who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

You Had Me Before Hello...


You had me before hello…
Yes, before you were formed, before you could call my name or understand who I am. Before you took a step towards me, before you let yourself trust me to no end. When your mind couldn’t understand my feelings for you.
When you stared me in the eyes and pushed me aside… You had me before you ever stopped to think and say hello.
source:
I watched you form. I watched you grow, I watched you hurt… I watched you grab your first cup of coffee everyday as you rushed off to work. I watched you ignore me as you lived your life. It didn’t stop me from loving you; from making sure the drug you overdosed on didn’t kill you. From making you want to live again after yet another relationship failed. From carrying you home safely when I found you lying drunk in dark alleys…
I watched you look for love and acceptance in the wrong places, I tried to reach out to you, to let you know I’m all you need and more… but you treated me like I didn’t exist, maybe an occasional half smile as you walked passed me.

I watched you mar your beauty as you searched for wholeness in the wrong things.
You had me before hello. And I have loved you since then with an everlasting love. No matter how hard I try, even if I want to, I know I can never stop loving you.
I can only keep watching, and hoping that one-day you’ll notice me, just hanging around, watching and loving you. Wanting to hug you and lift you and shield you from pain, and dry your tears. Wanting to talk to you as we ride in the car to work, wanting to laugh with you and make you smile. Wanting to let you know how beautiful and whole you are in me, to know that the satisfaction you search for is in nothing but me…
I can only hope you say hello some day, take my hands and let me lead you to the perfection only I can give.

I am a gentleman… my nature stops me from forcing myself on you. And so I stand aside and watch in pain…
You had me before hello… I need you to know that, just incase you’re wondering if I’ll still accept you if you decide to stretch out your hands to me in your brokenness.
I love you child... I love you with an everlasting love.
Please come to me, Please say hello... please melt into my love. It is pure, and it is true.

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!" Psalm 139:15-17

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