game of pain. I am more than a conqueror after all.
I love shoes, i love shoes with high heeels; I’ve had some gravity defying shoes in my life. I love the way they control the movement of my body, makes me feel like a lady… makes me want to stand tall even when I want to cower in fear or insecurity. I have even perfected the act of running in heels. I’ve enjoyed them so much, and I seem to tolerate the pain that eats at my leg better when I am in heels. Something I shouldn’t be wearing. The doctor/physiotherapist warned me against them. And I wasn’t even wearing the high ones when he gave me the stern advice. He said I may feel like it doesn’t hurt to keep wearing heels, but in a few years, I’d start to see the effect especially as I battle with the pain and bla bla bla (I refuse to accept that in a few years the pain will still be fighting with me, I’m sure it’ll bow out soon enough). I knew what he said was the truth, but you just can’t tell a girl to stop wearing heels. So I kind of ignored him.

But as I shopped for shoes recently, I subconsciously began to buy shoes with low heels. I noticed I ignored most of the eye candy high-heeled shoes I would have jumped at before. Somehow I got to a point where I began to understand that I have to start taking care of myself to avoid certain setbacks/complications. While I expect healing, I have to do my part in managing the pain as I wait. I don’t know where that resolve came from, but somehow I held on to it… I dropped a couple of shoes I loved because I realized I wasn’t doing myself well. I haven’t completely abandoned heels, I bought me a few respectable ones, and I good number of flats. But I guess that’s a start.
We love certain things and hold on to them, knowing for a fact that they are not right for us, knowing that while we may not see the effect on us immediately, in the long run, we will be affected. But we can’t desist, because that’s what we’ve come to know as the pleasures of life… the good life according to the world’s standard. How do they expect you to be celibate when all your friends aren’t? How do they expect you to be honest, when honesty is not a virtue in our business environment? And so we keep doing everything wrong because it makes us feel right, and an added advantage is that we don’t get a heavenly knock anytime we lie or steal or slip into yet another bed with another man.

But some of us get wise after hearing that advice. We begin to see things as they are, to understand that our instant gratification goes ahead of us to cause us more pain than pleasure in the future, and so we find ourselves sobering up and thinking about what’s best for us. In our shopping, we start buying the flat shoes instead of the heels, shunning some activities that we loved and clinging to those that edify us instead. Its not easy, and sometimes it doesn’t even feel like fun, but it’s worth it. It takes time to completely adjust to the idea of a new and transformed life, just like I still bought some shoes with heels, and even wore one for a wedding a few days ago, It’ll take a little time for me to completely adjust to this idea of not sashaying the right way cos I'm wearing flat shoes. 
We find ourselves holding on to some habits we should have dropped even when we've made the choice of being a new person… in the long run, as long as we’re determined to change and hold on to the wholeness of salvation, we’ll slowly begin to shed off those things we hold on to. The Christian transformation doesn’t take place in one day. Sometimes, you’ll find yourself back in the place you don’t want to be at, but as long as you know that's not what you want for you, keep praying for help, for a complete renewal of mind, and you’ll get there, to that place where you'll look back and wonder how you ever thought the old life was the idea of the high life.

Just remember, fact that you're not paying for it now doesn't mean there isn't a price to pay in the future.

“Sin is like an incredible meal that becomes poisonous venom in your stomach. What you eat on Earth you may digest in Hell.” Lecrae

2 comments:

  1. Hmmm... Word! I have personally been affected by not heeding the warning of the Holy Spirit in the past

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wow! It's my first time here. This is really insightful. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

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