who am i?

"I write for the unlearned about things in which I am unlearned myself." - CS Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Proudly Nigerian...

I got this mail some years ago, and thought it'd be fun to share it here. With all the tension in the country, bomb blast, threats of bomb blasts, stupidity of the bombers and you know everything... It's only fair to post this to lighten the mood for our independence...  Remember it's just light hearted humor, we're better than this....

***If you have been away from our beloved Nigeria for some time, and you feel like you've lost any entitlement to call yourself Nigerian, let alone carry the coveted GREEN passport. Please answer the questions below and see if you still qualify, compute your scores and let us know what you get.

1) If the sum of $700,000 was erroneously credited to your current account, what would you do?
a. Contact the bank and let them know of
their mistake.
b. Act as if nothing happened and wait it out with the hope that they do not realize, then start spending.
c. Open a Swiss account,transfer the money into it then emigrate to a country where your
bank could not trace you i.e Nigeria.

2) What does the sight of a person in a flowing white garment conjure to
you?
a. A ghost.
b. A Ku Klux Klan member.
c. A member of a reputable spiritual church.

3) If you have good credit do you have.....
a. 1 credit card.
b. 2 credit cards.
c. More than 3.

4) If someone died and left you an 1846 antique Rolex of inestimable
value, would you ....
a. Get it valued and sell it.
b. Donate it to the national maritime museum so the world can view this piece of art.
c.Wear it.

5) Someone brushes past you and hits you in the process, do you...
a. Grab your wallet to check if it is still there.
b. Grab your private parts to see if they are still there.
c. Apologise and expect them to do the same.

6) If you are in the room with three colleagues and you feel like farting, do you......
a. Try and let it out silently and if it smells, deny it wasn't you.
b. Let it out without caring, afterall everybody farts.
c. Let it out silently but apologise to everybody (even though they were not aware in the! first place).

7) You see an ad in the paper for your dream job, but they require one year more experience than you actually have, do you....
a. Not bother applying for the job.
b. Apply but tell the truth about the amount of experience you have.
c. Apply and add the one year of your CV.
d. Apply but add two years experience.

8) You meet a member of the opposite sex you fancy and fancies you, but you find out he/she is a multimillionaire from embezzling public funds in their country, do you ....
a. Feel disgusted and turned off because you think they are corrupt and they lack integrity.
b. Get closer because it doesn't affect the way you feel about them.
c. Become more interested in them and make getting closer to them a do or
die affair.

9) You buy a "pay as U go phone" and before crediting it, you find out
that you can make unlimited and unrestricted calls world wide, do you..
a. Notify the supplier of the problem.
b. Use it until they bar the phone.
c. Use it and call your friends to use it until they bar it.
d. use it to call your friends, and charge people to use it till they bar it.

10) You have a job in an okay career, but you'll need steady career
progression to get a really good salary, however your friends are
getting high paid salaries in a totally unrelated field to yours, do you

a. Feel happy for them
b. Find out the details and get into the field.
c. Find out the details, get into it and tell everyone you know to get
into it, until supply exceeds demand and there is no money in it
anymore.


Please score yourself the following for each question.

1) a-10, b-20, c-50
2) a-10, b-10, c-20
3) a-10, b-20, c-50
4) a-20, b-10, c-50
5) a-20, b-20, c-10
6) a-20, b-10, c-10
7) a-10, b-10, c-20, d-50
8) a-10, b-20, c-50
9) a-10, b-20, c-50, d-50
10) a-10, b-20, c-50

Results:
* If you score less than 110 - APPLICATION DENIED
Please apply for British Citizenship, you are not worthy of holding a
green passport.

* Between 110-200, further cultural adaptation necessary, it is obvious
that you have strong ties with Nigeria, however you need some more work
done. We'll give you a 3-years residency and assess you after that.

* Between 210-300 - APPLICATION ACCEPTED
Nigerian we hail thee - you're truly one of us.

* Between 301-350 - APPLICATION GLADLY ACCEPTED
Please also try applying for govt. position or go into Nigerian
politics.

* 350+ APPLICATION DENIED
You are a threat to Nigeria. Please apply for Indian, Pakistan or
Lebanese Citizenship.

*********
                                          
I'm one of those who has blind, ruthless hope for the future of this nation. I still don't get all the negative vibes aimed at the country from youths, predicting doom for the nation in the coming years. Well, maybe it'd be for them in the portion of Nigeria the stand in, as for the rest of the country... all will be well indeed.
Paul advices to pray for our leaders whether we voted them into power or not...."Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity." 1 Timothy 2:2(nlt)
They need wisdom to lead while they seat in that seat that speaks for us as a nation. 
And as a people, lets keep praying, for a healed and restored land... 'If my people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.' 2 Chronicles 7:14(nkjv)


There's this song that says 'Nigeria go better...' She certainly will be, because like it or not, the positive outweighs the negative. Only a nation with a people as strong as we are can still stand despite all the horrors she's faced in the past, can still be whole even with all the pounding shes received. And we'll still stand strong as 'one nation bound in freedom, peace and unity...' 
God definitely is on our side.


Happy Birthday Nigeria, my beloved country, my motherland....

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