Dr Okey Onuzo preached on being content some weeks ago, i left church that evening feeling renewed in spirit and ready to battle out my greed and want for more clothes, more this and more that.
i told myself i was content as i walked away from the shoes. i was proud of me and even though i've dreamed of that pair of shoe for days now, i've been commending myself on my new found self control when it comes to shopping, after all my account is more or less the color of the pot at the end of the rainbow, i don't need the extra drama.
so today. i was sleeping peacefully in my cool room, glad to be indoors on such a hot hot day, the only thing taking me out is the shooting for celebrity takes 2,if i make it that is........i woke up at mid day, had breakfast in bed... well i wasn't served breakfast in bed, had to go whip something up for myself, but i had the breakfast in bed, so that counts as an 'awwwwww, how sweet' factor:) i served myself in bed.......sooooo romannntic.
then the call came in, this 'friend' just got back from brazil, i'd been hoping the call wouldn't come, but after my shoe resisting escapade, i knew when the call came i'd be able to resist the pull of temptation to buy, well so i thought, the call did come, and i decided to humor her,and let her come home with the goodies, i'd uhhh and ahhhhh over her lovely bags, tsk my tongue at the brazilian weaves as i smugly tell her 'lovely things but sorry I'm not interested' and i would smile in glee at her shock that i would even think of punking her.
well she just drove off, i uhhhed and ahhed over the bags, shook my head at the Brazilian weaves and walked away and i'm back in my ac'ed room and still sweating,NOOOO i did not just pick a bag costing 20times more than those shoes(now i'm thinking i should have saved myself the trouble and picked up those shoes). I couldn't let it go, there it was shining in its labeled leather glory giving me the puppy dog look and i knew i just had to take it. its funny cos as much as i love the bag, i dumped it in the laundry room with a pile of dirty clothes as i ran up to the room. not sure why i dumped it, probably self denial? not seeing it might seem like i didn't actually buy it. how could i? i haven't paid so i might as well return it, she wouldn't kill me would she? but would my life be the same without it? i've seen me use it with a dozen outfits already.
brings me back to the topic of self control and contentment Dr Onuzo preached about. he says we try to be godly, live godly lives,be better people on our own accord, yes self resolve does work but not enough to scale you over that hard pull of temptation. you resolve never to drink anymore and its fine, you do a good job at it, smugly announce and tell the story of how long we've stayed off drinking till you're out somewhere someday and everyone else is drinking and you're bored with your lime and soda thus you say 'oh, just a little vodka wouldn't hurt' and you end up being drunk..... the point is there's always something that'll take you back to a broken habit if you break on our own accord.
the only way to overcome self and be a better person is by knowing you cant do it on your own but by the power and help of the holy spirit. when the spirit controls, its easier to overcome temptations, you laugh at those temptation in the face and waltz away
I was so proud of myself i forgot to thankGod for giving me the will to resist the lure of senseless shopping/spending. i went around smugly telling my story and claiming that i had changed. i didn't actually ask God for his spirit of wisdom and strength to continue in my resolve to break that habit.
i have been humbled, i've learned a lesson, an expensive one at that. but its a lesson learnt and i'm glad i learnt from it. now to return or not to return? that is the question.