Divatude!

I love attention. Something I’ve been able to suppress thank God. Who doesn’t? As much as I hate being around people sometimes and would love to live on an island one week out of each month, I love attention. It’s one of those things that you hate almost as much as you love.

Some have accused me of being a diva. I’m honestly not sure what their definition is, cos I’m the sweetest person ever. Seriously, I’m a nice sweet little girl, I mean i whine about stuff sometimes and i can be a little stubborn, but I’m no diva. I haven’t been accused by enough people to get me biting my nails at night, so i'm not worried about it.

But I loved the events, I loved attending this things and dressing up, I loved the cameras and the red carpets, I loved seating down and looking uninterested while really loving whatever minor attention was given to me. The few times my picture appeared in magazines or online, I acted aloof but secretly jumped and flip flopped in excitement, my thisday style debut got my heart soaring, not minding that they got my name wrong. I loved going out loving the best i could and having people stare and you know how  we do it ladies, pretending you don’t notice but knowing.(all ladies do that right? or was i really a diva? :P)

When I moved jobs to manage an artist, I got a shocker. I attended more events but suddenly I wasn't the star anymore, he was. We would go for events or go out and I’m practically ignored, he's getting all the attention, me getting some attention, curious stares, is she his girlfriend? Oh, manager? Really?” Then the interviews, before it was about what i was wearing (our desperate attempt to be more red carpet suave) to how i was going to enjoy the show/event/whatever… and then it was ALL about him, even when they asked about me, as a manager, I would stir it back to being about the artist.Because you see, making it about myself as much as i would have loved to would have been a conflict of interest, i was in that job for him, to help promote him, not for me, to make my face and wardrobe well known to the public.

No more picking outfits to stand me out. The manager outfit! Shoes that'd serve beyond the sashaying on the carpet et co. I was no more on the red carpet as the fantasy queen herself, i was no more part of the audience. I was now back stage, not enjoying the events like I should have because I was working, making sure everything was in play for us, watching the dj and at the back of my head praying the performance was good and same time taking notes in my head, gauging peoples reactions et co. And then i would have to leave immediately after the performance just because my artist didn't want to be there, so i missed out on the fun parts of the events like.... food.

The 'diva' in me gets me aloof  and uninterested, but being a rep of my artist, i had to smile through meetings(i sometimes had no clue about), try to get in touch with people i would normally ignore, and be nice to certain people who were sent from yonder to annoy me. Especially those annoying calls.
I had a job to do, and holding on to 'divahood' would never have helped me achieve that.  I was entertaining those that used to be me. I was now the “star dust leading to the star.” That’s a hard truth or reality to swallow but I think I swallowed it good. It was tough, but he helped build me.

It’s evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I’ll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I’m sticking to your script, and I’m reading all your signs
I don’t need my name in lights, I don’t need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I’m just going lose my soul
And my ways ain’t purified, don’t live according to Your Word
I can’t endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word to every dance, a foe, a pop star
‘Cause we all play the background, but mine’s a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I’ll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
‘Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I’m not that impressive, matter of fact
I’m who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar" Lecrae -Background

I love Lecrae's song 'Background.'
That’s how it should be in our walk with God.
Life Before Christ was all about me, but now, it's about him, he is my center. I let him take the lead in my life, while i stay in the background.
It doesn’t matter if we were divas or whatever in the past, once you decide to work/walk with Christ, it’s a new story.
You can’t play the lead and same time say he reigns over your life. Only one person can lead. Unfortunately most of us leave him in the background and take the lead.

"As a result, they do not live the rest of their earthly lives for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.  For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry." 1 Peter 4:2-3(niv)

It's hard sometimes, especially when you're used to having your way. And then he tells you to do all this things you'd rather not, like be nice to that monster of a girl when you want to hang up on her.
But be humble, let him take the lead,he knows what he's doing. Like Peter said, we've spent enough time in the past pleasing ourselves, now its time to leave the stage for him.

Let him be the focus of attention on the red carpet, go backstage and let him be the star on stage not you, cos when you let him take all the glory, he lifts you up. I saw this quote by Tony Gaskin and it just made sense "i know you want the spotlight but please know it's gonna shine on your flaws too..."
Letting Jesus take the spot light covers you up, your flaws are hidden in him, and your weaknesses are turned into strengths in him. So even if your flaws are brought to light in him, he does damage control better than any PR firm out there. He'll handle it better than we ever will.

"I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control. and then I sank
So I don’t want to take the lead, ’cause I’m prone to make mistakes
All the folks who follow me, going end up in the wrong place
So let me just shadow you, let me trace your lines
Matter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes
‘Cause if I do this by myself, I’m scared that I’ll succeed
And no longer trust in you, ’cause I only trust in me
And see, that’s how you end up headed to destruction
Paving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothing
You pulled my card, I’m bluffing, You know what’s in my hand
Me, I’m just going to trust you, You cause the dice to land
I’m in control of nothing, follow you at any cost
Some call it sovereign will, all I know is you the boss
Man, I’m so at ease, I’m so content
I’ll play the background, like it’s an instrument" Lecrae- Background Verse 2

Sometimes we tell ourselves we’re working for God, which we really are doing but for the wrong reasons, because we’re loving the attention, it gets in our head, and we want the lead role too, he's the co-pilot, we love the star treatment and thus we miss the core essence of what our walk with him is about... Its all about HIM. Whatever it is we do, in every area of our life, lets make him the focus, our center, and lurk in the background. Giving Christ the diva attutude only helps you in digging the hole of your downfall yourself.

"I know I’m safest when I’m in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I’m dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain’t got no time to play life’s foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name
And it’s a shame, the way I want to do these things for You
Don’t even cling to you, take time to sit and gleam from You
Seems You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it’s ’cause she never heard of this" Lecrae Background