who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Calling It Off...


A friend called off her engagement a few weeks to her wedding. They say better a broken engagement than a broken marriage, but its so much easier mouthing that off than actually doing it.

Breaking off an engagement is as hard as it sounds, even harder… but in the end, it’s easier than breaking off a marriage or going into one knowing you really don’t want to.

Many have gone ahead even as they got a forceful wake up call that they were making a mistake, because the hall had been paid for, air tickets had been bought, years have been spent together, mother had crushed all restraints in planning and the train was moving so fast and they were afraid of the feathers that would be ruffled if they asked to alight one stop from the destination.

It got me thinking… would I be as brave as she was if I realize it’s all wrong? Not only in marriage, there are loads of things we go ahead to do even when we feel its all wrong because we’re too scared to back down at the last minute. We don’t want to disappoint people or seem weak; we think we’ve gone through all the hurdles to come this far to start doubting at the last minute.

It doesn’t matter how you react to a break up, locking yourself up and crying for weeks and months, shaving off your eyebrows, loosing so much weight and being sick for weeks… it doesn’t matter if you go skydiving or mountain climbing or learn to ride a bike. It doesn’t matter if you’re seen as weak and chicken for not braving it… It doesn’t matter if crying is all you do. The truth is, however you react, you are the strongest person for walking away, for listening to yourself and your truth, for choosing your truth over everything and what people would say. For seeing reason, even in the fog of laces, and trimmings and white dresses and asoebi. For seeing reason even when the world around you define your path as perfect.

I pray to have the strength to walk away from anything or anyone that I am convinced in my spirit is all-wrong for me. I want to be strong enough to give it all up even in my weakness and my tears. I don’t want to be the weak one who went ahead because she couldn’t be anything else, I don’t want to be foolish enough to dress my weakness up in a costume of strength as I make the wrong choice because I want it to be right even when my truest witness within tells me otherwise.

I want to know myself as being strong even as I break down and die a thousand deaths of heartbreak from walking away, because I know I will still live, and I’ll be happy after it all, and another lucrative deal would come, another wonderful man would come... another perfect opportunity that’ll be perfectly perfect with no hidden clause would come.

How long will we continue to deceive ourselves by parading our weakness in a mask of strength?  Learn to walk away from anything and anyone when the warning bells wouldn’t stop ringing.


5 comments :

  1. I think it's a million times better to walk away and face the embarassment of a canceled wedding than go through with it and jump into a bad situation, and god forbid have children and become trapped in that situation when it's all avoidable.

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    1. It is indeed. But being the humans we are... some still want to have a show stopping wedding and find a way to live with the red signs or plan to live at a later date...

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  2. I agree with Sugabelly.. It's far worse to remain in the relationship in order to save face than to leave.
    Like you wrote in your post, it takes a lot of courage to walk away..

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  3. I salute the courage of people who take the decision to end a relationship that is not working. The pain and sometimes embarrasment is usually worth it in the long run

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  4. Very courageous of your friend. Although it is very painful initially, breaking off a relationship is more a sign of strength as opposed to weakness. Thanks for sharing this story.

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