Unequally Yoked...
(I was invited to be part of
the Woman on Fire series here… and I sent in this piece… Here’s the somewhat edited
version. Felt like I had to share it here as well especially as it’s February
and love is in the air)
Unequally yoked.
That’s a term we’re not
really pumped about. Especially when
he’s everything a girl could dream of… tall, dark, handsome (if that’s your cup
of tea) or short, light skinned and bald (we don’t judge in christianville) and
in addition, rich, kind, sweet, selfless, funny, attentive, smells great,
baritone voice… But! (Don’t we just hate the buts?) But he isn’t saved. And here comes 2 Corinthians 6:14(“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what
partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light
with darkness?”) banging against your
head.
Well, but he’s better than
some of these church boys. Have you met
some saved boys? Some of them are everything but that… they are players, you
argue, you pray… you cry, and you reason with the word, you tell the word why
it’s wrong this time. It’s right in every other thing, but you’ve got to call
it out on this, when it comes to the perfect man for you.
So what’s the grey area here?
I don’t know. I know a saved lady like you and I who dated her unsaved boo,
married him and got him saved, so saved he’s one of the top pastors around
today. That gives me leverage to stand before the word. I could save him Lord.
I really could. … But then I’ve heard of the saved lady marrying the nice sweet
unsaved guy and having so much issues, because as some preachers put it, if he’s
not saved, then the devil is your father in-law, and he’ll come visiting as
often as he pleases. Because when those little issues come as they will, you’ll
take your case to your father and he lets his own father counsel him…. Clash of
the titans.
I wish I could advice ladies
who bring this subject up, but the truth is, I don’t know what to say to them,
especially when there are so many stories of the two scenarios mentioned, and
even worse stories of how a saved Christian man messed them up. The saved guys
and even pastors who beat their wives? And the unsaved ones who would rather
cut themselves than raise an angry fist at their wives? Note, this stories are
the exceptions; I have seen beautiful Christian marriages.
I have my personal conviction
from the word.
Yes I do want to get married,
and yes, I feel like my holding on to this word has caused me to in my human
understanding loose some good men and delayed me, but in my super saved spiritual
(yes halleluiah somebody, I’m that saved)
mind gained a lot, because what I feel I missed out on is waiting for me
multiplied in the right saved soul.
But lets get something clear…
a Christian man is different from a saved man. Yes he’s a Christian, named
Christian but is he saved? Has he always been going to church, or has he had a
personal revelation of Christ? We’re talking beyond the surface Christianity
here…. So yes, the surface Christian by birth falls into the unequally yoked
category.
Being born again, I’ve turned
down great friends, people who were the picture of what my mind painted… they
were perfect, perfect to present to the world… but according to the word that
says I am in the world but not of it, not perfect for me. It was hard… not
stone hard, probably boiled egg hard to let go, and watch them forge a new life
and get engaged to someone willing and not minding their spiritual life or lack
of it.
We get to a place where we
ask ourselves if our standard is too high… especially when people begin to
question and act like they’re concerned and praying for you because your life
is miserable in their eyes without a husband, why do they do that? I think most girls only get depressed about being
single because of the comments of strangers. Don’t lower your standard
because you want to be married and equally yoked. That’s also unequal, because
you don’t go for the best you go for the available. Don’t let any religious
talk or prophesy lure/force you into a marriage your heart isn’t sold out to.
One mistake I refuse to make
is dating a Christian boy just because he is… The fact that he’s a Christian
boy/man in your church doesn’t automatically make him perfect for you. I have
been asked out by pastors, good-looking men of God, but no, I’m not so
desperate for a Christian man that I jump at the next anointed brother who
comes my way. Yes, he may lay hands on me and I stay slain for eternity under
the power, and he may even walk on water, but does he make my heart beat? Does
he make me laugh? Ok he does (a desperate
girl would laugh at any word and her heart would beat rapidly in anticipation
of him marrying her, maybe she easily translates this to true love) but are
we compatible? Outside loving God together, outside church talks, are we
looking at the same path for our future? Do we share same interests? Would he
let me express myself outside him? I’m not so spiritual that I don’t come down
to earth enough to notice if my heart doesn’t beat for him. No ma!
Christian ladies want to
marry pastors and have been blinded by the anointing a man walks in, that they
don’t let themselves see him outside the anointing, outside the charisma he
eludes on stage/the altar, and so they say yes even before he considers asking,
even before they get to know him, because every other single girl is after him…
and then they see him for the first time outside the anointing when the thrill
of the wedding is over, they see his humanity, they hear the man under the
glory and they are horrified. They are left in unhappy but anointed marriages
because they are not compatible, not friends, just ministry partners, and they
come to church and everyone envies her for the catch she has in the pastor…. But she feels stuck in a marriage that is
choking her. Some ladies chose to only see the stage lights; they don’t see the
backstage, the part that God’s working on to perfect daily, the human part that
is daily being transformed, the part that sulks and demands, the part that is
flirty and basks in attention, the part that is sometimes selfish and controlling
(and whatever other human flaws) etc. I’m only saying, if that’s your dream to
marry an ordained minister of the gospel, then come down to earth and know that
he is a man first, before he is anointed so you don’t get overly disappointed
when you see the flaws. Look beyond the anointing.
Don’t be overly spiritual
that you make the wrong choice or get into a marriage that you know in your
heart is wrong for you. Don’t think God will be disappointed in you if you
refuse to marry the pastor who likes you when your heart is drawn to the other
saved guy without a church title. God loves you so much, and He’s more
desperate than you are to give you the best man for you. The one that you’ll be
willing to make up with after every fight, the one that you’ll know you’d
rather be with than any other, even after his flaws have been laid bare before
you. The one who will love you and cover you and make you his crown. This isn’t
wishful religious talk. This is the truth, not the truth I’m making up to
comfort you as you wait… yes it comforts me, but I know it’s so true.
Personally, I have decided to
refuse to be unequally yoked. Both with the saved and unsaved. It looks like it
cost me some things, or dragged me behind my mates… but life isn’t a
competition. I stand here waiting, working in Gods vineyard knowing that He’s
got me(Sister Ruth of Moab would testify to this). And I whistle (rejoice)
while I wait. I own this truth and I’m blessed. Be brave and stand on this truth,
even when you hurt, even when you break down and cry sometimes.
Wow. Just wow. You finished the matter.
ReplyDeleteThat feeling you get when she's said everything and you don't know what to add. Beautiful!
ReplyDelete