who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Friday, November 13, 2009

The single married man.

He’s everywhere you turn. He haunts you; he taunts you, he’s the new species of men available. The single married man

He’s that young handsome dude who’s wedding was splashed all over recently; yes they one you screamed in despair that you missed and envied the lucky ‘idiot’ who nailed the hot brova you always admired and hoped would notice you some day. it brought the crème de la crème of the society to a standstill as they all gathered round to bid him a happy married life. But you’re just in luck because after the honeymoon, he came back to town and he’s single again.

He more than before hangs out at his best mates penthouse, drinking Champagne, eating buckets of take out chicken wings, watching football on the 500inch TV, and playing PS20 on the larger than life screen with the boys. Belching on beer, scratching crotches, ordering pizzas and playing some dbanj’s ‘bad’ at the highest on his bang and olufsen speakers, with no care in the world.

“Its hard to be a married man” Ak droned as he tries to pop a bottle of Champagne, “you just cant give up being one of the boys with your boys, i ain't giving it up for no marriage you just cant leave that behind, life’s got to move on as it was.”(yes that’s a typical response)

Of course he has his ring glittering in all its 94k gold and diamond glory as he steps into the clubs/restaurants/lounges/ churches. Looking all pimply cute in some vintage Armani suit. But that doesn't stop him, no the ring is just another statement piece of jewelry, like his wristwatches.

He loves his wife don’t get him wrong, or well he feels something close to love for her, and he’s fulfilled all righteousness to self, society, family and the girl he dated for 3years by putting a ring on it( I’m doing the beyonce single ladies hand move here), and yes, she’s already pregnant, that’s an extra something something for her, what else does she expect from him?
(that’s why I feel so sorry for all those girls that scheme so hard to get the boyfriend to propose, they weigh him down with so much scheming that he has no choice but to get on his knees from the weight and propose……oh, you’re so toast)

Now its time for life to go on for him. He meets you, dates you, he takes you to the movies he holds your hands in public, he sleeps over, sometimes he even goes to church with you. But wifey never gets to hear about it, shes probably shopping in some country or too tired from taking care of the baby to notice he isn't home.

I might have spotted him a couple of times holding some damsels hands at picolomondo, but I’m all muddled up, was that really him and a mistress? (or girlfriend as he would correct me) I thought he got married two weeks ago? Or maybe its his sister or a business meeting. You never can tell these days, I try to make myself believe that maybe it really isn’t what it seems to be. But it is really what it looks like.

He’s the perfect boyfriend, the perfect husband, father and son in-law, The perfect married boyfriend and he’s the plower….in all the clubs, at the bars, the churches, the shops, well dressed in all his swagger, he’s there watching, flaunting the ring cos that’s what gets him heard, he’s the threat to the genuinely single guys(aka the unmarried single man).

You say ‘well the ladies must be stupid to still date him’ I agree with you, they’re stupid to remain with him after they find out he really is married and he really isn't leaving her(for those who had no idea from the start,90% of them know from the start),

The girls agree with you that its stupid but then where else would she find such a manly man from? Yes the single married man is as manly as can be, because he’s been molded by his wife, his swagger is tighter, he’s taken lessons 505 in the workings of the female mind from his wife, I mean he’s got to have had something to offer(outside money) for her to get married to him in the first place, he’s been screened and past the test of being manly by his wife, thus he’s just perfect for the single ladies, they don’t have to waste time giving him lessons, he’s a ready made man. He knows just what to do and say to make the single girl sigh, hes got lessons on intimacy and saying exactly what she needs to hear. He’s well glazed, honey glazed I mean, and he’s taken the scene, he’s every woman’s dream…….he’s the single married man. BEWARE!!!!

This leads me to saying, if it ain’t love then don’t do it. You can force a man to wed you but you cant make him be a married man or stay faithful, except he’s such a God fearing fella.

Adesuwa Onyenokwe of TW magazine and today’s woman’s show inspired me in one of her articles on her 20th wedding anniversary, about how she’s never had to deal with the issue of other women(yeah yeah some might call her naive for that thought, but somehow I believe cos I’ve seen their relationship although from afar and it makes me sigh).
She thought his faithfulness had to do with her trying her best to be a great wife and bla bla bla, until she asked him why? and he said he made a decision to be faithful right from the start and he worked at it to ensure he wouldn't fail regardless of temptations, now that’s something. He obviously wasn’t forced and schemed into marriage:)

You can be the best wife there ever was, cook, clean, scrub, be superwoman with a cleo patra/Helen of troy or a domestic loving goddess with some sort of seductive powers,or such a faithful student of cosmopolitan, its not enough to keep him faithful, its got to be an effort on his part, a vow between his spirit, soul, body and his God. Just like Job. "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl." Job 31:1

Through all this talks of cheating and all I have to remain positive and believe that when I FINALLY get married it will based on love and trust and Godliness, and hubby of mine will be a genuine Married Man.

