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"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Thursday, November 10, 2011

When the Aliens take a Break...

http://www.motifake.com/
 Lets say alien's choose to invade earth for their annual retreat or whatever it is they call their holidays. They're tired of Mars, Venus and the other planets and earth is the next option.
As a result, smart phones have been destroyed by whatever energy they bring down to earth. The internet goes off, and cable TV as you know it is destroyed. Back to the days of one channel... NTA.
iPads end up being just tablets in your hand with boring games that escaped the global connection meltdown. Everyone is forced to use the good old Nokai 3310/Motorola razor type of phones or wait a minute... that too is flatlined, there would be no texting. It's either you've got a landline or an 090 cell phone...
What is a person to do when aliens sunbath on earth and change life as we know it for a week or two? Here's a few fun'ish' things you could do...

You could talk to your friends face to face for once... have them spray showers of spittle on you while they talk(isn't that the joy of human interaction?). In doing that you would find out you're not so funny, because the more you speak the less they 'lol' or 'lmao' at you. It breaks your heart, because you really thought you were funny the way they responded to your every mail or IM with laughters. So the truth is they lied... no one actually 'rolls on the floor laughing their head off' when you say 'hi' to them. Infact they always use the *rolling eyes* emotions or an X_x when you update your status or chat with them.

You could have a genuine crush. You'll be free of the bondage of having too many crushes and being infatuated with a different face everyday.
No more pictures haunting you daily on fb... Pictures photoshopped so good, that even Ini Edo looks like Beyonce. You wouldn't be a victim of the deceit flying around the internet. You'll have time to concentrate on that one crush you saw fetching a pail of water from your neighbors well(because even the taps aren't running).
Just one crush at a time... like we crushed over Michael Jackson and Michael alone at some point in our lifes. We were faithful even in our crushes... Till we found the internet, and facebook. Now blow out pictures of random girls are easy to reach and fill out your bedroom wall.

You'll have a chance to redeem yourself from being a chronic stalker. Suddenly you can't stalk so easily. A persons life is no more just a click away. It's too much trouble and too expensive to follow fifty girls/guys around everyday. This bit makes you want to personally fight off the aliens, how in the world will you know what she/he wore on this day and who's saying 'hi' to them on their wall?
You can take your stalking skills and use it to monitor the milky way, and learn about it rather than just looking it up on the internet. Oh shoot, the internet. No more easy reach to those information that make you sound intelligent. Google is gone for good. The aliens may as well kill you. Now you really have to go to a library and memorize all those things if you ever want to keep your reputation of smart whiz kid in check.

You'll know your true friends, those who would call or go out of their way to find you just to say hi... With pinging and emails and all, everyone can be best friends. Because there's really nothing to it when all you have to do is bring out your phone when you're bored and randomly pick a person to chat with.

Your appeal will be tripled. The air of mystery around you would be so endearing... you may even have more people loving you, because no one gets to hear/know what is on your mind even when they don't have to because there you are updating your status every other minute. Suddenly you;re a mystery everyone is trying to crack.
Pre-Alien vacation days, you could just see Angelica slapping the maid and kicking the dog, and all you had to do to avoid getting a piece of all that karate was check your phone to see her status and know what's wrong with her. 'i chop beans today'  (and we all know when Angelica 'chops' beans, the evil spirit in her comes out to play) Post-Alien vacation you go analyze tire. No status updates to help you. But at least in analyzing, you get to exercise your brain.

You'll be able to eat and savor your meal like you should. There would be no taking pictures of the plate after ever bite. Table manners will be embraced again as you find the inner gentleman/lady in you.

You'll be humble and richer. No need for showing off, and life would be easier in those three weeks... no unhealthy competitions to deal with. Because well, you really only wanted that dress so you could take a picture and post it online for everyone to see you have it too, just like Odinaka did.

You'll be able to pray without distractions.

Me? I'd be more than happy to curl up on a sofa and read book after book, without having to reply mails, or take pictures of myself pouting inbetween page one and ten, or stop to stalk one or two people on facebook or see if there's a rerun of something on TV.

That's all folks. Have fun with the internet and all the technology available while you can... You never know when those aliens might need that retreat. :)

5 comments :

  1. if they really do show up,life would be very difficult for some of uS..

    ReplyDelete
  2. That'll be the day, dogs will fly. And to think that was the case in the not-so-distant past.
    The power of technology is amazing, creating the illusions of familiarity/closeness while in fact we are strangers...

    ReplyDelete
  3. haahaaaa (i'm even afraid to use the "L" word haahaa). So true tho... I've thot of this a million times! I'm even on a one week Facebook strike (started on Sunday) wish me luck ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ TheEmirRoR ..phew you see, took me a while to even write your name. You'll surely enjoy the benefits of your strike. When you're back you'd be weaned and you'll see the platform differently. So much wouldn't matter to you on it and you'll be more careful what you put out...I even encourage you to try 2 or 3 weeks for full effect. Trust me you won't die. Leave your email address as your last post in case someone wants to get to you on something important.

    @Inyamu, Of course this one that's played out like a Sci-fi flick surely got me excited (and I'm sure you know who's writing). When are we publishing and how is it going with the references? Keep pushing.

    "The air of mystery around you would be so endearing... " That statement there highlights one of the vantage points I acquired after my social media fast for 2011. I simply realised that talking too much out there on social media simply exposed me to a lot of outbursts, unnecessary disclosures and emotions that I had no business sharing with "strangers" in the name of friends on social media.

    Welldone.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @ TheEmirRoR ..phew you see, took me a while to even write your name. You'll surely enjoy the benefits of your strike. When you're back you'd be weaned and you'll see the platform differently. So much wouldn't matter to you on it and you'll be more careful what you put out...I even encourage you to try 2 or 3 weeks for full effect. Trust me you won't die. Leave your email address as your last post in case someone wants to get to you on something important.

    @Inyamu, Of course this one that's played out like a Sci-fi flick surely got me excited (and I'm sure you know who's writing). When are we publishing and how is it going with the references? Keep pushing.

    "The air of mystery around you would be so endearing... " That statement there highlights one of the vantage points I acquired after my social media fast for 2011. I simply realised that talking too much out there on social media simply exposed me to a lot of outbursts, unnecessary disclosures and emotions that I had no business sharing with "strangers" in the name of friends on social media.

    Welldone.

    ReplyDelete

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