I have driven some nice cars. My sisters cars, my BIL’s cars, my aunties cars, mummy's car, uncles cars, friends cars... bla bla cars etc. I have been driven in beautiful cars as well. Some exotic, some not.
You know moments when you drive ‘the' car and you walk out of a place and you can't wait to bring out the car keys to press the button and have the fab car answer to you… Yes!!! You drove that sleek and fine looking machine. You're so shameless about the fact that it isn't yours, as long as you're seen in it. I used a car from home and just my luck... this girl I only ever meet at social occasions with her group of stuck up friends(stuck up in my head that is) was driving side by side with me in her very very humble car on admiralty way... Yes, you know I had to give her a wave and a smile. She wasn't too happy about that. She and her friends would know to give me a little more respect after that day. (Yes i know, very petty of me lol... old things have passed away. Let me hear an Amen!!!)
A friend of mine asked me to drive his car once. I couldn't believe he would let anyone drive it, talk less of me! Some sleek Mercedes. Oh my!!! I was on fire, that car could moveeeeeeeeeee!!! It felt so good and I loved the way I looked behind the wheels as I drove through V/I. I tried to keep cool at the traffic lights or when we got caught up in traffic... You know there's that look on your face when you drive a 'correct' car. You've got one hand on the steering, you do a lean back on your seat, nod your head to the music and you look to your left and to your right in a kind of slow motion... (please don't tell me I'm the only conceited one out there) Even if you don't do it, you should have come across people who do in one of those killer rush hour traffic jams.
I’ve had my moments of shameless arrogance when it comes to cars ( which i humbly repent of), and they have been wonderful while the lasted. Just a pity that I have to hand the keys back to the owners at the end of the day. It still remains theirs. Even when i get a free access to whatever car i want, as long as my name isn't on the papers... *shrug* I know loads of people can recall 'my' car, because that's what i always used. Basically, it was technically mine, just not officially mine.
I wanted to get a car once. But i wasn't desperate enough to use my money on one. So i let all the cons of the cost of maintenance and the fact that I always had one to use discourage me. Now? I'm near desperate for a car of my own. Enough of the family business. For one reason or the other, I had to depend on people for rides these past couple of days, and that frustrated me. I know that the next chance i have to get a car, I'll grab at it without thinking twice.
What am i trying to get at? The fact is I have driven the cars, but the bitter truth is as long as my name isn’t on the papers of any of the vehicles, the effizy and effects I must have tried to pull all amount to nothing. The person who drives a lesser car, one you have to do a kung fu on before getting the door to open, still has it better than me, because he/she owns that car. Even the girl I was excited about seeing me in 'my' car is queen, because she owns her car.
I can ride in all the glitz and glam of Christianity, blog all I want, go to all the church programs, and be the capable hand in church… But if i miss the whole purpose of it, and my name isn’t in the lambs book of life, then it’s all for show and worth nothing. There's a time to pause and reflect... Am I riding on my pastors glory, my family's religion, my friend's spirituality and my ability to say 'bless the lord' on cue? At the end of the day, do I return to my home empty and devoid of a relationship with Christ till I meet up with the world the next morning in my 'Praise the Lord' garb, riding on borrowed grace and punching in words i don't practice on a website?
You see, the person who doesn't do as much as you do, who remains anonymous to the pastor, and can't memorize half as much bible verse as you do, has it better than you if he's sincere in his walk with God. Your gitz and glamor of religion, amounts to nothing if you're all for show with no true ownership of this gift of salvation. And the ones stuck on religion always happen to be the ones looking down on those holding on to a pure relationship.(Just like I kind of showed off to the lady in traffic)"Oh you're not a worker in your church?" *raised eyebrows* "Oh, you wear red lipstick?" *clutches chest* "Oh, you don't pray for five hours every morning?" *sprinkles holy water* "Oh, you don't know that bible verse?" *speaks in tongues*
It's time to concentrate on getting your name on the document, owning your own salvation and working it out with fear and trembling, rather than showing off in different rides of the mentality of 'works' as opposed to 'relationship' in Christianity. It's just not worth it. For my own good, I need a car... I can't continue to rely on the available cars from family. For my good, I need salvation... My salvation, not my Pastors, or mother or friends... not my blog posts and religious slang, true salvation of a transformed heart.
"our earthly friends cannot save us. No effort of theirs can deliver us from eternal death without our own exertion. Great as may be their solicitude for us, and much as they may do, there is a point where their efforts must stop - and that point is always short of our salvation, unless we are roused to seek salvation. They may pray, and weep, and plead, but they cannot save us. There is a work to be done on our own hearts which they cannot do." Barnes Notes on the Bible, Philippians 2:12 Commentary
I don't want to be technically saved, I want it to be official. Spirit, soul, body... no half measures. I just can't afford to live on borrowed cars and borrowed grace.