Acrimony...

Have you seen the movie acrimony?

Well I have.

While I’m not a super fan of Tyler Perry movies, I love Tyler Perry. I just don’t seem to connect with them. But that’s not the point.  

I promised myself I wasn’t going to do a post on it, but here I am…

I went to the cinema, I sat down and I watched acrimony, from the start to the finish.

While it rubbed off the wrong way as I felt like some things were over the top… the story line had sparks of reality all over it till probably the last couple of scenes that felt like well, would you really go that far?

Now I don’t know whom to blame in the movie, because the first half I was all for Melinda (played by Taraji P. Henson) and towards the end, I just went, she’s stupid man; Robert was a good man after all.

Acrimony: bitterness, rancour, resentment, ill feeling, ill will, bad blood, animosity, hostility, enmity,

Basically, the movie is about Melinda who meets and falls In love with Robert in college. They get married and she uses her mother’s life insurance to finance his dream invention, a self-charging battery. She basically spends all she has, supporting him in every way as hes faced with rejection after rejection. This and that happens and she files for a divorce, he doesn’t want it and even tells her he loves her when he goes to sign the papers, she makes fun of him. Soon after they part ways, things start to fall in place for him, he gets together with an old flame, becomes a millionaire, gives Melinda a very generous amount of money that more than coves for all she’s spent on him over the years. She tries to get back with him but he’s already moved on to the next. The rage she feels when she sees him living the life he promised her with another woman. I’m like… child!!!!! You threw him out, remember? She’s so crazy; she gets a restraining order. And of course hell as no rage as that of a woman scorned. That’s the best I can do in narrating the story.

You see, I think every woman, or most women have the tendency to be a furious scorned to the bones woman, but not everyone lacks self-control. That’s why there are lesser than should be stories of broken windscreens, castrated men and even murder… its horrible to read about those, but the pain of a heartbreak or betrayal brings out the crazy in you if you let it.

That was a marriage that ended. But I’ll just focus on how ‘mere’ relationships produce such a rage.

Why cant ex’s be friends after a break up? I’m not talking divorce here.

I mean even if it was a bad break up… you should be able to be cordial with each other. Not sending birthday cards to each other kind of cordial, but at least smile and maybe even a side hug or handshake on the go, to go with the friendship or acquaintanceship as the case may have deteriorated to be.

Even amongst believers.

I was in my ‘first’ real relationship (meaning we both declared that we were dating) that was good for the most part, but then it began to get filled up with so much betrayal of trust. It felt like investing so much into a dying company and just watching it crash even with all you’ve put into it. I worked in stockbroking, I know what it is to watch your money go down the drain after investing in a company with huge prospects… that sense should have gotten me out when the stock price of the relationship was crashing. But I did not listen to reason, not reason of common sense, nor reason of being led by God.

Was I hurt? Of course I was. The shame of being so trusting, that I was been cheated on right under my nose multiple times was heart-rending. Then the struggle of dealing with your self-esteem as you begin to question self, if everything is all right with you? Why would he do this and that… etc

Now I have every reason to hate this person. I have every reason to insult this person with legit claims. I have every reason to be bitter and not wish him well.

But you know what I did? I rose above that. I even dared to still love him. (with the love of the Lord), and work with him when there was need. I refused to stay under the weight of scorned. I dared to smile and even hug him… not the side hug for the go, but the full I do care about you hug. I even dared to pray for him to find someone he could stay faithful to and not leave any more strings of pain on his path, especially as I came to the realization that he did what he did because of who he was and not who or what I did. Especially as I believe he’s not truly a bad person, but one who makes mistakes like we all do as humans. (But my goodness some people’s mistakes are beyond humanity’s ability to reckon and show the God kind of love to.)

That’s what I did. Because bitterness sucks the life out of you. It literally did suck the life out of Melinda in the movie.

It takes a lot to rise above bitterness. It takes grace to not wallow in self-pity and make a monster out of you from the pain of hurt and betrayal.

So what if they hurt you? Good riddance.

You probably were meant to be, but since you’re not being… move on and live life. Be happy you didn’t end up marrying to be frustrated.

Don’t go cray cray… don’t be the stereotype. Be the strong one who feels the heartbreak, then nurses the heartbreak, then heals and moves on. Don’t go back picking at the scars it left.

Move on to a fabulous relationship God tailor makes for you when you’re ready, like I did.

Acrimony was quiet intense because as much as I wasn’t so into Melinda, I could feel her pain and I knew a lot of women around the world could relate to this… I’ve been talking about relationships… I wouldn’t even get started with betrayals in marriage and how it hurts. Sacrificing so much in emotions, resources, trust etc only to have it all go down the drain (now her own narrative was kind of flawed because she was the one who threw him out and started acting out when he moved on. Lady, go sit in the common sense corner till you get some)

God is the one who heals the broken hearted. So why are you wallowing?

Here’s your chance to glow up and upgrade.

Here’s your chance to practice the way of love. Be bigger than pain and hurt.

You don’t have to hug the person, you don’t have to be friends, but you know you’re healed when you can cheerfully or not so cheerfully say hello and move on without feeling like ripping his/her guts out.

Be a champ.

And Christ is your advantage even in heartbreak… “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

May you find your peace!