who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A Pinch Of Doubt, A Tablespoon Of Hope...


I am so certain about the sovereignty of God and i know His hand is orchestrating my life. I know for sure that He is with me and He is in control and He loves me. But in the midst of my certainty I begin to doubt sometimes, because as much as I know… I still hear the voices in my head ask me if I’m sure… because His promises seem to take forever to manifest.

Does it happen to you as well? Do you ever get to doubt for just a second, when you’re not pretending to be religious?

You know, like when the excitement you felt when you received the word begins to wane as days turn into months and then years as you struggle through life, even when you know that His plans for you are certainly good and His promises will certainly come to pass.
You wonder why you have to suffer through certain things. Why you have to lose a loved one, one so close, one so loved… Would He let you go through all that pain if He really loves you?  What happened to the joy of salvation? Why do you have to go through certain things while watching those who aren’t in the faith breeze through? Why did you have to lose your job? Why do you have to be ill and go through so much pain? Why is your marriage so bumpy?
Moments like that shake your faith, they make you doubt even in your certainty… It allows a thought or two creep in. It makes you question even when you know His love can’t be contested.

Sometimes you can taste your expectations. It’s so real, so now, so attainable. But there’s just too much hurdles to cross and traffic lights to wait at.
Just like John the Baptist, even when you stare it in the face, you doubt because of how low your spirit has sunk, how slayed you feel.
Remember John the Baptist? The one sent to prepare the way. The one who saw Jesus and publicly identified Him as the Son of God. The one who reluctantly baptized Jesus because he felt unworthy, and witnessed the open heavens in that moment. The one who leaped in His mothers belly when He sensed the presence of Jesus who was barely a seed in Mary’s womb. John who boldly declared, that Christ is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.
Well John the Baptist had his moment, he got to that place where his faith was shaken.
As He sat locked up in prison, he allowed Himself to doubt even when He knew he was sure. Some things you pass through would wear you out and make you doubt… some things you pass through will claw at your spirit and try to tear it apart… Some things you go through will make you question for a second. John who knew right from the womb, got to that place where he was forced to question even in the face of the truth he knew. He sent his disciples to ask Jesus Are You the One Who was to come, or should we keep on expecting a different one?

I mean he had already confirmed whom Jesus was to the world, but like we all do, when the trials hits us hard, when the strain of prison gets to us, we sit down and dare to ask God even when we know “Are you really there? Do you really love me?”
Jesus reply to John’s disciples was… The blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed (by healing) and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up and the poor have good news (the Gospel) preached to them. And blessed (happy, fortunate, and to be envied) is he who takes no offense at Me and finds no cause for stumbling in or through Me and is not hindered from seeing the Truth." (Matt 11:4-6)

That must have been reassuring to John. He must have heard all sorts about Jesus while in jail. Things to make him skeptical. Jesus was such a contrast from John. He wore clothes John had given up on, He dined with those John publicly condemned and He feasted on good food unlike the locust and wild honey John lived on etc. Maybe He got John worrying, especially with the strain of prison telling on him. Maybe he wanted the fire and brimstone-preaching mandate like he had operated through. Maybe he expected a more aggressive approach from the expected King and messiah. A warrior, not a gentle soul. Just maybe. And seeing the opposite got him worried a little... Maybe.

Remember Jesus reply when your faith is shaken and your heart dares to question His love for you... He said go and tell what you have heard and seen. What have you heard in the word? What have you seen all around you?
The blind see, broken hearts are mended etc…  God is still God even in the midst of our trials and He loves us. All we need to do is look around and see what He’s done for the next person to remind us that truly He is alive, and He is God. 
He’s comforted your neighbor; He’ll surely comfort you. He’s healed your colleague; He can do it for you. He’s blessed your foes; He’ll certainly remember you. Be reassured that as long as she was barren and she’s carrying a baby now, you need not worry as you wait for your own child. Your church members give testimonies day after day… look how great God is, His power hasn't waned. He truly is God.

When you’re backed into a corner and made to question, when your heart dares you to doubt, remember that He is God alone and He is good. God loves you so much, don’t let anything come between that, not your trials, and your pain.

The truth of God's word has given me every reason to plunge ahead in life in the face of the facts that aren’t too appealing. I know whose and what I am, but sometimes I give room for doubt to creep in especially when I’ve been knocked down real hard and when the destination seems to keep moving further back the closer i get to it. But what I know for sure is… the blind see, that’s got to be God. Seeing another sick person healed, seeing a person mourning share a laugh, seeing a broken heart mended... that’s got to be God and no other. Seeing the hope and seeing Him come through for others is all it takes to cement my believe to keep on keeping in my trust as John must have gotten encouraged even in the face of death when He saw Jesus truly was, from the report he got.

4 comments :

  1. Thank you for yet another edifying post. I have been blessed by your write up

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  2. This is truly re-assuring. Thank you Joy for sharing. God bless you.

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  3. pretending to be religious?...no we don't have that problem lol. probably pretending not to be so quite religious lol

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  4. Truly deep,never really gave a thought to the scripture concerning John.Fq hope u know how blessed you are.

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