17 comments :

  1. Nail right on the head.

    And these guys are everywhere, it's so scary.

    Especially in this town.

    God will help us all.

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  2. darlin, love your write up but they cheat even if they loved you and were not coerced into marrying you. There's no guaranty that because the marriage is 'based on love and trust' he'll never cheat...he might make a decision to never cheat but people change over time...

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  3. I could never have said it better...how sad!

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  4. The truth is that they are everywhere. You said it well that it's not by a wife's power, the man has to make up his own mind.

    Adesuwa remains a model to me.

    Great write-up thanks for sharing.


    ps, have you voted on my blog? we're telling a story.

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  5. @Sirius...yes, especially in this town, i had lagos in mind when i was writing this down.

    @anonx...i'm not as naive to think the one who adores me would never cheat(although sometimes i wish i was oblivious to that fact), that's why i mentioned 'fear of God' amongst other things that would keep a man grounded.

    @s.chic...yeah, sad.

    @myne whitman...hi love, yes i've voted.

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  6. AHEM....the single married man...are littered everywhere in Naija..Lagos Abuja!! its quite scary...BUT I THINK U ALSO NEED TO BLOG about the 'single married woman' cos women are turning on the men with a vengeance!!

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  7. the single married man is caring and tender when they make love to their girlfriends-they are also mostly discreet as well as good listeners who dont demand too much attention........

    little wonder why they are abound and the girls love them???????

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  8. upon someone-else's pain you build your joy...he's caring and tender; if only you'll open your eyes and see the big picture, every tender word is laced in betrayal, what you call caring is actually a double-edged sword, it's ripping another woman's insides apart and for those who think "we'll I have nothing to do with it, afterall, it was he who made the vows not I"...may you reap what you sow, may the children's tears that fall as the family is torn asunder be an eternal refrain before our God, just as Jacob's blood cried out...

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  9. "its got to be an effort on his part, a vow between his spirit, soul, body and his God".

    You've said it all with this. That is all that it ever boils down to.

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  10. Babe oro lo so...(na true talk all the way)...no one could have said it better. this post makes a whole lot of sense.This post swings in both direction, the man can choose to be faithful, And the woman can also choose to be that great wife and the single ladies...the decision to marry each other must be mutual
    well done!!!

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  11. Hey, the picture was uploaded from my bb.
    I just attached it, like email attachment and it worked, so you can give it a go.

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  12. Straight to the point FQ! I'm so feeling this post!
    I know a number of ladies who have forced their husbands to marry them...well some are already down the divorce route after only a few years and others are just plan frustrated!
    And as per husband not cheating, i believe Adesuwa, some might say it's naivety but some men are real men and i am married to one of them! -)

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  13. i love this post. i heard it's the order of the day in naija. Both men and women are involved in cheating now.
    The most important is to be one's self in a relationship. marriage is not a do or die affair. I gats to be married by force......lol. I will continue to look at pictures on dem sites sha....hehehe

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  14. " ... he’s been screened and past the test of being manly by his wife, thus he’s just perfect for the single ladies, they don’t have to waste time giving him lessons, he’s a ready made man ..."

    You must have heard about the wedding ring as the number one babe magnet.

    For as long as there is game in the bush, do you blame the hunter?

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  15. Big KUDOS! You said everything i was thinking about. Been thinking about the 'game' and ive wondered: who is to blame? Society has muddled up the right and the wrong that it's hard to see what should be right anymore.

    Let me say this which is SAD but my eyes have been opened to a few things: I know that married men WILL cheat on their wives. Whether forced or NOT forced. That is just what it is. Some are coded, some are sloppy. The thing is: that is just what they would do.

    Recently, women have gotten into the mix as well. Just how it is.

    So SAD!

    Thanks for this:-)

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  16. marriage is very sacred thing but it is hard to be married and faithful. well it takes a whole lot of discipline. i like ur post

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  17. As A̶̲̥̅ single lady, I try as much as I can 2 stay clear of "D̶̲̥̅̊ single married men". Cos Шǻτ goes around, usually comes around.

    ReplyDelete

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