You Don't Know...

Today, the bride is radiant, with the perfect hair, the perfect makeup and the dress that beats all dresses. While the groom and all the men look in awe at her beauty, there we are, the girls, every bride’s nightmare. We seat hurdled up in false cheer masking our disdain, we’re jealous… we want to be her; we want to be in that dress, we want to look that beautiful. We want that rich, handsome groom.(how did she manage to cop him?)

Never envy because its never what it looks like from the outside. You see the glory but you don’t know their story… Tony Gaskins
No one in the congregation knows how she worked to be perfect for this day. How she went on a diet, the number of times she almost collapsed on the treadmill, the hours spent in the spa, the endless hours in the saloon with the hairdresser months before, trying to get the perfect hairstyle and makeup. 
The dress!!! The frustration and energy and emotions used up in looking for her perfect dress. The sleepless nights spent in worry that a dress wouldn’t be found, and when found, the various fitting appointments. The despair of searching for the perfect shoes. The toiling and groaning, the tears and the frustration. The search for the perfect cake, the bouquet, the cards and the caterers. All those moments. 
As she smiles, a sea of white walking gracefully towards her groom, no one would guess that just 30 minutes earlier, she was in tears thus ruining her makeup because the zip of her dress broke, no one would know the chaos back in the room and how she almost ran mad. 
No one would know that as wonderful as this all seem, Its been a battle, she dreads her in-laws, what sharks they are, she already has scars from their bites hidden behind her joy and the love she has for this man, a man who is every ladies dream, a man who isn’t as soft as she would have loved him to be, a man whom she tries not wonder if she made a mistake by making him propose. A man she knows doesn't love her genuinely. No one would know… all the trouble she went through for this day, a day she isn't even sure about.

No one would know, because here she is the perfect picture… the most beautiful bride you’ve ever seen, with the brightest smile ever. But you weren’t there ... you have no idea what she went through to make her day special. To make him propose, because she was sick of your silly jokes. The calabash buried in his backyard, and the little tasteless powder she dropped in his food... Yeah, i thought so, you wouldn't dare dream of using jazz on a man, would you? Well, no one would know that she thought she had no choice but to force the hands of nature to work for her.

We don’t know and so our jealousy is almost stiffening. Suddenly your ‘cute’ husband whom you lauded over her isn’t so cute anymore. You’re angry, you want to be her right now… but you forget… those moments you gossiped about her. Moments when she moved from one failed relationship to another, one heartbreak to another. Moments you wrote her off and called her hopeless and cursed. You forget her struggle in one heartbeat, its all about how she is at the moment, and you want to be her. But you don’t know, you have no idea. None at all, that as she says "I do" she's asking herself "do i? Has my desperation become the ruin of me?"

Are you willing to go through all she went through? Are you willing to be her five years ago when you called her hopeless behind her back after another man walked out on her? Are you willing to go through what she went through to make her day perfect? Because to be the woman she is now, you have to go through the fire she went through and live with the torture and guilt of what she's done.

Okay, so maybe my illusion is a little off, basically what i'm trying to say, is what you see isn't always what you get. Don't seat on the outside killing another with your envy and anger when you're totally clueless...
We see loads of young men and women who've seemingly 'made' it, and suddenly it's sleepless nights for us. Seriously, you wouldn't want to do half of what they do to get where they are. 
Don’t judge a person till you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. I say, don’t wish to be like a person till you know how she managed to walk past you in her stilettos. Her toes might be bleeding in those shoes... who knows?

One of the greatest lessons I learned in life is never aspire to attain or be jealous of another persons position achievement in life until I know the price that person paid to get there” Myles Monroe


  1. The grass always looks greener and more luscious on the other side, till you get there. True you really dont know....

  2. The quote from Monroe says it all.

  3. This is soo deep and real. I love the way you write

  4. This is my first time here, but gosh! I love the way you write. This is really deep. Thanks for this

  5. This is my second blog lesson on judgement. thanks, and very well said too.

  6. Well-expressed. Great reminder...

  7. The public's is to admire and adulate.

    The subject is to nurture with care and appreciation knowing fully well what went on behind the door.

  8. Very. NIce. Post

    Things are never really what they seem.

    I don't get it when people beef/hate on other people when they haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

  9. Very well written. People just envy but they don't know.

  10. very true - be content with what you have and envy not :)


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