who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Cramps...


I am a super woman when it comes to pain… my strength often overshadows the pain. That’s why I can stay without taking drugs daily for the intense pain that almost keeps me in bed most mornings, or I can do without a pain killer for a headache… or I have to be chased round in circles to take malaria drugs (for the most part, I hate taking drugs.)
But there is one pain that shows me who’s boss… Cramps!
When the pain comes, all sense of reasoning is thrashed. I overdose on drugs, and most times I’m in a hazy state of high from the drugs. Life around me is stalled and all i want to do is step away from my body... away from the pain.
My hair is disheveled and I really don’t care who sees me, all that matters when i curl up and moan in pain is my tummy… That’s one moment in my life that I dare to query God. I tell him to take the pain, and when it still hurts, I dare to think that he doesn’t love me enough. That’s one pain that humbles me, that drives me to overdose on drugs even before I begin to feel it. The pain killers don't always work immediately, but i am comforted even in my pain that because i have dared to take them, sometime soon, the pain would have to bow out to the effect of the drugs.
source

God wouldn’t force himself on us like no one forces drugs on me. When God is done calling us in the subtle way, he relaxes and allows the cramps to come. He has sent cramp like attacks on some of us. He has broken our defenses in such a way that we ran back to him even before he could call us again. He humbled us and made us realize how much we need him by the effect of the cramp.
We grab at him with all our might when we’ve been hit so bad. We find ourselves in a state of emptiness and brokenness, that our only hope is in God. He uses the cramps of life to nudge us back to him. It’d be foolish of me to resist taking painkillers because I hate drugs, and i have a hot water bottle, I’d pass out from the pain I’m sure.
When he’s tired of the soft taps and the gentle whispers to do the right thing, he just relaxes and lets the cramps come. We make the choice ourselves, to choose him over the pain, to have him in the picture while going through the pain rather than not, because with him we have hope that we would face life better and the pain would soon be over.
Sometimes, i can't help but thank him for the cramps( well, not the physical one, i still give him the silent treatment when that one comes). Without the moments that bowed us over, we would never have run into the comfort of his arms to know him as the faithful and true God that he is.

6 comments :

  1. Without those cramps from God, we might be self-destruct

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  2. Hhhhhmmmmm something makes us run to God!!!

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  3. True words! There's always that thing that makes us rely on Him 24/7.
    Better cramps than nothing(not relying on Him at all)!:)

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  4. Inyamu: You have been TAGGED! Please check out my blog for more details on the rules and how to participate. All the best!

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  5. this isone cross i have carried since 1999! i have fasted and prayed and overdosed on pain killers. But i hear after childbirth it eases off! fingers crossed

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  6. Pele dia. Feel better soon so gbo?

    I never had cramps and 'they' said labour would be helele. They lied o! Labour was ok and I would take it any day over the 9 months of pregnancy. Especially the first 3 months. However, late last year I experienced a monumental 'life cramp'. I was not in pain. I was pain. You are so right, the only thing that kept me breathing was God. He was my Buscopan. Now, I look at how my grasp of God's love and mercy has deepened and I am gradually moving to place of gratitude for that lifecramp. Maybe someday, by God's grace, I will be able to embrace it fully with thanks.....

    Pele *hugging you*. Hope by the time you read this, it is all gone. Thanks for sharing.

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